news from atlantic center for the arts...

atlantic_center_for_the_arts
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

some of you may remember that last summer, i started to write/wrote my "not so great, somewhat american, unfinished novel" for three whole weeks at the atlantic center for the arts in new smyrna beach, florida, while studying with jessica hagedorn.

i met 27 extremely talented and inspiring people - writers, visual artists and composers from all over the world.

aca recently released their 2007 residency schedule and the following artists are scheduled to attend:

STEVE BADANES, architect
KYLE GANN, composer
MARIE PONSOT, poet
ROBERT DICK, composer/flutist
ALICE NOTLEY, poet
MICHAEL BURKARD, poet
STEPHEN JAFFE, composer
THOMAS STRUTH, visual artist
CORNELIUS EADY, playwright/poet
MARIA ELENA GONZALEZ, visual artist
DENIS SMALLEY, composer
PAUL PFEIFFER, visual artist
SARAH SKAGGS, choreographer
GIOIA TIMPANELLI, storyteller/author

if you have an artistic bend and you need a creative process boost, check their schedule and see if there's anyone you'd like to study with and apply for an associate artist position. it was an unforgettable experience for me. the aca history of master artists include:

edward albee
lawrence ferlinghetti
allen ginsberg
eric bogosian
william wegman
nick cave
quincy troupe
spalding gray

these names i remember especially because in the master artist cottages the master artist is asked to sign the inside of his/her closet. jessica showed us the inside of her closet - it was pretty surreal to see all these names and their salutations.

anyhoo.... i also just happened to pick up the latest poets & writers magazine and my fellow associate writer, stephanie harrison, wrote an article in it titled, "You Ought to Be in Pictures A Story Writer’s Guide to Film Adaptation". stephanie published a great book while we were in florida, "Adaptations: From Short Story to Big Screen: 35 Great Stories That Have Inspired Great Films". so, check out the book and the article! incidentally, there's also a great interview with alice notley who is scheduled as a 2007 master artist at aca.

not that you need any more incentive to check out aca but, every year the aca puts on a reunion gathering for master artists and associate artists at a bar in nyc in october. (i heard that the bar is across the street from cbgb). so, theoretically, if you became an associate artist, you could attend this reunion party and who knows which former master artist/celebrity you could meet! unfortunately, i missed the last one (preggers) and i'll probably miss this years as well (10 mos. not weaned). hopefully, next year, i'll finally make it! :)

four yellow cars kind of day....

New York Cabs
Originally uploaded by m4rco.

i just finished reading that haddon book, the curious incident of the dog in the night time. the autistic boy in the book has this heartbreaking way of determining what kind of day he's going to have by the number of red or yellow cars he sees while riding the bus to school. five consecutive red cars means a super good day... four yellow cars means a black day...

1:14 a.m. says the clock on my computer. the clock on the wall is stuck at 6:45 - the short hand's at 6, the long hand's at 9 and hovering above it, the seconds hand is just stuck, still clicking away, like a needle stuck in a groove...

yesterday morning, before i got the email from miss lori, the paloma woke us up at 3:13 a.m. because she had to go potty. she went back to sleep and then, the porkchop woke up and finally got himself back to sleep. by then, i really couldn't get back to sleep. when i started to fall back asleep, everyone was starting to rise and shine at their regular rousing hour, 7 ish... so, things started their general descent around 3:15 a.m.

i don't usually write about "this stuff" because well, i'm living it. but, i'm alone right now and i don't feel well physically. and i usually use writing this blog to escape from the dark realities of the trial by fire parenthood with humor and/or distraction.

and there were so many parenting things, too many to list, that i learned the hard way. and i guess i thought that raising a second child would be a little easier because we already had one. we had 2.5 years of basic training under our belt so, basic stuff - diaper changing, feeding, bathing - i figured, we'd know. and we do know stuff, but the porkchop is so different from the paloma in so many ways.... in so many basic ways... like, oh, i don't know, one's a girl, the other is a boy.

two of the common things i heard were a) that is the perfect age difference in children, they'll play together b) it's hard but it'll get easier when she's in preschool.

well, what's plan B? what happens when they don't play together? what happens when they do play together and HATE it? or what happens when you can't find one thing that will occupy both of them, separate or together, with or without you, happily or even satisfactorily? what happens when it's not easier when she's in preschool because she's SO much happier there that she doesn't want to be home?

this is the kind of stuff that sends all three of us off the deep end. this is the stuff that for some reason starts the paloma kicking the cat and/or saying things like "I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ME AND YOU ARE NOT MY BEST MOMMY!" which starts the porkchop shrieking, like the day he got circumcised, because he hates loud noises, which in turn, starts the aching of my head or my tummy (right now, both) and the sadness and the disappointment and the hatred and frustration and the worry and the regrets and the misgivings... and the thin man gets home and says something that comes out like an insult but was just a thought without a direction or a meaning.... when it gets so bad that even when i pray (and i pray A LOT. sometimes at the top of my lungs into a pillow), i feel completely empty and lost... no, not lost.

...abandoned.

speaking of abandoned, i wrote a post in september re: finding out bad news about three really good friends of mine via grapevines or blog posts. i called my friend, tuesday morning to check in again and to see how her mother was doing. she answered the phone, with that frog in her throat and that crack in her voice and i knew that her mom was gone. she had passed away early that morning. my friend's father passed away in dec '04 and now, her mother is gone too. she has no siblings. i imagine her at home, finally alone, waiting for the time when she has to say goodbye all over again. i need to kidnap her and take her to vegas...

i also talked to my other friend who's marriage to another friend is in trouble. we had a big fight about it actually. i really didn't feel confident about how he was handling it all. he was contemplating moving out because she thought it was a good idea. he was giving me this crap about how they still loved each other but they needed to fix themselves before they could fix their marriage. he promised me that he would do everything he could to stay home and that he would call me to update me on their progress. i never got an update call back so i hoped that things were getting better... slow and steady, wins the race and all... well, yesterday, i just happened to glance at his myspace page and a friend of his had commented "...Hope life is treating you well and the new pad is comfy."

i guess they made a decision. i can't believe i actually stood next to this guy and basically promised his bride, his family and god that he was a standup dude. that he was worthy of her and that the vows he made were set in stone. he made a liar out of me. for some reason, again, i feel abandoned.

and angry. i'm SO angry. i've never loved a friend so much that made me this angry. oh wait, there was one other person. (remember her, honey? yeah, the reason we broke up that THIRD time....)

i'll just pray i suppose. pray for my friends. pray for my family. pray for stupid people. pray for innocent people. pray for the cold church down the road that i attend anyway even though it bores me to tears with its ambivalence.

2:03 a.m. says the clock on my computer. and i actually feel a little better. i have a day ahead of me. i used to have one of those HUGE buttons that you could pin on that said "have a day". it also had a yellow circle face on it that had this blank expression, O_O.

i want to have a good day, a nice day. but, i will settle for just a day. a two yellow & two red cars kind of day...

i just really don't think i can handle another day like yesterday.

dude. i'm SO writing about gael garcia bernal from here on out....

miss lori
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

ok, this is for all my fellow pbs watching parent peeps... and um, all y'all celebrity stalker types...

check it: she read my post about her. miss lori sent me email:

Hi,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you and tell you how much I appeciate your support. I enjoyed reading your blog. I am glad that you and your daughter like the show.

Thanks Again!

Lori Holton Nash
Miss Lori

the paloma thinks i am the COOLEST right now.... ok, the coolest right after the email from miss lori...

so, that settles it. i'm writing about gael and johnny depp and ewan macgregor and djimon hounsou and cihwetel ejiofor and colin firth and hugh grant and...

