ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

so, fellow closeted wiggle fan, i'm sure you've already heard that greg page is rumored to be leaving the wiggles... :(

see here and here and here and of course.... here.

i know that another member of the wiggles crew is subbing for greg right now (GET WELL GREG!!!!!), but just in case "the powers that be" pull a "miss melanie > leo > nina" dealio...

i thought i might offer some visual aids:




let's look at the top three -

lance bass - i don't see the resemblance frankly but, this would be a perfect match considering he's already experienced in singing and dancing in front of thousands of children and starring in/providing the voice for characters on many kids tv shows. so, maybe they slip a little grecian formula in his shampoo and darken up the brows a bit... they may have to reconsider the yellow shirt though- i don't think it complements his skin color....

paul celan - um, not so much. cause he's um... d. e. a. d. the poetry thing might've helped though...

adam corolla - omg. i can't believe i didn't see the similarities before!!! it's kinda eerie in that "separated at birth" way... if only we could put lance bass' brain into adam corolla's body...

whoa. maybe they already did....

whaddya want for christmas?

i hate answering that question... i always give up and say the same thing all the time, "just get me a gift certificate." i figure this way it saves both of us time and energy. they don't have to think about something and then shop and wrap it. and i don't have to pack a gift away with so many others (that i can't/wouldn't wear/use) and walk all the way to the thrift store to donate. horrible, i know... i don't do this with all my gifts, but there are a fair number that are well intentioned and wonderful, but... no.

so. for those of you who have asked the question (and you know who you are) - i will finally answer it for you... with the help of wists. (thank you, barb aka cat mom, goalie, closet genius)

basically, wists allows you to save all the goodies you want in one big wishlist. and here's mine:

my wists clone this

i dunno about you but i'm pretty hooked on the whole wist thing... everyone needs to get in on this action....

great expectations

great expectations
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

personally, i'm not one to have too many expectations. this goes quadruple for christmas. but, i wasn't always this way....

every december 5th, i'd write my santa letter and place it gently inside my stocking - making sure that it was not too deep 'cause who knows how bad santa's eyesight really is, right?

and every morning of december 6th, i'd wake to find the letter gone and a small candy or random bric a brac in its place. to me, it was a diminutive guarantee that i had indeed made contact with santa. i was assured that there was "something" in the works.

well, christmas day would finally saunter in and i was almost always disappointed. and i started to think there was something developmentally wrong with ol' kris kringle. don't get me wrong - it was ALWAYS great to get anything for christmas. i was ALWAYS thankful. but, i just never got quite what i wanted, despite the letter... i mean, i even started to suspect my penmanship or my spelling... and i was a champion, C-H-A-M-P-I-O-N, champion speller...

one year, i asked for twister. and who doesn't know what twister "the game that ties you up in knots" is, y'know? the game with the dots and the hands and feet and the bodies and the laughter, etc... on christmas morning, i knew from the small wrapped rectangular box that i didn't get the game. instead, i got a knock off, wanna-be barbie doll named "twister" (seriously people, they sold them at woolworth's).

another year, i asked for a pair of "candies" - i don't know why - i just wanted a pair. yes, i was much too young to have them. but i remember i wanted to be the "bad sandy" from grease - starting with the shoes (shut up. i knew plenty of boys who wanted to be "bad sandy" too) and lo and behold, i peer inside a shoebox (i sh*t you not) and there were a pair of candies... DOLLS. there were two, candies brand, wanna-be barbie dolls - a blonde and a brunette.

mind you - i NEVER asked for barbies in my santa letters. i thought dolls were so weird... i totally did/do not get the whole "doll play" thing... intellectually or physically... even when the paloma wants to play with dolls, i have to admit, i try to steer her to another activity because i just hate to play with dolls. i'm so glad that she has other friends who will play dolls with her because i just... i'm just not wired for it...

years later, after "the secret" was out, i realized how hard my mother (an immigrant who didn't know all that much about american culture to begin with and certainly did not have the money to buy the presents i asked for) tried to get me the things i "wanted" - not just the stuff i "needed". i'm making my mom a pair of those silly clogs.... i know she'll get a kick out of them, especially since she was the one who taught me how to knit and purl in the first place. :)

anyhoo... i do have a point to this post - chicago's empty stocking program.

some friends of mine have been doing this for a year or two now and if we actually have some $ to spare, i hope to start this tradition this year too. approximately, 20,000 letters are written by chicago area children from low income families to santa. if you send the sun times your contact info, they'll send you one of these letters. you are asked to spend at least $25 and that your gift be delivered by december 20. i've seen some of these letters and they just about break your heart with either too much cuteness and/or too much sadness...

well, we've been stricken down with "The Cold Virus That Ate Our Immune Systems"... i hope your holiday seasons got off to a happier start than ours! *cough* *hack* *wheeze*

SOOOOOOOOEY!!

