Thursday, January 20, 2005

the water cycle song

yesterday, paloma and i were invited to tea (seriously) at the local private school (pinkys up, wallets out).

we're lucky in our neighborhood to have many excellent private and public educational options for paloma assuming we all survive her formative years.

lately, the schools have been holding their open houses. the local ($$$$$) private school (preK thru 12) is no different (ha!). so, because i'm curious to see how the well-heeled live, i accepted the invite. i didn't realize how freaked out i was until i realized that i walked out the door - shaved, parfumed, MAC'd, brassiered, aqua neted and accessorized for the event... i am such a f*cking FRAUD!!!!!

anyway, we got there and if it weren't for another parent's blatant disregard for her kids chasing paloma - i would've actually heard what the headmaster (i know can you believe it? "headmaster". does that sound draconian or what?!) and principal were trying to say (over paloma's happy screaming).

i caught bits and pieces - how journaling begins at the preschool level....blah, blah, blah... by the second grade the students are introduced to the idea of the thesis. they write a thesis and asked to defend it....blah, blah, blah...the students here realize that being one of the cool kids means being a smart kid (hoaaark.)....naturally, the kids are very competitive, but it's very healthy....blah, blah, blah....their alumni include the anheuser-busch children....blah, blah, blah...90% of the senior class is in the cum laude society...blah,blah,blah...

finally, we got to take the tour of the campus. the campus is composed of 10 or so buildings - the art and technology building, the dining hall and library, the lower school, the upper school, the kindergarten, etc...

mind you, we're looking thru the rooms and halls which are COVERED in their acheivements - really impressive art works, essays, trophies, award winning science projects, etc... the facilities and supplies are unbelieveable and top notch. and it felt like i was on the "it's a small world" ride at disney world. i was happily surprised to find the classes were very small and very diverse. so, paloma, my little half breed mongrel babe (i kid), would fit right in. it was kinda humbling to be honest.

so, we get to the kindergarten and apparently, they want to show off. (i've mentioned before that i am an idiot. well, my idiot lights we're going apesh*t right about then. with my luck i'd have to match wits against some kindergartener and lose...)

teacher: the kindergarten will now perform "the water cycle song". *gestures grandly to class*

class: *standing up, shifting and twitching* they being to sing and gesture the following song sung to the tune of "she'll be coming round the mountain"...

"water travels in a cycle, yes it does!"
(draw big imaginary circles, around and around and around and around with one arm!)

"water travels in a cycle, yes it does!"
(repeat motion above with other arm and with feeling!)

"it goes up as evaporation!"
(slowly zig zag your jazz hands towards the ceiling)

"forms clouds as condensation"
(imagine and make a big fluffy cloud over your head with your arms)

"then comes down as precipitation, yes it does!"
(sprinkle your fingers like rain coming down from the ceiling)

i'm so NOT kidding...

are you sitting down now? well, don't take a bite of that baked good just yet. you may choke. the tuition for this school is $4K. for preschool. HALF time. (it's $13K for high school) not including the annual gift (?) of $500 or the various fees for administration and/or supplies.

the thin man thinks and i quote "schools like that are so f*cking elitist. i don't want paloma to go to a school where they teach her that her whole raison d'etre is to go to an ivy league." this coming from my man, the proud pac-10 graduate, the attorney, the republican, fraternity man, the self proclaimed intellectual snob who reads at least 15 books a month.... i was speechless...

well, we haven't written this school off yet. but i was just thinking that by the time we decide and apply and assuming she passes their "test screening" she'll be waitlisted for a minor ice age.

somehow i doubt she'd pass the screening. last night, paloma, in another fit of genius, fell off our (Very Tall) bed, while jumping on it and faceplanted. she's fine, escaped with a little scrape on her nose...

i can't believe i have to think about this. she isn't even two yet! isn't it enough that i worry about potty training, learning to share and transtitioning from crib to bed right now? f*ck. maybe i should just homeschool.


Square1 said...

Educationis a noble and wonderful pursuit, but for God's sake let your kid be a kid. I graduated high school with honors a semester early, but I can say that I had no clue what a thesis was in the second grade! A journal yes, but a thesis... I probably would have looked at you and shrugged, thinking to myself, "I've got more important things to worry about, like how I'm going to climb that cherry tree over there."

Ms Bees Knees said...

Good god! Its like you're sending kidzilla to college. Damn! Good luck with that. Maybe sing the Water Cycle Song as you're shelling out the cash. Ha!

Bert said...

I wrote a thesis in second grade. It was entitled: The inescapable trauma of American education throughout the 20th century and its far-reaching effects on urban society.

mamazilla said...

square 1: i agree. i think it's especially important for girls to experience the innocent hilarity of tree or monkey bar climbing in a skirt or a dress. good times! ;)

ms bees knees: seriously. $4K is just barely what i spent on my art school tuition.

bert: why does that NOT surprise me? lil miss smarty pants, globetrotting, do gooder, polyglot who happens to be really cute and pretty... ;)


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