Thursday, April 14, 2005

i should REALLY listen to stevie wonder more often...

"...when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer, superstition ain't the way..."

i think it's true for most stay at home moms that the only "quiet time" you get is when you're in the bathroom (you may or may not be bareassed and sitting on "the throne").

i needed a little quiet time (fully clothed and standing) so i stepped into the closest loo. kidzilla followed me to the door but turned around, satisfied with my excuse for leaving her and walked away saying "seeyalatermama".

...and standing there in the quiet and glass block filtered sunlight, i recognized (again) how awesome my life is - my beautiful child, my wonderful husband, my huge crayzee loving family, this old brick box we call home, the opportunity to write a book, the drawing club, etc.... how did i luck out? and why?

and right after that i thought, "y'know, by some strange twist of fate or cosmic humor, i'll probably die in a fiery planecrash on my way to florida or God forbid worse..." *shivers*

i've been like this all of my life. maybe i read too superficially into the book of job or something... in the farthest reaches of the back of my head, i think the triumphant will of God will be done come hell or high water. (!) i was thinking, maybe this morose foreboding is a filipino thing heightened by being catholic as well - something that happened as a result of the original tribal filipino matriarchal society being colonized by the spaniards. but, i can't really think of any relatives who were/are as pessimistic as i was/am.

then i remembered how all of my filipino friends and relatives are EXTREMELY superstitious. as a teenager, i fainted in church once. what a fiasco! an ambulance was called, the emt asked my mom if i was pregnant, she freaked out, etc... when i got home, my grandmother burned the dress i was wearing and proceeded to burn all manner of scented debris (crystals, herbs, tree bark) under my bed in an attempt to smoke out "any straggler demons" that were hiding under it....

here is a list of superstitions (besides the black cats and broken mirrors) i have been saddled with all of my life:

1) eat all the rice you make
2) never enter a new house with an old broom
2a) never sweep in the morning
2b) always sweep from the front of the house towards the rear of the house
3) do not cut nails at night
4) do not cross a floor on your knees
5) beds should never face a door or doorway
6) if you give a friend shoes as a gift make sure they give you a penny back and vice versa
7) always put money in a purse that you intend to give as a present
8) the last person at the table should be left to clean up or they will never marry

i can't think up anymore off the top of my head but i'm sure throughout the day the madness will reappear and i'll remember another one and react accordingly.

intellectually and spiritually, i know that as a catholic, i'm actually sinning every time i let myself get "heebie-jeebied" by a superstition because it exemplifies my lack of trust in the divine providence of God - ergo - i'm actually breaking the 1st commandment.

yeah, way to rack up the brownie points with the big man upstairs, m'zilla.

i've been lax with a few here and there but there are some that i just can't break - even at the expense of my poor husbands annoying television watching and book reading (in bed, while i'm trying to sleep) habits. popzilla unknowingly goes hara- kiri on my superstitions willy nilly, all the time, w/o repercussion. you'd think that would set a good example for me and yet, i'm paralyzed by my superstitions. i find myself saving k'zilla from her superstition ignorant doom all the time... i'm a freaking fanatic! it's horrible...

so, i'm left with two choices - either i become a jehovah's witness (they are not bound by the ten commandments) or i stop with the superstitions cold turkey.

(later, a google search reveals that jehovah witnesses don't celebrate birthdays which sends mamazilla straight upstairs to turn the bed towards the door and later, to confession as soon as possible. )

Monday, April 11, 2005

eleven situations in which it is inappropriate for you to have children

check this essay out - according to this essay, my moms shouldn't have had kids, my siblings and i shouldn't have kids and YOU probably shouldn't have kids...

so for all o' you pre-kid singletons - feel free to thank this person for warning you ahead of time...

hmmm, i suppose this means i should leave kidzilla in a park with a sign around her neck saying, "free to good home - don't procreate." and then, run off and join the shakers...

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

contrary to popular belief i'm not dead...

ok, so the "then and now" thing isn't working. it turns out it also requires more imagination and thought than this poor slackjawed old hag can muster... i may have to recycle posts like some of my favorite bloggers do from time to time (and ya know who ya are). i figure i've been blogging for at least a year... i'm "allowed", no?

my humble little drawing club is proving to be a much bigger and wilder project than i had anticipated... my two biggest troubles - a) promoting it and b) finding a model. so, please feel free to promote the drawing club. and if you know of a model who would be interested in posing for it as a pin up girl please let me know. my goal is to be as slick and awesome as this drawing club.

a plus side to all this pseudo promoting and model searching is i have found very interesting websites and have gotten even more acquainted with others.

first of all, for someone who is happily married and a really busy mother... i'm visiting, searching and posting to craigslist, evite, myspace, friendster and yahoo groups WAAAAY too much.

in my search for the model i found a website for "alternative" models, photographers, artists, etc... it's looks relatively new but very promising - retrokitten. hopefully, one of the handful of beautiful models that i emailed will contact me.... oh, so doubtful...

writing "the book" was so much easier when i didn't have the spectre of the residency looming over me... i'm editing what i write to death so i thought i should take a breather...

in a recent panic, i headed over to the bookstore and looked at all the author toolkits, handbooks, writing for dummies and idiots guides. i left with the only book that didn't make me feel like a total fraud - no plot? no problem! by chris baty . it's the book written by the master/svengoolie behind NaNoWriMo - that brilliant little scheme (*cough* cult *cough*) that brainwashes you into writing 50,000 words in a month - usually november.

so far, the book is totally hilarious and reminds me that i'm not the only one stupid enough to try this - apparently, millions of you - all over the world - have. so, i don't know what the f*ck i'm worried about... it's like the cold... it totally sucks and you feel like crap and there's no cure but you wait it out and it's gone. then, you put your hands on another germy shopping cart and EUREKA! another idea for a book. and yer screwed again and it's yer own fault for not washing your hands...

anyway, i've missed reading everyone's blogs so now that kidzilla is down for a nap... i think i'll check on y'all... :)

p.s. popzilla has also resumed semi-regular blogging... please go over and say "hi" and tell him i sent you - dallas island


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