Lechon
Originally uploaded by MetroManilan.

i was going to post some cute pic of an innocent baby pig sleeping on a bed of clean sunlit hay but the reality is there's filipinos out there getting ready to pig out on some pig... 'cause well, we don't do turkey. so, look out, porky, wilbur, babe... your days are numbered. oink, oinky, oink-y, oink, oink!

anyhoo... one of the things i enjoy about blogging is that i can look back at what i was pondering in 2004 (halloween decor, knitting, the beastie boys, toys for adults but not "adult toys", blog explosion, nigella lawson,the lamb purse, women bloggers cycles, gay men and boston market) and 2005 (howard stern, toilets, child free zones, popzillas b'day, snow, harry potter, contractions).

i can't believe this time, last year, i was already dilated and eagerly awaiting the birth of the porkchop. (and yes. i promise. i will not eat him.)

i realize now that this time of year i'll probably always be doing about the same thing(s)... fantasizing about eating lots of food, thinking about what i did the year before, planning/signing/mailing christmas cards, frantically buying/making christmas presents, stressing out, contemplating therapy and the pros and cons of a lifetime on meds, etc, etc...

this year, we'll also be back at my aunts house, where the usual filipino feast (lechon, rice, pansit, lumpia, chicken adobo, empanadas, dinugguan, leche flan, etc...) will be laid out. MASARAP!!

as usual, i feel guilty that the thin man will have to go without the traditional american thanksgiving meal he's so familiar with and that he usually shares with his mother's side of the family. i have been lucky enough to share in the big thanksgiving lunch... snack... dinner... late night snack... next day turkey shake...

i hope that the paloma and the porkchop enjoy our thanksgivings with our extended family. i wasn't always so fond of them. as a child, i often wished i could have a thanksgiving like all the "other kids" (the ones outside of logan square) with turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes...

which got me thinking... does the filipino feast have more in common with how puerto rican americans celebrate thanksgiving? i've heard filipinos called "the puerto ricans of the orient". so, i did a very itty bitty limited amount of googling and found that boricuas also have lechons as the main "foodporn" of celebratory meals, but i guess they do turkey "con sabor" for thanksgiving.... i also found this great puerto rican thanksgiving menu. i can hear the kids rousing from their naps so i don't have time to google re: how polish americans and mexican americans celebrate thanksgiving.

so, dearest thin man, tomorrow, let's just pretend you're kicking it in san juan with your dad and your primos (we'll pretend "the crazy lady" is in costa rica...) dude, you have to get in touch with the puerto rican in you 'cause i need in on that coquito action...

the paloma was telling me that she is thankful for trees - "because trees let birds make nestses in them and squirrels live in them and they scrub the air and they don't fall down if i don't use too much toilet paper."

i'm thankful for so many things, my family, my friends, my (deteriorating) health, my home, the blessings and daily miracles that i always neglect to acknowledge, the trees...

so, happy thanksgiving everyone! now, GO GET THAT PIG! :)

no. i don't have better things to do...

111606 002
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, i like to hide (from people, responsibilities, impending doom aka the holidays) behind stuff...

i was most recently hiding behind a pair of GARGANTUAN fiber trend clogs that i was making...

but i'm done now... they're felted and embellished with felt flowers (that i made) and everything...


111606 021
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, now i have to find something else to hide behind...

F*CK!

wait... i'll just make more!!!!

and read a book....
and rear children...

who wants clogs? anyone? anyone? bueller? bueller?

nothing to see... everything's fine... just dandy...

111606 007
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

truth be told, the past week or so has been really insane... i've only thought of institutionalizing myself....um, four times.

things i have learned from this experience...

1) the next time we pay someone to redo anything in the house, we're also going to go away - even if it means we're sleeping in a storage space for a few days

2) double the time estimate. two days = four days.

3) sometimes homeowners will install linoleum over perfect hardwood floors and then decide they don't like it. but instead of just ripping out the linoleum, they will install a plywood underlay (with 2 inch long screws, 2 inches apart from each other) and incorrectly install ceramic tile on top of that with grout that constantly cracks and breaks off. and there is NO way to restore a perfect wood floor after all that. there is just crying and more crying and voodoo magics...

4) dust will find a way into everything. so, pack the room, like you're moving. what the heck, just repack the house and move.

5) ceramic floor demolition & replacement = an arm and a leg
eating out for every meal for four days = all the change in child's college fund
child not eating grout = priceless

111606b 001
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

happy birthday thin man!!!

dj baby pic
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

just so you know - there is stuff and people, older than you:

your mom
your gram
our house
our neighborhood
the lake
the city
the president
the mayor
frankie manning
cotton
coca cola
the shoe
the book
the lightbulb
cars (in general, not the animated film)
the continents
UCLA
your fraternity
kidney transplants
DNA
fluoride
mickey mouse
disneyland
the interstate
the music you listen to... (well, except those justin and kelly people)

so, yer old, but not THAT old...

see... i can be one of you glass half full, silver lining types...

happy! happy! yada yada yada! :)

south siiiiide!!!

110806 004B
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

the nameless, faceless and almighty "THEY" have finally begun (re-?, de-?) construction on the park nearest and dearest to our hearts (and our address) hurley playlot park.

this morning, we were passing by the site on our way home and saw the above sign. it says:

"Put in a Pirate Ship or we will eat your SOULS! (questions?) 1-708-229-XXXX"

nuff said.

don't mess with beverly.

we train pirates.

(just an fyi - this is what used to be at the park...)


Making a run for the slide on Hurley Park, Longwood Dr
Originally uploaded by YoChicago1.

i look like...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


first row: holly hunter, laura dern, norkys batista, matsu takako
second row: anastacia, jolin tsai, maggie cheung, angelina jolie

i must've broken the program if they think i look like ANY of these women.

