Thursday, August 31, 2006

my lullaby cd can kick your lullaby cds *ss!

Originally uploaded by anhelido.

is anyone else watching gene simmons' show "the family jewels"? i'm laughing so hard watching this show that my nursing pads are leakin'! ok, no, not really, but it shuuure is phunnay! :)

i thought his other show, "school of rock", was entertaining. so, i thought i should check this new one out. really, you HAVE to watch this show. if you're a parent, your sanity depends on it.

i'll never forget when i was in grade school and burger king was giving away 78s (seriously. not 45s - they were 78s. smell the vinyl, people!) and i got a kiss one and an abba one. i ROCKED the first grade.

what's really scary is i've always thought that paul and ace were the cute ones... but i gotta admit, the more i see of gene, the more attractive he becomes... maybe he really does have an "in" with satan. hmmm...

anyway, i keep hoping that the geniuses at baby rock records will produce/release a kiss cd. they're very talented at immortalizing some of my (and your) favorite bands & their respective pop/rock anthems into itty bitty, baby powder pouftastic lullabies. i seriously want to hang with these peeps over some goldfish and pitchers o' leineys.

they have so many cds that i want to buy. but, i can never decide which one to buy or not to buy (aka the one that might actually cause trauma / lead to psychosis in the porkchop).

and... AND! they utilize glockenspiels, vibraphones and mellotrons to create that soothing sleepy somnambulistic sound! (i blame that whole rediscovery of esquivel frankly.)

currently available:

you can pre-order:
beach boys
the cure

to be released late '06, early '07:
led zeppelin
the pixies
queens of the stone age
no doubt
smashing pumpkins
the beatles

you know why you should buy these cds for your babies? 'cause your babies already bang their heads, gaze at their shoes, flip you off, ignore you, yell at you, get stoned on natural substances, exhibit violent behavior, swing moods like windchimes in a storm, etc, etc... they're on that road anyway, they should take along some solid good tuneage.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

phone conversations with "the thin man"

M: hello?
TTM: hey! how're you doin?
M: fine. how can i help you?
TTM: so, i'm going over to marshall fields.
M: really. uh-huh...
TTM: i was just wondering what kind of pants i should buy. i mean i'm going to buy those pleated pants that you don't like, but what fabric should i buy?
M: i dunno. i suppose if you're looking for fall/winter stuff you should buy fall/winter weight wooly or wool blendy stuff. if for some reason you want something summery, buy chino-y, cottony, lightweight stuff.
TTM: hmm. ok. i can do that.
M: yeah. i can't believe you're going to buy those pants.
TTM: what's wrong with them?
M: they're grandpa pants. they look like you have a pooch.
TTM: they're not grandpa pants. they're CLASSIC. and i DO have a pooch.
M: so, you're buying the pants to show off your pooch? can't you just wear a sandwich board that says "i have a pooch"? hey, can i call you "grandpa"?
TTM: you cannot call me grandpa because i'm not one.
M: you're going to look like one.

*pregnant pause*

TTM: how is the rest of your day going? anything exciting happenning?


TTM: well, on that note. i'll let you go.
M: yeah, later, grandpa.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

because if sydney bristow can do it...

apparently, so can i! (and i wouldn't be naive enough to get duped by the bad guys in the first place! so there!)

i saw this ad in the most recent issue of audrey magazine. the ad is even on the audrey website. apparently, there are a bunch of these ads (recruiting poc) floating around - see here.

anyway, i was just thinking about what i'll do once paloma and porkchop are actually in school. (ok, so it's YEARS from now, a sahm can dream...) fyi - i would make a pretty stealthy spy/agent/cat burglar - whichever is more lucrative...

i have not used illegal drugs within in the last 12 months. THANK GOD alcohol isn't illegal.

i'm highly competent in my field, highly reliable and trustworthy. see dictionary definition for "mom".

i can do a bunch o' things with one hand

i can "case a joint" (ok, so i've only cased MY house. dude, i know EXACTLY which floorboards creak - in the porkchop or paloma's room, the staircase, the entry, the dining room. the sandman can't put a child to sleep as quietly as i can. think john robie/danielle foussard in "to catch a thief").

my communication skills are off the chart. in some cases, i don't even need to speak or hear a word. i instinctively know when another (ok, 3ft or shorter) person needs to eat, needs to nap, needs a diaper change (which brings to mind, my superhuman olfactory sense), needs attention, is trying to not go pee in his/her pants, is lying, is happy or sad, is not where s/he should be interacting with items s/he should not be in contact with (which also exemplifies my excellent hearing).

i look great in black and wigs.

i'm asian ergo i'm quiet and foreign looking enough to be ignored/blend in like... wallpaper.

i think the only strikes i have going against me are the no driving thing and the fact that my potential for coercion or allegiance conflict is high given the right amount of alcohol or chocolate, the availabilty of free babysitting, some really cool shoes, 72 hrs with the stylists at horchow, etc, etc...

