Saturday, September 30, 2006

we heart rice daddies!

maganda & pogi
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i just meandered over to rice daddies and saw that their banner's changed and the paloma and the porkchop are on it! :)

maraming salamat, kanin tatays!

(yes, i CAN bastardize tagalog if i want to.....)

this pic can also be found in the photo gallery at archipelago, an online store that sells great filipino t-shirts. the paloma is wearing their "maganda" (the tagalog word for beautiful) shirt and the porkchop is wearing the "pogi" (the tagalog word for handsome) shirt.

they just introduced a new "halo halo" (my favorite dessert!) shirt. in tagalog, halo halo means mix-mix. so, i think i'll be buying the kids this tee for next summer.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

32 days...

October 2006 Calendar
Originally uploaded by buggs.

so, we got the newest issue of lilly's kids.... it's their "halloween hauntquarters" issue with costumes, decor and more (oh my!)

and as always, the paloma just HAD to thumb through it. i usually ask her to circle the stuff she likes and tell her that we'll look it all over later and decide on a costume... in the end, we don't buy a costume.

the thing is she will usually get a hand-me-down unisex costume from an older cousin and she's usually fine with it. her first year, she was an oblivious bunny. her second year, she was a pissed off sunflower. her third year, she was a purple dragon with wings. and btw - if i got a dollar every time i had to say, "BARNEY DOES NOT HAVE WINGS" - i'd be... i'd have a LOT of dollars.

the reality is she's frickin' three and a half years old now. as long as she goes to bed with a bellyfull of candy on oct 31, she won't care if she wore a brown paper bag on her head to score it all. but, she really does seem to care this year. she really wants her own costume that she's picked out.

the weird thing is as we're perusing each page i'm getting more and more bummed out about the whole costume thing...

first of all, in the catalog, there was ONE asian girl model and she was the "sweet and sassy ladybug". neither the fracking "exotic empress barbie costume" nor the "pink dragon ninja" nor the "red dragon lady costume" were modeled by asian girls. i mean, if you can't put the lone asian model in more than one costume - can you, at the very least, stick her in the costumes that the general public will ASSUME an asian girl will be wearing on halloween!? (just kidding... sorta...)

second of all, who can explain the totally uninventive and unimpressive state of costume design and production on the market today? there is no reason why costumes should be as expensive as they are. trust me - having overseen the entire production of THOUSANDS of garments (from design to sourcing to manufacture) overseas - i know of what i speak. and with the countless number of animated and sci fi fantasy films, you'd think there'd be more of a selection for kids and teens. last year, either EVERYONE was wearing the scream mask & hooded cape or the same pimpled pre-teen rang my doorbell from 4 pm until 9 pm.

anyway, there's this part of me that wants to dress the paloma in anything she wants... see her want list below (sorry, i don't have time to link 'em all):

captain jack sparrow (ok, w/ me)
elizabeth swan, pearl of the caribbean (wtf? NO way...)
darth vader (ok)
yoda (FULL ON!)
batgirl (ka-POW!)
deedee doodle (F*CK NO)
magical genie (maybe, she thinks it's a jasmine (as in aladdin, not american idol) costume)
pterodactyl (not my favorite)
t-rex (RAWR!!!)
palomino pony (LOVE it!)
robbie the robot (danger, danger, mamazilla!)
bumble bee fairy (uh, let me think about it... no.)
stephanie from lazy town (see deedee doodle)
soda shop sweetie (possible)
pet shop poodles (also, possible)
spider web ghost (this would scar me for life)
wicked witch of the west (why!!??)

but there's this other part of me that's wondering if i should take this opportunity to educate the paloma (as well as our neighbors, i guess) and dress her up in something out of the ordinary, maybe something that actually reflects her asian/pacific islander side (since the thin man is a grumpy ol' mope who doesn't give a rat's *ss about halloween. even though, halloween originated in ireland - ye olde land o' half his ancestors).

but i don't necessarily want her to be a hula girl ("a super fun costume - in light weight padding to give our sexy hawaiian girl the curves that make her super sexy") or a geisha ("taking a break from the massage parlor...") from a geisha house (i don't think i EVER want to eat there even IF ashton kutcher and wilmer valderrama claim their goal is to make me climax.)