...or i could watch reruns of star trek.

i blame uhura and kirk...
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i've read that tv's first interracial kiss on tv was on a start trek episode called plato's stepchildren that aired in 1968. it was written by meyer dolinsky who also wrote for hawaii 5-0 and bonanza. however, i just learned that two other episodes filmed before plato's stepchildren had shared kisses between a white actor and an asian actor, elaan of troyius, and between a white actor and a latino actor, space seed.

anyway, i'm not a trekkie by any stretch of the imagination but i have to admit that i did watch it. in the 80s, i was a latch key kid and when i got home, i used to turn on the tv and those crayzee star trek reruns would quickly transport me (via fancy shimmer fade and pre casio keyboard sound effects) to some random galactic port, to meet and greet alien life forms and explore the extraterrestrial landscapes they called home. (i mean you no diss, E.T.)

anyhoo.... it looks like there's a new show joining the historical ranks of prime time tv shows with interracial relationships - abc's new show "brothers & sisters".

in a way, i wasn't surprised to see a black/white pairing since a) some of the tv shows that the stars of the show were formerly in (ally macbeal, six feet under, alias) featured interracial relationships b) abc is home to desperate housewives, grey's anatomy, lost, boston legal - all shows which have featured at least one interracial relationship. i guess i was just surprised to see it on the pilot.

honestly, i actually caught the first two episodes for two reasons:

1) i miss alias (yes, even though the asians were ALWAYS the bad guys).

2) i miss six feet under.

and i hate to admit it but i wasn't all that disappointed.

it's not phenomenal writing (says the unemployed blogger). but, i guess you could say they aren't insulting the talents of the actors - they definitely gave the right characters to the right actors. it's odd to me that for what looks like an ensemble cast/show, the last two episodes seem to have flockhart's character as the axis of the family, maybe even the show.

however, i think rachel griffiths character (oldest sibling, former corporate big wig who leaves big job to take smaller job w/ family business to spend more time with family and husband, contemplating (reigniting? igniting?) an (old?) affair w/ a former coworker who is african american) is much more complex and interesting (admittedly, it could be because i'm a former corporate drone who married "the thin (mixed race) man" and turned into a stay at home mamazilla). griffith's character seems the most fleshed out character to me, though every dramatic plot twist seems hinged on something flockhart's character said, didn't say, did, didn't do, etc...

the only other sibling who's of any interest to me is the gay lawyer brother who is WAY cute but, unlucky in love (& because the fruit fly in me wants to introduce him to all my single gay fruits).

anyway, it'll be interesting (for me, the lone viewer of this show) to see where the characters go, especially if this interracial relationship goes anywhere or went anywhere. it's still unclear to me if they actually had an affair or just flirted with the idea. i remember michael beach from his nights on early ER and the movies "waiting to exhale" and "soul food" and so, i'm REALLY curious who this noah guare character is...

so, it's a little bit like star trek - no new worlds, new life, or new civilizations - but, we've been there, done that - it's family drama, "ron & nancy" style! do i need to draw a picture for you? how ALIEN is that!? (um, no offense intended to my extended family and friends, conservative and otherwise, who are ALL OVER so cal...)

my sister's rabbit died.

monty_python_rabbit
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

does anyone else (besides me) remember when people used to say "the rabbit died" when they talked about someone getting pregnant? i actually remember an episode of M*A*S*H when houlihan thought she was preggers and they asked radar if they could use his rabbit to test for pregnancy. (ok, for those of you in the dark - ages ago, they used to inject rabbits with womens urine to test for pregnancy. they had to kill the rabbits to see if their ovaries had changed. if the ovaries had changed, the woman's urine had HCG and she was pregnant. if the ovaries hadn't changed, well... the rabbit was just SOL.) i don't remember if houlihan was preggers (i doubt it), i don't remember if they actually killed the rabbit and i'm not sure if that was when she was still foolin' around with that major.... whatever his name was... ANYhoo...

did i mention i LOVE rabbits? especially rabbits with huge, sharp....er... foul, cruel, bad tempered rodents! killers! vicious streaks, miles wide!

no, really... my sister, the overacheiving ob gyn (whose contemplating a c-section - WUSS! j/k!), just recently found out that her rabbit died. that's right folks, she pregnant! i'm FINALLY going to be an aunt!

so, she asked me for some names for girls... so, i looked around and i actually found the final, FINAL baby name list that the thin man and i came up with the night before the paloma was born:

(don't laugh too hard... she was our first child.... it was 2003....)

pearl
aisling
adelaide
amelie
amandine
avalon
avery
bayani
bonamie
chandler
chantilly
capri
sadie
emmeline
emerald
eloise
ellery
evelyn
fabienne
ruby
gwenllian
genevieve
laurel
lucia
lorelei
marigold
maybelline
marlowe
rosaline
schuyler
hyacinth
jessamine
kelaine
winifred

well, she's due in the end of jan/beginning of feb, which means i'll probably be making a trip out to the philippines (sans bebes et ma petit chou) early next year. it will be my first trip since 1993. yep, you counted right - i haven't seen my sister(s) in 13 years.

to donate or not to donate?

Stuffed Animal Pants
Originally uploaded by xmasons.

this past spring, we actually did a good amount of spring cleaning. only problem is, here we are on the verge of fall and all our stuff is still waiting to get donated.

yes, we could've held a garage sale.
yes, i know that some donation places pick up now.
yes, we could put it all in the car and drive it over to the goodwill.... yada yada yada.

OR i could make some r*ckin cool pants with the palomas stuffed animals!!!!! ( i thought people walked around naked at burning man...)

on a related note, i just read this over at citymama (who got an email from parenthacks).

there's a link to this inspiring story about edmay mayers, a member of the us army corp of engineers stationed in iraq, who is accepting donations of stuffed animals, candy, gently used clothing and school supplies for children in iraq.

her mailing address is as follows:

Edmay Mayers
USACE - GRS
APO AE 09331

she's also been communicating/answering questions via the comments section on the original parenthacks post.

....you know you want to, you know you can, and you know that those lonely stuffed animals in that big plastic bag in your garage/basement/crawlspace want you to and know you can too...

then again, you could have the makings of a great halloween costume - "stuffed animal blob", "pile o' stuffed animals", "stuffed animals gone WILD!"...

FRACK! i'm so punless this morning.... and i was yea close to bringing up furries...

we heart rice daddies!

maganda & pogi
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i just meandered over to rice daddies and saw that their banner's changed and the paloma and the porkchop are on it! :)

maraming salamat, kanin tatays!

(yes, i CAN bastardize tagalog if i want to.....)

this pic can also be found in the photo gallery at archipelago, an online store that sells great filipino t-shirts. the paloma is wearing their "maganda" (the tagalog word for beautiful) shirt and the porkchop is wearing the "pogi" (the tagalog word for handsome) shirt.

they just introduced a new "halo halo" (my favorite dessert!) shirt. in tagalog, halo halo means mix-mix. so, i think i'll be buying the kids this tee for next summer.

32 days...

October 2006 Calendar
Originally uploaded by buggs.

so, we got the newest issue of lilly's kids.... it's their "halloween hauntquarters" issue with costumes, decor and more (oh my!)

and as always, the paloma just HAD to thumb through it. i usually ask her to circle the stuff she likes and tell her that we'll look it all over later and decide on a costume... in the end, we don't buy a costume.

the thing is she will usually get a hand-me-down unisex costume from an older cousin and she's usually fine with it. her first year, she was an oblivious bunny. her second year, she was a pissed off sunflower. her third year, she was a purple dragon with wings. and btw - if i got a dollar every time i had to say, "BARNEY DOES NOT HAVE WINGS" - i'd be... i'd have a LOT of dollars.

the reality is she's frickin' three and a half years old now. as long as she goes to bed with a bellyfull of candy on oct 31, she won't care if she wore a brown paper bag on her head to score it all. but, she really does seem to care this year. she really wants her own costume that she's picked out.

the weird thing is as we're perusing each page i'm getting more and more bummed out about the whole costume thing...

first of all, in the catalog, there was ONE asian girl model and she was the "sweet and sassy ladybug". neither the fracking "exotic empress barbie costume" nor the "pink dragon ninja" nor the "red dragon lady costume" were modeled by asian girls. i mean, if you can't put the lone asian model in more than one costume - can you, at the very least, stick her in the costumes that the general public will ASSUME an asian girl will be wearing on halloween!? (just kidding... sorta...)

second of all, who can explain the totally uninventive and unimpressive state of costume design and production on the market today? there is no reason why costumes should be as expensive as they are. trust me - having overseen the entire production of THOUSANDS of garments (from design to sourcing to manufacture) overseas - i know of what i speak. and with the countless number of animated and sci fi fantasy films, you'd think there'd be more of a selection for kids and teens. last year, either EVERYONE was wearing the scream mask & hooded cape or the same pimpled pre-teen rang my doorbell from 4 pm until 9 pm.

