daily affirmations....

stuartSmalley
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i wake up this morning...
i check my email...
i check to see what my favorite bloggers have been up to o'er the weekend...
i check my sitememter to make sure my one reader (you know who you are, mr/ms random hicksville, earth) checked in today and hmmmm...

what's this? hits from daddytypes and bloggochicago? ...AND THEY'RE LINKING TO ME ABOUT A MISSING WIGGLE AND DEPENDS PORN - THE FRONT MAN FOR A TODDLER BAND WITH NO STREET CRED AND A GERIATRIC FETISH!!??? - SH*T! F*CK! P*SS!

[looks into mirror, takes deep breath]

i'm going to post a terrific blog today! and i'm gonna help people! because i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!

[looks back at monitor]

hello all! i'm mamazilla! well, i'm still receiving some new visitors from linkage generated by my worthless $.02 on the disappearance of greg page aka the yellow wiggle and encouraging depends porn. but that's o-kay. i have to give myself permission to spread useless information and unsavory blog comments every now and then.... o-kay.

for those of you who read this blog regularly, you know that i don't have interviews or guest bloggers, i always post alone and that's... o-kay. in honor of my new visitors, i would like to try something new today. something i was not ready to do yesterday.

see, yesterday God said, "mamazilla, i can get you a guest that you would be insane not to interview on your blog." so I decided to take a risk - in life, you have to take risks - so, today i have a guest to interview and her name is "daytona beaverlodge" - i'm changing her name to protect her anonymity.

MZ: daytona is a famous socialite, reality tv star and the future owner of a multinational hotel chain. well, that's very good, daytona, you should be very proud of yourself.

DB: well, thank you, mamazilla. i am.

MZ: well, good for you! good for you! um, daytona i know there must be a lot of pressure for you to look very good in person, and i can imagine that the night before a party, you must lie awake thinking, "i'm not thin enough.. everybody's smarter than me... prettier than me... i'm not going impress anyone... i have no business being alive..."

DB: well... um, not really. i have a prescription for...

MZ: daytona, denial ain't just a river in egypt. knowhatimsayin?

DB: i know where egypt is! there aren't any rivers there! those are trick questions. oh! but the venetian has a river in it. is that denial river? anyway, you know, sometimes i get nervous when i'm in egypt and i have to make an appearance at some really big rave or benefit or premiere or something and i find out that my XBFF is going to be there.

MZ: i thought so. and that's... o-kay. you're not alone. believe me, i know what it's like... laying there alone... all those tapes rolling: "i'm a fraud... tomorrow, i'm going to be exposed for what i am, a big imposter... i just want to curl up and lay in bed all day and eat veggie booty."

DB: well.. something like that... except the eating. i don't eat. and the laying in bed alone thing... no. way.

MZ: right. well, daytona, those negative thoughts are your critical inner thoughts saying those things to you, and i want you to replace those negative thoughts with someting positive - a daily affirmation.

DB: afromation? is that that new hairstyle from japan with the crinkle extentions? THAT'S HAWT!

MZ: no. affirmation. AF. UR. MAY. SHUN.

DB: affirmation? that's a really dumb name for a hairstyle.

MZ: yes. now, look in the mirror. come on, don't look at me. only you can help you. [DB looks in mirror] that's it. Say, "hello, daytona."

DB: "hello daytona"

MZ: "i don't have to abuse alcohol, share needles, prostitute myself, pretend to say idiotic things..."

DB: "i don't have to be a drinking, drugging, idiotic whore."

MZ: "i don't have to be cruel to animals, or binge and purge..."

DB: "i don't have to use animals as fashion accessories or stay a size 0...""

MZ: "because all I have to do is be the best par... i mean, daytona i can be."

DB: "all i have to do is be the best paris i can be."

MZ: "because i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"

DB: "because i'm HAWT and people like me!"

MZ: now, don't you feel better?

DB: yeah. i'm so glad my agent told me to do this to get in touch with the middle america people and the moms and the chinese. it's so cool.

MZ: daytona, i'm filipino.

DB: whatever. look, you've reminded me that i'm a very happy, good looking person. i mean, i'm a blessed person, i'm like... holy... or something. my mom and dad give me money. i have a tv show. i make normal people, like you, famous just by being seen with them. and i give other people good feelings. and i inspire other people to help other people achieve their dreams.... i make people, like other girls and women, want to get up in the morning and shower and put on makeup and dress cool and stuff.

MZ: i... i am just a fool... i... i don't know what i'm doing... no one will ever read this blog again... i'm gonna die readerless, homeless and penniless and twenty pounds overweight.. and no one will ever love me...

DB: mamazilla, that's just not true. all of my fans will read your blog. well, after you translate your blog into english. and you speak english so well btw! doesn't THAT make you happy?! and there are lots of shelters in america and lots of people like you are on welfare and lots of people are fat and married in the midwest. or you can get a dog! they love unconditionally. and you have to walk dogs too... well, i don't, but you know what i mean... and besides if things get really bad, i know a LOT of people who would pay good money for that porkchop kid of yours. he's WAY cuter than that wall eyed tinkerbell i used to have.

MZ: but, i'm... i'm... wha?

DB: so, just don't beat yourself up that way. o-kay?

MZ: you're right. it's just stinking thinking.

DB: feel better? would you like a hug?

MZ: um, no. but, thank you, daytona. let's just shake hands...

[sounds of violent catfight, screaming, slapping, glass shattering, bones breaking, fabric ripping, a thud, then, silence.]

MZ: you know what? i think this is one of the worst posts i've ever written. and you know what else? i don't care! [ turns to his mirror ] because i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me because daytona beaverlodge is passed out in my basement and i'm gonna donate her to scientists for research!

chicago filipino events

1) chicago filipino american film festival 2006

Festival Schedule:

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 3
7 PM: Opening Night Reception (free)
8 PM: Sandaan. Directed by Sonny Izon, this documentary explores 100 years of Filipinos in America.
10 PM: Tinimbang Ka Ngunit Kulang (You Were Weighed and Found Wanting). From the “Golden Age of Filipino Cinema,” this is Lino Brocka’s classic 1974 morality tale, starring Eddie Garcia, Christopher De Leon, and Hilda Koronel.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4
1 PM: Gift of Barong: A Surfing and Cultural Odyssey. Directed by Benito Bautista, this feature film follows two Fil-Am surfers searching for waves and discovering their cultural heritage in the Philippines.
3 PM: Sandaan (Repeat)
5 PM: Rigodon. Directed by Sari Dalena and Keith Sicat. A poetic
examination of Filipino Immigrants in Post-9/11 New York.
7 PM: Big Time. Directed by Mario Cornejo and Monster Jimenez. Michael De
Mesa, Nor Domingo,and Winston Elizalde star in this comedy/thriller.
9 PM: Where’s Francis? A quirky independent comedy starring Jeffrey Quizon,
Christopher DeLeon and Ricky Davao. Directed by Gabby Fernandez.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 4
2 PM: Shorts Program
4 PM: Rigodon (Repeat)
6 PM: The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros. Directed by Auraeus Solito and written by Michiko Yamamoto (Magnifico). Featured at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival.
8 PM: Big Time (Repeat)


2) Raul Sunico (pianist and dean of UST Conservatory of Music) in Concert

29th October 2006
Quigley Seminary Chapel
103 East Chestnut, Chicago
2:00 P.M.

Raul Sunico, internationally known pianist from the Philippines, will present a 90 minute concert. A free will offering is requested with all proceeds to fund music scholarships for students who qualify to attend the University of Santo Tomas Conservatory of Music in Manila.

