woo-hoo!! i fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans!

so, i'm seven weeks postpartum and there's no one to take pics of me in my jeans (not that i'm eager for anyone to take that pic either) .

enter: my virtual model... i wish there was a way to animate her too. 'cause right now, she would be doing the cabbage patch, the roger rabbit or the running man... like me. :)

take me to your leader

must.
stop.
playing.

KITTENWAR!

this post is brought to you by the number 8...

so, in an effort to kick start (what i really need is an old school b*tch slapping) me into blogging again, i've been tagged by barb to name the 8 qualities of my perfect partner. (and yes, of COURSE, i'm married to my perfect partner!)

target partner: male (woman cannot live by 8 qualities alone...)

8 qualities of my perfect partner (not necessarily in order)

1) honest
2) loving
3) patient
4) adaptable
5) youthful/spirited
6) communicative
7) open minded
8) generous

special thanks to barb! i needed a little kick in the pants - i strapped the little one into the baby carrier and actually got to type with two hands!!! woo-hoo!!

i tag bert, meeeeah and flahute

sleepless (and unshowered) in chicago

chicago skyline photo by victor zhang, one frame at a time photoblog

(i started this post on the 17th... i can't believe how long it's taken me to spit the damn thing out...)

frequently in college, i got by on little to no sleep due to school or some dubious form of play.

there were the pungent and bleary eyed nights that were either spent closing a bar at 5 a.m. and sitting on a curb, observing weary commuters slowly flood the damen L stop, hunched over by the weight of their laptops, travel mugs & messenger bags and the other nights, watching the sky change from a thick dark purple to a watered down blush through the subterranean windows of my garden apartment and over the horizon line of a warm, humming sewing machine or a typewriter depending on the day of the week.

and back then, i could go from bar or all nighter, straight to a full day of class and/or retail work, and return to bar or all nighter again.

i realize that that was 10 years ago. and i didn't have a husband, or a house, or a toddler and a newborn... come to think of it, i didn't even have a cat. i had a jar of goober grape, a loaf of bread, a second hand saucepan and 10 pkgs of ramen noodles.

it's deflating on SO many levels how little and how badly i function or rather don't function on two hours of sleep.

most of these nights, i've been lurking over on chicago chick, commiserating with her in silence, it's like she is reading my mind. i can't seem to write anything after reading her blog. it's just redundant.

right now, i'm debating in my head, if i should even bother finishing this post because i could actually floss my teeth while b'zilla is napping on popzillas belly on the futon. this morning, i debated whether or not i should take the baby (in his carrier) off so that i could actually go to the bathroom alone. this afternoon, i actually got both pint size zillas to nap at the same time. you never know how long that window is - and you know what i did? i spent that teeny tiny window debating - do i blog?, do i write?, do i nap? do i eat lunch? do i clean the dishes? do i read a book? do i sit here and enjoy the silence? these are the weird debates that i have with myself.

i'm constantly reminding myself that these days are numbered. b'zilla will only be an infant for so long and that the first three months are always the worst. he's a much easier baby than k'zilla was by a long shot. sometimes, i feel like such a whiner for even complaining. i try to remind myself that raising k'zilla was easier because she was the only child and we lived in probably the best location on the planet for someone like me (a non-driver) to raise an only child.

but, it's really tough. some days - what's REALLY scary - is i often find myself crying out, "Lord, help me!" - and i mean it with every fiber of my being.

i haven't mentioned it but, since we brought b'zilla home, k'zilla has been a completely different child. she says "NO!" and "I don't want to!" - ALL THE TIME. she has no trouble talking back to me, disobeying me - she's even kicked me. intellectually, i know it's a phase and that we'll just have to be patient and work it out. but, i have to admit the filipino grandma in me wants to throttle her something fierce.

anyway, this post is looking like it has no point anymore... i just don't remember what it was i originally wanted to say...

i know this - i love my life, i love my beautiful children and my wonderful husband. but, some nights - i miss making a quiet bowl of ramen, watching the sunrise all by myself.

ok, i REALLY have to floss my teeth - they feel like they're woolly. eek.