...or mulan, or jasmine (from aladdin or american idol), or cho chang, or lea salonga (circa les mis' or miss saigon), or michele wie (although that would be kinda easy)....

i mean would it be so wrong of me to dress her up in a maria clara dress?

we could compromise and i could get one that's pink and frilly or something and she could tell everyone that she's a filipino cinderella (known in some filipino folktales as "abedeha"). or i could also dress her up like one of the philippines native tribal people like the ibaloi or the igorot. filipinos also have a bevy of mythological creatures, good and bad, that she could choose from, as well as our own comic book heros and heroines. i could go political and dress her up like cory aquino or give her a wagon full of shoes and say she's imelda (but that would be all kinds of wrong. funny but wrong...).

and what if i gave out filipino candy, like polvoron and sampalok, instead of bite sized snickers, milkyways and kit kats? i found this awesome online store call where i could easily get filpino groceries delivered to my door!

i know what you're thinking - "ok, if you're prepared to do all that work, only to get your house and your child, mercilessly egged and tp'd and lathered up with shaving cream, go and get yo'self on the 10 o'clock news..."

i figure if i'm going to go thru all that trouble anyway, why not do it with a little inspiration, a little thought, a little passion.... i dunno... maybe i'm doing this more for me than her - as a child, we didn't really have money to buy store bought costumes. and it was always so cold by october, that i was always wearing a winter coat and boots over my homemade ghost costume. by the time, i had money to buy/rent a halloween costume, i was skilled enough to go ahead and make one (and there's NO way that the paloma's walkin' out of this house in one of my old costumes until she can spell "burlesque" and perform a routine legally.)

in the philippines, we could be celebrating a little differently - much like monkeysteez did in her post here. i mean they do the costume/trick or treat thing there too but, we could chuck the costume ideas altogether and just party down with some ancestors. but, that would just break the paloma's heart.

oh, we'll see... the countdown and the costume search continues...

omg. i just realized, i'm going to go thru this all over again with the porkchop aren't i.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

furst dey uff skool.

092606 001
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

we actually got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed our teeth and walked to school with ten minutes to spare. we got sent to the cafe 'cause the doors hadn't opened yet! yes, i realize that this will never happen again, but hey, allow me to pat m'self on the back whilst i can...

the conversation on our walk to school was kinda funny...

M: "so what do want to learn at school today, paloma?"

P: "i want to learn how to use the force and drive a spaceship and a car and a horse.... and i want to learn how to walk on a roof like mulan."

M: "well, um, i don't know if you'll learn all that stuff in preschool, but who knows, it's been a while since i was in preschool, maybe the curriculum has changed."

P: "mommy, i just have to ask nicely and say 'please'."

so, we get there and it couldn't have been more anticlimactic.... which i realize is a good thing, but i was hoping for just a little itty bitty waterworks.... at the very least, a cautious look inside the door, a long pause and a look back at mommy for support...

i got nuthin. i could barely get her to stand still for the picture. she just ran in. no kiss, no hug. zip, zilch, nada, gornischt.

so, i'm talking with a friend and the paloma's teacher comes out and says, "the paloma just ran into me and almost knocked me down with my first good morning kiss and hug." i reply, "what? are you showing off now?"

ok, that's a lie. i didn't say it but, i was thinking it.

so, i get home, put the porkchop down for morning nap, i stalk my fave blogs, i answer a phonecall from a friend whose depressed and happily, i un-depressed him, i picked my nose for a while, then, the porkchop woke up and we headed back out to pick up the paloma... (shuddup. this "free time" crap is kinda new for me....)

M: "so, how did it go? do you like preschool?"

P: "no."

M: "do you want to go back?"

P: "yes."

M: "did you learn anything new?"

P: "i learned that alex doesn't like to share his milk."

M: "didn't you get your own milk?"

P: "uh-huh, but i wanted some of his milk too."

M: "well, paloma, for some kids, it's hard to share. they just don't understand how to share or why. so, you just have to be patient and maybe help them and show them how to share. and maybe next time, just ask your teacher, if you can have some more."