3) circa youth theatre opens "short acts"

A daughter, a mother and a grandmother confront hidden secrets from their past. A lesbian couple grapple with getting pregnant and sex change surgery. A neurotic social climber from colonial Philippines whips the wits out of a deranged woman. A rebellious daughter clashes with her parent’s elitist ways. A one-night stand between two friends shake up the marriage of one of them. Two friends find themselves on opposite ends about same sex marriage. These are themes that will unfold in an anthology of new works called Short Acts, a drama incubator showcase production by the Center for Immigrant Resources & Community Arts (CIRCA). Featuring short works by Lani Montreal, Larry Leopoldo, Thelma Virata de Castro, Louie Pascasio and Felix Racelis, Short Acts is a tapestry of works-in-progress illuminating issues and stories not often spoken in dinner table chatters. Designed as a way to expand narrative expressions using short length format, Short Acts is CIRCA’s way of encouraging new voices for community theater and is envisioned to promote the continuous exploration of the community’s history and experience through drama. Directed by Levi Aliposa, Daisy Castro, Mary Ann de la Cruz, Anida Youe Esguerra, Lani Montreal, John Ola and Louie Sison, the project is a collaboration with Pintig Cultural Group and Insight Arts. Short Acts goes on stage on October 19-21 and 26-27, 2006, Thursdays to Saturdays at 8pm at the Insight Arts on 1545 W. Morse, Chicago. Tickets are $10 and $7 for students and seniors. For reservations call, (312) 222-1551 or email us at circatheater@yahoo.com.

4) KA BA KA - In Struggle Karapatan ng mga Babae at Kabataan - a concert of awareness to stop violence and exploitation of women and children at

Martyrs' Restaurant and Pub
3855 N. Lincoln Ave.
Chicago, IL 60613

With performances by: Lani Montreal , ACI9 and Bagwis Special Guest : Ms. Aiza Seguerra

Show starts at 6:30 PM, Doors open at 6:00pm, Tickets are $35.00

5) dynasty reunion v @ zentra nightclub

The orginal and biggest old school event to date is back! REUNION brings you to where Asian American nightlife began in Chicago. The only place where the best DJ's and performers of the late 80's and early 90's come out of retirement to join the best DJ's and performers of today. The only place and time you will see friends and relatives of the old and friends and relatives of a new.

Advanced tickets go on sale October 15th-November 20thTicket Prices:$12.50 (Limited Quantity Online Only) - OLD SCHOOL MIX CD INCLUDED$20 VIP (Express Entrance)Tickets can be purchased at www.dynastyempire.com

6) Pinoy Games

November 11
Insight Arts
1545 W Morse Ave
Chicago, IL 60626

$5* para maglaro (to play)
$7* para tumambay (to watch)
kids under 10 are free
*non-consumable fee

Featuring your favorite kanto games: Tumbang preso, Sipa, Patintero, Dama,
Sungka, Atbp. Please support our "mayor" Levi Alliposa, and his special guest, "Ogie
Alcasid." There will also be a Sari-sari and turo-turo stores where food and items can be purchased. All funds raised will proceed towards CIRCA and Pintig Events and programs

my sister...

my sister the welder
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

who made butt prints with me on the concrete in the shower...

who played hide and go seek in the hanging laundry with me...

who can make anyone laugh... except when you find out she named her dog after you...

who swam out to a rock in the middle of the ocean because she was afraid of the dragonflies on the beach...

who stalked mom with a hermit crab from aforementioned beach...

who can steal all of your friends away from you, but in a good way...

who sat thru a painful double feature of blind date and hoosiers with me in an unairconditioned manila movie theatre....

who has been known to cry for hours about wanting to do something but when faced with the prospect of doing it will cry about not wanting to do it...

who goes for the welder mask when all other brides to be go for tulle....

i can't believe you actually conned someone into marrying you. ;p

between my older sister giving birth to my newest niece and my younger sister getting married, a trip to the philippines is probably in my future... no need to consult my magic 8 ball i guess...

Recipe for Blogging Hiatus...

Recipe for Preserving Children
Originally uploaded by highglosshighs.

ingredients:

1 feverish, pissed off toddler on emotional rollercoaster.
1 walking infant developing intellectually and physically at the speed of light.
1 sleep deprived, broken and worried mamazilla, freshly faceplanted via doorways and walls.
24+ hours locked indoors due to outdoor temperature near freezing.

blend all ingredients together.
observe.
everything go "BOOM".

happy annniversary, thin man! the IRON year!

wedding 2
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

a review of our past five anniversaries together...

(because all the stuff before was... well... NSFW. heh heh... hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, knowhatimean...)

the paper year - we bought tickets to california and spent a few luxurious days and nights at the beautiful babbling brook inn in santa cruz, ca. and feasted on a romantic dinner at shadowbrook (with that tremendously cool 1958 funicular) in capitola.

the cotton year - the year we splurged on a week long vacation in london (because i was 4 or 5 mos pregnant with the paloma and we weren't sure when we'd ever get to travel to europe again). my favorite memory is taking the train to oxford, where we visited your other college and took that long walk and fed the deer at the grove.

the leather year - subterranean, candlelit, fondue dinner at geja's cafe with lots and lots of yummy wine and spanish guitar. you bought me my beautiful leather jacket that year. you can feed me fondue anytime...

the linen year - that was the "live like the pretty pipples" anniversary - a two night stay at the decadent park hyatt chicago and a delicious dinner at NoMI (with the michigan avenue table under the chihuly lights).

the wood year - how appropriate. we got all the floors (1st floor) stripped and redone last year. and i wrote this. and um... we suffered thru my pregnancy w/ the porkchop while we waited for the sox to win the world series.... which they did! SOUTH SIIIIIIDE! :)

and this year?

THIS YEAR YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND OUR ANNIVERSARY WITH FRACKING TOUCHDOWN JESUS, YOUR FRACKING UCLA ALUMS/FRATERNITY BROTHERS AND THOUSANDS OF OTHER FRACKING, FOOTBALL, FACE PAINTING, FLAG WAVING FREAKS!!!!

but, i'm not bitter.


GO IRISH!

I HOPE YOU SLAUGHTER THE BRUINS!
(won't take much, they got schooled by the ducks last week...)

yeah, yeah... happy anniversary... thanks for the flowers... kisses... love ya... mean it... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

;)


UPDATE: UCLA 17, NOTRE DAME 20.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

madonna and angelina jolie have inspired me to adopt a baby...

suntan baby
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

...from southern california, specifically a remote hilly village called "los angeles".

i had never been to southern california. i had been taught the history of the area in school but, i realized that there was so much about california culture and history that i didn't know about. for example, i was never told about... *chokes back tears* ...the suntan problem.

the first time i visited los angeles, i accompanied the humanitarian group called "SHADE". we were there to distribute sunscreen, new and gently used sunglasses, wide brimmed straw hats, long sleeve shirts and long pants.

from the moment we stepped off the plane, it was clear that we were "the other" and we were under surveilance. there were cameras EVERYWHERE. for some reason, they were especially focused on those of us with sunglasses and baseball caps. even at a local coffee shop, people ran us down in an effort to get away from the all seeing eye of big brother. i was so afraid.

this is a village so poor that the residents don't have enough money to purchase sunscreen. honestly, i don't think they even know what it is. men, women and children do just about anything and everything in direct sunlight. they don't realize they don't have to look and smell like a pan fried sausage link.i happened to bring a small bottle of sunscreen for myself and they shied away from the foreign smelly liquid. after a slow and gentle application, they got over their initial inhibitions and started applying it to each other and me. such beautiful people!

the los angeles environment is treacherous - frequently ravaged by earthquakes, wildfires and mudslides. the atmosphere is toxic. the roads are impassable. it took hours for us to get from point a to point b, even though people told us it would take 20 minutes. it's easy to see how these people barely eek out an existence. they simply cannot get the basic tools they need to defend themselves from the sun. a woman told me a story about when she had gotten so overly suntanned that when she walked, it sounded like she was wearing corduroy pants. but she had an appointment that she could not cancel. she got into her car and threw down the visor so hard that it broke off and now... now, she has severe cataracts and her skin is.... is peeling. luckily, the appointment was actually an audition for a voiceover and she was hired! stories like hers changed me forever. these people are my heroes. i do have one fond memory of the los angeles roads. whenever we were stuck in traffic, some of the natives would rush to our car to offer us oranges, flowers, cherries and peanuts. of course, we couldn't accept these gifts, but it just reminded us of how generous these people were. and that these people were not victims!

after i adopt a child from los angeles, i'll probably buy a small place there. and then, i'll focus on funding for los angeles schools. i couldn't believe how poorly educated some of the people were. i asked some of them if they'd ever been outside los angeles to manhattan or venice perhaps. although they nodded in the affirmative, they kept pointing west, towards the pacific.

anyway, when we're there we'll learn spanish together and we'll learn all about scientology. s/he'll spend a lot of time in the churches with the ministers, etc, etc... and of course, we'll have fun watching all the nifty helicopters.

back home in chicago, my child will know a world without tans, a city bordered by land on the west and water on the east, and a change of seasons, where you can never be too poor or too fat, where you can wear gym shoes outside of the gym and where we find uses for ALL of the cow.

proof that the paloma is the thin mans child

to the matterhorn
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

and not the milkman's child... not that you NEED any proof of that, really...