Saturday, August 26, 2006

the children formerly known as....

unfortunately, due to the rise in porn searches arriving at this destination (seriously, google k**zilla). i've decided to rename the kids on my blog. the daughter will be called "paloma". my mom has been calling the son, "porkchop", which is as good a name as any, i suppose.

that is all. carry on.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

the people in your neighborhood...

metrodad just posted to ricedaddies about this nyt article called "tickled red to be elmo in a rainbow world". personally, i think this rove mcmanus interview is so much better... ("elmo LOVES wasabi! wasabi is a sometimes food!")

btw - for those of you in chicago, on friday's oprah (channel 7, 9 a.m.), they're re-airing the show where kevin is "revealed".

so, it appears that both the nyt and metrodad are really excited that elmo's muppeteer is black.

which reminded me of something that happened to me a few years ago, a friend of mine recounted a backstage visit to sesame street where a friend of hers was a "muppeteer". she giddily and gushingly (i mean like the blushing school girl, with the timebomb secret, straddling the cafeteria table bench) told me that the elmo muppeteer was "a really tall, african american man, named kevin".

the first thing i thought was "can you hook me up and get ME backstage at sesame street!?" and the second thing i thought was, "why is it a secret or a surprise or does it even matter to you that elmo's muppeteer is black?" it didn't really surprise me, just look at the cast of sesame street - it's probably the most diverse cast on tv and has been consistently so since it's debut in the 70s right?

admittedly, kevin clash seems to have breached the "caucasian muppeteer glass ceiling". but, i don't assume automatically that muppets are handled/voiced by white people. just like i don't assume that all the boy muppets are handled/voiced by males. and does the fact that they're white make the body of work of jim henson (kermit, ernie), frank oz (bert, grover) or caroll spinney (big bird, oscar) less impressive, less inspiring, less educational? do they lose their sesame street cred because of it?

as a child, i didn't care that all those characters were dreamed up and brought to life by white people (not that i knew). all i cared about was how alive the muppets were - they were funny, grouchy, loving, sympathetic, hungry, crazy, falliable, cynical, optimistic. they were just plain weird inside and out and yet wholly and unconditionally loved by millions. and who doesn't want to be loved unconditionally (by milllions) despite one's idiosyncrasies?

lately, it seems that parents are too worried about television not doing a good enough job at educating and well... parenting. i just don't think it's sesame street's job to educate children about racism, or HIV, or 9/11, death, love, pregnancy, obesity and divorce. but, they've taken these issues on to the ranting and raving of parents all over the globe. i always wonder if they take on these issues because they're told to or because they feel it's their duty. if it's the latter, do the producers of sesame street really think parents are doing such a bad job that they need to supplement?

in the 70s, sesame street did a great job teaching me the alphabet, numbers, opposites, rhyming and colors. they did a good job of making learning fun, encouraging me, as a child, to explore the world and making sure that the world always seemed big and full of things to experience with something new to teach me everyday. they still do, but for some reason, they go even further and sometimes they get schmacked for it - cookies are now a "sometime food" for cookie monster, zoe was given a zoemobile and a tutu instead of a doll, and remember when snuffy was big bird's "invisible" friend? and now, it's abby cadabby being too pink, too girly. (hello!? there are what five or six girl muppets and what a GAZILLION boy muppets. looks to me like sesame street is a tad testosterone heavy. how did that get past us feminists?)

i just feel that as a parent it's my job to pick up where sesame street should be leaving off. and depending on the subject matter, i'd rather that my child learn about these things from me anyway. i can appreciate that sesame street and other "educational" programs try to help me out. but, i worry that some issues are too complex/controversial for them to handle in 5 or 10 minute chunks - they may even be forced to sit on the fence - presenting some issues too simply/too detailed for some or not simple enough/too detailed for others. a parent knows their child better than anyone else (well, i hope they do anyway) and knows how to best educate their child - what tools/examples to use, when the child is ready to grasp a concept, when to table the discussion for another time, what language to use, etc, etc....