P: "well, maybe next time alex should ask teacher for more milk. because he drank all mine and threw lucy's on the floor." *says with deep furrowed brows and frown, arms crossed*

hmm, that alex better watch his back.... my grrls 'bout to get all kinds o' ghetto on him...

Monday, September 25, 2006

remember the scene...

When little ones get sick
Originally uploaded by hale_popoki.

in "terms of endearment" when one of the kids gets the croup? and beautiful debra winger's in that steamy bathroom holding her child who's barking like a seal? for being sick and tired they look amazing to me, like an illuminated madonna and child portrait...

yeah, well, we didn't look like that saturday night. in fact, it's monday and we still look and feel like SH*T.

thankfully, after a good barf and a nebulizer treatment at the ped's office and a couple of puffs of albuterol via an "aerochamber" at home, the paloma is feeling much better. apparently, the croup imposed itself over the summer cold that she, the porkchop and i are fighting. he's doing ok and all i need is a padded cell, a stubby pencil, some mad libs and a gallon o' rum....

tomorrow, the paloma starts preschool... hopefully. fingers crossed.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

oh yeah? well, you're a bigger freak than me! infinity!

The Big House, p. 29
originally uploaded by IAAFOTS.

so i just read this over at the zero boss. apparently, john tesh (yeah, THAT john tesh) posted this little snippet of a monologue (?) by comedian michael sommerville (i don't know who that is either) about stuff that us chicas do that freak out our dudes...

i hate to sell us out ladies but, i know, that you know, that WE freak THEM out...

heck, us gals freak each other out... (and i'm not just talking biblically...)

why this is news to anyone (or funny enough to monologue about) is beyond me... but hey, i don't rock out to john tesh either. maybe he and jeff probst should hang out and learn something new together. now, THERE'S a lightbulb joke waiting to happen.

here's the tiny list of complaints:

* Wearing uncomfortable shoes. You’re limping. You have blisters. You need us to carry you. But none of that matters because your shoes match your outfit PERFECTLY! But here’s the deal: As guys, were all for you getting gussied up. But when you force yourself to wear shoes that aren’t even SHAPED like a foot, you’re just asking for trouble.

now, i know friends of mine who do wear uncomfortable shoes. they try them on at the store and they're uncomfortable and they still buy them. but, i have never known a woman to admit this to a man. because that would mean she did something wrong or stupid. and it is genetically impossible for a woman (WO-MAN, y'all, not girl) to admit to doing anything wrong or stupid TO A MAN.

it's my experience that a woman will admit every trespass and confess every sin to her girlfriends. but not to a man (GUYS - fyi - once you become an SO or a DH, you are no longer considered (just) a man. in some cases, you're like an honorary girlfriend... yay, you!!). if a woman were to admit to some kind of stupidity to a man (as in random man, not SO or DH) i'd question A) whether or not she was really a (anatomically correct) woman B) how quickly she could accuse you of assult, have you arrested after you were gullible enough to try to physically pick her up, simultaneously lift your wallet and ultimately steal your identity.

i have girlfriends who will don the most beautiful pair of stilletto heeled, imported black leather, pointy toed boots, just one day after mother nature (who's clearly on the rag) buries chicago in 4' of snow and has left a thick layer of slick ice hidden underneath it, "just because". when my girlfriends start walking around in that, negotiating the drifts, i laugh so hard, i cry. i almost "make yellow" in the snow. they look like kate moss after snorting a manolo shoebag full of blow.

i, on the other hand, have been known to attend a ceili with my girlfriends, who thought it would be a good way to meet real FOB irish boys (i WISH i was joking). so, what does a filipina born in chicago know about ceilis? nothing. i was thinking (every irish stereotype known to chicagoans) there'd be really cute boys, pints o' guinness (that i could drink underage), maybe a little shoegazin' action and some cool tuneage (U2, the pogues). this is what i got - men (born and raised in chicago) who are my fathers age, pop & cookies, maniacal irish set dancing in steel toed doc martens and a live ceili band. my poor scarred feet are still traumatized by the sounds of bazoukis and pipes.

so, i get that the S&M properties of this feminine idiosyncrasy can freak out the general public, especially that "sensitive" half - you know, the ones that voluntarily pee together in troughs and take pictures of each other vomiting. and 'cause it's less freaky to wear stuff until its SO comfotable that it's falling off your body - so what, if you look like an extra from a wayne's world movie or better yet - michael jackson's thriller video. now, THERE'S a look.