anyway, there's this part of me that wants to dress the paloma in anything she wants... see her want list below (sorry, i don't have time to link 'em all):

captain jack sparrow (ok, w/ me)
elizabeth swan, pearl of the caribbean (wtf? NO way...)
darth vader (ok)
yoda (FULL ON!)
batgirl (ka-POW!)
deedee doodle (F*CK NO)
magical genie (maybe, she thinks it's a jasmine (as in aladdin, not american idol) costume)
pterodactyl (not my favorite)
t-rex (RAWR!!!)
palomino pony (LOVE it!)
robbie the robot (danger, danger, mamazilla!)
bumble bee fairy (uh, let me think about it... no.)
stephanie from lazy town (see deedee doodle)
soda shop sweetie (possible)
pet shop poodles (also, possible)
spider web ghost (this would scar me for life)
wicked witch of the west (why!!??)

but there's this other part of me that's wondering if i should take this opportunity to educate the paloma (as well as our neighbors, i guess) and dress her up in something out of the ordinary, maybe something that actually reflects her asian/pacific islander side (since the thin man is a grumpy ol' mope who doesn't give a rat's *ss about halloween. even though, halloween originated in ireland - ye olde land o' half his ancestors).

but i don't necessarily want her to be a hula girl ("a super fun costume - in light weight padding to give our sexy hawaiian girl the curves that make her super sexy") or a geisha ("taking a break from the massage parlor...") from a geisha house (i don't think i EVER want to eat there even IF ashton kutcher and wilmer valderrama claim their goal is to make me climax.)

...or mulan, or jasmine (from aladdin or american idol), or cho chang, or lea salonga (circa les mis' or miss saigon), or michele wie (although that would be kinda easy)....

i mean would it be so wrong of me to dress her up in a maria clara dress?



we could compromise and i could get one that's pink and frilly or something and she could tell everyone that she's a filipino cinderella (known in some filipino folktales as "abedeha"). or i could also dress her up like one of the philippines native tribal people like the ibaloi or the igorot. filipinos also have a bevy of mythological creatures, good and bad, that she could choose from, as well as our own comic book heros and heroines. i could go political and dress her up like cory aquino or give her a wagon full of shoes and say she's imelda (but that would be all kinds of wrong. funny but wrong...).

and what if i gave out filipino candy, like polvoron and sampalok, instead of bite sized snickers, milkyways and kit kats? i found this awesome online store call pilipinomart.com where i could easily get filpino groceries delivered to my door!

i know what you're thinking - "ok, if you're prepared to do all that work, only to get your house and your child, mercilessly egged and tp'd and lathered up with shaving cream, go and get yo'self on the 10 o'clock news..."

i figure if i'm going to go thru all that trouble anyway, why not do it with a little inspiration, a little thought, a little passion.... i dunno... maybe i'm doing this more for me than her - as a child, we didn't really have money to buy store bought costumes. and it was always so cold by october, that i was always wearing a winter coat and boots over my homemade ghost costume. by the time, i had money to buy/rent a halloween costume, i was skilled enough to go ahead and make one (and there's NO way that the paloma's walkin' out of this house in one of my old costumes until she can spell "burlesque" and perform a routine legally.)

in the philippines, we could be celebrating a little differently - much like monkeysteez did in her post here. i mean they do the costume/trick or treat thing there too but, we could chuck the costume ideas altogether and just party down with some ancestors. but, that would just break the paloma's heart.

oh, we'll see... the countdown and the costume search continues...

omg. i just realized, i'm going to go thru this all over again with the porkchop aren't i.

f*ck.

furst dey uff skool.

092606 001
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

we actually got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed our teeth and walked to school with ten minutes to spare. we got sent to the cafe 'cause the doors hadn't opened yet! yes, i realize that this will never happen again, but hey, allow me to pat m'self on the back whilst i can...

the conversation on our walk to school was kinda funny...

M: "so what do want to learn at school today, paloma?"

P: "i want to learn how to use the force and drive a spaceship and a car and a horse.... and i want to learn how to walk on a roof like mulan."

M: "well, um, i don't know if you'll learn all that stuff in preschool, but who knows, it's been a while since i was in preschool, maybe the curriculum has changed."

P: "mommy, i just have to ask nicely and say 'please'."

so, we get there and it couldn't have been more anticlimactic.... which i realize is a good thing, but i was hoping for just a little itty bitty waterworks.... at the very least, a cautious look inside the door, a long pause and a look back at mommy for support...

i got nuthin. i could barely get her to stand still for the picture. she just ran in. no kiss, no hug. zip, zilch, nada, gornischt.

so, i'm talking with a friend and the paloma's teacher comes out and says, "the paloma just ran into me and almost knocked me down with my first good morning kiss and hug." i reply, "what? are you showing off now?"

ok, that's a lie. i didn't say it but, i was thinking it.

so, i get home, put the porkchop down for morning nap, i stalk my fave blogs, i answer a phonecall from a friend whose depressed and happily, i un-depressed him, i picked my nose for a while, then, the porkchop woke up and we headed back out to pick up the paloma... (shuddup. this "free time" crap is kinda new for me....)

M: "so, how did it go? do you like preschool?"

P: "no."

M: "do you want to go back?"

P: "yes."

M: "did you learn anything new?"

P: "i learned that alex doesn't like to share his milk."

M: "didn't you get your own milk?"

P: "uh-huh, but i wanted some of his milk too."

M: "well, paloma, for some kids, it's hard to share. they just don't understand how to share or why. so, you just have to be patient and maybe help them and show them how to share. and maybe next time, just ask your teacher, if you can have some more."

P: "well, maybe next time alex should ask teacher for more milk. because he drank all mine and threw lucy's on the floor." *says with deep furrowed brows and frown, arms crossed*

hmm, that alex better watch his back.... my grrls 'bout to get all kinds o' ghetto on him...

remember the scene...

When little ones get sick
Originally uploaded by hale_popoki.

in "terms of endearment" when one of the kids gets the croup? and beautiful debra winger's in that steamy bathroom holding her child who's barking like a seal? for being sick and tired they look amazing to me, like an illuminated madonna and child portrait...

yeah, well, we didn't look like that saturday night. in fact, it's monday and we still look and feel like SH*T.

thankfully, after a good barf and a nebulizer treatment at the ped's office and a couple of puffs of albuterol via an "aerochamber" at home, the paloma is feeling much better. apparently, the croup imposed itself over the summer cold that she, the porkchop and i are fighting. he's doing ok and all i need is a padded cell, a stubby pencil, some mad libs and a gallon o' rum....

tomorrow, the paloma starts preschool... hopefully. fingers crossed.

oh yeah? well, you're a bigger freak than me! infinity!

The Big House, p. 29
originally uploaded by IAAFOTS.

so i just read this over at the zero boss. apparently, john tesh (yeah, THAT john tesh) posted this little snippet of a monologue (?) by comedian michael sommerville (i don't know who that is either) about stuff that us chicas do that freak out our dudes...

i hate to sell us out ladies but, i know, that you know, that WE freak THEM out...

heck, us gals freak each other out... (and i'm not just talking biblically...)

why this is news to anyone (or funny enough to monologue about) is beyond me... but hey, i don't rock out to john tesh either. maybe he and jeff probst should hang out and learn something new together. now, THERE'S a lightbulb joke waiting to happen.

here's the tiny list of complaints:

* Wearing uncomfortable shoes. You’re limping. You have blisters. You need us to carry you. But none of that matters because your shoes match your outfit PERFECTLY! But here’s the deal: As guys, were all for you getting gussied up. But when you force yourself to wear shoes that aren’t even SHAPED like a foot, you’re just asking for trouble.

now, i know friends of mine who do wear uncomfortable shoes. they try them on at the store and they're uncomfortable and they still buy them. but, i have never known a woman to admit this to a man. because that would mean she did something wrong or stupid. and it is genetically impossible for a woman (WO-MAN, y'all, not girl) to admit to doing anything wrong or stupid TO A MAN.

it's my experience that a woman will admit every trespass and confess every sin to her girlfriends. but not to a man (GUYS - fyi - once you become an SO or a DH, you are no longer considered (just) a man. in some cases, you're like an honorary girlfriend... yay, you!!). if a woman were to admit to some kind of stupidity to a man (as in random man, not SO or DH) i'd question A) whether or not she was really a (anatomically correct) woman B) how quickly she could accuse you of assult, have you arrested after you were gullible enough to try to physically pick her up, simultaneously lift your wallet and ultimately steal your identity.

