p is for paloma and preschool and porkchop and potty.

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Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

yesterday, the porkchop hit the 9 month mark. that's right, he's still alive, 9 months later. so, i'm not as incompetent with children as i am with... math or um, plants...

whoa. 9 months later and i'm still alive too! yay me!

anyhoo - the paloma also got her preschool teaser yesterday. well, i guess we all did really.

our morning did not start out so well. first of all, our morning started at about 3 am with one of porkchop's cries that summon the undead (usually, me). i sleepnursed him and actually got him back to sleep as well. but by the time i had crawled back to our room, i had trouble getting back to sleep myself. i knew i shoulda brought that port back to our room.

7 am rolls around and i finally (voluntarily) wake up, and i feel like a zeppelin, as in graf not led, and not as shiny or ablaze (not yet anyway). mental note: no more gyros from pappy's for dinner. dude. i was tootin' everywhere. if the cats so much as looked at my backside, i tooted. i was envisioning myself, in my casual mom finery, sitting on a small school chair in the director's office, tootin' like a calliope.

then, i hear the paloma waking up with this cough that makes me want to check under her bed for an ashtray or something to see if she's smokin' on the sly. despite the hacking, she's really excited to check out preschool. so excited that she's jumping up and down and running and screaming and pretending she a horse and telling jokes and...yeah, you know where i'm going with this right... she SO excited that she smacking her face into door frames and face planting on the hardwood, with the crying that makes the lemmings run off cliffs and the ecstatic writhing in pain.... good times people, good times. especially before breakfast.

after what seems an eternity, paloma eats her breakfast. and we only go through TWO wardrobe changes before she's ready to face her public (in a summery pink ensemble).

then, it only takes us FORTY FIVE minutes to walk FIVE standard chicago blocks - "look, mommy, a worm! where's he going?! why?! can i touch him?! why not?! he's lonely! mommy, can i take this stick to school and show my teacher?! but WHY!? papa bear and little bear use sticks when they go hiking! mommy, i want to balance on this! (points to paver brick outlining a garden). mommy! i have to go potty! mommy, make a wish! ok, let's find another flower so i can make a wish! but, i want to make a wish so i can be a queen like you!" at this point, i am a bobble head version of myself. my oldest child can turn anyone into a gag gift from spencers (or hot topic, pick your decade). what can your child do? yeah. i win.

ever since we signed her up for the preschool in the spring, she's had an appointment to do a "15 minute observation". it sounded like she was going to do the observing but after we got there, it was clear that she was the one going to be observed.

we got to school and as soon as we entered, she ran straight to the director and the registrar of the school and gave both of them JAINORMOUS hugs (and even explained to them, "i just gave you a JAINORMOUS hug"). so, she got brownie points from the get go.

we get divided. i go to the office (de ja vu). and paloma gets to go to the room with the toys and the sunshine and the primary colors and the happy happy stuff. paloma is SO happy to go with this complete stranger that i feel i need to defend myself,"she really really loves me you know and... she rarely goes to anyone else BUT me and... and... she LIES! IT'S PATHOLOGICAL!ALL THE TIME!

thank god, the tooting stopped.

so, into the woods with the porkchop, i went. i had no idea why i was there or what questions the director would ask me. i figured the porkchop was my forged hall pass, my unscheduled fire drill, an incarnate note from my parent.... so, i could punt if i had to.

see, miss director, not only did i mother that affectionate, intelligent, world leader in the next room. i brought this one into the world too. isn't he cute? doesn't he just knock your nude nylon knee highs off? and it was about then that he started to twitch and whine. though i answered all the questions "correctly" and nodded in agreement in all the right places, i did have to haul out a boob during our little interview. the director was tres tres cool about it, wardrobe malfunction and all.

after the interrogations, the paloma was told that it was time to leave and with little protest she made it out the empty classroom door - and there was a HUGE mound of playdoh calling her name too. we walk out the door and a few of her future classmates are hanging out, watching us from the other side of the fence. "where are you going? why aren't you staying? who are you?" says little girl #1. i say "we're going home now. we were just here for a short visit. this is paloma and she'll be back in a week or two to start school with all of you." she says,"i have a book named "paloma". it's not my favorite. and this is kate." she motions to her silent friend. meanwhile, the paloma is gladhanding everyone down the line saying in a loud voice, "GOODBYE FRIENDS! I'M GOING TO THE YARN STORE NOW TO VISIT THE DOGS AND GET SOME CANDY!"

yeah, paloma, now THERE'S the way to win friends and influence people.

and of course, 1 block into our walk home, "MOOOOMMMMY! I REEEEEALLY HAVE TO USE THE POTTY NOOOOWWWW!!!"