Wednesday, January 31, 2007

soul mate, sole mate

i have to admit that i used to believe in soul mates.

but, thinking back i realize now that for me there isn't a "one who got away". there's a "first love", a "wrong lust", a "love that moved to LA" and a bunch of assorted likes and loves inbetween. in fact, i can imagine myself living content alternative lives with all of them.

after dating the thin man though, i saw a life that i really wanted and thought i could make a reality. it kinda scared the sh*t out of me. sometimes it still does.

so, i think i mentioned this already... but in case i haven't, my sister asked me to be her matron old hag of honor at her wedding in february.

i didn't have my maid of honor speak at my wedding (she pleaded not to, not that i had asked). come to think of it, i've never been to a wedding where the maid of honor prepared a speech or a toast. but apparently, it's trendy now, so i feel compelled to write something up... like i don't have enough to do or worry about...

my impression is that when you prepare these speech thingys, you're supposed to share a story about growing up or how you met or how they met or failing all that - tell a joke.

the thing is i didn't grow up with my sister. and while we've written letters to each other consistently throughout the years, i really don't have a wealth of memories built with her or about her. certainly, none that i could use that would be appropriate at a wedding... "i remember when we used to wet our butts and make butt prints in the concrete. i can't wait to make butt prints with my new brother in law! welcome to the family!"

i really don't know the groom very well. i don't know remember how they met or even if he (or she) has any habits that may prove challenging to their marriage. i'm not even sure they're getting married in a church out of respect for both sets of parents or because they're truly devout catholics.

and i can't tell a joke to save my life.

which leaves me with the only two things i can give them in a maid of honor speech... words of "wisdom" and best wishes.... i'm not qualified to distribute wisdom. i can barely spell WIZDUMB. maybe i should just stick with the best wishes.... i want to sound like a hallmark card for my sister and my family, but i know i won't be able to pull it off. i'm either genuine or i'm a robot...

and i've only been married six years. that's a drop in the bucket. i've heard the average marriage lasts seven years. then again, six years is one year longer than my parents were together.

well, here goes nothing... as of today, this is the abundant wealth of wisdom i have gained about (my) marriage:

* i love the thin man and most of the time, my marriage is satisfying and challenging. it's balanced and loving and happy.

* my marriage is constant roadwork in progress. when the road gets damaged, we patch it up. eventually, the patches, the environment and the constant wear and tear will make the road bumpy again. so, we completely reconstruct the road. we make it smooth again. we make it work efficiently again. which reminds me, after a recent rough patch with the thin man, he sent me this post criticizing a nyt article that cited statistics re: the majority of american women being unmarried. this is the quote i liked the most:

"...It’s a consequence of the triumph or Romantic Love, I suppose; if you don’t mesh at the elemental level, something’s wrong. The notion of simply inhabiting the same road as you move towards the horizon isn’t enough; you must both be fascinated by the same things. I prefer the model where one person is interested in the flowers that grow by the road, and the other discourses on the history of pavement, and you both speculate on the birds in the boughs above. But that’s just me. (Or rather us.) I’m sure marriages built around interests intensely shared work just as well. It all depends on what you put it into it, to state the obvious. It’s like a fireplace: you can let it go out, or you can add wood. Ahem."

[snort] he said "wood".

* the smooth patches, like the rough patches, are temporary. i need to live and love accordingly.

* i'm always afraid to fight. but i know that i should fight (verbally) as often as necessary. and fight "clean" while staying on topic. i knew those years in production meetings would pay off.

* like all marriages, ours is not carefree. it has weathered personal and financial struggle, physical and emotional crisis, crying, yelling, depression, metamorphosis, expansion, etc, etc... i have to remember that we are not alone. we are not the first and we will not be the last.