1) has adopted the "what you don't know, won't hurt you" philosophy:

M - "paloma did you wash your hands?"
p - "yes."
M - "so, if i go over to the sink and look into it. it will be wet right?"
p - *looks left, looks right, blinks, walks back into bathroom, closes door*

*faint trickle of water going down drain*

p - "what were you saying, mommy?"


2) fluent in "attorney speak":

M - "paloma, please sit down in your seat. this is the second time i've asked you."
p - "i am sitting down in my seat."
M - "paloma, your legs should not be hanging over the side of your booster seat."
p - "mommy, you didn't say, 'paloma, sit in your seat P R O P E R L Y please.'"
M - *takes deep breath, counts to ten"
p - "mommy, i think you should sit on the step if you're in time out."


3) taste in music:

p - "mommy, would you watch my show?"
M - "i don't understand, do you want me to turn on the tv?"
p - *rolls eyes* "um, nooooo. i want you to watch me sing a song in MY show?"
M - "oh sure, i'll watch you sing a song. what song are you going to sing?"
p - "you can choose. i can sing, "sweet caroline" or "chiquitita" or "on the street where you live" or "the schpedoinkle song" or "take me to the fair" or..."
M - *blinks* "um, do you want to go outside for a walk?"
p - "no. no. YES! YES! i DO want to go for a walk."


4) physical appearance:

TTM - "i bought pants!"
M - *reviews purchase* "um, you bought pants for the summer?"
TTM - "whadddya mean?"
M - "i mean you're going to freeze your *ss off. those fabrics are WAY too thin for fall or winter."
TTM - "dear, i have so much hair on my legs i wouldn't worry about any of my appendages freezing."
M - "yes, my yeti love."

TTM - "um, is the paloma too young to get her legs waxed?"
M - *walks out*
TTM - "what?"

5) sleeping habits:

M - *bolts upright from a deep sleep because bed is violently shaking, turns to look at TTM"
TTM - *holding stomach and writhing, eyes closed* "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *mumble mumble* "HAHAHAHAHAHHA!"
M - *turns on table lamp. looks at TTM, still laughing and mumbling, while asleep. turns off light.*

p - *sitting up in bed, eyes closed, sleeping* "no, because i don't want to, mommy."
M - *freaked out. watching the paloma*
p - "i said i don't want to!" *gets out of bed, marches over to a wall* "NO!" *stamps foot, wakes up, clearly afraid* "MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!"

6) gastronomical peccadillos

p - mommy, i don't like vegetables except carrots, broccoli and lettuce.
M - i think you would like vegetables if you actually tried them.
p - i like plums.
M - really. what does a plum look like?
p - that's a plum.
M - that's not a plum. that's an eggplant. oh wait. you're right! that IS a plum! and since you like them so much. i guess i'll just HAVE to make them for dinner. i think you're daddy will LOVE them too! who doesn't love plums!?
p - YAY!
M - YAY!

because i needed some cheering up...

(one coughing child who sounds like rod stewart, one child flowing rivers o' snot, one husband with sore throat, my own sinus issues, a friend's family funeral that i can't attend, a friends' anniversary that i can't acknowledge, the constant rain and the snow (SNOW!? WTF!!??) to follow quickly thereafter, and oh yeah - the threat of a nuclear holocaust...)

i actually forced myself to watch this:



and no, that stupid schpedoinkle song will not cheer me up either.



ok, i take that back.

news from atlantic center for the arts...

atlantic_center_for_the_arts
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

some of you may remember that last summer, i started to write/wrote my "not so great, somewhat american, unfinished novel" for three whole weeks at the atlantic center for the arts in new smyrna beach, florida, while studying with jessica hagedorn.

i met 27 extremely talented and inspiring people - writers, visual artists and composers from all over the world.

aca recently released their 2007 residency schedule and the following artists are scheduled to attend:

STEVE BADANES, architect
KYLE GANN, composer
MARIE PONSOT, poet
ROBERT DICK, composer/flutist
ALICE NOTLEY, poet
MICHAEL BURKARD, poet
STEPHEN JAFFE, composer
THOMAS STRUTH, visual artist
CORNELIUS EADY, playwright/poet
MARIA ELENA GONZALEZ, visual artist
DENIS SMALLEY, composer
PAUL PFEIFFER, visual artist
SARAH SKAGGS, choreographer
GIOIA TIMPANELLI, storyteller/author

if you have an artistic bend and you need a creative process boost, check their schedule and see if there's anyone you'd like to study with and apply for an associate artist position. it was an unforgettable experience for me. the aca history of master artists include:

edward albee
lawrence ferlinghetti
allen ginsberg
eric bogosian
william wegman
nick cave
quincy troupe
spalding gray

these names i remember especially because in the master artist cottages the master artist is asked to sign the inside of his/her closet. jessica showed us the inside of her closet - it was pretty surreal to see all these names and their salutations.

anyhoo.... i also just happened to pick up the latest poets & writers magazine and my fellow associate writer, stephanie harrison, wrote an article in it titled, "You Ought to Be in Pictures A Story Writer’s Guide to Film Adaptation". stephanie published a great book while we were in florida, "Adaptations: From Short Story to Big Screen: 35 Great Stories That Have Inspired Great Films". so, check out the book and the article! incidentally, there's also a great interview with alice notley who is scheduled as a 2007 master artist at aca.

not that you need any more incentive to check out aca but, every year the aca puts on a reunion gathering for master artists and associate artists at a bar in nyc in october. (i heard that the bar is across the street from cbgb). so, theoretically, if you became an associate artist, you could attend this reunion party and who knows which former master artist/celebrity you could meet! unfortunately, i missed the last one (preggers) and i'll probably miss this years as well (10 mos. not weaned). hopefully, next year, i'll finally make it! :)

four yellow cars kind of day....

New York Cabs
Originally uploaded by m4rco.

i just finished reading that haddon book, the curious incident of the dog in the night time. the autistic boy in the book has this heartbreaking way of determining what kind of day he's going to have by the number of red or yellow cars he sees while riding the bus to school. five consecutive red cars means a super good day... four yellow cars means a black day...

1:14 a.m. says the clock on my computer. the clock on the wall is stuck at 6:45 - the short hand's at 6, the long hand's at 9 and hovering above it, the seconds hand is just stuck, still clicking away, like a needle stuck in a groove...

yesterday morning, before i got the email from miss lori, the paloma woke us up at 3:13 a.m. because she had to go potty. she went back to sleep and then, the porkchop woke up and finally got himself back to sleep. by then, i really couldn't get back to sleep. when i started to fall back asleep, everyone was starting to rise and shine at their regular rousing hour, 7 ish... so, things started their general descent around 3:15 a.m.

i don't usually write about "this stuff" because well, i'm living it. but, i'm alone right now and i don't feel well physically. and i usually use writing this blog to escape from the dark realities of the trial by fire parenthood with humor and/or distraction.

and there were so many parenting things, too many to list, that i learned the hard way. and i guess i thought that raising a second child would be a little easier because we already had one. we had 2.5 years of basic training under our belt so, basic stuff - diaper changing, feeding, bathing - i figured, we'd know. and we do know stuff, but the porkchop is so different from the paloma in so many ways.... in so many basic ways... like, oh, i don't know, one's a girl, the other is a boy.

two of the common things i heard were a) that is the perfect age difference in children, they'll play together b) it's hard but it'll get easier when she's in preschool.

well, what's plan B? what happens when they don't play together? what happens when they do play together and HATE it? or what happens when you can't find one thing that will occupy both of them, separate or together, with or without you, happily or even satisfactorily? what happens when it's not easier when she's in preschool because she's SO much happier there that she doesn't want to be home?

this is the kind of stuff that sends all three of us off the deep end. this is the stuff that for some reason starts the paloma kicking the cat and/or saying things like "I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ME AND YOU ARE NOT MY BEST MOMMY!" which starts the porkchop shrieking, like the day he got circumcised, because he hates loud noises, which in turn, starts the aching of my head or my tummy (right now, both) and the sadness and the disappointment and the hatred and frustration and the worry and the regrets and the misgivings... and the thin man gets home and says something that comes out like an insult but was just a thought without a direction or a meaning.... when it gets so bad that even when i pray (and i pray A LOT. sometimes at the top of my lungs into a pillow), i feel completely empty and lost... no, not lost.