* Doing sad things on purpose. You know, like watching “Beaches” for the 20th time and having a sob-fest, or playing music that makes you cry. What gives?

again, i have girlfriends who do this (well, i hate that Beaches movie actually...) and i do this too - with my GIRLfriends. i don't know any girls who do this with their guys because guys do not GET why we do this. so, why would we want to suffer through their impatience or ignorance or derision or ask them to suffer thru our madness?

i've NEVER asked the thin man to watch "The Joy Luck Club" or "Umbrellas of Cherbourg" or "love actually" with me. i save that stuff for me and he saves porn for himself.... no questions asked and the worlds never collide (dude, there's erotica and then, there's porn...)

and i... well, i can't think of any music that makes me cry... some of that new fangled speed metal makes me cry and captain & tenille makes me cry but in that eye bleeding way...

and dude, if you don't want to watch the movie or listen to the music with yer girl, then walk away. don't piss and whine about it like some newborn babe. 'cause you'll make some of us lactate. now THAT, i assure you, will FREAK you out. the exorcist and the blair witch ain't got nothin' on a pissed off lactating woman.

so, grow some cahones, already. as if guys all over the country aren't bawling their eyes out watching their favorite sports team win some random sports title... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN ON DVD.

* Asking hypothetical questions. You know – like, “Honey, would you still love me if I gained 100 pounds and lost all my hair?” Relationships have enough hot spots as it is. There’s no need to go and INVENT more.

oh, yeah, 'cause women corner the market on hypothetical questions... at least OUR hypothetical questions are (relatively) based on reality.

"would you sleep with someone else if he offered you a million dollars?"
"carmen electra or jenny mccarthy? what about both?"
"what would it be like if the cubs actually won the world series?"
"wouldn't i look good in a *insert insanely expensive sportscar here*?"
"what if *insert name of supermodel or box office babe here* walks into my life and says she wants to be with me?"
"honey, would you still love me if i gained 100 lbs and lost all my hair?"

yeah. uh-huh.

that's right, guys, you're no freakier than us so, just shut up and eat your turkey pot pie.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

now you see asians on tv, now you don't...

Hypnotist Monster : Such A Huge TV For Such A Little Girl
Originally uploaded by Beatrice Kiddo.

i just read this post on kimchi mamas about the the lack of asian representation on primetime tv. actually, i always think about this because i do watch a fair amount of primetime tv. yeah, whatever. i'm one of "THEM". go erwin and godwin!).

but i just noticed the other day how many asians (females more than males of course) are on childrens television shows. so, i thought i'd compile a list of characters just for sh*ts and giggles... (not that i let the paloma or porkchop watch this much tv, but we've at least caught a glimpse of the shows that we don't watch religiously, like little einsteins....)

sarah on caillou
maggie on maya & miguel
alan on sesame street
keiko and shing ying on zoom
magistrate, tai tai, daughters, cook and reader on sagwa
kevin on the birthday show
jake long and family on american dragon
lilo and family on lilo & stitch
london on suite life of zach and cody
sophie on go baby
june on little einsteins
lou and lou and family on lou and lou safety patrol
kimee on hi-5
juniper lee & family on juniper lee (it looks like there are a bunch of shows which could have asian characters on them on cartoon network)

and on a related note, the show "wow wow wubzzy" was inspired by the creator's (bob boyle) niece and nephew who are asian. and i also know that ming ming on "the wonder pets" is voiced by asian actress, danica lee. and lastly, one of my favorite artists, seonna hong, is an animator on "my life as a teenage robot".

ok, i gotta go... i have more to say but no time left to say it.

the weather is cooperating and so to the park we go...