* the thin man always says, "if only i'd met you sooner, like in high school or in college." but i remind him that we aren't the same people we were six, twelve, eighteen years ago... and six years from now, we'll be different still... somehow we managed to stay together six years so far, (nine, if you count the dating years) so i think we can at the very least, make another six.

our marriage feels like a marathon right now. and i'm a much better sprinter. intellectually, i know that this marathon will end, even though i'm not sure where or when it began. and eventually another marathon will take its place... sometimes it feels like i'm running a different race than the thin man altogether. but, i always feel like he's there somewhere, either running alongside me or behind the barriers, holding out a cup of water... to throw at me. :)

Monday, January 29, 2007

evolution, why have you forsaken me!?

so, we were asked out on a playdate friday afternoon... the plan was to drive over to the local mcdonalds playland/playplace have lunch, let the kids run around a bit, yada yada yada... well, unbeknownst to us... chicago public school had the day OFF.

so? SO!? so EVERY OTHER MOM IN THE AREA had the same idea!

what they don't tell you is when you enter a mcdonalds playplace, all children flip an internal switch and move at lightspeed. the paloma was one of a ZILLION screaming, blurry horizontal stripes of pink. i was constantly trying to keep track of her to no avail. finally, at one point, she made her way to the tippy top of the behemoth vinyl, foam and mesh climbing structure and realized she was too afraid to come down and wouldn't stop screaming about it until i shimmied my fat *ss all the way up there to get her...

it was not pretty. then, i released her back on terra firma where she was resumed her screaming, fast moving pink stripeness again...


y'know. eight arms woulda come in handy too...

and on a related humorous note - who has this phone? HOW COOL ARE YOU!?

Friday, January 26, 2007

dude. where's my kid?!

metrodad had this funny post that made me reminisce about my own business and pleasure travels as a single person. like him, i worked in the garment industry (in production) and though i never got to travel overseas to visit the sweatshops factories, i did get to travel to new york to visit with the gestapos designers.

besides getting to visit with friends during off-hours, my perk was always a stay at the mansfield hotel, one of the nicest hotels i've ever stayed at... my room was always a minimalist oasis - the large comfy bed, the soothing sauna, the complimentary buffet breakfast, the complimentary cappucinos available all 24 hours of the day....

most of my overseas travel was to the philippines to visit my papa, my two sisters and my brother. between 1972 and 1994, those trips happened every couple of years or so with stops in hawaii, tokyo, or seoul. then in 1994, i got to travel to europe for the first time and save for the bohemian homelessness and the demise of a close friendship, it was AWESOME. and last but not least, there have been the unforgettable trips to the UK and italy with the thin man.

the picture above was taken during one of my first trips to manila. my father is helping my mom with something. and my lola (papa's mom) is standing next to my aunt who is holding my baby sister (the one who is getting married in february). that's me in the pink dress looking like i'm planning an escape or a hostile takeover or is that my potty dance? hmmm, i dunno...

when i travelled as a single girlzilla, i had single girlzilla worries:

* will i still have a signifigant other when i return from this trip?
* will i get kicked out of a train station for sleeping there?
* will i meet cool people at my destination or will i only run into "ugly" americans?
* can i expense report that?
* will i have to declare that?
* will i get mugged and what if he's cute?
* will i ever catch a flight home... flying standby?
* if i find love or find i love this place, can i find a way to stay... legally?

now, i'm a travelling mamazilla, i have travelling mamazilla worries:

* which and how many inoculations do i have to get to ensure i don't soil myself walking down the aisle?
* how badly will i lose my sh*t when i have to fight with wake the paloma up at o'dark early to catch our flight?
* how loudly can i scream at the airport without having security taser me?
* how full of *ssholes will the flight be?
* how much bribe in currency & paraphenalia will it cost me to get from the airport to the hotel room?
* do i really have a reservation at a hotel? or just a piece of paper that says "I'M A F*CKING IDIOT! TAKE MY MONEY!"?
* who's going to get b*tchslapped first - strangers, family or me?
* what do i do if/and/or/when the paloma gets sick?
* what do i do if/and/or/when the paloma gets lost?
* how hot and humid is it? enough to warrant UPPERCASE typing?
* will i really go to H*LL if i kill myself? will i notice?

as you can see, i'm mildly freaked out about this trip and it's only ratcheting up more and more the closer we get to departure time...

i'm not sure how my mom did it... but then again, she says that i was a pretty cool headed kid, unlike the paloma... i guess the good news is that i'll have my mommy with me when things go wrong. she has a way of making things all bettah.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

the "GO DADDY GO!" sighting

every once in a while i spot a dad who is doing something SO COOL that i want to say something. but i feel like if i do, i'll either embarass him, or me, or piss him off or scare him. so, i don't say anything. i just smile to myself and silently send him all kinds of positive vibes....