...and i married greg brady aka "johnny bravo"...



first row: simon le bon, barry williams, aidan quinn, kenneth brannagh
second row: franz beckenbauer, roy livingston, tom petty, mark bautista

thanks to bloggo chicago for the laughs!!

is it just me?

flying ice
Originally uploaded by ten-nine.

or is it cold in here?

three mornings a week, 4 times a day, the kids are bundled up and we walk a handful of blocks (twice downhill and twice uphill) to and from the paloma's preschool.

this morning, i open the door and a strong gust of wind blows right through me. it felt like dull metal scraping against a cold dry hollow bone.

since then, i've been trying in vain to get warm. i have the space heater on, as well as a sweater and some socks (ok, they're holey). but, i’m still cold.

lots of stuff leaves me cold lately.

i worry about this war, and all the constant "us v them" conflicts in real life and online - whether its the democrats vs the republicans, white people v poc, poc v poc, sahm v. wohm, childfree v. the parents, the mommybloggers v. the mommyblogger haters...

most of the time i want to say something... i want to enagage in the dialogue. but i never feel like i have enough information about an issue which makes me feel like an idiot so i'll just keep trying to get more educated about something. i need to see all the sides, all the shades of grey. i just keep reading and reading… but i don’t have enough time in a day nor enough brain cells to read and process all this information, but i obsess and do it anyway… i don’t get any smarter about any issues… don’t even get me started on voting.

for example, i know TOO much about melinda duckett. among many things, i just recently found out that she and her sister were adopted from korea. i keep wondering about her sister and how she's coping. i also found out that melinda kept a myspace account under what people speculate was her korean name, mee kee ong lee. i wonder what she was like and who she was and how brave she was to become a parent at 21. i hope and pray that trenton is alive and well.

on a related note, since the celebrity adoption of angelina jolie’s zahara, i’ve been reading a lot of transracial adoptee blogs. so, madonna’s adoption of david banda has been on my mind a lot recently as well.

i saw the madonna interview last night on dateline nbc with meredith viera. there are links to the interview videos here. in the interview, madonna said something like, “in american orphanages, children get all their basic needs met. they have clothes. they have food. they have medicine. they have adults that look after them. there is nothing like this in africa... it’s a state of emergency....”

so, i reluctantly click on the video of david’s orphanage, home of hope. i expect to see footage like this heartbreaking 45 min video of homeless children from north korea. instead, i see smiling children who are clothed, who have what looks like a lot of food (not necessarily food that an unadventurous american would eat, i suppose) and though most of the footage is of the children, you see adults in the background caring for them. so, of the thousands of malawi orphans who truly live in dire straits, who are in need of basic things for survival - immediate medical attention, clothing, food, shelter, love - she chooses david - a child who isn’t an orphan, who isn’t ill and is cared for?

granted i don't know squat about malawi. it wouldn't surprise me if home of hope was the only orphanage of its kind in malawi. i guess what bothers me most of all is the portrayal of developing or newly industrialized countries as incapable of providing the necessities that define a “good” life. compared to what? life in america? don’t get me wrong – my life in america has been a blessing. thank you God! *knock on wood* but, it’s not perfect. whatever that is... the last time i saw "the third world" i was living in san francisco.

how would i know? well, i’ve lived “over there”too. and i’ll let you in on a secret – it ain’t all that bad. sometimes i think there's a note on maps that says "here be savages" instead of "here be dragons" anywhere that isn't "a first world".

back in the philippines, near manila, where my family lives, i think we were/are considered middle class. anyway, in the 70s, i remember that the kitchen was the only room with running water. there was an outhouse in the back with a porcelain toilet - no seat, no tp. next to it, there was a large plastic barrel of water with a small plastic bowl floating in it – used for flushing and washing. there was also a large cement room with a green plastic roof. in the middle of that room there was a steel pan, maybe three or four ft in diameter that looked like a giant bottle cap, crimped edges and all. there was another large plastic barrel of water with another small plastic bowl in there too – used for washing. there were two bedrooms. my parents had one and the kids (four of us) slept in the same room - my oldest sister had a hammock. my brother had a bed and my youngest sister and i slept on the floor on a mat.

brownouts were common. so, we did our best to do most things without electricity. we didn’t have air conditioning. very little was kept in the refrigerator where it could spoil. our clothes were cleaned by hand. out on the street, sewers were open but somehow we all avoided getting sick. often my parents tried "alternative medicine" to help with my cystic hygroma. nothing worked. but my grandfather lived many years on these "alternatives". and there were mosquitos everywhere. but, that’s what mosquito nets and caladryl are for. we kept pigs and chickens and roosters in nearby pens. and we had dogs. AS PETS. i remember a man would come down our street with a huge ox covered in beautiful shiny pots and pans for sale. i always wanted to stop him so i could touch the ox.

we ate almost every meal together. the only canned good we had was powdered milk. everything else was purchased fresh from the market (see refrigerator). my papa built our home over his hvac business. so we would often eat together with extended family and the workers. my father was around the office or the house whenever he wasn't at a job site. i did without so many luxuries we take for granted here. we lived very happily with very little. it was not a sacrifice. it was not pitiful. it was a very full good life. it's insulting to hear that that just isn't good enough in the eyes of the industrialized world.

of course, the philippines has its overwhelming share of poverty and corruption. i saw that too. i remember getting stuck in traffic over a bridge. it felt as if we moved an inch or so a minute. the bridge straddled a thin black river. on either side of the river bank, there were cardboard shacks. people were in the river washing clothes. there was a big pothole in the bridge near the shoulder. as we got closer to it i noticed the sky was getting darker and that soon it would rain. and it did. within a few moments a little girl had made her way to the pothole with a towel and a bowl and began to take a bath with her clothes on. i've never forgotten that girl and i wonder if she's still alive and if she's ok.

anyway, i continued my search for something warm and i finally found something. i just read this really inspiring story at harlow's monkey about an american family who lived in africa for a short time and during their stay adopted a sick baby boy. they cared for him in africa, until he was well and could be returned to his extended family. decades later, after they returned home to america, they were reunited with him and they continue to help him and still consider him their adopted son.

