Thursday, June 08, 2006

california dreamin' cont'd...


hey, kids! can you say - fiasco? fee-*SS-ko....

it involved a day of very little planning, four families with multiple children, two dogs, 103 degree heat, a giant inflatable jumperoo, a GIANT inflatable slide and more than one p*ssed off mamazilla. and this is what i learned (or what i should have known or... well, you'll see...)

a) always plan like no one else has made plans - especially when you realize that the plan you were told about has already been altered the minute you step thru the door (fyi - i know this, but i assume EVERY parent knows this and values their own sanity, like me).

for example, when the PLAN is hang out at point B for a few hours so that the kids can play and then return to point A for lunch (not breakfast, not brunch, not dinner). that's what you're going to do - that's what EXPECTED you're going to do.

but, when you arrive at point B (on time @ 10 a.m.), only to find that there's more food than you expected -and it's lunch kind of food, not your random playdate fare or what i like to call the "supermodel feast". and that the playdate hosts and some of the other expected attendees are running behind schedule. you just know, like rosemary and damien's mom, that somehow, something, is just NOT right.

for some reason, the whole time i kept trying to convince myself, "it'll work out. you're NOT going to leave here hungry, tired or p*ssed off from the playdate. it's not like we're going to be here around 4 o'clock."

we didn't leave until 4 o'clock and i was hungry, tired and p*ssed off, just like popzilla, k'zilla and b'zilla.

b) children w/ little or no food and naps taken too late - do not mix (ditto parenthetical above).

let's say, you're three years old. on vacation. in a different house with toys that you don't have at your home. and dogs.

are you going to eat something (no, 1 potato chip does not make a meal/snack) and/or (GOD FORBID!) take a nap (at your scheduled naptime) and waste PRECIOUS time playing with and in water on an enormous primary colored waterslide, or bouncing in the air on a huge primary colored jumperoo, or making sand creations in a big clean sandbox or playing catch with two really friendlly dogs that salivate profusely?

no, you're not.

and lucky for you, the other parents and grandparents really don't seem to care what their children do or don't do either.

so, where does that leave your mommy and daddy? S.O.L. that's where that leaves mommy and daddy. because when you're a three year old, all you know is that you're overtired and hungry and you automatically assume that high-pitched screaming, crying and whining might get you something you want or a ride to somewhere else that you'd rather be. it seems to work for your younger counterparts anyway....

c) babies are creatures of habit - woe is she who alters that habit. just say no (ditto parenthetical above).

mamazillas are always thinking of new and efficient ways of getting things accomplished. ALWAYS. we all use our higher education and workplace honed skills to manage our daily lives at home. i'll even admit that some nights i will lay awake at night and try to plan/strategize the next day or virtually organize a new user friendly pantry. dude, if i could spreadsheet my life, i would. it sounds pathetic, i know, but i see it as still using my God given "talents". they're not languishing in a dilapidated trunk in the cobwebbed closet that is my dual hemispheric grey matter.

so, when i was back in chicago, i came up with this INGENIOUS plan to bathe b'zilla while in palm springs. since i realized i wouldn't have time to do it at home, i figured i could do it when we got to point B where they also have an infant and most likely an infant bathtub.
but, when we got to point B, the other mamazilla was... shall we say... slightly overexcited for me to use their bathtub. so much so that i felt impelled to use it - immediately after she showed it to me (i'd been at the playdate about 10 minutes and happened to mention it) and in the fashion she uses it with her infant (in the big bathtub with the most INTENSE water pressure known to man).

after traumatizing a screaming b'zilla for what seemed like an eternity (in reality - what? like 8 minutes?) i opted to wait until we got back to chicago to give him a bath.
oh, whatever, f*cking shoot me, ok? he gets bathed in the kitchen sink with the kitchen faucet. that's how he likes it. and frankly, that's how my back and knees like it. i was an *sshole for not waiting until their kitchen sink was free. i deserved the screaming fit.
never. again.

d) do not disappoint in any way shape or form the mamazilla in law (ditto parenthetical above).

see, now i woulda thunk that this was a no-brainer. who in their right mind wants to p*ss off their mamazilla in law? certainly not me. my mamazilla in law does not suffer fools or bullsh*t gladly.

i hella LOVE my mamazilla in law!

what i didn't realize was that my mamazilla in law is not EVERY ones mamazilla in law. so, nobody gave a sh*t except me and popzilla that her plans were being ripped to shreds. and that we were most likely going to get new ones ripped into us when we got back to her house. fortunately, she was more disappointed that one family totally blew her off to read us the riot act. ha. they'll be lucky if they get a stamp for christmas this year. love it when the trash talk at dinner has nothing to do with me! LOVE IT! way to dodge that bullet!

anyway, at the end of the second day, mamzilla rested (after making a few voodoo dolls) and it was good.

on the third day, the zillas did nothing (ok, we re-packed a little - because on the fourth day, the zillas were taking a road trip to huntington beach and anaheim. wee-HA!) and it was SO good!


eatmisery said...

I couldn't stop laughing about the bath story. Very funny, indeed.

mamazilla said...

yes, i too can laugh about the whole incident now... after a couple o' tylenol pm... with a cocktail chaser. ;)


Related Posts with Thumbnails