but i always regret not saying something... so, i figure why not give the guy a shout out on here. i figure i'll call it the "GO DADDY GO!" sighting and i encourage you to send your "GO DADDY GO" sightings to me if you don't have a blog of your own - i'm happy to post them for you! :)

anyhoo... this weekend, i had to run some errands downtown and i spotted a "GO DADDY GO" on the corner of state and madison.

actually, i spotted six teenaged, high pitched screeching fashion victims girls on the corner of state and madison. they were all carrying bags from forever 21. (see... your eyes are rolling up and around your cranium, just like mine did!) right on cue, they started to yammer on and on about their myspace pages (STFU haters) and their shuffle ipods and some band that i've never heard of... it was then, i saw THE LONE DAD.

the poor guy had that "i just woke up from an emo music induced hypnosis, buried under an avalanche of retro inspired disposable fashion made by a foreign legion of sleep deprived naked children" look. his face was flushed. his eyes rimmed in red. he was wearing one of those practical yellow windbreakers, a pair of jeans and some sneaks. the wind forced him to hunch over a bit and to shove his freezing hands into his pockets. his salt and pepper hair was a little mussed up. it was obvious that the fresh air was slowly reviving him.

i just had visions of that poor man agreeing to take his daughter (i may be assuming too much, but he had that fatherly "the light's red, katie. (jaywalk and i'll kill you)" demeanor) and her five friends downtown to shop and hang out. (or i dunno, maybe he lost a bears playoff bet.) i mean you might as well say, "yes, of course, i can collect all the scorpions on the australian continent. BLINDFOLDED." if you're going to agree to something like that.

GOOD GOD! he may even have started the day by taking them on the L or on the metra. and when i spotted them, the day was young - so you KNOW they were on their way to even MORE shopping (i call it the bermuda quadrangle of shopping - macy's, old navy, nordstrom rack and H & M) and then *GULP* lunch!

*sniff* he was so BRAVE! :)

so, to the dad in the yellow windbreaker on the corner of state and madison with the gaggle of six teenaged girls - GO, DADDY, GO! BRAVO! BRAVO!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

school picture day.

so, the paloma is taking her first preschool class (and individual) picture tomorrow. and i've done everything in my power (ok, save for a haircut.) to assure that she doesn't come home with a picture like this:

thank goodness a) she has perfect eyesight b) cystic hygroma isn't genetic c) her grandmother doesn't sew.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

the unusual suspects

for all y'all who've been keepin' up... i have news re: some of my fellow writing homies from the atlantic center for the arts residency (that i did over a year ago... yikes).

first, for all you lucky ducks in los angeles, jessica hagedorn's (pictured above, second from the right) dogeaters play (based on her best selling novel) is at center theatre group. their website also has a short interview with her as well. you have until february 11th to see it. GO NOW. THIS MEANS YOU, MONKEYSTEEZ.

second, i also just got an email from mae (pictured above. bottom row, far left) that she's published a new book: FILIPINOS IN LOS ANGELES.

from mae: "The book is an interesting and intimate look into the lives of Filipinos in the L.A. area from the 1920s through today, largely through vintage photographs. I hope that the book will spark people's interest in exploring the Filipino-American culture, and perhaps even their own family’s personal history. FILIPINOS IN LOS ANGELES will be published by Arcadia Publishing and available online and in bookstores on April 16. The first major event it will be featured at is the upcoming Los Angeles Times Festival of Books (April 28 & 29), in conjunction with the Philippine Expressions Bookshop."

third, i just saw martha's nyt review of photographer andrew moore's show at yancey richardson gallery.

and last but not least, i found an action shot of chris, who in addition to being a fantastic writer and THE BEST T-REX IMPRESSIONIST EVER, he also plays hoops.

and what am i doing?

i'm applying toothpaste under my arms thinking it's deodorant.

that's what i'm doing.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

the MZ flick crit

it's 4:56 am here.

i'm doomed. DOOMED, i tell you.

the paloma woke me up at 3:20 am because she had to go potty and i haven't been able to go back to sleep yet... i'm starving. i'm sneezing. it's raining sleeting. and the thin man is going to the seahawks v. bears playoff game today.