why doesn't this happen more often? why isn't this considered just as viable an option as surrendering a child to an orphanage or transracial adoption (not that i'm against either or that these things are bad) but couldn't this have been an option for david banda and his family as well?

ok. i think i'm done now... somehow, i just lost my train of thought...

daily affirmations....

stuartSmalley
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i wake up this morning...
i check my email...
i check to see what my favorite bloggers have been up to o'er the weekend...
i check my sitememter to make sure my one reader (you know who you are, mr/ms random hicksville, earth) checked in today and hmmmm...

what's this? hits from daddytypes and bloggochicago? ...AND THEY'RE LINKING TO ME ABOUT A MISSING WIGGLE AND DEPENDS PORN - THE FRONT MAN FOR A TODDLER BAND WITH NO STREET CRED AND A GERIATRIC FETISH!!??? - SH*T! F*CK! P*SS!

[looks into mirror, takes deep breath]

i'm going to post a terrific blog today! and i'm gonna help people! because i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!

[looks back at monitor]

hello all! i'm mamazilla! well, i'm still receiving some new visitors from linkage generated by my worthless $.02 on the disappearance of greg page aka the yellow wiggle and encouraging depends porn. but that's o-kay. i have to give myself permission to spread useless information and unsavory blog comments every now and then.... o-kay.

for those of you who read this blog regularly, you know that i don't have interviews or guest bloggers, i always post alone and that's... o-kay. in honor of my new visitors, i would like to try something new today. something i was not ready to do yesterday.

see, yesterday God said, "mamazilla, i can get you a guest that you would be insane not to interview on your blog." so I decided to take a risk - in life, you have to take risks - so, today i have a guest to interview and her name is "daytona beaverlodge" - i'm changing her name to protect her anonymity.

MZ: daytona is a famous socialite, reality tv star and the future owner of a multinational hotel chain. well, that's very good, daytona, you should be very proud of yourself.

DB: well, thank you, mamazilla. i am.

MZ: well, good for you! good for you! um, daytona i know there must be a lot of pressure for you to look very good in person, and i can imagine that the night before a party, you must lie awake thinking, "i'm not thin enough.. everybody's smarter than me... prettier than me... i'm not going impress anyone... i have no business being alive..."

DB: well... um, not really. i have a prescription for...

MZ: daytona, denial ain't just a river in egypt. knowhatimsayin?

DB: i know where egypt is! there aren't any rivers there! those are trick questions. oh! but the venetian has a river in it. is that denial river? anyway, you know, sometimes i get nervous when i'm in egypt and i have to make an appearance at some really big rave or benefit or premiere or something and i find out that my XBFF is going to be there.

MZ: i thought so. and that's... o-kay. you're not alone. believe me, i know what it's like... laying there alone... all those tapes rolling: "i'm a fraud... tomorrow, i'm going to be exposed for what i am, a big imposter... i just want to curl up and lay in bed all day and eat veggie booty."

DB: well.. something like that... except the eating. i don't eat. and the laying in bed alone thing... no. way.

MZ: right. well, daytona, those negative thoughts are your critical inner thoughts saying those things to you, and i want you to replace those negative thoughts with someting positive - a daily affirmation.

DB: afromation? is that that new hairstyle from japan with the crinkle extentions? THAT'S HAWT!

MZ: no. affirmation. AF. UR. MAY. SHUN.

DB: affirmation? that's a really dumb name for a hairstyle.

MZ: yes. now, look in the mirror. come on, don't look at me. only you can help you. [DB looks in mirror] that's it. Say, "hello, daytona."

DB: "hello daytona"

MZ: "i don't have to abuse alcohol, share needles, prostitute myself, pretend to say idiotic things..."

DB: "i don't have to be a drinking, drugging, idiotic whore."

MZ: "i don't have to be cruel to animals, or binge and purge..."

DB: "i don't have to use animals as fashion accessories or stay a size 0...""

MZ: "because all I have to do is be the best par... i mean, daytona i can be."

DB: "all i have to do is be the best paris i can be."

MZ: "because i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"

DB: "because i'm HAWT and people like me!"

MZ: now, don't you feel better?

DB: yeah. i'm so glad my agent told me to do this to get in touch with the middle america people and the moms and the chinese. it's so cool.

MZ: daytona, i'm filipino.

DB: whatever. look, you've reminded me that i'm a very happy, good looking person. i mean, i'm a blessed person, i'm like... holy... or something. my mom and dad give me money. i have a tv show. i make normal people, like you, famous just by being seen with them. and i give other people good feelings. and i inspire other people to help other people achieve their dreams.... i make people, like other girls and women, want to get up in the morning and shower and put on makeup and dress cool and stuff.

MZ: i... i am just a fool... i... i don't know what i'm doing... no one will ever read this blog again... i'm gonna die readerless, homeless and penniless and twenty pounds overweight.. and no one will ever love me...

DB: mamazilla, that's just not true. all of my fans will read your blog. well, after you translate your blog into english. and you speak english so well btw! doesn't THAT make you happy?! and there are lots of shelters in america and lots of people like you are on welfare and lots of people are fat and married in the midwest. or you can get a dog! they love unconditionally. and you have to walk dogs too... well, i don't, but you know what i mean... and besides if things get really bad, i know a LOT of people who would pay good money for that porkchop kid of yours. he's WAY cuter than that wall eyed tinkerbell i used to have.

MZ: but, i'm... i'm... wha?

DB: so, just don't beat yourself up that way. o-kay?

MZ: you're right. it's just stinking thinking.