i have girlfriends who will don the most beautiful pair of stilletto heeled, imported black leather, pointy toed boots, just one day after mother nature (who's clearly on the rag) buries chicago in 4' of snow and has left a thick layer of slick ice hidden underneath it, "just because". when my girlfriends start walking around in that, negotiating the drifts, i laugh so hard, i cry. i almost "make yellow" in the snow. they look like kate moss after snorting a manolo shoebag full of blow.

i, on the other hand, have been known to attend a ceili with my girlfriends, who thought it would be a good way to meet real FOB irish boys (i WISH i was joking). so, what does a filipina born in chicago know about ceilis? nothing. i was thinking (every irish stereotype known to chicagoans) there'd be really cute boys, pints o' guinness (that i could drink underage), maybe a little shoegazin' action and some cool tuneage (U2, the pogues). this is what i got - men (born and raised in chicago) who are my fathers age, pop & cookies, maniacal irish set dancing in steel toed doc martens and a live ceili band. my poor scarred feet are still traumatized by the sounds of bazoukis and pipes.

so, i get that the S&M properties of this feminine idiosyncrasy can freak out the general public, especially that "sensitive" half - you know, the ones that voluntarily pee together in troughs and take pictures of each other vomiting. and 'cause it's less freaky to wear stuff until its SO comfotable that it's falling off your body - so what, if you look like an extra from a wayne's world movie or better yet - michael jackson's thriller video. now, THERE'S a look.


* Doing sad things on purpose. You know, like watching “Beaches” for the 20th time and having a sob-fest, or playing music that makes you cry. What gives?

again, i have girlfriends who do this (well, i hate that Beaches movie actually...) and i do this too - with my GIRLfriends. i don't know any girls who do this with their guys because guys do not GET why we do this. so, why would we want to suffer through their impatience or ignorance or derision or ask them to suffer thru our madness?

i've NEVER asked the thin man to watch "The Joy Luck Club" or "Umbrellas of Cherbourg" or "love actually" with me. i save that stuff for me and he saves porn for himself.... no questions asked and the worlds never collide (dude, there's erotica and then, there's porn...)

and i... well, i can't think of any music that makes me cry... some of that new fangled speed metal makes me cry and captain & tenille makes me cry but in that eye bleeding way...

and dude, if you don't want to watch the movie or listen to the music with yer girl, then walk away. don't piss and whine about it like some newborn babe. 'cause you'll make some of us lactate. now THAT, i assure you, will FREAK you out. the exorcist and the blair witch ain't got nothin' on a pissed off lactating woman.

so, grow some cahones, already. as if guys all over the country aren't bawling their eyes out watching their favorite sports team win some random sports title... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN ON DVD.

* Asking hypothetical questions. You know – like, “Honey, would you still love me if I gained 100 pounds and lost all my hair?” Relationships have enough hot spots as it is. There’s no need to go and INVENT more.

oh, yeah, 'cause women corner the market on hypothetical questions... at least OUR hypothetical questions are (relatively) based on reality.

"would you sleep with someone else if he offered you a million dollars?"
"carmen electra or jenny mccarthy? what about both?"
"what would it be like if the cubs actually won the world series?"
"wouldn't i look good in a *insert insanely expensive sportscar here*?"
"what if *insert name of supermodel or box office babe here* walks into my life and says she wants to be with me?"
"honey, would you still love me if i gained 100 lbs and lost all my hair?"

yeah. uh-huh.

that's right, guys, you're no freakier than us so, just shut up and eat your turkey pot pie.

now you see asians on tv, now you don't...

Hypnotist Monster : Such A Huge TV For Such A Little Girl
Originally uploaded by Beatrice Kiddo.

i just read this post on kimchi mamas about the the lack of asian representation on primetime tv. actually, i always think about this because i do watch a fair amount of primetime tv. yeah, whatever. i'm one of "THEM". go erwin and godwin!).

but i just noticed the other day how many asians (females more than males of course) are on childrens television shows. so, i thought i'd compile a list of characters just for sh*ts and giggles... (not that i let the paloma or porkchop watch this much tv, but we've at least caught a glimpse of the shows that we don't watch religiously, like little einsteins....)

sarah on caillou
maggie on maya & miguel
alan on sesame street
keiko and shing ying on zoom
magistrate, tai tai, daughters, cook and reader on sagwa
kevin on the birthday show
jake long and family on american dragon
lilo and family on lilo & stitch
london on suite life of zach and cody
sophie on go baby
june on little einsteins
lou and lou and family on lou and lou safety patrol
kimee on hi-5
juniper lee & family on juniper lee (it looks like there are a bunch of shows which could have asian characters on them on cartoon network)

and on a related note, the show "wow wow wubzzy" was inspired by the creator's (bob boyle) niece and nephew who are asian. and i also know that ming ming on "the wonder pets" is voiced by asian actress, danica lee. and lastly, one of my favorite artists, seonna hong, is an animator on "my life as a teenage robot".

ok, i gotta go... i have more to say but no time left to say it.

the weather is cooperating and so to the park we go...

i got nuthin.

my newest scarf
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

it's september. and as i mentioned before, i f*cking hate september.

i've finished reading lahiri's "the namesake", am attempting to finish irving's "until i find you" and haddons' "the curious incident in the night with the dog" and looking for a floppy hat pattern to go with the new scarf i just finished knitting, pictured above (fyi - classic elite tigress yarn, size 35 needles, CO 5 stitches, garter stitch for 96 " and BO, then cut 60 pcs - 18" long for fringe. voila! brilliant scarfage!).

today in chicago, mother nature's been channelling sybil and it's cold enough that i'm wearing a sweatshirt in the house and wondering if i need to pop the chilly toilet seats in the microwave to get 'em toasty, before we use them. anyhoo...

i just recently found out that two very dear friends of mine are having problems with their marriage (to each other) and one of my BEST friends is taking care of her mother who has terminal pancreatic cancer.

and i mean, JUST found out...

so, i wasted what little blogging time i have by desperately googling the internet and the blogs (only to slap my forehead, thinking "duh, tell me something i don't know") to find new ideas/ways to help my friends besides saying, "i'm here whenever you need me." which i'm sure they've "known" and yet, i find this out now... SO late in the game, that i feel like an *sshole. all along i think i'm a pretty good friend and then all hell breaks loose....

the general history is that i'll call/email to check in on friends and i won't get a call/email back. and usually, it's of no consequence. i hear news later from the grapevine of our mutual friends. so, i try not to worry in the interim. i'm a reluctant follower of the"no gnus is good gnus" generation.

i tell myself that people are busy. that despite all the technology that is supposed to make more time for us and for our social lives, we just never have enough time to make that 5 second phonecall to say,"hey. quit f*cking calling me. i'm ok and i love you. buh-bye." it's so new millenium....

but, the reality is you, well, WE... DO have the time to make that call.

so, on behalf of all those friends who you've been meaning to call for days, weeks, months, years (egads!) and haven't. call them and tell them your good news and your bad news, your new phone number, your new address, your new identity, your new pant size, whatever...

and do it because you love your friends, if not because you love yourself. do it because it breaks our hearts when we find out about it from the grapevine, after the fact, on your blog or on your myspace page. do it because you don't want your friends to obsess about whether or not they're "good" friends (who warrant a phonecall) or if there really is a good and just *insert deity here* who indeed has a divine and loving plan for everyone and everything...

and lastly, do it because we really don't know what to do when it's too late to do anything.

JUST GET ON THE HORN. THIS MEANS YOU. (AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)

a weapon of mass destruction...

look out, world.

HE WALKS!

easy as taking candy from a baby?

biiiiig lick
Originally uploaded by broterham.

have you tried taking candy from a baby? as my blog states below...

i never intended anyone to take me up on it.

apparently, you can give candy to a baby, take it away, shoot a picture of his/her reaction and get $6000 for it. see more pictures here.

who buys this stuff and why?

what kind of creative process leads someone to this and why do they think its ok?

am i really so old that i don't get this?

don't answer that.