so, i figure i'll review a film because... well, because the only alternatives i have are A) to rot my feeble mind with infomercials B) reveal what a loser i am by pimping my myspace page at this hour C) actually listen to what the inebriated bimbo is saying slurring into her cell phone while walking stumbling down the street from the pubs.

anyhoo... let's get on with it shall we? (this may actually turn into a regular post from me (now that i can actually watch movies again). i'll make it/them short, i promise.

boy (matt dillon) marries girl (kate hudson). girl's father/boy's boss (michael douglas) enjoys humiliating boy. boy's best man/friend (owen wilson) moves in with boy and girl. nudity, bathroom jokes, mormon librarian lust, post coital house fire, masturbation, mixed messages and attempted murder ensue!

* kate hudsons body - the return to pre-pregnancy. THAT'S what I'M talking about.
* michael douglas - it's like Jack T. Colton all over again... sorta. thank you CZJ! kinda crushin'! :)
* toshi, paco, random monied investors and the entire hawaii unit cast - WOO-HOO! ASIAN CANDY!
* taxidermied moosehead
* seth rogen - freaksandgeekslove!

* matt dillon's dialogue - give the man SOMETHING, ANYTHING to work with, people...
* hello?! no mandy reveal!?
* you know the continuity was bad, if i caught stuff... pre-football party scene: check matt dillion's hand - bottle of alcohol, glass of alcohol, bottle of alcohol.

* asian fetish porn sighting
* owen wilson's character - don't get me wrong. i dig all that is owen wilson. but have i not met *insert owen wilson character* in *insert owen wilson film* already?
* the ending
* the alternate ending

MZ RATING - 72 mins o' bliss out of a possible 108 mins

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

we're not all bad, you know that right?

so, i read this over at strollerderby. i wish i hadn't. i was already feeling like an *sshole for something that happened this weekend that i didn't react to or respond to and i regret it now. although i really want to post rant about that, i'll post rant about this first.

the author of the post, patti, wrote in an earlier article about the diversity of an online parenting community called cafemom, "And may they add one another as friends, because dude, if there's one thing I've learned from partaking in online parenting communities, it's that we are all in this together."

but the impression i got from her post titled, "God's Little Gold Mine", is don't expect to be added as a friend if you're christian - 'cause if you're christian, you're a money hungry hypocrite who doesn't practice what you preach about humility and charity.

and patti is "in the know" because she was raised in a pretty strict and conservative christian church. and although she was an existentialist in high school, she still attends church at the holidays.

in her post, patti complains about a series of christian centric childrens books and a dvd called gigi, god's little princess. admittedly, i haven't read any of these books, but i get the feeling that patti hasn't either. all patti tells us is that gigi is a "cross between eloise and fancy nancy...a response to the princess phenomenon that nobody with daughters seems to be escaping....".

she writes "I can't help but feel wistful for the days when I cheerfully went to Sunday School because I took it seriously, not because I had a bunch of paraphrenalia to inspire my devotion. When the prevailing wisdom was that Christianity meant humbleness and charity, not a full-scale marketing attack. When the bracelets were made out of pipe cleaner and plastic beads, not pink marabou."

jeez. i don't even know where to start with this... i agree that there are many christians who are hypocrites that don't practice what they preach. but, not all christians are the same. this isn't rocket science. i'm sure the same could be said for other religions and for other *insert group title here*.

are similar posts written about children's books and dvds regarding judaism or buddhism or wiccanism? does everyone really think that every other religion besides christianity is completely altruistic, charitable and humble? and why does someone who isn't practicing christianity, even care about a christian writing a christian book for christian children?

incidentally, the author of the books, sheila walsh, echoes patti's sentiments re: mixed/missed messages,"Just check out your local mall and the message of peace seems to have been obscured by the racket of cash registers and the rush of harassed shoppers. We seem to have missed the point! Even as believers it is so easy to get caught up in all the things that have nothing to do with the gift of the Christ Child." the few pages i've glimpsed of "gigi god's little princess" seem to indicate that that's what gigi is wondering about too. it wouldn't surprise me if the book ends with gigi realizing that she doesn't need "swag" or "pink marabou" to be god's little princess.