getting back to metrodad's post he says that he'll raise his daughter in a multi-cultural and multi-racial environment to teach her lessons about racism and racial stereotypes. i want to believe that that will help. i really do. i think the same thing about k'zilla and b'zilla with regards to our (not so diverse) chicago neighborhood (such as it is).

strangely enough, this makes me wonder about iceland's mostly blond, blue-eyed, extremely homogeneous population. i mean, how racist is iceland, if at all? i'm really curious - save for that genetic tidbit - i don't know squat about iceland. well, ok, i know i like bjork and that she isn't blonde.

sometimes i think that i'm actually self taught re: racism, stereotypes and prejudice. because despite growing up in a very diverse, multi-cultural, multi-racial neighborhood in chicago: my family was afraid of black people, the puerto rican neighbors thought the mexican neighbors were low class and dirty. everyone told me polish people couldn't drive - even the polish kids. the korean and the indian neighbors were lumped together as conceited and "foreign" and everyone thought filipinos ate dogs. even when i moved to san francisco, i thought there's no way, i'd encounter any racism there. it's practically all asians. and i was proved wrong. today, i'm still considered, less asian to some, and a race traitor/"coconut" to others. and just because they think that, i'm not saying they're racists either. and somehow, i gathered the bits and pieces for a definiton of what racism/prejudice is to me.

i won't even get started on how those of us with facial differences get treated/are viewed and how that factors into my perspective on prejudice..

but, of course, i don't have a solution or even a compromise - just personal anecdotes, i guess.

i DO know that we'll do our best to teach our children about all their different heritages, especially all the different languages since i still have family in the philippines and my husband's paternal side of the family speaks spanish at home. i know my husband will probably focus on history wheras i will focus on the arts. we want them to travel extensively as well which is an education in itself, changing one's perspective, the resulting culture shock, etc.... i definitely want to volunteer with them too - anywhere and everywhere, doing all sorts of things that challenge us physically, intellectually and emotionally. i want them to get involved with the world, to get engaged, and not just observe. i them to walk many miles in many shoes.

the bottom line is i don't want my children to grow up and become racists/race purists. my hope is that they will be satisfactory human beings - critical thinkers who make realtively sound decisions. that they'll see all "the issues" as the grey shapeless masses that they are instead of just "black" and "white", "right" and "wrong", "bad" or "good", "conservative" or "liberal". honestly, i'm not sure how i'm going to help accomplish this either - probably by example - not that i'm a very good example by any stretch of the imagination.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

qaStaH nuq? goopa! achuta!

i've just been informed...

"Congratulations! Blog in Space has deemed you "Most Likely to be Contacted." Your blog will be showcased on the home page of on August 24, 2006. You are no longer considered part of the World Wide Web. You are now officially part of the Intergalatic Wide Web. Welcome."

so, what do i do to prepare for intergalactic commenters? do i brush up on my klingonese or huttese? i can barely speak grammatically correct, polysyllabic english. and i have to wonder, what was the criteria used to pick my blog? i constantly worry myself (sometimes into isolation)that i have nothing in common with other stay at home moms/mommy bloggers on this planet. is it possible that i have ANYTHING in common with/blog something of interest to otherworldly extraterrestrial stay at home moms?

what's that you say? i LOOK like an alien - yeah, hardy f*cking har har.

let's review, shall we?

1) i don't parasitically impregnate people.
2) i don't have acidic saliva.
3) my children don't seek to destroy/impregnate/eat people.
4) i did not give birth to a) a litter of babies that grow at accelerated rates b) a SUPERBABY with mineral allergies c) bugs the size of stadiums d) peapod clones e) babies with metachlorian microbes.
5) i haven't left my child alone on an unknown uncharted planet (i may have fantasized about it though).
6) i didn't seek out a mate by his excellent genetics alone and then kill him. (ok, maybe... just kidding babe!!!!)
7) i certainly wouldn't punk out & die if/and/or/when i realized my mate joined "the dark side".
8) my mate did not carry our baby (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!).
9) i don't drive so i doubt i could pilot a spaceship.
10) i don't own a robot or a droid (or a food processor for that matter).
11) i will not die if i catch a cold.

ok, the reality is i know very little about extraterrestrial life forms and shamefully, my education is fueled by fictional accounts and hollywood stereotypes.

so, hello there! and welcome! all of you... newbie readers... out there... in outer space.... um, i hope you enjoy reading my little blog... please feel free to comment (however, i can only respond in english) and even better, please link to my blog.... i can't wait to meet you all and learn all about you and your planets and your DCs, SOs, MILs, etc, etc ...

and um, by the way, i hope that you'll please consider taking a bunch of us (the harmless ones) off the planet, in the event that the very powerful & very out of touch handful of us (and you know who you are) manage to destroy it by mistake. but, please don't enslave us or eat us or sell us or feed us to someone else or sacrifice us or anything like that. ok? ok. just so we're clear....