DB: feel better? would you like a hug?

MZ: um, no. but, thank you, daytona. let's just shake hands...

[sounds of violent catfight, screaming, slapping, glass shattering, bones breaking, fabric ripping, a thud, then, silence.]

MZ: you know what? i think this is one of the worst posts i've ever written. and you know what else? i don't care! [ turns to his mirror ] because i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me because daytona beaverlodge is passed out in my basement and i'm gonna donate her to scientists for research!

chicago filipino events

1) chicago filipino american film festival 2006

Festival Schedule:

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 3
7 PM: Opening Night Reception (free)
8 PM: Sandaan. Directed by Sonny Izon, this documentary explores 100 years of Filipinos in America.
10 PM: Tinimbang Ka Ngunit Kulang (You Were Weighed and Found Wanting). From the “Golden Age of Filipino Cinema,” this is Lino Brocka’s classic 1974 morality tale, starring Eddie Garcia, Christopher De Leon, and Hilda Koronel.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4
1 PM: Gift of Barong: A Surfing and Cultural Odyssey. Directed by Benito Bautista, this feature film follows two Fil-Am surfers searching for waves and discovering their cultural heritage in the Philippines.
3 PM: Sandaan (Repeat)
5 PM: Rigodon. Directed by Sari Dalena and Keith Sicat. A poetic
examination of Filipino Immigrants in Post-9/11 New York.
7 PM: Big Time. Directed by Mario Cornejo and Monster Jimenez. Michael De
Mesa, Nor Domingo,and Winston Elizalde star in this comedy/thriller.
9 PM: Where’s Francis? A quirky independent comedy starring Jeffrey Quizon,
Christopher DeLeon and Ricky Davao. Directed by Gabby Fernandez.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 4
2 PM: Shorts Program
4 PM: Rigodon (Repeat)
6 PM: The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros. Directed by Auraeus Solito and written by Michiko Yamamoto (Magnifico). Featured at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival.
8 PM: Big Time (Repeat)


2) Raul Sunico (pianist and dean of UST Conservatory of Music) in Concert

29th October 2006
Quigley Seminary Chapel
103 East Chestnut, Chicago
2:00 P.M.

Raul Sunico, internationally known pianist from the Philippines, will present a 90 minute concert. A free will offering is requested with all proceeds to fund music scholarships for students who qualify to attend the University of Santo Tomas Conservatory of Music in Manila.

3) circa youth theatre opens "short acts"

A daughter, a mother and a grandmother confront hidden secrets from their past. A lesbian couple grapple with getting pregnant and sex change surgery. A neurotic social climber from colonial Philippines whips the wits out of a deranged woman. A rebellious daughter clashes with her parent’s elitist ways. A one-night stand between two friends shake up the marriage of one of them. Two friends find themselves on opposite ends about same sex marriage. These are themes that will unfold in an anthology of new works called Short Acts, a drama incubator showcase production by the Center for Immigrant Resources & Community Arts (CIRCA). Featuring short works by Lani Montreal, Larry Leopoldo, Thelma Virata de Castro, Louie Pascasio and Felix Racelis, Short Acts is a tapestry of works-in-progress illuminating issues and stories not often spoken in dinner table chatters. Designed as a way to expand narrative expressions using short length format, Short Acts is CIRCA’s way of encouraging new voices for community theater and is envisioned to promote the continuous exploration of the community’s history and experience through drama. Directed by Levi Aliposa, Daisy Castro, Mary Ann de la Cruz, Anida Youe Esguerra, Lani Montreal, John Ola and Louie Sison, the project is a collaboration with Pintig Cultural Group and Insight Arts. Short Acts goes on stage on October 19-21 and 26-27, 2006, Thursdays to Saturdays at 8pm at the Insight Arts on 1545 W. Morse, Chicago. Tickets are $10 and $7 for students and seniors. For reservations call, (312) 222-1551 or email us at circatheater@yahoo.com.

4) KA BA KA - In Struggle Karapatan ng mga Babae at Kabataan - a concert of awareness to stop violence and exploitation of women and children at

Martyrs' Restaurant and Pub
3855 N. Lincoln Ave.
Chicago, IL 60613

With performances by: Lani Montreal , ACI9 and Bagwis Special Guest : Ms. Aiza Seguerra

Show starts at 6:30 PM, Doors open at 6:00pm, Tickets are $35.00

5) dynasty reunion v @ zentra nightclub

The orginal and biggest old school event to date is back! REUNION brings you to where Asian American nightlife began in Chicago. The only place where the best DJ's and performers of the late 80's and early 90's come out of retirement to join the best DJ's and performers of today. The only place and time you will see friends and relatives of the old and friends and relatives of a new.

Advanced tickets go on sale October 15th-November 20thTicket Prices:$12.50 (Limited Quantity Online Only) - OLD SCHOOL MIX CD INCLUDED$20 VIP (Express Entrance)Tickets can be purchased at www.dynastyempire.com

6) Pinoy Games

November 11
Insight Arts
1545 W Morse Ave
Chicago, IL 60626

$5* para maglaro (to play)
$7* para tumambay (to watch)
kids under 10 are free
*non-consumable fee

Featuring your favorite kanto games: Tumbang preso, Sipa, Patintero, Dama,
Sungka, Atbp. Please support our "mayor" Levi Alliposa, and his special guest, "Ogie
Alcasid." There will also be a Sari-sari and turo-turo stores where food and items can be purchased. All funds raised will proceed towards CIRCA and Pintig Events and programs

my sister...

my sister the welder
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

who made butt prints with me on the concrete in the shower...

who played hide and go seek in the hanging laundry with me...

who can make anyone laugh... except when you find out she named her dog after you...

who swam out to a rock in the middle of the ocean because she was afraid of the dragonflies on the beach...

who stalked mom with a hermit crab from aforementioned beach...

who can steal all of your friends away from you, but in a good way...

who sat thru a painful double feature of blind date and hoosiers with me in an unairconditioned manila movie theatre....

who has been known to cry for hours about wanting to do something but when faced with the prospect of doing it will cry about not wanting to do it...

who goes for the welder mask when all other brides to be go for tulle....

i can't believe you actually conned someone into marrying you. ;p

between my older sister giving birth to my newest niece and my younger sister getting married, a trip to the philippines is probably in my future... no need to consult my magic 8 ball i guess...