and re: christian paraphernalia- as a child, my mother bought me rosaries, scapular medals, books (like the chronicles of narnia, lives of the saints, children's bibles), small statues of saints, etc. i liked all these things because i felt connected to them and they were small beautiful, tangible "souvenirs" for me to remind me of my journey and my faith. it's because of all of these things together that catholicism was never some big hulk that loomed over me. it was and is something i carry within me. i bought veggietale dvds and christian books for my children for the same reason. and in the future, i'll probably buy other things to commemorate their catholic memories/milestones like their first communion, confirmation, visits to holy places, etc...

while i do think that some merchandise that's marketed as christian is questionable and unnecessary. i don't think that's true of this book series. the books aren't about the author. they're clearly about this character and a message about/from god. i doubt they advocate hatred or greed. they seem sincere enough and passionate enough for a child to read - that's humbling and charitable enough to me.
national migration week jan 7-13

i just saw this beautiful image over at a blog i just found called evangelical catholicism and i just had to link to it.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

my 10 day vacation in the OUTLANDS OF HELL....

the abridged "for the sake of my psyche, my brain has edited stuff out" version....

* we had our first of a million vacation fights in front of the curbside check in line. we weren't IN the line. we were fighting about whether or not to WAIT in the line.

* we RAN to the gate - with the paloma on the thin man's shoulders and the porkchop on my hip, with carry-ons in our hands, sweating in winter coats thru dense slackjawed crowds.

* somehow only MY luggage was lost. on a NON STOP flight. my luggage which contained the paloma's ear infection medicine in it. the medicine i wasn't allowed to take on the plane because it was more than 3 oz. not to mention all my clean clothes incl. pjs, underwear, summery stuff that was climate appropriate...

* my luggage was supposed to arrive later that same evening around 10 pm. it arrived at 2 pm - the NEXT day. THIS is why i should drive.

* the porkchop and the paloma had trouble adjusting to PST. the paloma finally figured it out. the porkchop never did and had a LOT of trouble sleeping. so much so, that he woke up crying hysterically apprx every THREE hours.

* i wanted to go home so bad i cried. often.

* we were staying at a relative's empty house. which meant we had to return there three times a day - twice a day for naps and once earlier in the evening (probably earlier than any other sun city resident) for the night. our house had cactus. grandma's house had a pool. you do the math.

* aunt flo stopped by for a visit. for a vengeful SECOND time, this month. overnight. fyi - if you ever bludgeon anyone in a bed, i can help you clean up the murder scene. i am a pro.

* the thin man was so worn down by fatigue that he actually cussed me out, multiple times, in the wee small hours of the morning, during a porkchop crying fit.

* during dinner, a relative, who doesn't really believe in organized religion, informed me that i couldn't really be a catholic and implied that i was a religious hypocrite.

* the thin man almost bludgeoned a different relative - with good reason. and i might've helped him, if i hadn't been so conflicted re: who i wanted to bludgeon more.

* we thought we'd take the kids to "the living desert", the local zoo. never visit an outdoor zoo. in the rain. while trying to negotiate a gravel terrain - with a stroller. and yes, we checked the weather report. we officially HATE the national weather service and mother nature better watch her back too.

all in all, i considered divorce 80 times and death by wild desert dog 160 times.

sharks and dingos averted.

status quo ante bellum.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

ring around the rosie....

(you know, according to snopes, that little ditty isn't about the black plague. darn!)

so yesterday morning, we (me, the paloma, the porkchop and the thin man) all got up after a good night of sleep (for the first time in 10 days) and padded down to the kitchen, in our comfy pjs, to celebrate over a handful of favorite breakfast treats - an orange scone, a bear claw, a pumpkin muffie and a chocolate chip muffin.

then, a large, ominous, threatening cloud appeared and loomed over us. from the cloud, we heard an eerie cackle and then it said, "i'm rosie o'donnell and you're watching the view!". it was a repeat and they were talking about michael richards during the hot topics segment. rosie was explaining how the n word is used in the rap poetry of kanye west or tupac shakur.

i shoulda known my view/rosie watching wasn't quite over. while i was in palm springs, the thin man showed me this article criticizing rosie's "apology". and even before that, i heard about the whole rosie dissing trump suing rosie fiasco.