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

thomas needham aka "mookie"

thomas needham
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

well, we call/ed him "mookie" anyway. thomas needham is/was the youngest of "our" ACA associates. he digs house music, looks like a concentration camp survivor and he WILL scare your granny.

however, his art will absolutely astound & befuddle you. visit him and his art at:

"Funiculus Atrocities"
at Carter Presents
29 Orman Road
London, N1, 5RA
44 (0)20 7012 1203

september 1 thru september 24
opening times - 12-6, sats & suns

curated by charlotte shinerock
a group sculpture show including artists: thomas needham, yuri lee, richard gasper, alex ratcliffe& charlotte shinerock

Monday, August 21, 2006

steed taylor w/ road tattoo

steed taylor w/ road tattoo
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

once in a great while, my life is lucky enough to bump into lives that inspire me to do more, to be better, to be kinder, to be present, to dream big and with passion, etc, etc.... such is the life of steed taylor. steed is one of the many talented artists i met during my residency at ACA last summer. the one thing i regret about my time at ACA is missing out on spending some one on one time with steed. i was supposed to have dinner with him and some of the other associates, but my morning sickness kicked into high gear and instead i spent the evening embracing a toilet. :(

i did however get a chance to work with steed on preparing and completing a road tattoo (actually a hurricane charm for new smyrna beach, fl). despite the morning sickness and the heat, i helped a little bit and watched this vivid, dazzling work emerge from the nothing.

anyway, i just got an email from steed re: his latest shows/works. if you have the time, please visit him/his art if you can, you won't be disappointed!

Newburgh Sculpture Project 2006
Newburgh, NY
July 29 - November 30, 2006
Hidden Circle, 16' x 80', high-gloss latex and prayer, Colden Street between Broadway and Washington Street.
This road tattoo is the visible edge of a large circle. Similar to a tattoo covered by clothing that obscures a view of the entire piece, the majority of this circle cannot be seen. It seems to disappear under the grassy hill next to the road. It also alludes to hidden groups of people who share a common interest or social background but remain unnoticed by the majority of the population, much like Newburgh's current influx of ethnic groups or it's past with rogue colonial troops turning against the colonies.

Between Ten
SPIN Gallery, Toronto, Canada, as part of the XVI International AIDS Conference
August 2006
Stephen Andrews, Joe DeHoyos, Nancer LeMoins, Luna Luis Ortiz, Eric Rhein, Steed Taylor and Albert Winn. Between Ten, curated by Visual AIDS, showcases the work of seven artists bracketing the 10 years since the introduction of HAART (highly active antiretroviral therapy) in 1996. This exhibition provides an insightful look into diverse works by artists who continue to live with HIV/AIDS. To see a selection of my work in the show:

STUDIO In the park
Riverside Park , NY
May 6 – September 16, 2006
Orly Genger, Robert Greenberg, Elana Herzog, McKendree Key, Mischa Kuball, Emil Lukas, Fabian Marcaccio, Alexis Rockman, Kenny Scharf, Gary Simmons, and Steed Taylor. Although the show closes in September, my piece will remain until next summer.
For a map and to see my piece in the show:

Print Zero/Print Exchange
University of Miami, Rainbow Gallery, Coral Gables, FL
September 1-30, 2006
To see my print in the show:

Duke University & Nasher Museum, Durham, NC
September 15 - June 15, 2007
20' x 225', high-gloss latex, prayer and names; located on the entrance drive of the Nasher Museum.

Monday, August 14, 2006

taking over the universe, one planet at a time...

(it says, " this certificate hereby signifies that the above blog attempted to contact extraterrestrial intelligences utilizing state of the art satellite broadcasting equipment with redundant high-powered klystron amplifiers connected by a travelling wave-guide to a five-meter parabolic dish antenna at a latitude of 28 23' 18" and a longitude of 80 36' 19".)

i figure i should cover all the bases, just in case we blow ourselves to smithereens....

