Monday, May 21, 2007

need to rent chicken... STAT




















will settle for ravenous squirrel on leash (please provide proof of rabies inoculation)...

UPDATE 5/22 -

have URGENT need to locate deprogrammer for children brainwashed by fanatical bug loving cult...

we're one day into the SIX WEEK invasion and i have had ENOUGH. here, in tree heavy beverly, the bugs are everywhere. yesterday, the paloma was in the backyard digging up the pentocular, winged, cat turds... holding them and cooing at them like they were fuzzy manga hamsters... today, one of 'em hitched a ride on the maclaren in the mesh basket... it wasn't moving so i figured it was dead (and that the thin man would dispose of the body later)... AND THEN I SAW IT CREEPING UP... STALKING REALLY...THE PORKCHOP'S LEG!!!!! meanwhile, i'm freeeeeaking out, brandishing a small tree branch like a machete... and he's raspberrying it, eyeing it like it's a hulky puff of pirate booty...

ugh, six weeks... SIX WEEKS!?

wait. this puts a spammer in the works of a breezy backyard brunch i was planning on hosting father's day weekend... would you like some cicada with your strata?

and what about ravinia??!! beautiful, bacchanalian, candlelit, canopied, cicada infested ravinia... i was hoping to see seu jorge, wynton marsalis and pink martini.... what do i do now? do i pitch mosquito netting in the west lot?

et tu, summer dance chicago??!! is 2007 the year that brood 13 redefines the jitterbug?

i'm living a 70s plague movie... without the valium... or charleston heston... or a station wagon with woodie sides... I'M DOOMED! doomed, i tell you... doooooomed....

4 comments:

Irene said...

I completely forgot about Ravinia! I was planning on taking the boys this season, but then I read the cicadas coming back. Eeewwwww!

Puglet said...

fry 'em up with salt and a squeeze of lime like oaxacan grasshoppers?

At least yer not CAMPING. I'd take a cicada to the ear as a trade. Maybe not. Wear heavy shoes?

mamazilla said...

irene - i know... with my luck, the cicadas and i would share the same taste in music. i wonder if anyone will be able to hear any of the performers' singing over the cicadas' singing... and let's not forget the stink of their rotting shells... to quote the thin man, "eww. vomitrocious."

puglet - i'll pass on the exoskeletoned appetizers thank you so very much... you have my deepest sympathies re: the camping situation... you got that tattoo in the nick of time...

i'm afraid to wear heavy shoes because although i hate the cicadas - i don't really want to kill them and i certainly don't want one of them fitting neatly inbetween a shoetread and waking up, in flying survivor mode, INSIDE the house...

Anonymous said...

ay caramba mi esposa! the little critters are cute, fun and educational. No big deal if any get inside la casa as we have two cats (and probably the boy, too) who will be happy to pounce on them, play with them and then eat them.

Learn to love the bugs.

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