...abandoned.

speaking of abandoned, i wrote a post in september re: finding out bad news about three really good friends of mine via grapevines or blog posts. i called my friend, tuesday morning to check in again and to see how her mother was doing. she answered the phone, with that frog in her throat and that crack in her voice and i knew that her mom was gone. she had passed away early that morning. my friend's father passed away in dec '04 and now, her mother is gone too. she has no siblings. i imagine her at home, finally alone, waiting for the time when she has to say goodbye all over again. i need to kidnap her and take her to vegas...

i also talked to my other friend who's marriage to another friend is in trouble. we had a big fight about it actually. i really didn't feel confident about how he was handling it all. he was contemplating moving out because she thought it was a good idea. he was giving me this crap about how they still loved each other but they needed to fix themselves before they could fix their marriage. he promised me that he would do everything he could to stay home and that he would call me to update me on their progress. i never got an update call back so i hoped that things were getting better... slow and steady, wins the race and all... well, yesterday, i just happened to glance at his myspace page and a friend of his had commented "...Hope life is treating you well and the new pad is comfy."

i guess they made a decision. i can't believe i actually stood next to this guy and basically promised his bride, his family and god that he was a standup dude. that he was worthy of her and that the vows he made were set in stone. he made a liar out of me. for some reason, again, i feel abandoned.

and angry. i'm SO angry. i've never loved a friend so much that made me this angry. oh wait, there was one other person. (remember her, honey? yeah, the reason we broke up that THIRD time....)

i'll just pray i suppose. pray for my friends. pray for my family. pray for stupid people. pray for innocent people. pray for the cold church down the road that i attend anyway even though it bores me to tears with its ambivalence.

2:03 a.m. says the clock on my computer. and i actually feel a little better. i have a day ahead of me. i used to have one of those HUGE buttons that you could pin on that said "have a day". it also had a yellow circle face on it that had this blank expression, O_O.

i want to have a good day, a nice day. but, i will settle for just a day. a two yellow & two red cars kind of day...

i just really don't think i can handle another day like yesterday.

dude. i'm SO writing about gael garcia bernal from here on out....

miss lori
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

ok, this is for all my fellow pbs watching parent peeps... and um, all y'all celebrity stalker types...

check it: she read my post about her. miss lori sent me email:

Hi,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you and tell you how much I appeciate your support. I enjoyed reading your blog. I am glad that you and your daughter like the show.

Thanks Again!

Lori Holton Nash
Miss Lori

the paloma thinks i am the COOLEST right now.... ok, the coolest right after the email from miss lori...

so, that settles it. i'm writing about gael and johnny depp and ewan macgregor and djimon hounsou and cihwetel ejiofor and colin firth and hugh grant and...

...or i could watch reruns of star trek.

i blame uhura and kirk...
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i've read that tv's first interracial kiss on tv was on a start trek episode called plato's stepchildren that aired in 1968. it was written by meyer dolinsky who also wrote for hawaii 5-0 and bonanza. however, i just learned that two other episodes filmed before plato's stepchildren had shared kisses between a white actor and an asian actor, elaan of troyius, and between a white actor and a latino actor, space seed.

anyway, i'm not a trekkie by any stretch of the imagination but i have to admit that i did watch it. in the 80s, i was a latch key kid and when i got home, i used to turn on the tv and those crayzee star trek reruns would quickly transport me (via fancy shimmer fade and pre casio keyboard sound effects) to some random galactic port, to meet and greet alien life forms and explore the extraterrestrial landscapes they called home. (i mean you no diss, E.T.)

anyhoo.... it looks like there's a new show joining the historical ranks of prime time tv shows with interracial relationships - abc's new show "brothers & sisters".

in a way, i wasn't surprised to see a black/white pairing since a) some of the tv shows that the stars of the show were formerly in (ally macbeal, six feet under, alias) featured interracial relationships b) abc is home to desperate housewives, grey's anatomy, lost, boston legal - all shows which have featured at least one interracial relationship. i guess i was just surprised to see it on the pilot.

honestly, i actually caught the first two episodes for two reasons:

1) i miss alias (yes, even though the asians were ALWAYS the bad guys).

2) i miss six feet under.

and i hate to admit it but i wasn't all that disappointed.

it's not phenomenal writing (says the unemployed blogger). but, i guess you could say they aren't insulting the talents of the actors - they definitely gave the right characters to the right actors. it's odd to me that for what looks like an ensemble cast/show, the last two episodes seem to have flockhart's character as the axis of the family, maybe even the show.

however, i think rachel griffiths character (oldest sibling, former corporate big wig who leaves big job to take smaller job w/ family business to spend more time with family and husband, contemplating (reigniting? igniting?) an (old?) affair w/ a former coworker who is african american) is much more complex and interesting (admittedly, it could be because i'm a former corporate drone who married "the thin (mixed race) man" and turned into a stay at home mamazilla). griffith's character seems the most fleshed out character to me, though every dramatic plot twist seems hinged on something flockhart's character said, didn't say, did, didn't do, etc...

the only other sibling who's of any interest to me is the gay lawyer brother who is WAY cute but, unlucky in love (& because the fruit fly in me wants to introduce him to all my single gay fruits).

anyway, it'll be interesting (for me, the lone viewer of this show) to see where the characters go, especially if this interracial relationship goes anywhere or went anywhere. it's still unclear to me if they actually had an affair or just flirted with the idea. i remember michael beach from his nights on early ER and the movies "waiting to exhale" and "soul food" and so, i'm REALLY curious who this noah guare character is...

so, it's a little bit like star trek - no new worlds, new life, or new civilizations - but, we've been there, done that - it's family drama, "ron & nancy" style! do i need to draw a picture for you? how ALIEN is that!? (um, no offense intended to my extended family and friends, conservative and otherwise, who are ALL OVER so cal...)

my sister's rabbit died.

monty_python_rabbit
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

does anyone else (besides me) remember when people used to say "the rabbit died" when they talked about someone getting pregnant? i actually remember an episode of M*A*S*H when houlihan thought she was preggers and they asked radar if they could use his rabbit to test for pregnancy. (ok, for those of you in the dark - ages ago, they used to inject rabbits with womens urine to test for pregnancy. they had to kill the rabbits to see if their ovaries had changed. if the ovaries had changed, the woman's urine had HCG and she was pregnant. if the ovaries hadn't changed, well... the rabbit was just SOL.) i don't remember if houlihan was preggers (i doubt it), i don't remember if they actually killed the rabbit and i'm not sure if that was when she was still foolin' around with that major.... whatever his name was... ANYhoo...

did i mention i LOVE rabbits? especially rabbits with huge, sharp....er... foul, cruel, bad tempered rodents! killers! vicious streaks, miles wide!

no, really... my sister, the overacheiving ob gyn (whose contemplating a c-section - WUSS! j/k!), just recently found out that her rabbit died. that's right folks, she pregnant! i'm FINALLY going to be an aunt!

so, she asked me for some names for girls... so, i looked around and i actually found the final, FINAL baby name list that the thin man and i came up with the night before the paloma was born:

(don't laugh too hard... she was our first child.... it was 2003....)

pearl
aisling
adelaide
amelie
amandine
avalon
avery
bayani
bonamie
chandler
chantilly
capri
sadie
emmeline
emerald
eloise
ellery
evelyn
fabienne
ruby
gwenllian
genevieve
laurel
lucia
lorelei
marigold
maybelline
marlowe
rosaline
schuyler
hyacinth
jessamine
kelaine
winifred

well, she's due in the end of jan/beginning of feb, which means i'll probably be making a trip out to the philippines (sans bebes et ma petit chou) early next year. it will be my first trip since 1993. yep, you counted right - i haven't seen my sister(s) in 13 years.

to donate or not to donate?