*disclaimer - ok, admittedly, that sick, perverted, college aged side of me thinks the pictures are a teeny weeny bit funny probably because my own children have fallen to pieces like this over less. but, i know why they're crying and they're usually clothed.

come 'ere you!

the porkchop
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i was just tagged by barb to do this "stream of consciousness" meme. i should preface this by saying that my "stream of consciousness" is more like a "ruddy, non-potable, brackish trickle of unconsciousness"

1. glass - half empty (because iyamwhatiyam)
2. ass - munch (this insult always makes me laugh. HA!)
3. crass - punk band (though not one of my favorites)
4. sass - moxie (coz i got it!)
5. lass - pirate (ARRGH!!! YAAAR!)

cannot

type

anymore.

being

assulted

by

short

person!

you are one in a million and i love you so...

andra
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

ever since september 10, 1993, the month of september is like a passive aggressive, drama obsessed, acquaintance that i can never really rid myself of. i think to myself, "ok, i think that was the last time i'll talk to him/her." and then, a week or a month, or a year or so later, i'll get an email or a voicemail that's supposed to "catch me up" on this person's latest news. and something akin to guilt or duty, will force me to open the email and read it or listen to the voicemail and actually save it - i may even be tempted to respond.

i get into this melancholic fog in september, it never fails. and i try in vain to find something - a project, a person, a book - to act as a metaphorical lighthouse, or at the very least, an interim distraction, and nothing really works. i eventually come to the realization that i just have to ride it out. mid month, i comfort myself weakly, "it could be worse, september could be 31 days long, instead of 30".

13 years ago, my best friend, andra brubaker, and her sister, erika, were killed in a car accident.

andra and erika were exceptional people. they were beautiful people. i've never met anyone like them since and i doubt i will ever again. i consider myself one of those "blind squirrels" who scurries around in vain, but every once in a while finds a nut. in high school, i lucked out and found these two. and as faithful a catholic as i pretend to be, i secretly pray for reincarnation. i pray that they've been reincarnated, somewhere next door.

i remember when i found out the paloma was a girl. i would hold my belly and hope. i gave her "andra", as a middle name, just in case. i listen to the paloma's earnest conversations with her friends hoping to hear a little voice say, "cool beans!" or "don't be such a pifflehead".

i'll never forget the last time i saw her. we were both 21. she was planning on attending garrett that fall and had gotten an apartment. while we wandered around in evanston, which we did a lot, she pointed out the apartment building where she would be living. i remember her telling me that she and her mother had bought some basic necessities, dishes, cookware, etc. i was living in chicago, still attending columbia college. eventually it was time to go home. i had to take the L, but she could take a bus back to des plaines. before she got on the bus, she told me that she was going to be driving to ohio with erika to visit her grandmother for grandparents day. but, she'd call me when she got back. i remember thinking we should do something special for her birthday on the 27th. she waved goodbye to me from the back of the bus as it turned the corner. i never saw her again.

i was home and the phone rang and i heard her mother's voice. i immediately thought something was really wrong, then quickly switched gears & scolded myself into thinking, maybe she's just calling to tell me she's planning a surprise for andra's birthday. but, i was right, she was gone. on their way to ohio, there was an accident and they died instantly. i got off the phone and rode empty trains all night. i just didn't want the roaring in my ears to stop.

i miss andra terribly. i miss her so much on some days, i just lie down on the floor and consciously talk myself through breathing. i miss getting the long letter w/ the doodle filled margins & the same closing, "be careful, be good, be nice" safely tucked in a whimsically illustrated envelope in the mail. i miss the quick random late night phonecall. i miss her humorous and wise counsel and her optimism, tempered with a pinch of doom & gloom.

almost everyday, there is something i want to tell her, something i need to ask - foolish things that only she would understand, could explain and/or relate to with parables or jokes with punchlines that i could never predict.

deep down, i worry that maybe if andra was alive today, we wouldn't be friends now. i am not who i was thirteen years ago. i'm not who i was 9 months ago. i worry that maybe we would have grown apart like other friends who have quietly and slowly disappeared into the distance. but, i'm pretty sure we would have found a way. even when i knew her, she was an enigma. i knew most of her likes and dislikes; she favored the colors green and purple, she liked to read john irving, eat orange scones, drink chamomile tea, listen to roxy music or prince and play with cats. whenever i question how well i knew her, i remember that one of her ex-boyfriends nicknamed me "andra's left arm".

all in all, i think andra would be happy with how my life turned out. she'd be a wonderful loving aunt to the paloma and the porkchop. and after forgiving my husband for his past trespasses, she would come to love him and roll her eyes at him too. i owe so much to andra, i can't justify how much or frame it with words. i'm a better and happier human being because of her. i love myself and passionately love others because of the unconditional love she showed me. she changed my life and my perspective and shaped so much of who i am. and it's because oh her that i can get up out of the bed, every morning of september 10.

i'm always thinking of you andra, and i'll always try to find you in the crowd.

pissy loser bowl

091006 002
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, we just had our block party last night.

the highlight of the block party was the cornhole tournament.

i sh*t you not. (apparently, that's what the bean bag toss is called in these here parts and... kentucky.)

the thin man placed second!

and what do you get for placing second in a neighborhood block party (where there's also a huge punch bowl of hairy buffalo and the doobie brothers cds on shuffle - "wooooooe!! hoooooe!! listen to the music!" EVERYBODY SING ALONG!) ?

you get a second hand, engraved silver trophy that says "hoyne ave cornhole" handwritten on a piece of dusty masking tape, placed over an engraving that says "University of Chicago Section of Urology, 1964-1980, Pissy Loser Bowl.

...and cut! check the gate. wrap summer.

p is for paloma and preschool and porkchop and potty.

090806 016
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

yesterday, the porkchop hit the 9 month mark. that's right, he's still alive, 9 months later. so, i'm not as incompetent with children as i am with... math or um, plants...

whoa. 9 months later and i'm still alive too! yay me!

anyhoo - the paloma also got her preschool teaser yesterday. well, i guess we all did really.

our morning did not start out so well. first of all, our morning started at about 3 am with one of porkchop's cries that summon the undead (usually, me). i sleepnursed him and actually got him back to sleep as well. but by the time i had crawled back to our room, i had trouble getting back to sleep myself. i knew i shoulda brought that port back to our room.

7 am rolls around and i finally (voluntarily) wake up, and i feel like a zeppelin, as in graf not led, and not as shiny or ablaze (not yet anyway). mental note: no more gyros from pappy's for dinner. dude. i was tootin' everywhere. if the cats so much as looked at my backside, i tooted. i was envisioning myself, in my casual mom finery, sitting on a small school chair in the director's office, tootin' like a calliope.

then, i hear the paloma waking up with this cough that makes me want to check under her bed for an ashtray or something to see if she's smokin' on the sly. despite the hacking, she's really excited to check out preschool. so excited that she's jumping up and down and running and screaming and pretending she a horse and telling jokes and...yeah, you know where i'm going with this right... she SO excited that she smacking her face into door frames and face planting on the hardwood, with the crying that makes the lemmings run off cliffs and the ecstatic writhing in pain.... good times people, good times. especially before breakfast.

after what seems an eternity, paloma eats her breakfast. and we only go through TWO wardrobe changes before she's ready to face her public (in a summery pink ensemble).

then, it only takes us FORTY FIVE minutes to walk FIVE standard chicago blocks - "look, mommy, a worm! where's he going?! why?! can i touch him?! why not?! he's lonely! mommy, can i take this stick to school and show my teacher?! but WHY!? papa bear and little bear use sticks when they go hiking! mommy, i want to balance on this! (points to paver brick outlining a garden). mommy! i have to go potty! mommy, make a wish! ok, let's find another flower so i can make a wish! but, i want to make a wish so i can be a queen like you!" at this point, i am a bobble head version of myself. my oldest child can turn anyone into a gag gift from spencers (or hot topic, pick your decade). what can your child do? yeah. i win.

ever since we signed her up for the preschool in the spring, she's had an appointment to do a "15 minute observation". it sounded like she was going to do the observing but after we got there, it was clear that she was the one going to be observed.

we got to school and as soon as we entered, she ran straight to the director and the registrar of the school and gave both of them JAINORMOUS hugs (and even explained to them, "i just gave you a JAINORMOUS hug"). so, she got brownie points from the get go.

