under construction....

hey all.
i'm at my mom's house (insert failure to launch joke here) with the kids while chez 'zilla is undergoing some major cosmetic surgery. the wood trim in every nook and cranny is being stripped and stained back to its natural brillance. so -

a) it's back to typing with one hand.
b) my mom is the only one on the planet still on dial up.

i'll post pics later... pray that i don't lose my sanity in the meantime.

update: 2 months

according to my copy of "what to expect the first year", b'zilla should able to:

1) smile in response to my smile - CHECK. too bad the little tyke doesn't realize that at 2:30 a.m. when i'm cradling him in a corner, rocking slowly back and forth, that i'm smiling on the outside and secretly planning my escape to fiji or the closest padded cell on the inside.

2) follow an object in a arc about 6 inches above the face to the midline (straight ahead) - CHECK. good thing my nips & boobs look like bullseyes/targets.

3) respond to a bell in some way, such as startling, crying, quieting (by 1.5 mos) - CHECK. see, popzilla! i knew the christmas decorations would come in handy in february. NOW, we can put them away.

hold up. let me check the 3 month milestone list before we do that....

4) vocalizing in ways other than crying (e.g. cooing) - CHECK. wait. farting and belching fall under vocalizing right?

i'll spare you (and me) the lists of "will PROBABLY be able to" or may EVEN be able to"... my fragile mommy ego can only take so much...

k'zilla just told me, "i want a new mommy."

subject to interpretation...

the other day, i was talking to another mom about her son's kindergarten class and she mentioned to me that the art that they made in class was actually graded - as in - these are the best drawings! they get A's!

i don't EVER remember getting graded in art classes...
is this a new phenomenon or am i just in denial that this ever happened to me?

i mean seriously - i don't even remember getting graded for art projects in college. what's the dealio?! who grades art in kindergarten? and with what criteria? and why? i'm mildly outraged in this strange soccer/showbiz mom kind of way... wait. do those moms do anything with subtlety?

anyway, k'zilla drew this picture. y'know, she's not quite three yet. i think it's fabulous myself... but, when i ask her who it is - she'll say, "it's you!" and then 5 minutes later "it's me!" and 10 minutes later, "it's dada!" and later still, "it's lolo (grandpa)!"

well, whoever it is... it looks like he/she/it needs more practice on the loo. *cocks head to the side* or is that grass? a nest of snakes? silly string?

happy smiling baby =

no citrus


no caffeine


no dairy

i'm trying to eliminate citrus, caffeine and dairy from my diet in an effort to alleviate all the gassiness that b'zilla is experiencing. the bad news - i think it's actually working.

WILL SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY AND KILL ME NOW?

no more excuses...

i just found out that an acquaintance of mine just published a book. i'm really happy for gina. but it's just another painful reality check for me.

in the winter of 2002, the first time i met gina frangello, she had brought her beautiful twin girls to model some clothing at a laurenceleste photo shoot. then, it turned out that one of my cousins, whose son was also modeling, knew her too. i think they went to high school together. gina was very friendly and funny and she was already a "been there done that" mom. i think the girls were about 18mos or 2yo. my cousin mentioned to me that gina was a writer and i remember thinking then, how does she find time to write when you're a parent to two toddlers?

well, in addition to finding out that gina had published a book. i found out she's also pregnant.

ergo - i have no excuses left. i know i shouldn't compare myself to others but, i've played the "i'm a mom to a toddler" card and more recently i played the "i'm pregnant" card and now, i'm playing the "i'm a mom to a newborn AND a toddler" card.

i don't know why i'm having such trouble writing or rather picking up where i left off and continuing to write the story that i so desperately want to complete. i think about that damn thing all the time and yet i can't bring myself to even approach my laptop. the other day, i turned it on just to make sure it still worked.

i didn't realize that jessica had written dogeaters while parenting a toddler. she told me that she had to bring her daughter back to the philippines with her when she was completing her final draft and needed to go back to finalize/research some details.

i read an interview with j.k. rowling not too long ago. she said that oftentimes, she would pack her toddler up in a stroller when she fell asleep and would type for as long as she could - sometimes only 15 minutes - and just pray that she would have more time the next day or the next.

sometimes, for me, it's time or lack thereof. alot of the time it's lack of energy/motivation. i find myself shortchanging the book and i guess myself and my skill (?) as a writer. i try to remember how great my time in florida was and how much i respect my fellow writers from the residency. i mean i can't be THAT bad if those writers read and really liked my work right? and well... you're still here... :)

i dunno.

anyway, gina's new book is called, my sister's continent. it's available through amazon. all the reviews that i've read are positive. i'm looking forward to getting and reading a copy. i hope you'll check it out. :)