i think it's true for most stay at home moms that the only "quiet time" you get is when you're in the bathroom (you may or may not be bareassed and sitting on "the throne").
i needed a little quiet time (fully clothed and standing) so i stepped into the closest loo. kidzilla followed me to the door but turned around, satisfied with my excuse for leaving her and walked away saying "seeyalatermama".
...and standing there in the quiet and glass block filtered sunlight, i recognized (again) how awesome my life is - my beautiful child, my wonderful husband, my huge crayzee loving family, this old brick box we call home, the opportunity to write a book, the drawing club, etc.... how did i luck out? and why?
and right after that i thought, "y'know, by some strange twist of fate or cosmic humor, i'll probably die in a fiery planecrash on my way to florida or God forbid worse..." *shivers*
i've been like this all of my life. maybe i read too superficially into the book of job or something... in the farthest reaches of the back of my head, i think the triumphant will of God will be done come hell or high water. (!) i was thinking, maybe this morose foreboding is a filipino thing heightened by being catholic as well - something that happened as a result of the original tribal filipino matriarchal society being colonized by the spaniards. but, i can't really think of any relatives who were/are as pessimistic as i was/am.
then i remembered how all of my filipino friends and relatives are EXTREMELY superstitious. as a teenager, i fainted in church once. what a fiasco! an ambulance was called, the emt asked my mom if i was pregnant, she freaked out, etc... when i got home, my grandmother burned the dress i was wearing and proceeded to burn all manner of scented debris (crystals, herbs, tree bark) under my bed in an attempt to smoke out "any straggler demons" that were hiding under it....
here is a list of superstitions (besides the black cats and broken mirrors) i have been saddled with all of my life:
1) eat all the rice you make
2) never enter a new house with an old broom
2a) never sweep in the morning
2b) always sweep from the front of the house towards the rear of the house
3) do not cut nails at night
4) do not cross a floor on your knees
5) beds should never face a door or doorway
6) if you give a friend shoes as a gift make sure they give you a penny back and vice versa
7) always put money in a purse that you intend to give as a present
8) the last person at the table should be left to clean up or they will never marry
i can't think up anymore off the top of my head but i'm sure throughout the day the madness will reappear and i'll remember another one and react accordingly.
intellectually and spiritually, i know that as a catholic, i'm actually sinning every time i let myself get "heebie-jeebied" by a superstition because it exemplifies my lack of trust in the divine providence of God - ergo - i'm actually breaking the 1st commandment.
yeah, way to rack up the brownie points with the big man upstairs, m'zilla.
i've been lax with a few here and there but there are some that i just can't break - even at the expense of my poor husbands annoying television watching and book reading (in bed, while i'm trying to sleep) habits. popzilla unknowingly goes hara- kiri on my superstitions willy nilly, all the time, w/o repercussion. you'd think that would set a good example for me and yet, i'm paralyzed by my superstitions. i find myself saving k'zilla from her superstition ignorant doom all the time... i'm a freaking fanatic! it's horrible...
so, i'm left with two choices - either i become a jehovah's witness (they are not bound by the ten commandments) or i stop with the superstitions cold turkey.
(later, a google search reveals that jehovah witnesses don't celebrate birthdays which sends mamazilla straight upstairs to turn the bed towards the door and later, to confession as soon as possible. )