Recipe for Blogging Hiatus...

Recipe for Preserving Children
Originally uploaded by highglosshighs.

ingredients:

1 feverish, pissed off toddler on emotional rollercoaster.
1 walking infant developing intellectually and physically at the speed of light.
1 sleep deprived, broken and worried mamazilla, freshly faceplanted via doorways and walls.
24+ hours locked indoors due to outdoor temperature near freezing.

blend all ingredients together.
observe.
everything go "BOOM".

happy annniversary, thin man! the IRON year!

wedding 2
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

a review of our past five anniversaries together...

(because all the stuff before was... well... NSFW. heh heh... hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, knowhatimean...)

the paper year - we bought tickets to california and spent a few luxurious days and nights at the beautiful babbling brook inn in santa cruz, ca. and feasted on a romantic dinner at shadowbrook (with that tremendously cool 1958 funicular) in capitola.

the cotton year - the year we splurged on a week long vacation in london (because i was 4 or 5 mos pregnant with the paloma and we weren't sure when we'd ever get to travel to europe again). my favorite memory is taking the train to oxford, where we visited your other college and took that long walk and fed the deer at the grove.

the leather year - subterranean, candlelit, fondue dinner at geja's cafe with lots and lots of yummy wine and spanish guitar. you bought me my beautiful leather jacket that year. you can feed me fondue anytime...

the linen year - that was the "live like the pretty pipples" anniversary - a two night stay at the decadent park hyatt chicago and a delicious dinner at NoMI (with the michigan avenue table under the chihuly lights).

the wood year - how appropriate. we got all the floors (1st floor) stripped and redone last year. and i wrote this. and um... we suffered thru my pregnancy w/ the porkchop while we waited for the sox to win the world series.... which they did! SOUTH SIIIIIIDE! :)

and this year?

THIS YEAR YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND OUR ANNIVERSARY WITH FRACKING TOUCHDOWN JESUS, YOUR FRACKING UCLA ALUMS/FRATERNITY BROTHERS AND THOUSANDS OF OTHER FRACKING, FOOTBALL, FACE PAINTING, FLAG WAVING FREAKS!!!!

but, i'm not bitter.


GO IRISH!

I HOPE YOU SLAUGHTER THE BRUINS!
(won't take much, they got schooled by the ducks last week...)

yeah, yeah... happy anniversary... thanks for the flowers... kisses... love ya... mean it... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

;)


UPDATE: UCLA 17, NOTRE DAME 20.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

madonna and angelina jolie have inspired me to adopt a baby...

suntan baby
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

...from southern california, specifically a remote hilly village called "los angeles".

i had never been to southern california. i had been taught the history of the area in school but, i realized that there was so much about california culture and history that i didn't know about. for example, i was never told about... *chokes back tears* ...the suntan problem.

the first time i visited los angeles, i accompanied the humanitarian group called "SHADE". we were there to distribute sunscreen, new and gently used sunglasses, wide brimmed straw hats, long sleeve shirts and long pants.

from the moment we stepped off the plane, it was clear that we were "the other" and we were under surveilance. there were cameras EVERYWHERE. for some reason, they were especially focused on those of us with sunglasses and baseball caps. even at a local coffee shop, people ran us down in an effort to get away from the all seeing eye of big brother. i was so afraid.

this is a village so poor that the residents don't have enough money to purchase sunscreen. honestly, i don't think they even know what it is. men, women and children do just about anything and everything in direct sunlight. they don't realize they don't have to look and smell like a pan fried sausage link.i happened to bring a small bottle of sunscreen for myself and they shied away from the foreign smelly liquid. after a slow and gentle application, they got over their initial inhibitions and started applying it to each other and me. such beautiful people!

the los angeles environment is treacherous - frequently ravaged by earthquakes, wildfires and mudslides. the atmosphere is toxic. the roads are impassable. it took hours for us to get from point a to point b, even though people told us it would take 20 minutes. it's easy to see how these people barely eek out an existence. they simply cannot get the basic tools they need to defend themselves from the sun. a woman told me a story about when she had gotten so overly suntanned that when she walked, it sounded like she was wearing corduroy pants. but she had an appointment that she could not cancel. she got into her car and threw down the visor so hard that it broke off and now... now, she has severe cataracts and her skin is.... is peeling. luckily, the appointment was actually an audition for a voiceover and she was hired! stories like hers changed me forever. these people are my heroes. i do have one fond memory of the los angeles roads. whenever we were stuck in traffic, some of the natives would rush to our car to offer us oranges, flowers, cherries and peanuts. of course, we couldn't accept these gifts, but it just reminded us of how generous these people were. and that these people were not victims!

after i adopt a child from los angeles, i'll probably buy a small place there. and then, i'll focus on funding for los angeles schools. i couldn't believe how poorly educated some of the people were. i asked some of them if they'd ever been outside los angeles to manhattan or venice perhaps. although they nodded in the affirmative, they kept pointing west, towards the pacific.

anyway, when we're there we'll learn spanish together and we'll learn all about scientology. s/he'll spend a lot of time in the churches with the ministers, etc, etc... and of course, we'll have fun watching all the nifty helicopters.

back home in chicago, my child will know a world without tans, a city bordered by land on the west and water on the east, and a change of seasons, where you can never be too poor or too fat, where you can wear gym shoes outside of the gym and where we find uses for ALL of the cow.

proof that the paloma is the thin mans child

to the matterhorn
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

and not the milkman's child... not that you NEED any proof of that, really...