which made me more curious as to why some asian american celebrities haven't said anything about rosie's ching chong. is it THAT "dangerous" in hollywood to criticize a celebrity like rosie o'donnell?

margaret cho has written about michael richards' racist rant and gwen stefani's asian pets harajuku girls on her blog but remains silent about rosie o'donnell.

eric byler and daniel dae kim got together and produced this video denouncing former virgina senator george allen and supporting allen's democratic challenger jim webb.

i read over at reappropriate that lucy liu had this to say about rosie o'donnell during a CNN interview, "I think Rosie O’Donnell a comedian and comedians do things that are outrageous and not politically correct all the time. If everyone has the right to their opinion, and, uhm, I think that if everyone had to apologize for everything, then it would just be ridiculous."

which left me speechless, frankly. about as speechless as i was when i watched those two asian ladies emphatically clapping their hands in support of rosie and reading their lips saying "we thought it was funny."

but, i'm going to go out on a limb (and will probably upset a large segment of my asian brothas and sistahs who may one day stumble across my babblings) and say that i don't think lucy liu is stupid or a sellout or a race traitor...

furthermore (eek), i think she is in the perfect position to "represent" (something i think she prefers not to do) without trying to represent. opportunity has never knocked so hard on any door.... first of all, she's got a movie coming out soon with cedric the entertainer called "code name: the cleaner". second, she appears in an anthology (and critically acclaimed) film about the AIDS crisis called "3 needles", where she plays a blood smuggler in china. third and last, she's the executive producer for a new film called "charlie chan". apparently, she plays charlie chan's granddaughter. yeah. i know that went over like a fart in church. but, hey it's not even in production yet - innocent til proven guilty...

so, here's the thing... lucy liu is scheduled to appear on the view on thursday, january 4. i sh*t you not.

maybe, just maybe, if we all ask, intelligently and politely, MAYBE.. lucy liu can kick the sh*t explain, slowly, clearly and monosyllabically, so that rosie can understand, the hows and whys, the heights and depths, the basic and detailed intricacies of her racist chingchongery.

anyhoo - i processed, i ranted, i googled:

i think lucy liu's manager is mary ellen mulcahy at framework entertainment:

Framework Entertainment
9057 Nemo Street
Suite C
West Hollywood, CA 90069
i also found this email addy - - not sure it'll work though.

however, fans are told to request autographs via snail mail addressed to the william morris agency

c/o William Morris Agency
One William Morris Place
Beverly Hills, CA 90212

i dunno. i'm going to write to both addresses because i'm a glutton for punishment as mama nabi so eloquently commented to an oblivious, attention seeking, *sshat f*cktard in barcelona "...I owe it to my young daughter, who only knows love and kindness at the moment, to stand up and fight for it to stop being okay, to stop being "indifferent" to outright racial slurs, to attempt, until my last breath on earth, to make this world a kinder place for her - so that something like 'ching chang chong' is not a commonplace taunts that she will hear and will brace againt. It is my duty as a parent to say 'No more'....."


UPDATE 01/03 - fyi, i just heard today that rosie is on vacation for the week. so, lucy liu won't even see her tomorrow.

UPDATE 01/04 - so, the whole rosie ching chong thing never came up.

barbara brought up the fact that lucy liu gets mistaken for lisa ling all the time and joy behar added "well, they're both chinese and pretty." to which lucy liu totally shrugged off agreeing that it was good for both of them. incidentally, lisa ling just ammounced her engagement to a doctor here in chicago. i believe his name is paul song (which is weird cause there's a dr. paul song in oncology at the hospital down the street where the porkchop was born. i was considering seeing him for a follow up.)

then this whole conversation happens re: kabbalah and buddhism and the chinese zodiac because lucy is wearing a kabbalah bracelet. she mentions that she wears it for protection but her mom's buddhist. lucy explains that the upcoming year is the year of the pig. then, joy responds, you're wearing a kaballah bracelet and then you're celebrating the year of the pig? *laughter* to which barbara responds with a "related" story about maury povich and connie chung trying to adopt a baby from china. their only request was that the baby be chinese and jewish. which opened up the topic of transracial adoption from china and how difficult it is now. lucy liu mentioned some restrictions including age and weight (?). but the subject was moved back in the direction of her new movie with cedric the entertainer where she plays his girlfriend and a waitress. apparently, there's a HOT fight scene with nicolette sheridan.