Stuffed Animal Pants
Originally uploaded by xmasons.

this past spring, we actually did a good amount of spring cleaning. only problem is, here we are on the verge of fall and all our stuff is still waiting to get donated.

yes, we could've held a garage sale.
yes, i know that some donation places pick up now.
yes, we could put it all in the car and drive it over to the goodwill.... yada yada yada.

OR i could make some r*ckin cool pants with the palomas stuffed animals!!!!! ( i thought people walked around naked at burning man...)

on a related note, i just read this over at citymama (who got an email from parenthacks).

there's a link to this inspiring story about edmay mayers, a member of the us army corp of engineers stationed in iraq, who is accepting donations of stuffed animals, candy, gently used clothing and school supplies for children in iraq.

her mailing address is as follows:

Edmay Mayers
USACE - GRS
APO AE 09331

she's also been communicating/answering questions via the comments section on the original parenthacks post.

....you know you want to, you know you can, and you know that those lonely stuffed animals in that big plastic bag in your garage/basement/crawlspace want you to and know you can too...

then again, you could have the makings of a great halloween costume - "stuffed animal blob", "pile o' stuffed animals", "stuffed animals gone WILD!"...

FRACK! i'm so punless this morning.... and i was yea close to bringing up furries...

we heart rice daddies!

maganda & pogi
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i just meandered over to rice daddies and saw that their banner's changed and the paloma and the porkchop are on it! :)

maraming salamat, kanin tatays!

(yes, i CAN bastardize tagalog if i want to.....)

this pic can also be found in the photo gallery at archipelago, an online store that sells great filipino t-shirts. the paloma is wearing their "maganda" (the tagalog word for beautiful) shirt and the porkchop is wearing the "pogi" (the tagalog word for handsome) shirt.

they just introduced a new "halo halo" (my favorite dessert!) shirt. in tagalog, halo halo means mix-mix. so, i think i'll be buying the kids this tee for next summer.

32 days...

October 2006 Calendar
Originally uploaded by buggs.

so, we got the newest issue of lilly's kids.... it's their "halloween hauntquarters" issue with costumes, decor and more (oh my!)

and as always, the paloma just HAD to thumb through it. i usually ask her to circle the stuff she likes and tell her that we'll look it all over later and decide on a costume... in the end, we don't buy a costume.

the thing is she will usually get a hand-me-down unisex costume from an older cousin and she's usually fine with it. her first year, she was an oblivious bunny. her second year, she was a pissed off sunflower. her third year, she was a purple dragon with wings. and btw - if i got a dollar every time i had to say, "BARNEY DOES NOT HAVE WINGS" - i'd be... i'd have a LOT of dollars.

the reality is she's frickin' three and a half years old now. as long as she goes to bed with a bellyfull of candy on oct 31, she won't care if she wore a brown paper bag on her head to score it all. but, she really does seem to care this year. she really wants her own costume that she's picked out.

the weird thing is as we're perusing each page i'm getting more and more bummed out about the whole costume thing...

first of all, in the catalog, there was ONE asian girl model and she was the "sweet and sassy ladybug". neither the fracking "exotic empress barbie costume" nor the "pink dragon ninja" nor the "red dragon lady costume" were modeled by asian girls. i mean, if you can't put the lone asian model in more than one costume - can you, at the very least, stick her in the costumes that the general public will ASSUME an asian girl will be wearing on halloween!? (just kidding... sorta...)

second of all, who can explain the totally uninventive and unimpressive state of costume design and production on the market today? there is no reason why costumes should be as expensive as they are. trust me - having overseen the entire production of THOUSANDS of garments (from design to sourcing to manufacture) overseas - i know of what i speak. and with the countless number of animated and sci fi fantasy films, you'd think there'd be more of a selection for kids and teens. last year, either EVERYONE was wearing the scream mask & hooded cape or the same pimpled pre-teen rang my doorbell from 4 pm until 9 pm.

anyway, there's this part of me that wants to dress the paloma in anything she wants... see her want list below (sorry, i don't have time to link 'em all):

captain jack sparrow (ok, w/ me)
elizabeth swan, pearl of the caribbean (wtf? NO way...)
darth vader (ok)
yoda (FULL ON!)
batgirl (ka-POW!)
deedee doodle (F*CK NO)
magical genie (maybe, she thinks it's a jasmine (as in aladdin, not american idol) costume)
pterodactyl (not my favorite)
t-rex (RAWR!!!)
palomino pony (LOVE it!)
robbie the robot (danger, danger, mamazilla!)
bumble bee fairy (uh, let me think about it... no.)
stephanie from lazy town (see deedee doodle)
soda shop sweetie (possible)
pet shop poodles (also, possible)
spider web ghost (this would scar me for life)
wicked witch of the west (why!!??)

but there's this other part of me that's wondering if i should take this opportunity to educate the paloma (as well as our neighbors, i guess) and dress her up in something out of the ordinary, maybe something that actually reflects her asian/pacific islander side (since the thin man is a grumpy ol' mope who doesn't give a rat's *ss about halloween. even though, halloween originated in ireland - ye olde land o' half his ancestors).

but i don't necessarily want her to be a hula girl ("a super fun costume - in light weight padding to give our sexy hawaiian girl the curves that make her super sexy") or a geisha ("taking a break from the massage parlor...") from a geisha house (i don't think i EVER want to eat there even IF ashton kutcher and wilmer valderrama claim their goal is to make me climax.)

...or mulan, or jasmine (from aladdin or american idol), or cho chang, or lea salonga (circa les mis' or miss saigon), or michele wie (although that would be kinda easy)....

i mean would it be so wrong of me to dress her up in a maria clara dress?



we could compromise and i could get one that's pink and frilly or something and she could tell everyone that she's a filipino cinderella (known in some filipino folktales as "abedeha"). or i could also dress her up like one of the philippines native tribal people like the ibaloi or the igorot. filipinos also have a bevy of mythological creatures, good and bad, that she could choose from, as well as our own comic book heros and heroines. i could go political and dress her up like cory aquino or give her a wagon full of shoes and say she's imelda (but that would be all kinds of wrong. funny but wrong...).

and what if i gave out filipino candy, like polvoron and sampalok, instead of bite sized snickers, milkyways and kit kats? i found this awesome online store call pilipinomart.com where i could easily get filpino groceries delivered to my door!

i know what you're thinking - "ok, if you're prepared to do all that work, only to get your house and your child, mercilessly egged and tp'd and lathered up with shaving cream, go and get yo'self on the 10 o'clock news..."

i figure if i'm going to go thru all that trouble anyway, why not do it with a little inspiration, a little thought, a little passion.... i dunno... maybe i'm doing this more for me than her - as a child, we didn't really have money to buy store bought costumes. and it was always so cold by october, that i was always wearing a winter coat and boots over my homemade ghost costume. by the time, i had money to buy/rent a halloween costume, i was skilled enough to go ahead and make one (and there's NO way that the paloma's walkin' out of this house in one of my old costumes until she can spell "burlesque" and perform a routine legally.)

in the philippines, we could be celebrating a little differently - much like monkeysteez did in her post here. i mean they do the costume/trick or treat thing there too but, we could chuck the costume ideas altogether and just party down with some ancestors. but, that would just break the paloma's heart.

oh, we'll see... the countdown and the costume search continues...

omg. i just realized, i'm going to go thru this all over again with the porkchop aren't i.

f*ck.

furst dey uff skool.

092606 001
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

we actually got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed our teeth and walked to school with ten minutes to spare. we got sent to the cafe 'cause the doors hadn't opened yet! yes, i realize that this will never happen again, but hey, allow me to pat m'self on the back whilst i can...

the conversation on our walk to school was kinda funny...

M: "so what do want to learn at school today, paloma?"

P: "i want to learn how to use the force and drive a spaceship and a car and a horse.... and i want to learn how to walk on a roof like mulan."

M: "well, um, i don't know if you'll learn all that stuff in preschool, but who knows, it's been a while since i was in preschool, maybe the curriculum has changed."