we get divided. i go to the office (de ja vu). and paloma gets to go to the room with the toys and the sunshine and the primary colors and the happy happy stuff. paloma is SO happy to go with this complete stranger that i feel i need to defend myself,"she really really loves me you know and... she rarely goes to anyone else BUT me and... and... she LIES! IT'S PATHOLOGICAL!ALL THE TIME!

thank god, the tooting stopped.

so, into the woods with the porkchop, i went. i had no idea why i was there or what questions the director would ask me. i figured the porkchop was my forged hall pass, my unscheduled fire drill, an incarnate note from my parent.... so, i could punt if i had to.

see, miss director, not only did i mother that affectionate, intelligent, world leader in the next room. i brought this one into the world too. isn't he cute? doesn't he just knock your nude nylon knee highs off? and it was about then that he started to twitch and whine. though i answered all the questions "correctly" and nodded in agreement in all the right places, i did have to haul out a boob during our little interview. the director was tres tres cool about it, wardrobe malfunction and all.

after the interrogations, the paloma was told that it was time to leave and with little protest she made it out the empty classroom door - and there was a HUGE mound of playdoh calling her name too. we walk out the door and a few of her future classmates are hanging out, watching us from the other side of the fence. "where are you going? why aren't you staying? who are you?" says little girl #1. i say "we're going home now. we were just here for a short visit. this is paloma and she'll be back in a week or two to start school with all of you." she says,"i have a book named "paloma". it's not my favorite. and this is kate." she motions to her silent friend. meanwhile, the paloma is gladhanding everyone down the line saying in a loud voice, "GOODBYE FRIENDS! I'M GOING TO THE YARN STORE NOW TO VISIT THE DOGS AND GET SOME CANDY!"

yeah, paloma, now THERE'S the way to win friends and influence people.

and of course, 1 block into our walk home, "MOOOOMMMMY! I REEEEEALLY HAVE TO USE THE POTTY NOOOOWWWW!!!"

good night, melanie and hush...

good morning, miss lori and hooper!
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, the paloma was mildy disappointed to find that instead of "It's a Big Big World" on tv (at it's regularly scheduled time) this morning, there was this caffeinated, happy, playful, smiley lady. she was disappointed until the funny lady started dancing.... i was a little curious myself.

it turns out that the new lady on the pbs block is Lori Holton Nash, a fellow chicago mommy and founder of CAMPUS inc, a kids program "dedicated to developing the creative spirit within each child" that started in our *sigh* old 'hood, the South Loop, *sigh*. viva la south loop!

the chicago journal has this article titled, mornings with lori. i love this paragraph,"The adopted daughter in a mixed-race marriage that reflected her own white and African-American ethnicity, Holton Nash is a self-described "poster child" for PBS. She lives in a Chinatown town house that she shares with her husband, Larry Nash, a well-known Chicago personal trainer, and her children: son, Skyler, 8, and daughters Kaiann, 5, and Jaedyn, 3." i read this and thought, is it just me or is this upbringing so familiar to those of us who grew up in chicago (or any big city, i guess). i *heart* chicago.

apparently, lori beat out 1,000 applicants nationwide. she had this to say about her audition, "Everybody there was Caucasian, early 30s, late 20s, and had a guitar, so I'm wondering how I got in the room,". hee hee, i'm just picturing a room filled with laurie berkner, ralph's world, dan zanes wannabes (who are all stars of the cd shuffle feature at this house btw).

the article also mentions that hooper is a dog. but, i think that's incorrect. i'm pretty sure he's a guinea pig. check out the pbs page for miss lori and hooper - if it looks like a guinea pig, jokes like a guinea pig, has trouble sharing like a guinea pig, yada, yada, yada....

hopefully, PBS will have found a permanent replacement for melanie martinez, the former host of the good night show on pbs sprout, as well. not that i wanted her to be replaced in the first place. i read somewhere, that in the interim, noel mcneal (of bear in the big blue house fame) will be taking over as special guest host with a star and a firefly.

and lastly, in related former kids tv host news.... pee wee's playhouse: the movie is currently in production!!! paul reubens recent HILARIOUS appearance on the jimmy kimmel show is below:

blame "the thin man"

*i'm reposting this because youtube for some reason couldn't broadcast our video. the problem finally resolved though...

so, on rainy days, i get to the point where i have exhausted all interactive/creative ideas (playdoh, paint, imaginative play, candy land, puzzles, etc, etc...) to prevent the paloma and the porkchop from skinning each other alive.

so, how better to document our madness than on video.... i give you, the paloma's version of the barnes & barnes song, "fish heads":




mind you - i did not teach her this song (just like i didn't teach her to say "the bad guys are the french and the democrats"). and just in case you were wondering where the heck this was from, or just got nostalgic for the original experimental video, it's below:



the first time i saw this was on saturday night live. i remember that i was "too young" to watch/understand SNL. but i managed to somehow see this. those were also the days of the misadventures of mr. bill and mr. hand.

one of my favorite things to do that summer was to buy a mickey mouse ice cream bar and bite off the ears and re-enact mr. bill and mr. hand skits for my slackjawed friends.

i was a strange child.

good times.

my lullaby cd can kick your lullaby cds *ss!

KissBaby
Originally uploaded by anhelido.

is anyone else watching gene simmons' show "the family jewels"? i'm laughing so hard watching this show that my nursing pads are leakin'! ok, no, not really, but it shuuure is phunnay! :)

i thought his other show, "school of rock", was entertaining. so, i thought i should check this new one out. really, you HAVE to watch this show. if you're a parent, your sanity depends on it.

i'll never forget when i was in grade school and burger king was giving away 78s (seriously. not 45s - they were 78s. smell the vinyl, people!) and i got a kiss one and an abba one. i ROCKED the first grade.

what's really scary is i've always thought that paul and ace were the cute ones... but i gotta admit, the more i see of gene, the more attractive he becomes... maybe he really does have an "in" with satan. hmmm...

anyway, i keep hoping that the geniuses at baby rock records will produce/release a kiss cd. they're very talented at immortalizing some of my (and your) favorite bands & their respective pop/rock anthems into itty bitty, baby powder pouftastic lullabies. i seriously want to hang with these peeps over some goldfish and pitchers o' leineys.

they have so many cds that i want to buy. but, i can never decide which one to buy or not to buy (aka the one that might actually cause trauma / lead to psychosis in the porkchop).

and... AND! they utilize glockenspiels, vibraphones and mellotrons to create that soothing sleepy somnambulistic sound! (i blame that whole rediscovery of esquivel frankly.)

currently available:
radiohead
coldplay
metallica

you can pre-order:
tool
beach boys
the cure

to be released late '06, early '07:
led zeppelin
nirvana
the pixies
queens of the stone age
bjork
no doubt
smashing pumpkins
the beatles

you know why you should buy these cds for your babies? 'cause your babies already bang their heads, gaze at their shoes, flip you off, ignore you, yell at you, get stoned on natural substances, exhibit violent behavior, swing moods like windchimes in a storm, etc, etc... they're on that road anyway, they should take along some solid good tuneage.

phone conversations with "the thin man"

M: hello?
TTM: hey! how're you doin?
M: fine. how can i help you?
TTM: so, i'm going over to marshall fields.
M: really. uh-huh...
TTM: i was just wondering what kind of pants i should buy. i mean i'm going to buy those pleated pants that you don't like, but what fabric should i buy?
M: i dunno. i suppose if you're looking for fall/winter stuff you should buy fall/winter weight wooly or wool blendy stuff. if for some reason you want something summery, buy chino-y, cottony, lightweight stuff.
TTM: hmm. ok. i can do that.
M: yeah. i can't believe you're going to buy those pants.
TTM: what's wrong with them?
M: they're grandpa pants. they look like you have a pooch.
TTM: they're not grandpa pants. they're CLASSIC. and i DO have a pooch.
M: so, you're buying the pants to show off your pooch? can't you just wear a sandwich board that says "i have a pooch"? hey, can i call you "grandpa"?
TTM: you cannot call me grandpa because i'm not one.
M: you're going to look like one.

*pregnant pause*

TTM: how is the rest of your day going? anything exciting happenning?
M: DIDN'T I TELL YOU!? STEVE AND BLUE ARE FOLLOWING THE PURPLE DRAGON THAT FLEW OFF WITH MISSING KEY TO THE ENCHANTED CASTLE!!!