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

i loves me some chicken adobo

with a side o' black eyed peas.... :)

i remember the first time i heard about these guys - BF (before fergie, aka stacy ferguson from kids incorporated. who knew she and fellow KI alumnus, Martika would go so far...). it was either '98 or '99. my stepbrother gave me their first cd, "behind the front", and told me to "listen to it because one of the guys is part filipino". i was skeptical but after i heard the first song, i knew i'd love the cd and BEP. later, i even managed to see them when they played a small venue in SF's lower haight, on divisadero, whose marquee escapes me now... anyway, since the introduction of fergie into the band, i've been a little leery of them.

but then i heard apl's biographical song, "the apl song" , and saw the video -

once again, i was a mosquito to their bug light (despite fergie). and then, i heard "bebot". (i know, you have an auntie bebot too.)

i have to admit. as proud as i am to be filipino, i can't talk tagalog for sh*t. and i blame my parents because moms is bisayan and papa is ilocano. and neither of them were remotely interested in teaching me tagalog or their dialects so, when i do talk "my native tongue" it'll come out a hybrid of all three. at the very least, i can understand enough to know when someone is talking smack about me. it's so embarassing. it's one thing to look like an idiot to the general public. it's a whole other enormous vat of sticky badness to look like an idiot to my own pinoy peeps. so, lucky for me and the rest of the world, "bebot" which is rapped entirely in tagalog, is translated here.

but, where the f*ck was i when they were casting for the "generation one" video!? hoy, monkeysteez, i officially blame you for missing my five seconds of video girl fame.

"bebot" generation one

"bebot" generation two

well, i hope this has got all y'all dancing to BEP. and if this doesn't maybe the collaboration called "timeless" between sergio mendes and (from BEP) will.

and btw - just recently, they got a presidential medal of merit from the philippines. yay!

so, i raise my bag of sarsi to you, BEP! mahal kita!

Monday, August 07, 2006

dis da homie righ' huuuuur!

i am 8 mos old today.
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972

check it:

i am 8 months old today. awwww, yeah! and it's all about me. mememememememememememe....

3 Things That Scare Me
1. when daddy pretends he's chewbacca.
2. the thing that mommy calls a vaccum cleaner, but really isn't and certainly doesn't clean like one.
3. um, how do i say this nicely.... YOU.

3 People That Make Me Laugh
1. K'zilla
2. Mamazilla & Popzilla
3. Farting (i know a fart is not a person, but it shure is phunney!)

3 Things I Love
1. the cats - i love to hug them, and squeeze them and call them "george".
2. k'zillas toys, especially the ones she's currently playing with.
3. any and all remote controls

3 Things I Hate
1. when daddy tries to trick me into drinking some liquid that looks like boobiejooce from this clear cylindrical nipply thing.
2. getting toys taken away from me - especially the cats.
3. sitting in a dirty diaper - seriously dude, my sh*t don't stink.

3 Things I Don’t Understand
1. pain reliever/fever reducer - how can something that sounds so good for me, taste SO wretched?
2. why can't mamazilla change diapers at the speed of light?
3. why can't i walk by myself yet?! i can pull myself up, i can move the two bendy things, i understand the concept, yada, yada, yada...

3 Things on my Floor
1. my shark robeez
2. a diaper that mamazilla used as a nursing pad
3. cat fur

3 Things I’m Doing Right Now
1. sleeping.
2. plotting world domination.
3. waiting for my parents to get a scant 15 mins of sleep before i wake them with crying that makes your eyes bleed.

3 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. get in the guinness book of world records for "Most Tiny Toys Inserted Into Mouth At One Time Without Choking".
2. climb mount everest, as easily as i climb the cats.
3. get on soul train. move ovah, usher.

3 Things I Can Do
1. talk. you just don't know my language. f*ck babysigns. i got your sign right here buddy.
2. drum. i learned from the best - buddy rich and animal.
3. drain mamazilla's boobs. got boobiejuice? i's like crack.

3 Ways to Describe My Personality
1. determined.
2. curious.
3. happy go lucky.

3 Things I Cannot Do
1. travel thru time. (i miss the womb.)
2. projectile poop. (but i'm working on it.)
3. sleep thru the night. i AM the par-tay.

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To
1. anything that k'zilla will dance to.
2. nature - birds, cicadas, water, pigeons getting hit by cars, squirrels peeing on screens....
3. anything that is shiny, plastic, primary colored, runs on batteries, has blinking lights and multiple songs/sounds with no volume control whatsoever.

3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To
1. the word "no".
2. sirens.
3. fireworks.