P: "mommy, i just have to ask nicely and say 'please'."

so, we get there and it couldn't have been more anticlimactic.... which i realize is a good thing, but i was hoping for just a little itty bitty waterworks.... at the very least, a cautious look inside the door, a long pause and a look back at mommy for support...

i got nuthin. i could barely get her to stand still for the picture. she just ran in. no kiss, no hug. zip, zilch, nada, gornischt.

so, i'm talking with a friend and the paloma's teacher comes out and says, "the paloma just ran into me and almost knocked me down with my first good morning kiss and hug." i reply, "what? are you showing off now?"

ok, that's a lie. i didn't say it but, i was thinking it.

so, i get home, put the porkchop down for morning nap, i stalk my fave blogs, i answer a phonecall from a friend whose depressed and happily, i un-depressed him, i picked my nose for a while, then, the porkchop woke up and we headed back out to pick up the paloma... (shuddup. this "free time" crap is kinda new for me....)

M: "so, how did it go? do you like preschool?"

P: "no."

M: "do you want to go back?"

P: "yes."

M: "did you learn anything new?"

P: "i learned that alex doesn't like to share his milk."

M: "didn't you get your own milk?"

P: "uh-huh, but i wanted some of his milk too."

M: "well, paloma, for some kids, it's hard to share. they just don't understand how to share or why. so, you just have to be patient and maybe help them and show them how to share. and maybe next time, just ask your teacher, if you can have some more."

P: "well, maybe next time alex should ask teacher for more milk. because he drank all mine and threw lucy's on the floor." *says with deep furrowed brows and frown, arms crossed*

hmm, that alex better watch his back.... my grrls 'bout to get all kinds o' ghetto on him...

remember the scene...

When little ones get sick
Originally uploaded by hale_popoki.

in "terms of endearment" when one of the kids gets the croup? and beautiful debra winger's in that steamy bathroom holding her child who's barking like a seal? for being sick and tired they look amazing to me, like an illuminated madonna and child portrait...

yeah, well, we didn't look like that saturday night. in fact, it's monday and we still look and feel like SH*T.

thankfully, after a good barf and a nebulizer treatment at the ped's office and a couple of puffs of albuterol via an "aerochamber" at home, the paloma is feeling much better. apparently, the croup imposed itself over the summer cold that she, the porkchop and i are fighting. he's doing ok and all i need is a padded cell, a stubby pencil, some mad libs and a gallon o' rum....

tomorrow, the paloma starts preschool... hopefully. fingers crossed.

oh yeah? well, you're a bigger freak than me! infinity!

The Big House, p. 29
originally uploaded by IAAFOTS.

so i just read this over at the zero boss. apparently, john tesh (yeah, THAT john tesh) posted this little snippet of a monologue (?) by comedian michael sommerville (i don't know who that is either) about stuff that us chicas do that freak out our dudes...

i hate to sell us out ladies but, i know, that you know, that WE freak THEM out...

heck, us gals freak each other out... (and i'm not just talking biblically...)

why this is news to anyone (or funny enough to monologue about) is beyond me... but hey, i don't rock out to john tesh either. maybe he and jeff probst should hang out and learn something new together. now, THERE'S a lightbulb joke waiting to happen.

here's the tiny list of complaints:

* Wearing uncomfortable shoes. You’re limping. You have blisters. You need us to carry you. But none of that matters because your shoes match your outfit PERFECTLY! But here’s the deal: As guys, were all for you getting gussied up. But when you force yourself to wear shoes that aren’t even SHAPED like a foot, you’re just asking for trouble.

now, i know friends of mine who do wear uncomfortable shoes. they try them on at the store and they're uncomfortable and they still buy them. but, i have never known a woman to admit this to a man. because that would mean she did something wrong or stupid. and it is genetically impossible for a woman (WO-MAN, y'all, not girl) to admit to doing anything wrong or stupid TO A MAN.

it's my experience that a woman will admit every trespass and confess every sin to her girlfriends. but not to a man (GUYS - fyi - once you become an SO or a DH, you are no longer considered (just) a man. in some cases, you're like an honorary girlfriend... yay, you!!). if a woman were to admit to some kind of stupidity to a man (as in random man, not SO or DH) i'd question A) whether or not she was really a (anatomically correct) woman B) how quickly she could accuse you of assult, have you arrested after you were gullible enough to try to physically pick her up, simultaneously lift your wallet and ultimately steal your identity.

i have girlfriends who will don the most beautiful pair of stilletto heeled, imported black leather, pointy toed boots, just one day after mother nature (who's clearly on the rag) buries chicago in 4' of snow and has left a thick layer of slick ice hidden underneath it, "just because". when my girlfriends start walking around in that, negotiating the drifts, i laugh so hard, i cry. i almost "make yellow" in the snow. they look like kate moss after snorting a manolo shoebag full of blow.

i, on the other hand, have been known to attend a ceili with my girlfriends, who thought it would be a good way to meet real FOB irish boys (i WISH i was joking). so, what does a filipina born in chicago know about ceilis? nothing. i was thinking (every irish stereotype known to chicagoans) there'd be really cute boys, pints o' guinness (that i could drink underage), maybe a little shoegazin' action and some cool tuneage (U2, the pogues). this is what i got - men (born and raised in chicago) who are my fathers age, pop & cookies, maniacal irish set dancing in steel toed doc martens and a live ceili band. my poor scarred feet are still traumatized by the sounds of bazoukis and pipes.

so, i get that the S&M properties of this feminine idiosyncrasy can freak out the general public, especially that "sensitive" half - you know, the ones that voluntarily pee together in troughs and take pictures of each other vomiting. and 'cause it's less freaky to wear stuff until its SO comfotable that it's falling off your body - so what, if you look like an extra from a wayne's world movie or better yet - michael jackson's thriller video. now, THERE'S a look.


* Doing sad things on purpose. You know, like watching “Beaches” for the 20th time and having a sob-fest, or playing music that makes you cry. What gives?

again, i have girlfriends who do this (well, i hate that Beaches movie actually...) and i do this too - with my GIRLfriends. i don't know any girls who do this with their guys because guys do not GET why we do this. so, why would we want to suffer through their impatience or ignorance or derision or ask them to suffer thru our madness?

i've NEVER asked the thin man to watch "The Joy Luck Club" or "Umbrellas of Cherbourg" or "love actually" with me. i save that stuff for me and he saves porn for himself.... no questions asked and the worlds never collide (dude, there's erotica and then, there's porn...)

and i... well, i can't think of any music that makes me cry... some of that new fangled speed metal makes me cry and captain & tenille makes me cry but in that eye bleeding way...

and dude, if you don't want to watch the movie or listen to the music with yer girl, then walk away. don't piss and whine about it like some newborn babe. 'cause you'll make some of us lactate. now THAT, i assure you, will FREAK you out. the exorcist and the blair witch ain't got nothin' on a pissed off lactating woman.

so, grow some cahones, already. as if guys all over the country aren't bawling their eyes out watching their favorite sports team win some random sports title... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN ON DVD.

* Asking hypothetical questions. You know – like, “Honey, would you still love me if I gained 100 pounds and lost all my hair?” Relationships have enough hot spots as it is. There’s no need to go and INVENT more.

oh, yeah, 'cause women corner the market on hypothetical questions... at least OUR hypothetical questions are (relatively) based on reality.

"would you sleep with someone else if he offered you a million dollars?"
"carmen electra or jenny mccarthy? what about both?"
"what would it be like if the cubs actually won the world series?"
"wouldn't i look good in a *insert insanely expensive sportscar here*?"
"what if *insert name of supermodel or box office babe here* walks into my life and says she wants to be with me?"
"honey, would you still love me if i gained 100 lbs and lost all my hair?"

yeah. uh-huh.

that's right, guys, you're no freakier than us so, just shut up and eat your turkey pot pie.

now you see asians on tv, now you don't...