*pause*

TTM: well, on that note. i'll let you go.
M: yeah, later, grandpa.

because if sydney bristow can do it...

apparently, so can i! (and i wouldn't be naive enough to get duped by the bad guys in the first place! so there!)



i saw this ad in the most recent issue of audrey magazine. the ad is even on the audrey website. apparently, there are a bunch of these ads (recruiting poc) floating around - see here.

anyway, i was just thinking about what i'll do once paloma and porkchop are actually in school. (ok, so it's YEARS from now, a sahm can dream...) fyi - i would make a pretty stealthy spy/agent/cat burglar - whichever is more lucrative...

i have not used illegal drugs within in the last 12 months. THANK GOD alcohol isn't illegal.

i'm highly competent in my field, highly reliable and trustworthy. see dictionary definition for "mom".

i can do a bunch o' things with one hand

i can "case a joint" (ok, so i've only cased MY house. dude, i know EXACTLY which floorboards creak - in the porkchop or paloma's room, the staircase, the entry, the dining room. the sandman can't put a child to sleep as quietly as i can. think john robie/danielle foussard in "to catch a thief").

my communication skills are off the chart. in some cases, i don't even need to speak or hear a word. i instinctively know when another (ok, 3ft or shorter) person needs to eat, needs to nap, needs a diaper change (which brings to mind, my superhuman olfactory sense), needs attention, is trying to not go pee in his/her pants, is lying, is happy or sad, is not where s/he should be interacting with items s/he should not be in contact with (which also exemplifies my excellent hearing).

i look great in black and wigs.

i'm asian ergo i'm quiet and foreign looking enough to be ignored/blend in like... wallpaper.

i think the only strikes i have going against me are the no driving thing and the fact that my potential for coercion or allegiance conflict is high given the right amount of alcohol or chocolate, the availabilty of free babysitting, some really cool shoes, 72 hrs with the stylists at horchow, etc, etc...

the children formerly known as....

unfortunately, due to the rise in porn searches arriving at this destination (seriously, google k**zilla). i've decided to rename the kids on my blog. the daughter will be called "paloma". my mom has been calling the son, "porkchop", which is as good a name as any, i suppose.

that is all. carry on.

the people in your neighborhood...

metrodad just posted to ricedaddies about this nyt article called "tickled red to be elmo in a rainbow world". personally, i think this rove mcmanus interview is so much better... ("elmo LOVES wasabi! wasabi is a sometimes food!")



btw - for those of you in chicago, on friday's oprah (channel 7, 9 a.m.), they're re-airing the show where kevin is "revealed".

so, it appears that both the nyt and metrodad are really excited that elmo's muppeteer is black.

which reminded me of something that happened to me a few years ago, a friend of mine recounted a backstage visit to sesame street where a friend of hers was a "muppeteer". she giddily and gushingly (i mean like the blushing school girl, with the timebomb secret, straddling the cafeteria table bench) told me that the elmo muppeteer was "a really tall, african american man, named kevin".

the first thing i thought was "can you hook me up and get ME backstage at sesame street!?" and the second thing i thought was, "why is it a secret or a surprise or does it even matter to you that elmo's muppeteer is black?" it didn't really surprise me, just look at the cast of sesame street - it's probably the most diverse cast on tv and has been consistently so since it's debut in the 70s right?

admittedly, kevin clash seems to have breached the "caucasian muppeteer glass ceiling". but, i don't assume automatically that muppets are handled/voiced by white people. just like i don't assume that all the boy muppets are handled/voiced by males. and does the fact that they're white make the body of work of jim henson (kermit, ernie), frank oz (bert, grover) or caroll spinney (big bird, oscar) less impressive, less inspiring, less educational? do they lose their sesame street cred because of it?

as a child, i didn't care that all those characters were dreamed up and brought to life by white people (not that i knew). all i cared about was how alive the muppets were - they were funny, grouchy, loving, sympathetic, hungry, crazy, falliable, cynical, optimistic. they were just plain weird inside and out and yet wholly and unconditionally loved by millions. and who doesn't want to be loved unconditionally (by milllions) despite one's idiosyncrasies?

lately, it seems that parents are too worried about television not doing a good enough job at educating and well... parenting. i just don't think it's sesame street's job to educate children about racism, or HIV, or 9/11, death, love, pregnancy, obesity and divorce. but, they've taken these issues on to the ranting and raving of parents all over the globe. i always wonder if they take on these issues because they're told to or because they feel it's their duty. if it's the latter, do the producers of sesame street really think parents are doing such a bad job that they need to supplement?

in the 70s, sesame street did a great job teaching me the alphabet, numbers, opposites, rhyming and colors. they did a good job of making learning fun, encouraging me, as a child, to explore the world and making sure that the world always seemed big and full of things to experience with something new to teach me everyday. they still do, but for some reason, they go even further and sometimes they get schmacked for it - cookies are now a "sometime food" for cookie monster, zoe was given a zoemobile and a tutu instead of a doll, and remember when snuffy was big bird's "invisible" friend? and now, it's abby cadabby being too pink, too girly. (hello!? there are what five or six girl muppets and what a GAZILLION boy muppets. looks to me like sesame street is a tad testosterone heavy. how did that get past us feminists?)

i just feel that as a parent it's my job to pick up where sesame street should be leaving off. and depending on the subject matter, i'd rather that my child learn about these things from me anyway. i can appreciate that sesame street and other "educational" programs try to help me out. but, i worry that some issues are too complex/controversial for them to handle in 5 or 10 minute chunks - they may even be forced to sit on the fence - presenting some issues too simply/too detailed for some or not simple enough/too detailed for others. a parent knows their child better than anyone else (well, i hope they do anyway) and knows how to best educate their child - what tools/examples to use, when the child is ready to grasp a concept, when to table the discussion for another time, what language to use, etc, etc....

getting back to metrodad's post he says that he'll raise his daughter in a multi-cultural and multi-racial environment to teach her lessons about racism and racial stereotypes. i want to believe that that will help. i really do. i think the same thing about k'zilla and b'zilla with regards to our (not so diverse) chicago neighborhood (such as it is).

strangely enough, this makes me wonder about iceland's mostly blond, blue-eyed, extremely homogeneous population. i mean, how racist is iceland, if at all? i'm really curious - save for that genetic tidbit - i don't know squat about iceland. well, ok, i know i like bjork and that she isn't blonde.

sometimes i think that i'm actually self taught re: racism, stereotypes and prejudice. because despite growing up in a very diverse, multi-cultural, multi-racial neighborhood in chicago: my family was afraid of black people, the puerto rican neighbors thought the mexican neighbors were low class and dirty. everyone told me polish people couldn't drive - even the polish kids. the korean and the indian neighbors were lumped together as conceited and "foreign" and everyone thought filipinos ate dogs. even when i moved to san francisco, i thought there's no way, i'd encounter any racism there. it's practically all asians. and i was proved wrong. today, i'm still considered, less asian to some, and a race traitor/"coconut" to others. and just because they think that, i'm not saying they're racists either. and somehow, i gathered the bits and pieces for a definiton of what racism/prejudice is to me.

i won't even get started on how those of us with facial differences get treated/are viewed and how that factors into my perspective on prejudice..

but, of course, i don't have a solution or even a compromise - just personal anecdotes, i guess.

i DO know that we'll do our best to teach our children about all their different heritages, especially all the different languages since i still have family in the philippines and my husband's paternal side of the family speaks spanish at home. i know my husband will probably focus on history wheras i will focus on the arts. we want them to travel extensively as well which is an education in itself, changing one's perspective, the resulting culture shock, etc.... i definitely want to volunteer with them too - anywhere and everywhere, doing all sorts of things that challenge us physically, intellectually and emotionally. i want them to get involved with the world, to get engaged, and not just observe. i them to walk many miles in many shoes.

the bottom line is i don't want my children to grow up and become racists/race purists. my hope is that they will be satisfactory human beings - critical thinkers who make realtively sound decisions. that they'll see all "the issues" as the grey shapeless masses that they are instead of just "black" and "white", "right" and "wrong", "bad" or "good", "conservative" or "liberal". honestly, i'm not sure how i'm going to help accomplish this either - probably by example - not that i'm a very good example by any stretch of the imagination.

qaStaH nuq? goopa! achuta!

i've just been informed...




