icthyophobia

Originally uploaded by deborah lattimore.

i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who has icthyophobia - fear of fish. we were talking about doing a fieldtrip of sorts and i mentioned a trip to the shedd when she reminded me of her phobia...

C - "yeah, no aquarium. think of the heebeejeebee factor."
M - "oh. right. hey, are you making dinner? i can call you back later."
C - "h*ll no. too hot. ordering in.
M- "me too. sushi."
C- "oh. today would be perfect for sushi. if i ate sushi."
M - "you can eat veggie sushi right?"
C - "no. the seaweed is too... um, fishy."
M - "you can't eat in restaurants where they have aquariums either, can you?"
C-"oh god no. well, i suppose i could eat AWAY from the aquarium. but i doubt i'd try."
M - "i really wish you'd have told me about this BEFORE i made salmon for dinner that one time."
C-"yeah, that was all kinds of wrong. i couldn't remember if i'd told you. i was sure i had and i thought maybe i'd p*ssed you off or something."
M - "i'm only that mean to my family."
C-"good to know."

...i realized that after i got off the phone with her i'd neglected to ask if she knew why she had this phobia. if some event precipitated the whole thing. see, i LOVE fish. i love to eat fish, to watch fish, feed fish, draw fish, born under fish sign, get fish tattooed on my body, etc...

which got me thinking.... i think i have a entomophobia.

i hate bugs.

i FEAR bugs.

which is one of the many myriad of reasons i cringe at the mere mention of going to the park, eating outdoors, etc. i know - cosmic joke that i'm a mom of two and a wife of outdoor worshippers... i go to the park because it is my lot in life, not because i enjoy it. i don't hate it - the park. i hate the many legged, winged, dappled, exoskeletoned creatures that call the park - "home".

below i offer you the reasons why i have entomophobia:

1) watched 70s plague movies - especially the one about killer bees. i loved the part when they got frozen at the football stadium.

2) got stung by a bee - in the choir loft of my church when i was 7. it was sitting on the pew ledge and i didn't see it and put my hand right on it. hurt like a mofo.

3) contracted malaria while on a trip to the philippines - the first night, i sat down to a big family dinner and when i got up, i had fifteen mosquito bites. no one else had any. fyi - it was virtually impossible to contract malaria in manila in the 80s.

4) bug experiences in the philippines - roaches (the size and heft of small batteries) THAT FLY. so not fun when you're navigating in the dark, outside, looking for the bathroom. yeah, they're in there too. god help you if one lands on your face while you're.... ugh, shivers.

5) roaches scurry like fiends, when you turn on a light - not one of the highlights of living in the ghetto, in chicago, not the third world.

6) fleas (the little bloodsucking f*ckers) are the ninjas of the insect world - one of many reasons why our cats are no longer outdoor cats.

7) ants are constantly finding ways to invade my house and pillage my food.

8) flies - do i really have to explain this? when was the last time you saw a fly? have you not seen the movie, The Fly?

9) noseeums - they're so small, they're hard to see, hence the name, hence my hatred.

and then, the bug lovers pipe up... "but, mamazilla, don't you love ladybugs and butterflies and lightning bugs and praying mantises and spiders, etc... bugs that eat bugs?"

let me clarify, when there is a piece of glass between me and a bug, i LOVE bugs. i especially love DEAD bugs, under glass. there was this store in san francisco....

hey, wait a minute. come to think of it, i must have been lulled into a false sense of bug security while i lived in no. cal. 'cause i can't think of any run ins with bugs while i was there except for the specimens that were sold at this cool shop in the haight.

but, alas, this is chicago - the midwest - a no mans land - in yet another sense.

dude. i don't know what i'm going to do when i win that trip to the amazon... someday... eventually. maybe i can find that bubble that john travolta had on ebay.