Hypnotist Monster : Such A Huge TV For Such A Little Girl
Originally uploaded by Beatrice Kiddo.

i just read this post on kimchi mamas about the the lack of asian representation on primetime tv. actually, i always think about this because i do watch a fair amount of primetime tv. yeah, whatever. i'm one of "THEM". go erwin and godwin!).

but i just noticed the other day how many asians (females more than males of course) are on childrens television shows. so, i thought i'd compile a list of characters just for sh*ts and giggles... (not that i let the paloma or porkchop watch this much tv, but we've at least caught a glimpse of the shows that we don't watch religiously, like little einsteins....)

sarah on caillou
maggie on maya & miguel
alan on sesame street
keiko and shing ying on zoom
magistrate, tai tai, daughters, cook and reader on sagwa
kevin on the birthday show
jake long and family on american dragon
lilo and family on lilo & stitch
london on suite life of zach and cody
sophie on go baby
june on little einsteins
lou and lou and family on lou and lou safety patrol
kimee on hi-5
juniper lee & family on juniper lee (it looks like there are a bunch of shows which could have asian characters on them on cartoon network)

and on a related note, the show "wow wow wubzzy" was inspired by the creator's (bob boyle) niece and nephew who are asian. and i also know that ming ming on "the wonder pets" is voiced by asian actress, danica lee. and lastly, one of my favorite artists, seonna hong, is an animator on "my life as a teenage robot".

ok, i gotta go... i have more to say but no time left to say it.

the weather is cooperating and so to the park we go...

i got nuthin.

my newest scarf
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

it's september. and as i mentioned before, i f*cking hate september.

i've finished reading lahiri's "the namesake", am attempting to finish irving's "until i find you" and haddons' "the curious incident in the night with the dog" and looking for a floppy hat pattern to go with the new scarf i just finished knitting, pictured above (fyi - classic elite tigress yarn, size 35 needles, CO 5 stitches, garter stitch for 96 " and BO, then cut 60 pcs - 18" long for fringe. voila! brilliant scarfage!).

today in chicago, mother nature's been channelling sybil and it's cold enough that i'm wearing a sweatshirt in the house and wondering if i need to pop the chilly toilet seats in the microwave to get 'em toasty, before we use them. anyhoo...

i just recently found out that two very dear friends of mine are having problems with their marriage (to each other) and one of my BEST friends is taking care of her mother who has terminal pancreatic cancer.

and i mean, JUST found out...

so, i wasted what little blogging time i have by desperately googling the internet and the blogs (only to slap my forehead, thinking "duh, tell me something i don't know") to find new ideas/ways to help my friends besides saying, "i'm here whenever you need me." which i'm sure they've "known" and yet, i find this out now... SO late in the game, that i feel like an *sshole. all along i think i'm a pretty good friend and then all hell breaks loose....

the general history is that i'll call/email to check in on friends and i won't get a call/email back. and usually, it's of no consequence. i hear news later from the grapevine of our mutual friends. so, i try not to worry in the interim. i'm a reluctant follower of the"no gnus is good gnus" generation.

i tell myself that people are busy. that despite all the technology that is supposed to make more time for us and for our social lives, we just never have enough time to make that 5 second phonecall to say,"hey. quit f*cking calling me. i'm ok and i love you. buh-bye." it's so new millenium....

but, the reality is you, well, WE... DO have the time to make that call.

so, on behalf of all those friends who you've been meaning to call for days, weeks, months, years (egads!) and haven't. call them and tell them your good news and your bad news, your new phone number, your new address, your new identity, your new pant size, whatever...

and do it because you love your friends, if not because you love yourself. do it because it breaks our hearts when we find out about it from the grapevine, after the fact, on your blog or on your myspace page. do it because you don't want your friends to obsess about whether or not they're "good" friends (who warrant a phonecall) or if there really is a good and just *insert deity here* who indeed has a divine and loving plan for everyone and everything...

and lastly, do it because we really don't know what to do when it's too late to do anything.

JUST GET ON THE HORN. THIS MEANS YOU. (AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)

a weapon of mass destruction...

look out, world.

HE WALKS!

easy as taking candy from a baby?

biiiiig lick
Originally uploaded by broterham.

have you tried taking candy from a baby? as my blog states below...

i never intended anyone to take me up on it.

apparently, you can give candy to a baby, take it away, shoot a picture of his/her reaction and get $6000 for it. see more pictures here.

who buys this stuff and why?

what kind of creative process leads someone to this and why do they think its ok?

am i really so old that i don't get this?

don't answer that.

*disclaimer - ok, admittedly, that sick, perverted, college aged side of me thinks the pictures are a teeny weeny bit funny probably because my own children have fallen to pieces like this over less. but, i know why they're crying and they're usually clothed.

come 'ere you!

the porkchop
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

i was just tagged by barb to do this "stream of consciousness" meme. i should preface this by saying that my "stream of consciousness" is more like a "ruddy, non-potable, brackish trickle of unconsciousness"

1. glass - half empty (because iyamwhatiyam)
2. ass - munch (this insult always makes me laugh. HA!)
3. crass - punk band (though not one of my favorites)
4. sass - moxie (coz i got it!)
5. lass - pirate (ARRGH!!! YAAAR!)

cannot

type

anymore.

being

assulted

by

short

person!

you are one in a million and i love you so...

andra
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

ever since september 10, 1993, the month of september is like a passive aggressive, drama obsessed, acquaintance that i can never really rid myself of. i think to myself, "ok, i think that was the last time i'll talk to him/her." and then, a week or a month, or a year or so later, i'll get an email or a voicemail that's supposed to "catch me up" on this person's latest news. and something akin to guilt or duty, will force me to open the email and read it or listen to the voicemail and actually save it - i may even be tempted to respond.

i get into this melancholic fog in september, it never fails. and i try in vain to find something - a project, a person, a book - to act as a metaphorical lighthouse, or at the very least, an interim distraction, and nothing really works. i eventually come to the realization that i just have to ride it out. mid month, i comfort myself weakly, "it could be worse, september could be 31 days long, instead of 30".

13 years ago, my best friend, andra brubaker, and her sister, erika, were killed in a car accident.

andra and erika were exceptional people. they were beautiful people. i've never met anyone like them since and i doubt i will ever again. i consider myself one of those "blind squirrels" who scurries around in vain, but every once in a while finds a nut. in high school, i lucked out and found these two. and as faithful a catholic as i pretend to be, i secretly pray for reincarnation. i pray that they've been reincarnated, somewhere next door.

i remember when i found out the paloma was a girl. i would hold my belly and hope. i gave her "andra", as a middle name, just in case. i listen to the paloma's earnest conversations with her friends hoping to hear a little voice say, "cool beans!" or "don't be such a pifflehead".

i'll never forget the last time i saw her. we were both 21. she was planning on attending garrett that fall and had gotten an apartment. while we wandered around in evanston, which we did a lot, she pointed out the apartment building where she would be living. i remember her telling me that she and her mother had bought some basic necessities, dishes, cookware, etc. i was living in chicago, still attending columbia college. eventually it was time to go home. i had to take the L, but she could take a bus back to des plaines. before she got on the bus, she told me that she was going to be driving to ohio with erika to visit her grandmother for grandparents day. but, she'd call me when she got back. i remember thinking we should do something special for her birthday on the 27th. she waved goodbye to me from the back of the bus as it turned the corner. i never saw her again.

i was home and the phone rang and i heard her mother's voice. i immediately thought something was really wrong, then quickly switched gears & scolded myself into thinking, maybe she's just calling to tell me she's planning a surprise for andra's birthday. but, i was right, she was gone. on their way to ohio, there was an accident and they died instantly. i got off the phone and rode empty trains all night. i just didn't want the roaring in my ears to stop.

i miss andra terribly. i miss her so much on some days, i just lie down on the floor and consciously talk myself through breathing. i miss getting the long letter w/ the doodle filled margins & the same closing, "be careful, be good, be nice" safely tucked in a whimsically illustrated envelope in the mail. i miss the quick random late night phonecall. i miss her humorous and wise counsel and her optimism, tempered with a pinch of doom & gloom.

almost everyday, there is something i want to tell her, something i need to ask - foolish things that only she would understand, could explain and/or relate to with parables or jokes with punchlines that i could never predict.

deep down, i worry that maybe if andra was alive today, we wouldn't be friends now. i am not who i was thirteen years ago. i'm not who i was 9 months ago. i worry that maybe we would have grown apart like other friends who have quietly and slowly disappeared into the distance. but, i'm pretty sure we would have found a way. even when i knew her, she was an enigma. i knew most of her likes and dislikes; she favored the colors green and purple, she liked to read john irving, eat orange scones, drink chamomile tea, listen to roxy music or prince and play with cats. whenever i question how well i knew her, i remember that one of her ex-boyfriends nicknamed me "andra's left arm".