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

i got nuthin.

my newest scarf
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

it's september. and as i mentioned before, i f*cking hate september.

i've finished reading lahiri's "the namesake", am attempting to finish irving's "until i find you" and haddons' "the curious incident in the night with the dog" and looking for a floppy hat pattern to go with the new scarf i just finished knitting, pictured above (fyi - classic elite tigress yarn, size 35 needles, CO 5 stitches, garter stitch for 96 " and BO, then cut 60 pcs - 18" long for fringe. voila! brilliant scarfage!).

today in chicago, mother nature's been channelling sybil and it's cold enough that i'm wearing a sweatshirt in the house and wondering if i need to pop the chilly toilet seats in the microwave to get 'em toasty, before we use them. anyhoo...

i just recently found out that two very dear friends of mine are having problems with their marriage (to each other) and one of my BEST friends is taking care of her mother who has terminal pancreatic cancer.

and i mean, JUST found out...

so, i wasted what little blogging time i have by desperately googling the internet and the blogs (only to slap my forehead, thinking "duh, tell me something i don't know") to find new ideas/ways to help my friends besides saying, "i'm here whenever you need me." which i'm sure they've "known" and yet, i find this out now... SO late in the game, that i feel like an *sshole. all along i think i'm a pretty good friend and then all hell breaks loose....

the general history is that i'll call/email to check in on friends and i won't get a call/email back. and usually, it's of no consequence. i hear news later from the grapevine of our mutual friends. so, i try not to worry in the interim. i'm a reluctant follower of the"no gnus is good gnus" generation.

i tell myself that people are busy. that despite all the technology that is supposed to make more time for us and for our social lives, we just never have enough time to make that 5 second phonecall to say,"hey. quit f*cking calling me. i'm ok and i love you. buh-bye." it's so new millenium....

but, the reality is you, well, WE... DO have the time to make that call.

so, on behalf of all those friends who you've been meaning to call for days, weeks, months, years (egads!) and haven't. call them and tell them your good news and your bad news, your new phone number, your new address, your new identity, your new pant size, whatever...

and do it because you love your friends, if not because you love yourself. do it because it breaks our hearts when we find out about it from the grapevine, after the fact, on your blog or on your myspace page. do it because you don't want your friends to obsess about whether or not they're "good" friends (who warrant a phonecall) or if there really is a good and just *insert deity here* who indeed has a divine and loving plan for everyone and everything...

and lastly, do it because we really don't know what to do when it's too late to do anything.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

easy as taking candy from a baby?

biiiiig lick
Originally uploaded by broterham.

have you tried taking candy from a baby? as my blog states below...

i never intended anyone to take me up on it.

apparently, you can give candy to a baby, take it away, shoot a picture of his/her reaction and get $6000 for it. see more pictures here.

who buys this stuff and why?

what kind of creative process leads someone to this and why do they think its ok?

am i really so old that i don't get this?

don't answer that.

*disclaimer - ok, admittedly, that sick, perverted, college aged side of me thinks the pictures are a teeny weeny bit funny probably because my own children have fallen to pieces like this over less. but, i know why they're crying and they're usually clothed.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

come 'ere you!

the porkchop
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i was just tagged by barb to do this "stream of consciousness" meme. i should preface this by saying that my "stream of consciousness" is more like a "ruddy, non-potable, brackish trickle of unconsciousness"

1. glass - half empty (because iyamwhatiyam)
2. ass - munch (this insult always makes me laugh. HA!)
3. crass - punk band (though not one of my favorites)
4. sass - moxie (coz i got it!)
5. lass - pirate (ARRGH!!! YAAAR!)









Monday, September 11, 2006

you are one in a million and i love you so...

Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

ever since september 10, 1993, the month of september is like a passive aggressive, drama obsessed, acquaintance that i can never really rid myself of. i think to myself, "ok, i think that was the last time i'll talk to him/her." and then, a week or a month, or a year or so later, i'll get an email or a voicemail that's supposed to "catch me up" on this person's latest news. and something akin to guilt or duty, will force me to open the email and read it or listen to the voicemail and actually save it - i may even be tempted to respond.

i get into this melancholic fog in september, it never fails. and i try in vain to find something - a project, a person, a book - to act as a metaphorical lighthouse, or at the very least, an interim distraction, and nothing really works. i eventually come to the realization that i just have to ride it out. mid month, i comfort myself weakly, "it could be worse, september could be 31 days long, instead of 30".