1) has adopted the "what you don't know, won't hurt you" philosophy:

M - "paloma did you wash your hands?"
p - "yes."
M - "so, if i go over to the sink and look into it. it will be wet right?"
p - *looks left, looks right, blinks, walks back into bathroom, closes door*

*faint trickle of water going down drain*

p - "what were you saying, mommy?"


2) fluent in "attorney speak":

M - "paloma, please sit down in your seat. this is the second time i've asked you."
p - "i am sitting down in my seat."
M - "paloma, your legs should not be hanging over the side of your booster seat."
p - "mommy, you didn't say, 'paloma, sit in your seat P R O P E R L Y please.'"
M - *takes deep breath, counts to ten"
p - "mommy, i think you should sit on the step if you're in time out."


3) taste in music:

p - "mommy, would you watch my show?"
M - "i don't understand, do you want me to turn on the tv?"
p - *rolls eyes* "um, nooooo. i want you to watch me sing a song in MY show?"
M - "oh sure, i'll watch you sing a song. what song are you going to sing?"
p - "you can choose. i can sing, "sweet caroline" or "chiquitita" or "on the street where you live" or "the schpedoinkle song" or "take me to the fair" or..."
M - *blinks* "um, do you want to go outside for a walk?"
p - "no. no. YES! YES! i DO want to go for a walk."


4) physical appearance:

TTM - "i bought pants!"
M - *reviews purchase* "um, you bought pants for the summer?"
TTM - "whadddya mean?"
M - "i mean you're going to freeze your *ss off. those fabrics are WAY too thin for fall or winter."
TTM - "dear, i have so much hair on my legs i wouldn't worry about any of my appendages freezing."
M - "yes, my yeti love."

TTM - "um, is the paloma too young to get her legs waxed?"
M - *walks out*
TTM - "what?"

5) sleeping habits:

M - *bolts upright from a deep sleep because bed is violently shaking, turns to look at TTM"
TTM - *holding stomach and writhing, eyes closed* "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *mumble mumble* "HAHAHAHAHAHHA!"
M - *turns on table lamp. looks at TTM, still laughing and mumbling, while asleep. turns off light.*

p - *sitting up in bed, eyes closed, sleeping* "no, because i don't want to, mommy."
M - *freaked out. watching the paloma*
p - "i said i don't want to!" *gets out of bed, marches over to a wall* "NO!" *stamps foot, wakes up, clearly afraid* "MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!"

6) gastronomical peccadillos

p - mommy, i don't like vegetables except carrots, broccoli and lettuce.
M - i think you would like vegetables if you actually tried them.
p - i like plums.
M - really. what does a plum look like?
p - that's a plum.
M - that's not a plum. that's an eggplant. oh wait. you're right! that IS a plum! and since you like them so much. i guess i'll just HAVE to make them for dinner. i think you're daddy will LOVE them too! who doesn't love plums!?
p - YAY!
M - YAY!

because i needed some cheering up...

(one coughing child who sounds like rod stewart, one child flowing rivers o' snot, one husband with sore throat, my own sinus issues, a friend's family funeral that i can't attend, a friends' anniversary that i can't acknowledge, the constant rain and the snow (SNOW!? WTF!!??) to follow quickly thereafter, and oh yeah - the threat of a nuclear holocaust...)

i actually forced myself to watch this:



and no, that stupid schpedoinkle song will not cheer me up either.



ok, i take that back.

news from atlantic center for the arts...

atlantic_center_for_the_arts
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

some of you may remember that last summer, i started to write/wrote my "not so great, somewhat american, unfinished novel" for three whole weeks at the atlantic center for the arts in new smyrna beach, florida, while studying with jessica hagedorn.

i met 27 extremely talented and inspiring people - writers, visual artists and composers from all over the world.

aca recently released their 2007 residency schedule and the following artists are scheduled to attend:

STEVE BADANES, architect
KYLE GANN, composer
MARIE PONSOT, poet
ROBERT DICK, composer/flutist
ALICE NOTLEY, poet
MICHAEL BURKARD, poet
STEPHEN JAFFE, composer
THOMAS STRUTH, visual artist
CORNELIUS EADY, playwright/poet
MARIA ELENA GONZALEZ, visual artist
DENIS SMALLEY, composer
PAUL PFEIFFER, visual artist
SARAH SKAGGS, choreographer
GIOIA TIMPANELLI, storyteller/author

if you have an artistic bend and you need a creative process boost, check their schedule and see if there's anyone you'd like to study with and apply for an associate artist position. it was an unforgettable experience for me. the aca history of master artists include:

edward albee
lawrence ferlinghetti
allen ginsberg
eric bogosian
william wegman
nick cave
quincy troupe
spalding gray

these names i remember especially because in the master artist cottages the master artist is asked to sign the inside of his/her closet. jessica showed us the inside of her closet - it was pretty surreal to see all these names and their salutations.

