Sunday, January 07, 2007

my 10 day vacation in the OUTLANDS OF HELL....


the abridged "for the sake of my psyche, my brain has edited stuff out" version....

* we had our first of a million vacation fights in front of the curbside check in line. we weren't IN the line. we were fighting about whether or not to WAIT in the line.

* we RAN to the gate - with the paloma on the thin man's shoulders and the porkchop on my hip, with carry-ons in our hands, sweating in winter coats thru dense slackjawed crowds.

* somehow only MY luggage was lost. on a NON STOP flight. my luggage which contained the paloma's ear infection medicine in it. the medicine i wasn't allowed to take on the plane because it was more than 3 oz. not to mention all my clean clothes incl. pjs, underwear, summery stuff that was climate appropriate...

* my luggage was supposed to arrive later that same evening around 10 pm. it arrived at 2 pm - the NEXT day. THIS is why i should drive.

* the porkchop and the paloma had trouble adjusting to PST. the paloma finally figured it out. the porkchop never did and had a LOT of trouble sleeping. so much so, that he woke up crying hysterically apprx every THREE hours.

* i wanted to go home so bad i cried. often.

* we were staying at a relative's empty house. which meant we had to return there three times a day - twice a day for naps and once earlier in the evening (probably earlier than any other sun city resident) for the night. our house had cactus. grandma's house had a pool. you do the math.

* aunt flo stopped by for a visit. for a vengeful SECOND time, this month. overnight. fyi - if you ever bludgeon anyone in a bed, i can help you clean up the murder scene. i am a pro.

* the thin man was so worn down by fatigue that he actually cussed me out, multiple times, in the wee small hours of the morning, during a porkchop crying fit.

* during dinner, a relative, who doesn't really believe in organized religion, informed me that i couldn't really be a catholic and implied that i was a religious hypocrite.

* the thin man almost bludgeoned a different relative - with good reason. and i might've helped him, if i hadn't been so conflicted re: who i wanted to bludgeon more.

* we thought we'd take the kids to "the living desert", the local zoo. never visit an outdoor zoo. in the rain. while trying to negotiate a gravel terrain - with a stroller. and yes, we checked the weather report. we officially HATE the national weather service and mother nature better watch her back too.

all in all, i considered divorce 80 times and death by wild desert dog 160 times.

sharks and dingos averted.

status quo ante bellum.

2 comments:

Angela said...

I'm so sorry you had such a hellish 'holiday'(I use that term very loosely!)

Glad they didn't have to call in CSI to clean up any murder or mayhem. I feel your pain, yelling and fighting with my husband at airport customs--been there, done that(in front of our kids-not our finest moment) Airports/airline staff are stress magnets.

Hope you have regained your sanity. You must be so grateful to be home.

mamazilla said...

angela - hello there! happy new year! we're all fine here - just waiting for the next cold bug to invade our home... :[

i'm hoping that since the start to our new year was so awful, the rest of the year can only get better right? ;)

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