13 years ago, my best friend, andra brubaker, and her sister, erika, were killed in a car accident.

andra and erika were exceptional people. they were beautiful people. i've never met anyone like them since and i doubt i will ever again. i consider myself one of those "blind squirrels" who scurries around in vain, but every once in a while finds a nut. in high school, i lucked out and found these two. and as faithful a catholic as i pretend to be, i secretly pray for reincarnation. i pray that they've been reincarnated, somewhere next door.

i remember when i found out the paloma was a girl. i would hold my belly and hope. i gave her "andra", as a middle name, just in case. i listen to the paloma's earnest conversations with her friends hoping to hear a little voice say, "cool beans!" or "don't be such a pifflehead".

i'll never forget the last time i saw her. we were both 21. she was planning on attending garrett that fall and had gotten an apartment. while we wandered around in evanston, which we did a lot, she pointed out the apartment building where she would be living. i remember her telling me that she and her mother had bought some basic necessities, dishes, cookware, etc. i was living in chicago, still attending columbia college. eventually it was time to go home. i had to take the L, but she could take a bus back to des plaines. before she got on the bus, she told me that she was going to be driving to ohio with erika to visit her grandmother for grandparents day. but, she'd call me when she got back. i remember thinking we should do something special for her birthday on the 27th. she waved goodbye to me from the back of the bus as it turned the corner. i never saw her again.

i was home and the phone rang and i heard her mother's voice. i immediately thought something was really wrong, then quickly switched gears & scolded myself into thinking, maybe she's just calling to tell me she's planning a surprise for andra's birthday. but, i was right, she was gone. on their way to ohio, there was an accident and they died instantly. i got off the phone and rode empty trains all night. i just didn't want the roaring in my ears to stop.

i miss andra terribly. i miss her so much on some days, i just lie down on the floor and consciously talk myself through breathing. i miss getting the long letter w/ the doodle filled margins & the same closing, "be careful, be good, be nice" safely tucked in a whimsically illustrated envelope in the mail. i miss the quick random late night phonecall. i miss her humorous and wise counsel and her optimism, tempered with a pinch of doom & gloom.

almost everyday, there is something i want to tell her, something i need to ask - foolish things that only she would understand, could explain and/or relate to with parables or jokes with punchlines that i could never predict.

deep down, i worry that maybe if andra was alive today, we wouldn't be friends now. i am not who i was thirteen years ago. i'm not who i was 9 months ago. i worry that maybe we would have grown apart like other friends who have quietly and slowly disappeared into the distance. but, i'm pretty sure we would have found a way. even when i knew her, she was an enigma. i knew most of her likes and dislikes; she favored the colors green and purple, she liked to read john irving, eat orange scones, drink chamomile tea, listen to roxy music or prince and play with cats. whenever i question how well i knew her, i remember that one of her ex-boyfriends nicknamed me "andra's left arm".

all in all, i think andra would be happy with how my life turned out. she'd be a wonderful loving aunt to the paloma and the porkchop. and after forgiving my husband for his past trespasses, she would come to love him and roll her eyes at him too. i owe so much to andra, i can't justify how much or frame it with words. i'm a better and happier human being because of her. i love myself and passionately love others because of the unconditional love she showed me. she changed my life and my perspective and shaped so much of who i am. and it's because oh her that i can get up out of the bed, every morning of september 10.

i'm always thinking of you andra, and i'll always try to find you in the crowd.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

pissy loser bowl

091006 002
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, we just had our block party last night.

the highlight of the block party was the cornhole tournament.

i sh*t you not. (apparently, that's what the bean bag toss is called in these here parts and... kentucky.)

the thin man placed second!

and what do you get for placing second in a neighborhood block party (where there's also a huge punch bowl of hairy buffalo and the doobie brothers cds on shuffle - "wooooooe!! hoooooe!! listen to the music!" EVERYBODY SING ALONG!) ?

you get a second hand, engraved silver trophy that says "hoyne ave cornhole" handwritten on a piece of dusty masking tape, placed over an engraving that says "University of Chicago Section of Urology, 1964-1980, Pissy Loser Bowl.