chicago filipino events

1) NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY THEATRE & INTERPRETATION CENTER DEBUTS THE PHILIPPINE DEEP - Evanston, Illinois, January 5, 2006 - Northwestern University presents the premiere of "The Philippine Deep", written by Gail Derecho and directed by Christopher Hejl, with video by Ian Bennet. "The Philippine Deep" will be performed on Fri, Jan. 20, at 8pm and on Sat. Jan. 21 at 2pm and 8pm in the Struble Theater, 1949 Campus Dr. at the university's Evanston campus. Tickets are $5. A free reception will follow the Saturday night performance."The Philippine Deep" is a unique multimedia experience that incorporates rare archival photos, historical film clips, and live video-feed in order to explore five generations of a Filipino family. Gail, a graduate student returns to Chicago after traveling to the Philippines to research her family history. Upon her return, she receives a surprise visit from her estranged brother Dennis. While Gail fulfilled her family's American dreams, the rebellious Dennis considered himself an outcast in his hard working immigrant family. Yet as they pour through their family history, from their idealistic Chinese ancestor who first settled in the Philippines, to their great grandfather who fought against the US occupation, the siblings find that both ambition and rebellion have played an equal part in their Filipino heritage."The Philippine Deep" presents a complex, mature portrait of a family across generations. Rich with rare photographs and video clips, "The Philippine Deep" explores one of the most unique and important traits of the Filipino culture: the ability to adapt and survive.

2) LUNAFEST - You're invited to a celebration of the 5th Annual LUNAFEST. An evening of films by, for and about women. Hey Guys, Here's a special event that everyone should come out for! It's the 5th Annual LUNAFEST (from the company that brings you the CLIFF bars). This event is a fantastic film festival showcasing highlighting on women's issues by some talented film makers with partial proceeds going to benefit the Breats Cancer Fund. It's all for a great cause. I'll be there playing some music in the lobby before the films start. So come on down Jan. 20th, it's going to be a great event for a great cause.@ DePaul Student Center, 2250 N. Sheffield AvenueJanuary 20, 2005; 6:00 p.m.$5 for students, $10 for community memberslunabar.com/lunafest

3) OPEN MIC @ TIKI TERRACE - I just wanted to email you all about the first open mic night at the Tiki Terrace next Wednesday, January 25... starting around 7:00 PM. We initially hope to run this once a month.I think we will have a good turn out of Hawaiian / Tropical musicians...a variety of beginners and experienced folks...If you know of anyone that may be interested in coming, please pass the word. I think this will a great time of playing and meeting other musicians. I appreciate any help you can offer in making this concept a success.We have 3 mics, stands, monitor, mixer, etc... you just need to bring yourself and your uke/guitar!The Tiki Terrace1 S. Wolf Rd., in Prospect Heights. From downtown, take I-90 to I-294 north to Willow rd. Take Willow west to Wolf, head south on Wolf, and you can't miss the place on your left. Cross the Metra tracks and you just missed it.

4) PINTIG & CIRCA - Hello all - Pintig and Circa are auditioning for "Bells of Balangiga." We will rehearse during the months of February and March with a short 2 weekend run in Chicago in late April / early May, a Midwest tour in May, and a possible show in Hawaii in late June. Feel free to pass along this info to anyone who may be interested.Please use one of the phone numbers below to schedule an audition.Pintig Cultural GroupAudition info below:FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASELOOKING FOR ACTORS/SINGERSChicago, IL - Pintig Cultural Group and CIRCA are looking for actors and singers for its Spring musical production of "Bells of Balangiga," a musical about the Philippine American War at the turn of the century. Looking for Asian/Latino males and females, ages 18 - 60 and Caucasian males, ages 21-45. Luis Pascasio, director, will be present at the auditions.Audition dates:January 22 (sun) 3-7 pmJanuary 23 (mon) 6-9 pmJanuary 24 (tues) 6-9 pmJanuary 26 (thur) 6-9 pmPrepare to do a 2-min monologue (comedic/dramatic) and a song.Music sheets or taped accompaniment is fine.To schedule an audition, call (312) 222-1551 or (312) 451-6974.Venue: 1545 W. Morse (red line on Morse stop, walk west)

