Sunday, January 14, 2007

the MZ flick crit

it's 4:56 am here.

i'm doomed. DOOMED, i tell you.

the paloma woke me up at 3:20 am because she had to go potty and i haven't been able to go back to sleep yet... i'm starving. i'm sneezing. it's raining sleeting. and the thin man is going to the seahawks v. bears playoff game today.

so, i figure i'll review a film because... well, because the only alternatives i have are A) to rot my feeble mind with infomercials B) reveal what a loser i am by pimping my myspace page at this hour C) actually listen to what the inebriated bimbo is saying slurring into her cell phone while walking stumbling down the street from the pubs.

anyhoo... let's get on with it shall we? (this may actually turn into a regular post from me (now that i can actually watch movies again). i'll make it/them short, i promise.

boy (matt dillon) marries girl (kate hudson). girl's father/boy's boss (michael douglas) enjoys humiliating boy. boy's best man/friend (owen wilson) moves in with boy and girl. nudity, bathroom jokes, mormon librarian lust, post coital house fire, masturbation, mixed messages and attempted murder ensue!

* kate hudsons body - the return to pre-pregnancy. THAT'S what I'M talking about.
* michael douglas - it's like Jack T. Colton all over again... sorta. thank you CZJ! kinda crushin'! :)
* toshi, paco, random monied investors and the entire hawaii unit cast - WOO-HOO! ASIAN CANDY!
* taxidermied moosehead
* seth rogen - freaksandgeekslove!

* matt dillon's dialogue - give the man SOMETHING, ANYTHING to work with, people...
* hello?! no mandy reveal!?
* you know the continuity was bad, if i caught stuff... pre-football party scene: check matt dillion's hand - bottle of alcohol, glass of alcohol, bottle of alcohol.

* asian fetish porn sighting
* owen wilson's character - don't get me wrong. i dig all that is owen wilson. but have i not met *insert owen wilson character* in *insert owen wilson film* already?
* the ending
* the alternate ending

MZ RATING - 72 mins o' bliss out of a possible 108 mins

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