...and cut! check the gate. wrap summer.

Friday, September 08, 2006

p is for paloma and preschool and porkchop and potty.

090806 016
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

yesterday, the porkchop hit the 9 month mark. that's right, he's still alive, 9 months later. so, i'm not as incompetent with children as i am with... math or um, plants...

whoa. 9 months later and i'm still alive too! yay me!

anyhoo - the paloma also got her preschool teaser yesterday. well, i guess we all did really.

our morning did not start out so well. first of all, our morning started at about 3 am with one of porkchop's cries that summon the undead (usually, me). i sleepnursed him and actually got him back to sleep as well. but by the time i had crawled back to our room, i had trouble getting back to sleep myself. i knew i shoulda brought that port back to our room.

7 am rolls around and i finally (voluntarily) wake up, and i feel like a zeppelin, as in graf not led, and not as shiny or ablaze (not yet anyway). mental note: no more gyros from pappy's for dinner. dude. i was tootin' everywhere. if the cats so much as looked at my backside, i tooted. i was envisioning myself, in my casual mom finery, sitting on a small school chair in the director's office, tootin' like a calliope.

then, i hear the paloma waking up with this cough that makes me want to check under her bed for an ashtray or something to see if she's smokin' on the sly. despite the hacking, she's really excited to check out preschool. so excited that she's jumping up and down and running and screaming and pretending she a horse and telling jokes and...yeah, you know where i'm going with this right... she SO excited that she smacking her face into door frames and face planting on the hardwood, with the crying that makes the lemmings run off cliffs and the ecstatic writhing in pain.... good times people, good times. especially before breakfast.

after what seems an eternity, paloma eats her breakfast. and we only go through TWO wardrobe changes before she's ready to face her public (in a summery pink ensemble).

then, it only takes us FORTY FIVE minutes to walk FIVE standard chicago blocks - "look, mommy, a worm! where's he going?! why?! can i touch him?! why not?! he's lonely! mommy, can i take this stick to school and show my teacher?! but WHY!? papa bear and little bear use sticks when they go hiking! mommy, i want to balance on this! (points to paver brick outlining a garden). mommy! i have to go potty! mommy, make a wish! ok, let's find another flower so i can make a wish! but, i want to make a wish so i can be a queen like you!" at this point, i am a bobble head version of myself. my oldest child can turn anyone into a gag gift from spencers (or hot topic, pick your decade). what can your child do? yeah. i win.

ever since we signed her up for the preschool in the spring, she's had an appointment to do a "15 minute observation". it sounded like she was going to do the observing but after we got there, it was clear that she was the one going to be observed.

we got to school and as soon as we entered, she ran straight to the director and the registrar of the school and gave both of them JAINORMOUS hugs (and even explained to them, "i just gave you a JAINORMOUS hug"). so, she got brownie points from the get go.

we get divided. i go to the office (de ja vu). and paloma gets to go to the room with the toys and the sunshine and the primary colors and the happy happy stuff. paloma is SO happy to go with this complete stranger that i feel i need to defend myself,"she really really loves me you know and... she rarely goes to anyone else BUT me and... and... she LIES! IT'S PATHOLOGICAL!ALL THE TIME!

thank god, the tooting stopped.

so, into the woods with the porkchop, i went. i had no idea why i was there or what questions the director would ask me. i figured the porkchop was my forged hall pass, my unscheduled fire drill, an incarnate note from my parent.... so, i could punt if i had to.

see, miss director, not only did i mother that affectionate, intelligent, world leader in the next room. i brought this one into the world too. isn't he cute? doesn't he just knock your nude nylon knee highs off? and it was about then that he started to twitch and whine. though i answered all the questions "correctly" and nodded in agreement in all the right places, i did have to haul out a boob during our little interview. the director was tres tres cool about it, wardrobe malfunction and all.