3 Absolute Favorite Foods
1. stage 1 bananas or peaches
2. stage 1 applesauce mixed with peas or green beans
3. mommy boob, mommy shoulder, mommy forearm, mommy leg

3 Beverages I Drink Regularly
1. boo
2. bie
3. jooce

3 Things I Would Like to Learn
1. to talk. in spanish, tagalog and then maybe, english (heck, why not...)
2. to make money so i can buy everything on earth that comes with a remote control.
3. to control minds, especially the cats.

3 Shows I Watch (because k'zilla watches 'em. i would much rather watch boobies.)
1. little einsteins
2. hi-5
3. it's a big world

Babies I Tag
any baby who has a typist on staff (like moi) willing to do this.... i dare ya. i quadruple dare ya...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Originally uploaded by deborah lattimore.

i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who has icthyophobia - fear of fish. we were talking about doing a fieldtrip of sorts and i mentioned a trip to the shedd when she reminded me of her phobia...

C - "yeah, no aquarium. think of the heebeejeebee factor."
M - "oh. right. hey, are you making dinner? i can call you back later."
C - "h*ll no. too hot. ordering in.
M- "me too. sushi."
C- "oh. today would be perfect for sushi. if i ate sushi."
M - "you can eat veggie sushi right?"
C - "no. the seaweed is too... um, fishy."
M - "you can't eat in restaurants where they have aquariums either, can you?"
C-"oh god no. well, i suppose i could eat AWAY from the aquarium. but i doubt i'd try."
M - "i really wish you'd have told me about this BEFORE i made salmon for dinner that one time."
C-"yeah, that was all kinds of wrong. i couldn't remember if i'd told you. i was sure i had and i thought maybe i'd p*ssed you off or something."
M - "i'm only that mean to my family."
C-"good to know."

...i realized that after i got off the phone with her i'd neglected to ask if she knew why she had this phobia. if some event precipitated the whole thing. see, i LOVE fish. i love to eat fish, to watch fish, feed fish, draw fish, born under fish sign, get fish tattooed on my body, etc...

which got me thinking.... i think i have a entomophobia.

i hate bugs.

i FEAR bugs.

which is one of the many myriad of reasons i cringe at the mere mention of going to the park, eating outdoors, etc. i know - cosmic joke that i'm a mom of two and a wife of outdoor worshippers... i go to the park because it is my lot in life, not because i enjoy it. i don't hate it - the park. i hate the many legged, winged, dappled, exoskeletoned creatures that call the park - "home".

below i offer you the reasons why i have entomophobia:

1) watched 70s plague movies - especially the one about killer bees. i loved the part when they got frozen at the football stadium.

2) got stung by a bee - in the choir loft of my church when i was 7. it was sitting on the pew ledge and i didn't see it and put my hand right on it. hurt like a mofo.

3) contracted malaria while on a trip to the philippines - the first night, i sat down to a big family dinner and when i got up, i had fifteen mosquito bites. no one else had any. fyi - it was virtually impossible to contract malaria in manila in the 80s.

4) bug experiences in the philippines - roaches (the size and heft of small batteries) THAT FLY. so not fun when you're navigating in the dark, outside, looking for the bathroom. yeah, they're in there too. god help you if one lands on your face while you're.... ugh, shivers.

5) roaches scurry like fiends, when you turn on a light - not one of the highlights of living in the ghetto, in chicago, not the third world.

6) fleas (the little bloodsucking f*ckers) are the ninjas of the insect world - one of many reasons why our cats are no longer outdoor cats.

7) ants are constantly finding ways to invade my house and pillage my food.

8) flies - do i really have to explain this? when was the last time you saw a fly? have you not seen the movie, The Fly?

9) noseeums - they're so small, they're hard to see, hence the name, hence my hatred.

and then, the bug lovers pipe up... "but, mamazilla, don't you love ladybugs and butterflies and lightning bugs and praying mantises and spiders, etc... bugs that eat bugs?"

let me clarify, when there is a piece of glass between me and a bug, i LOVE bugs. i especially love DEAD bugs, under glass. there was this store in san francisco....

hey, wait a minute. come to think of it, i must have been lulled into a false sense of bug security while i lived in no. cal. 'cause i can't think of any run ins with bugs while i was there except for the specimens that were sold at this cool shop in the haight.

but, alas, this is chicago - the midwest - a no mans land - in yet another sense.

dude. i don't know what i'm going to do when i win that trip to the amazon... someday... eventually. maybe i can find that bubble that john travolta had on ebay.


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