5) "AMERICA IS IN THE HEART" DISCUSSION - Club of Asian Pages - One hundred years of immigration, and still our brethren here in the U.S. think that tinikling is the ultimate heritage dance move.Please join us on Saturday, Feb. 18 for a discussion of that seminal memoir by Carlos Bulosan, "America is in the Heart." We will begin at 6:30 p.m. at Anna Rosete's place, 345 N. LaSalle, Suite 4505, Chicago, IL 60610. Please RSVP to Anna, anna_m_rosete@yahoo.com. Please come prepared to discuss the memoir.We will need your insights, your presence, and your suggestions on a book club name. The person who suggests a winning name will win a prize! Everyone is invited, Filipinos and non-Filipinos alike."America is in the Heart" is available at all the usual book outlets, but it could be available at used bookstores for cheaper, and of course, your school library and the Chicago Public Library.

6) AFTER THE QUAKE - Steppenwolf Theater Company is rendering Haruki Murakami's short story collection, "After the Quake." We would like to invite no less than 10 people to join us to see this play - we'll need at least 10 bodies for the group discount.Please set aside Saturday, Jan. 28 at 7:30 p.m. to see this play - I'm going to find out just exactly how much it will cost each of us to go, but we might be able to avail of student discounts and a chance to meet the actors after the show.Please RSVP to me at 773-817-3495 (cell) or yhortil5@yahoo.com by Jan. 20. I would have the exact amount by then. I hope 10 people will be able to drop by my office at 10 S. Wacker Drive, Suite 2500, Chicago, IL 60606, in the evenings, the week of Jan. 23 to 27 to give me their payment; if not, please remind me you're joining us, and I'll see you at the theater!And so it is:Feb 8 - See "After the Quake," 7:30 p.m. To avail of the special discount, call Audience Services at 312-335-1650 and mention code 1834. Steppenwolf Theater has parking, and is accessible via the Red Line North/Clyborn stop. Full price tickets are $60.Feb. 18 - Attend to book club at Anna's, 6:30 p.m.

the beat goes on...

...and on - without a stop in chicago?! WTF!!??

i just saw on metrodad that the english beat is back together (if you watch bands reunited on vh1 you knew that already) and they've crossed the pond to perform a handful of tour dates.

however, the closest they're getting to chicago is f*cking bowling green, oh.

ok, i WAS going to make pork chops & applesauce tonight...

taiwan breeds green glowing pigs (and yes, i know i am the only one who snorted when i read the article's author's name.)

i wonder what one of those would look like getting roasted for lechon. y'know, i bet the packers fans would shell out some serious clams for a glowing green brat.

so, yeah... i think k'zilla would prefer mac and cheese tonight anyway.

happy birthday patricia mae andrzejewski!

...or "this is how i feel this morning".

just so you know, it really is pat benatar's birthday. i swear you can wikipedia it like i did (out of sheer and desperate sleep deprivation)...

and judging from all the trivia i found: in 1986, pat benatar was the age that i am now. she had only been a mom for about a year and her seventh album, seven the hard way, had just been released. (i don't know this album, but the hit song off of it was that (sadly) overplayed anthemic theme, invincible, from the 80s film, the legend of billie jean. ) i also found out that pat sells stuff through an ebay seller called belchiasso - so, now you too can own a piece o' pat!

anyway, i did all the useless background research because i just looked up from the monitor and saw the pat benatar cd that i got as a christmas present. i haven't even opened it yet.

who hasn't opened a christmas present as of january 10th? crispy fried moms, that's who.

hey, i got smacked!

i'm atually still recovering from the happy holiday madness that visited our home (oh, and that labor-and-delivery-then-bringing-home-a-newborn-while-caring-for-a-toddler business), only to find that i got smacked at i talk too much.

oh well, serves me right for even submitting my humble old sh*tty tired template mommy blog to such "b*tchy" scrutiny. truth be told, they could've been SO MUCH meaner - like possibly causing you to plunge into the depths of an eating disorder mean. (which was what i was hoping for so, i could lose the last of my pregnancy poundage... but, no such luck... then again, i'd probably end up losing these rockin' boobs that i also inherited via the knock up!)