"Congratulations! Blog in Space has deemed you "Most Likely to be Contacted." Your blog will be showcased on the home page of BloginSpace.com on August 24, 2006. You are no longer considered part of the World Wide Web. You are now officially part of the Intergalatic Wide Web. Welcome."

so, what do i do to prepare for intergalactic commenters? do i brush up on my klingonese or huttese? i can barely speak grammatically correct, polysyllabic english. and i have to wonder, what was the criteria used to pick my blog? i constantly worry myself (sometimes into isolation)that i have nothing in common with other stay at home moms/mommy bloggers on this planet. is it possible that i have ANYTHING in common with/blog something of interest to otherworldly extraterrestrial stay at home moms?

what's that you say? i LOOK like an alien - yeah, hardy f*cking har har.

let's review, shall we?

1) i don't parasitically impregnate people.
2) i don't have acidic saliva.
3) my children don't seek to destroy/impregnate/eat people.
4) i did not give birth to a) a litter of babies that grow at accelerated rates b) a SUPERBABY with mineral allergies c) bugs the size of stadiums d) peapod clones e) babies with metachlorian microbes.
5) i haven't left my child alone on an unknown uncharted planet (i may have fantasized about it though).
6) i didn't seek out a mate by his excellent genetics alone and then kill him. (ok, maybe... just kidding babe!!!!)
7) i certainly wouldn't punk out & die if/and/or/when i realized my mate joined "the dark side".
8) my mate did not carry our baby (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!).
9) i don't drive so i doubt i could pilot a spaceship.
10) i don't own a robot or a droid (or a food processor for that matter).
11) i will not die if i catch a cold.

ok, the reality is i know very little about extraterrestrial life forms and shamefully, my education is fueled by fictional accounts and hollywood stereotypes.

so, hello there! and welcome! all of you... newbie readers... out there... in outer space.... um, i hope you enjoy reading my little blog... please feel free to comment (however, i can only respond in english) and even better, please link to my blog.... i can't wait to meet you all and learn all about you and your planets and your DCs, SOs, MILs, etc, etc ...

and um, by the way, i hope that you'll please consider taking a bunch of us (the harmless ones) off the planet, in the event that the very powerful & very out of touch handful of us (and you know who you are) manage to destroy it by mistake. but, please don't enslave us or eat us or sell us or feed us to someone else or sacrifice us or anything like that. ok? ok. just so we're clear....

thomas needham aka "mookie"

thomas needham
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

well, we call/ed him "mookie" anyway. thomas needham is/was the youngest of "our" ACA associates. he digs house music, looks like a concentration camp survivor and he WILL scare your granny.

however, his art will absolutely astound & befuddle you. visit him and his art at:

"Funiculus Atrocities"
at Carter Presents
29 Orman Road
London, N1, 5RA
44 (0)20 7012 1203

september 1 thru september 24
opening times - 12-6, sats & suns

curated by charlotte shinerock
a group sculpture show including artists: thomas needham, yuri lee, richard gasper, alex ratcliffe& charlotte shinerock

steed taylor w/ road tattoo

steed taylor w/ road tattoo
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

once in a great while, my life is lucky enough to bump into lives that inspire me to do more, to be better, to be kinder, to be present, to dream big and with passion, etc, etc.... such is the life of steed taylor. steed is one of the many talented artists i met during my residency at ACA last summer. the one thing i regret about my time at ACA is missing out on spending some one on one time with steed. i was supposed to have dinner with him and some of the other associates, but my morning sickness kicked into high gear and instead i spent the evening embracing a toilet. :(

i did however get a chance to work with steed on preparing and completing a road tattoo (actually a hurricane charm for new smyrna beach, fl). despite the morning sickness and the heat, i helped a little bit and watched this vivid, dazzling work emerge from the nothing.

anyway, i just got an email from steed re: his latest shows/works. if you have the time, please visit him/his art if you can, you won't be disappointed!

Newburgh Sculpture Project 2006
Newburgh, NY
July 29 - November 30, 2006
Maps/Directions:
http://www.newburghsculptureproject.org/map.htm
Hidden Circle, 16' x 80', high-gloss latex and prayer, Colden Street between Broadway and Washington Street.
This road tattoo is the visible edge of a large circle. Similar to a tattoo covered by clothing that obscures a view of the entire piece, the majority of this circle cannot be seen. It seems to disappear under the grassy hill next to the road. It also alludes to hidden groups of people who share a common interest or social background but remain unnoticed by the majority of the population, much like Newburgh's current influx of ethnic groups or it's past with rogue colonial troops turning against the colonies.

Between Ten
SPIN Gallery, Toronto, Canada, as part of the XVI International AIDS Conference
August 2006
Stephen Andrews, Joe DeHoyos, Nancer LeMoins, Luna Luis Ortiz, Eric Rhein, Steed Taylor and Albert Winn. Between Ten, curated by Visual AIDS, showcases the work of seven artists bracketing the 10 years since the introduction of HAART (highly active antiretroviral therapy) in 1996. This exhibition provides an insightful look into diverse works by artists who continue to live with HIV/AIDS. To see a selection of my work in the show:
http://thebody.com/visualaids/web_gallery/2006/visaids/13.html
http://thebody.com/visualaids/web_gallery/2006/visaids/14.html

STUDIO In the park
Riverside Park , NY
May 6 – September 16, 2006
Orly Genger, Robert Greenberg, Elana Herzog, McKendree Key, Mischa Kuball, Emil Lukas, Fabian Marcaccio, Alexis Rockman, Kenny Scharf, Gary Simmons, and Steed Taylor. Although the show closes in September, my piece will remain until next summer.
For a map and to see my piece in the show:
http://www.bravinlee.com/park.html

Print Zero/Print Exchange
University of Miami, Rainbow Gallery, Coral Gables, FL
September 1-30, 2006
To see my print in the show:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/printzerostudios/174014105/in/set-72157594176067354/


Indigenous
Duke University & Nasher Museum, Durham, NC
September 15 - June 15, 2007
20' x 225', high-gloss latex, prayer and names; located on the entrance drive of the Nasher Museum.

taking over the universe, one planet at a time...

(it says, " this certificate hereby signifies that the above blog attempted to contact extraterrestrial intelligences utilizing state of the art satellite broadcasting equipment with redundant high-powered klystron amplifiers connected by a travelling wave-guide to a five-meter parabolic dish antenna at a latitude of 28 23' 18" and a longitude of 80 36' 19".)

i figure i should cover all the bases, just in case we blow ourselves to smithereens....

i loves me some chicken adobo

with a side o' black eyed peas.... :)

i remember the first time i heard about these guys - BF (before fergie, aka stacy ferguson from kids incorporated. who knew she and fellow KI alumnus, Martika would go so far...). it was either '98 or '99. my stepbrother gave me their first cd, "behind the front", and told me to "listen to it because one of the guys is part filipino". i was skeptical but after i heard the first song, i knew i'd love the cd and BEP. later, i even managed to see them when they played a small venue in SF's lower haight, on divisadero, whose marquee escapes me now... anyway, since the introduction of fergie into the band, i've been a little leery of them.

but then i heard apl's biographical song, "the apl song" , and saw the video -



once again, i was a mosquito to their bug light (despite fergie). and then, i heard "bebot". (i know, you have an auntie bebot too.)

i have to admit. as proud as i am to be filipino, i can't talk tagalog for sh*t. and i blame my parents because moms is bisayan and papa is ilocano. and neither of them were remotely interested in teaching me tagalog or their dialects so, when i do talk "my native tongue" it'll come out a hybrid of all three. at the very least, i can understand enough to know when someone is talking smack about me. it's so embarassing. it's one thing to look like an idiot to the general public. it's a whole other enormous vat of sticky badness to look like an idiot to my own pinoy peeps. so, lucky for me and the rest of the world, "bebot" which is rapped entirely in tagalog, is translated here.

but, where the f*ck was i when they were casting for the "generation one" video!? hoy, monkeysteez, i officially blame you for missing my five seconds of video girl fame.

"bebot" generation one



"bebot" generation two



well, i hope this has got all y'all dancing to BEP. and if this doesn't maybe the collaboration called "timeless" between sergio mendes and wil.i.am (from BEP) will.



and btw - just recently, they got a presidential medal of merit from the philippines. yay!

so, i raise my bag of sarsi to you, BEP! mahal kita!