all in all, i think andra would be happy with how my life turned out. she'd be a wonderful loving aunt to the paloma and the porkchop. and after forgiving my husband for his past trespasses, she would come to love him and roll her eyes at him too. i owe so much to andra, i can't justify how much or frame it with words. i'm a better and happier human being because of her. i love myself and passionately love others because of the unconditional love she showed me. she changed my life and my perspective and shaped so much of who i am. and it's because oh her that i can get up out of the bed, every morning of september 10.

i'm always thinking of you andra, and i'll always try to find you in the crowd.

pissy loser bowl

091006 002
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, we just had our block party last night.

the highlight of the block party was the cornhole tournament.

i sh*t you not. (apparently, that's what the bean bag toss is called in these here parts and... kentucky.)

the thin man placed second!

and what do you get for placing second in a neighborhood block party (where there's also a huge punch bowl of hairy buffalo and the doobie brothers cds on shuffle - "wooooooe!! hoooooe!! listen to the music!" EVERYBODY SING ALONG!) ?

you get a second hand, engraved silver trophy that says "hoyne ave cornhole" handwritten on a piece of dusty masking tape, placed over an engraving that says "University of Chicago Section of Urology, 1964-1980, Pissy Loser Bowl.

...and cut! check the gate. wrap summer.

p is for paloma and preschool and porkchop and potty.

090806 016
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

yesterday, the porkchop hit the 9 month mark. that's right, he's still alive, 9 months later. so, i'm not as incompetent with children as i am with... math or um, plants...

whoa. 9 months later and i'm still alive too! yay me!

anyhoo - the paloma also got her preschool teaser yesterday. well, i guess we all did really.

our morning did not start out so well. first of all, our morning started at about 3 am with one of porkchop's cries that summon the undead (usually, me). i sleepnursed him and actually got him back to sleep as well. but by the time i had crawled back to our room, i had trouble getting back to sleep myself. i knew i shoulda brought that port back to our room.

7 am rolls around and i finally (voluntarily) wake up, and i feel like a zeppelin, as in graf not led, and not as shiny or ablaze (not yet anyway). mental note: no more gyros from pappy's for dinner. dude. i was tootin' everywhere. if the cats so much as looked at my backside, i tooted. i was envisioning myself, in my casual mom finery, sitting on a small school chair in the director's office, tootin' like a calliope.

then, i hear the paloma waking up with this cough that makes me want to check under her bed for an ashtray or something to see if she's smokin' on the sly. despite the hacking, she's really excited to check out preschool. so excited that she's jumping up and down and running and screaming and pretending she a horse and telling jokes and...yeah, you know where i'm going with this right... she SO excited that she smacking her face into door frames and face planting on the hardwood, with the crying that makes the lemmings run off cliffs and the ecstatic writhing in pain.... good times people, good times. especially before breakfast.

after what seems an eternity, paloma eats her breakfast. and we only go through TWO wardrobe changes before she's ready to face her public (in a summery pink ensemble).

then, it only takes us FORTY FIVE minutes to walk FIVE standard chicago blocks - "look, mommy, a worm! where's he going?! why?! can i touch him?! why not?! he's lonely! mommy, can i take this stick to school and show my teacher?! but WHY!? papa bear and little bear use sticks when they go hiking! mommy, i want to balance on this! (points to paver brick outlining a garden). mommy! i have to go potty! mommy, make a wish! ok, let's find another flower so i can make a wish! but, i want to make a wish so i can be a queen like you!" at this point, i am a bobble head version of myself. my oldest child can turn anyone into a gag gift from spencers (or hot topic, pick your decade). what can your child do? yeah. i win.

ever since we signed her up for the preschool in the spring, she's had an appointment to do a "15 minute observation". it sounded like she was going to do the observing but after we got there, it was clear that she was the one going to be observed.

we got to school and as soon as we entered, she ran straight to the director and the registrar of the school and gave both of them JAINORMOUS hugs (and even explained to them, "i just gave you a JAINORMOUS hug"). so, she got brownie points from the get go.

we get divided. i go to the office (de ja vu). and paloma gets to go to the room with the toys and the sunshine and the primary colors and the happy happy stuff. paloma is SO happy to go with this complete stranger that i feel i need to defend myself,"she really really loves me you know and... she rarely goes to anyone else BUT me and... and... she LIES! IT'S PATHOLOGICAL!ALL THE TIME!

thank god, the tooting stopped.

so, into the woods with the porkchop, i went. i had no idea why i was there or what questions the director would ask me. i figured the porkchop was my forged hall pass, my unscheduled fire drill, an incarnate note from my parent.... so, i could punt if i had to.

see, miss director, not only did i mother that affectionate, intelligent, world leader in the next room. i brought this one into the world too. isn't he cute? doesn't he just knock your nude nylon knee highs off? and it was about then that he started to twitch and whine. though i answered all the questions "correctly" and nodded in agreement in all the right places, i did have to haul out a boob during our little interview. the director was tres tres cool about it, wardrobe malfunction and all.

after the interrogations, the paloma was told that it was time to leave and with little protest she made it out the empty classroom door - and there was a HUGE mound of playdoh calling her name too. we walk out the door and a few of her future classmates are hanging out, watching us from the other side of the fence. "where are you going? why aren't you staying? who are you?" says little girl #1. i say "we're going home now. we were just here for a short visit. this is paloma and she'll be back in a week or two to start school with all of you." she says,"i have a book named "paloma". it's not my favorite. and this is kate." she motions to her silent friend. meanwhile, the paloma is gladhanding everyone down the line saying in a loud voice, "GOODBYE FRIENDS! I'M GOING TO THE YARN STORE NOW TO VISIT THE DOGS AND GET SOME CANDY!"

yeah, paloma, now THERE'S the way to win friends and influence people.

and of course, 1 block into our walk home, "MOOOOMMMMY! I REEEEEALLY HAVE TO USE THE POTTY NOOOOWWWW!!!"

good night, melanie and hush...

good morning, miss lori and hooper!
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, the paloma was mildy disappointed to find that instead of "It's a Big Big World" on tv (at it's regularly scheduled time) this morning, there was this caffeinated, happy, playful, smiley lady. she was disappointed until the funny lady started dancing.... i was a little curious myself.

it turns out that the new lady on the pbs block is Lori Holton Nash, a fellow chicago mommy and founder of CAMPUS inc, a kids program "dedicated to developing the creative spirit within each child" that started in our *sigh* old 'hood, the South Loop, *sigh*. viva la south loop!

the chicago journal has this article titled, mornings with lori. i love this paragraph,"The adopted daughter in a mixed-race marriage that reflected her own white and African-American ethnicity, Holton Nash is a self-described "poster child" for PBS. She lives in a Chinatown town house that she shares with her husband, Larry Nash, a well-known Chicago personal trainer, and her children: son, Skyler, 8, and daughters Kaiann, 5, and Jaedyn, 3." i read this and thought, is it just me or is this upbringing so familiar to those of us who grew up in chicago (or any big city, i guess). i *heart* chicago.

apparently, lori beat out 1,000 applicants nationwide. she had this to say about her audition, "Everybody there was Caucasian, early 30s, late 20s, and had a guitar, so I'm wondering how I got in the room,". hee hee, i'm just picturing a room filled with laurie berkner, ralph's world, dan zanes wannabes (who are all stars of the cd shuffle feature at this house btw).

the article also mentions that hooper is a dog. but, i think that's incorrect. i'm pretty sure he's a guinea pig. check out the pbs page for miss lori and hooper - if it looks like a guinea pig, jokes like a guinea pig, has trouble sharing like a guinea pig, yada, yada, yada....

hopefully, PBS will have found a permanent replacement for melanie martinez, the former host of the good night show on pbs sprout, as well. not that i wanted her to be replaced in the first place. i read somewhere, that in the interim, noel mcneal (of bear in the big blue house fame) will be taking over as special guest host with a star and a firefly.

and lastly, in related former kids tv host news.... pee wee's playhouse: the movie is currently in production!!! paul reubens recent HILARIOUS appearance on the jimmy kimmel show is below: