Tuesday, October 28, 2003

bag ladies, bystanders and doors, oh my!

shut out at the library lapsit. again. who woulda thunk that infant carpet time at the library would be such a coveted luxury.

there is no other unnecessary hassle like trying to get a stroller into/out of a vestibule with inside and outside doors. i can't believe i actually wrote that sentence. it's like i fell into a parallel universe where in this reality, i am considered fit to be a mother. beware new world, here be dragons:

3 inside doors, 3 outside doors.
new mom with stroller trying to get out of library.
little old bag lady trying to get into library.
innocent bookish bystander standing between inside and outside doors of library.

bystander opens inside middle door for new mom.
new mom completes bystander's pass - guides stroller towards outside middle door, while holding inside middle door with the other hand.
simultaneously, bag lady presses handicap button, outside left door opens.

bystander opens outside middle door, waits for new mom to complete new pass.
bag lady, seeing open inside middle door shuffles for new mom's position.
bag lady shuffles too slow - does not complete new mom's pass of inside middle door!

new mom wheels past shuffling bag lady, middle inside door closes.
bag lady faults new mom and says, "that's not nice!"

bystander is annoyed by new mom and bag lady.
bystander's outstretched arm is releasing. frustrated, bystander retreats! but is relieved by new bookish bystander trying to get into library!

new mom uses stroller to prop open outside middle door (despite new bystander) and turns to re-open middle inside door for bag lady.
new mom notices the longest drip of snot she has ever seen in her entire life hanging from bag lady's nose.

before new mom can say or do anything, bag lady slips thru open door into library. new bookish bystander soapoperatically struggles between stroller and door and follows bag lady into library.

what have we learned? hassle + bag lady + snot on carpet + soap opera = library.

new mom needs a drink, but is oddly comforted by baby laughing.

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