after the interrogations, the paloma was told that it was time to leave and with little protest she made it out the empty classroom door - and there was a HUGE mound of playdoh calling her name too. we walk out the door and a few of her future classmates are hanging out, watching us from the other side of the fence. "where are you going? why aren't you staying? who are you?" says little girl #1. i say "we're going home now. we were just here for a short visit. this is paloma and she'll be back in a week or two to start school with all of you." she says,"i have a book named "paloma". it's not my favorite. and this is kate." she motions to her silent friend. meanwhile, the paloma is gladhanding everyone down the line saying in a loud voice, "GOODBYE FRIENDS! I'M GOING TO THE YARN STORE NOW TO VISIT THE DOGS AND GET SOME CANDY!"

yeah, paloma, now THERE'S the way to win friends and influence people.

and of course, 1 block into our walk home, "MOOOOMMMMY! I REEEEEALLY HAVE TO USE THE POTTY NOOOOWWWW!!!"

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

good night, melanie and hush...

good morning, miss lori and hooper!
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, the paloma was mildy disappointed to find that instead of "It's a Big Big World" on tv (at it's regularly scheduled time) this morning, there was this caffeinated, happy, playful, smiley lady. she was disappointed until the funny lady started dancing.... i was a little curious myself.

it turns out that the new lady on the pbs block is Lori Holton Nash, a fellow chicago mommy and founder of CAMPUS inc, a kids program "dedicated to developing the creative spirit within each child" that started in our *sigh* old 'hood, the South Loop, *sigh*. viva la south loop!

the chicago journal has this article titled, mornings with lori. i love this paragraph,"The adopted daughter in a mixed-race marriage that reflected her own white and African-American ethnicity, Holton Nash is a self-described "poster child" for PBS. She lives in a Chinatown town house that she shares with her husband, Larry Nash, a well-known Chicago personal trainer, and her children: son, Skyler, 8, and daughters Kaiann, 5, and Jaedyn, 3." i read this and thought, is it just me or is this upbringing so familiar to those of us who grew up in chicago (or any big city, i guess). i *heart* chicago.

apparently, lori beat out 1,000 applicants nationwide. she had this to say about her audition, "Everybody there was Caucasian, early 30s, late 20s, and had a guitar, so I'm wondering how I got in the room,". hee hee, i'm just picturing a room filled with laurie berkner, ralph's world, dan zanes wannabes (who are all stars of the cd shuffle feature at this house btw).

the article also mentions that hooper is a dog. but, i think that's incorrect. i'm pretty sure he's a guinea pig. check out the pbs page for miss lori and hooper - if it looks like a guinea pig, jokes like a guinea pig, has trouble sharing like a guinea pig, yada, yada, yada....

hopefully, PBS will have found a permanent replacement for melanie martinez, the former host of the good night show on pbs sprout, as well. not that i wanted her to be replaced in the first place. i read somewhere, that in the interim, noel mcneal (of bear in the big blue house fame) will be taking over as special guest host with a star and a firefly.

and lastly, in related former kids tv host news.... pee wee's playhouse: the movie is currently in production!!! paul reubens recent HILARIOUS appearance on the jimmy kimmel show is below:

Friday, September 01, 2006

blame "the thin man"

*i'm reposting this because youtube for some reason couldn't broadcast our video. the problem finally resolved though...

so, on rainy days, i get to the point where i have exhausted all interactive/creative ideas (playdoh, paint, imaginative play, candy land, puzzles, etc, etc...) to prevent the paloma and the porkchop from skinning each other alive.

so, how better to document our madness than on video.... i give you, the paloma's version of the barnes & barnes song, "fish heads":

mind you - i did not teach her this song (just like i didn't teach her to say "the bad guys are the french and the democrats"). and just in case you were wondering where the heck this was from, or just got nostalgic for the original experimental video, it's below:

the first time i saw this was on saturday night live. i remember that i was "too young" to watch/understand SNL. but i managed to somehow see this. those were also the days of the misadventures of mr. bill and mr. hand.

one of my favorite things to do that summer was to buy a mickey mouse ice cream bar and bite off the ears and re-enact mr. bill and mr. hand skits for my slackjawed friends.

i was a strange child.

good times.


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