Tuesday, August 29, 2006

because if sydney bristow can do it...

apparently, so can i! (and i wouldn't be naive enough to get duped by the bad guys in the first place! so there!)

i saw this ad in the most recent issue of audrey magazine. the ad is even on the audrey website. apparently, there are a bunch of these ads (recruiting poc) floating around - see here.

anyway, i was just thinking about what i'll do once paloma and porkchop are actually in school. (ok, so it's YEARS from now, a sahm can dream...) fyi - i would make a pretty stealthy spy/agent/cat burglar - whichever is more lucrative...

i have not used illegal drugs within in the last 12 months. THANK GOD alcohol isn't illegal.

i'm highly competent in my field, highly reliable and trustworthy. see dictionary definition for "mom".

i can do a bunch o' things with one hand

i can "case a joint" (ok, so i've only cased MY house. dude, i know EXACTLY which floorboards creak - in the porkchop or paloma's room, the staircase, the entry, the dining room. the sandman can't put a child to sleep as quietly as i can. think john robie/danielle foussard in "to catch a thief").

my communication skills are off the chart. in some cases, i don't even need to speak or hear a word. i instinctively know when another (ok, 3ft or shorter) person needs to eat, needs to nap, needs a diaper change (which brings to mind, my superhuman olfactory sense), needs attention, is trying to not go pee in his/her pants, is lying, is happy or sad, is not where s/he should be interacting with items s/he should not be in contact with (which also exemplifies my excellent hearing).

i look great in black and wigs.

i'm asian ergo i'm quiet and foreign looking enough to be ignored/blend in like... wallpaper.

i think the only strikes i have going against me are the no driving thing and the fact that my potential for coercion or allegiance conflict is high given the right amount of alcohol or chocolate, the availabilty of free babysitting, some really cool shoes, 72 hrs with the stylists at horchow, etc, etc...

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