it's about here where i start to feel like i'm involved in one of those awkward conversations that someone (who i don't know) starts up for no reason in particular. i'll usually get asked what my nationality is and to be polite, i say "filipino". (personally, i don't usually mind people asking questions. growing up with CH, i think i just preferred people asking questions instead of silently staring at me.) and instead of just leaving the question answered a stream of consciousness discussion evolves into who else this person knows who is filipino or what their limited experience with filipino culture has been - their childrens' teacher, their hairstylist, their elderly parent's caregiver, the nurses at the local hospital, the best pancit/lechon/lumpia they've ever eaten, the few tagalog words they know, etc...

it reminds me of the time i backpacked in europe and every time i ran into another american i was greeted with, "where are you from?". i'd say "chicago". and the response would be "i'm from *insert amercian city here*"! to me, it seems the person assumed since we were both american we had everything in common.

earlier in hot topics part of the show, joy was demonizing any parents who spank their children (like her fellow guest host, sherri shepherd) and added that studies have shown that some people who were spanked tend to be sexually deviant. so during the lucy segment, joy asked lucy is she was ever spanked. lucy revealed that yes, her parents spanked her to which barbara responded, "but the chinese people are so gentle." APPLAUSE!

so, there you have it.

Monday, January 01, 2007

home again. home again. six jiggers o' jack....

or however the f*ck that nursey rhyme goes...

yes, i've returned from what someone told me was a vacation. ha.

i'll fill you in on the gorey details of the "vacation" later but i'll tell you this before my brain beats me into forgetting it...

we woke up sunday morning around 2 am because the porkchop a) does not like his routine f*cked with b) never got tuned into PST. he was CST all "vacation" long. apparently you can take the boy out of chicago, but you can't take chicago out of the boy.

we got to palm springs international airport around 5 am to catch our 6:15 am flight back to chicago. after submitting to what might as well have been cavity searches in security, we finally board the plane.

we immediately set up "the emergency playroom" (like all the other responsible parents on the plane, who fear mob seatbelt buckle beating midair by their fellow passengers) - including every snack and beverage known to toddler kind, toys & crafts that make no sound but still encourage individual playtime with imagination, learning and fun, two human jungle gyms, portable dvd player with selection of g rated dvds and of course, quality headphones.

as soon as the kids are immersed in playing within the bubble of the emergency playroom, the captain informs us that we're delayed. you saw THAT coming didn't you? but, he thinks the delay is minor so we sit there for 30 minutes praying that the goodwill of our children lasts and that mother nature regains hers.

finally, the captain gets back on the horn and says,"the good news is the weather delay's been lifted. the bad news is a fuel truck scraped the underside of one of the wings so we're grounded until further notice. we'll have to ask you to gather your personal belongings and get off the plane."

at this point, sleep deprived, in denial and decaffeinated as we were, things we're still unclear and so as we slowly gathered up the gently used emergency playroom, the thin man asked the nearest flight attendant if we all had to get off the plane. (clearly, some people were as clueless as we were, since a handful were still sitting in their seats and not making a move towards the open door.) and she responded, quickly and angrily, thus,"doesn't it LOOK like everyone has to get off the plane? yes, EVERYONE has to get OFF the plane."

thank you, almighty b*tch on wings, wannabe glorified waitslut of the sky!


so what CAN you do at palm springs international after some *sshat scrapes the underside of your plane's wing? i'll TELL you what you can do... you can walk numerous laps around the terminals stalking birds, buy and sample overpriced food that homeless people would deem hazardous and ooh and aah over every f*cking palm springs SANDglobe you can find and think up bizarre explanations as to why you're not going to buy them.

after a digital photo was emailed to tulsa and a mechanic touched up the plane with some paint, the plane's wing was finally ok'd for flight. we left california at approximately 2 pm PST.

thankfully, by some divine intervention, both children napped extensively during the flight home. our poor nerve wracked toes didn't reach casita zilla until 9 pm CST.

like i said, we're home and believe it or not that last travelling bit was NOTHING compared to the constant madness that happened the whole NINE days before it...

good. times.


silver lining? it can't get any worse.
can it?


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