anyhoo.... i also just happened to pick up the latest poets & writers magazine and my fellow associate writer, stephanie harrison, wrote an article in it titled, "You Ought to Be in Pictures A Story Writer’s Guide to Film Adaptation". stephanie published a great book while we were in florida, "Adaptations: From Short Story to Big Screen: 35 Great Stories That Have Inspired Great Films". so, check out the book and the article! incidentally, there's also a great interview with alice notley who is scheduled as a 2007 master artist at aca.

not that you need any more incentive to check out aca but, every year the aca puts on a reunion gathering for master artists and associate artists at a bar in nyc in october. (i heard that the bar is across the street from cbgb). so, theoretically, if you became an associate artist, you could attend this reunion party and who knows which former master artist/celebrity you could meet! unfortunately, i missed the last one (preggers) and i'll probably miss this years as well (10 mos. not weaned). hopefully, next year, i'll finally make it! :)

four yellow cars kind of day....

New York Cabs
Originally uploaded by m4rco.

i just finished reading that haddon book, the curious incident of the dog in the night time. the autistic boy in the book has this heartbreaking way of determining what kind of day he's going to have by the number of red or yellow cars he sees while riding the bus to school. five consecutive red cars means a super good day... four yellow cars means a black day...

1:14 a.m. says the clock on my computer. the clock on the wall is stuck at 6:45 - the short hand's at 6, the long hand's at 9 and hovering above it, the seconds hand is just stuck, still clicking away, like a needle stuck in a groove...

yesterday morning, before i got the email from miss lori, the paloma woke us up at 3:13 a.m. because she had to go potty. she went back to sleep and then, the porkchop woke up and finally got himself back to sleep. by then, i really couldn't get back to sleep. when i started to fall back asleep, everyone was starting to rise and shine at their regular rousing hour, 7 ish... so, things started their general descent around 3:15 a.m.

i don't usually write about "this stuff" because well, i'm living it. but, i'm alone right now and i don't feel well physically. and i usually use writing this blog to escape from the dark realities of the trial by fire parenthood with humor and/or distraction.

and there were so many parenting things, too many to list, that i learned the hard way. and i guess i thought that raising a second child would be a little easier because we already had one. we had 2.5 years of basic training under our belt so, basic stuff - diaper changing, feeding, bathing - i figured, we'd know. and we do know stuff, but the porkchop is so different from the paloma in so many ways.... in so many basic ways... like, oh, i don't know, one's a girl, the other is a boy.

two of the common things i heard were a) that is the perfect age difference in children, they'll play together b) it's hard but it'll get easier when she's in preschool.

well, what's plan B? what happens when they don't play together? what happens when they do play together and HATE it? or what happens when you can't find one thing that will occupy both of them, separate or together, with or without you, happily or even satisfactorily? what happens when it's not easier when she's in preschool because she's SO much happier there that she doesn't want to be home?

this is the kind of stuff that sends all three of us off the deep end. this is the stuff that for some reason starts the paloma kicking the cat and/or saying things like "I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ME AND YOU ARE NOT MY BEST MOMMY!" which starts the porkchop shrieking, like the day he got circumcised, because he hates loud noises, which in turn, starts the aching of my head or my tummy (right now, both) and the sadness and the disappointment and the hatred and frustration and the worry and the regrets and the misgivings... and the thin man gets home and says something that comes out like an insult but was just a thought without a direction or a meaning.... when it gets so bad that even when i pray (and i pray A LOT. sometimes at the top of my lungs into a pillow), i feel completely empty and lost... no, not lost.

...abandoned.

speaking of abandoned, i wrote a post in september re: finding out bad news about three really good friends of mine via grapevines or blog posts. i called my friend, tuesday morning to check in again and to see how her mother was doing. she answered the phone, with that frog in her throat and that crack in her voice and i knew that her mom was gone. she had passed away early that morning. my friend's father passed away in dec '04 and now, her mother is gone too. she has no siblings. i imagine her at home, finally alone, waiting for the time when she has to say goodbye all over again. i need to kidnap her and take her to vegas...

i also talked to my other friend who's marriage to another friend is in trouble. we had a big fight about it actually. i really didn't feel confident about how he was handling it all. he was contemplating moving out because she thought it was a good idea. he was giving me this crap about how they still loved each other but they needed to fix themselves before they could fix their marriage. he promised me that he would do everything he could to stay home and that he would call me to update me on their progress. i never got an update call back so i hoped that things were getting better... slow and steady, wins the race and all... well, yesterday, i just happened to glance at his myspace page and a friend of his had commented "...Hope life is treating you well and the new pad is comfy."

i guess they made a decision. i can't believe i actually stood next to this guy and basically promised his bride, his family and god that he was a standup dude. that he was worthy of her and that the vows he made were set in stone. he made a liar out of me. for some reason, again, i feel abandoned.

and angry. i'm SO angry. i've never loved a friend so much that made me this angry. oh wait, there was one other person. (remember her, honey? yeah, the reason we broke up that THIRD time....)

i'll just pray i suppose. pray for my friends. pray for my family. pray for stupid people. pray for innocent people. pray for the cold church down the road that i attend anyway even though it bores me to tears with its ambivalence.

2:03 a.m. says the clock on my computer. and i actually feel a little better. i have a day ahead of me. i used to have one of those HUGE buttons that you could pin on that said "have a day". it also had a yellow circle face on it that had this blank expression, O_O.

i want to have a good day, a nice day. but, i will settle for just a day. a two yellow & two red cars kind of day...

i just really don't think i can handle another day like yesterday.