dis da homie righ' huuuuur!

i am 8 mos old today.
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972

check it:

i am 8 months old today. awwww, yeah! and it's all about me. mememememememememememe....

3 Things That Scare Me
1. when daddy pretends he's chewbacca.
2. the thing that mommy calls a vaccum cleaner, but really isn't and certainly doesn't clean like one.
3. um, how do i say this nicely.... YOU.


3 People That Make Me Laugh
1. K'zilla
2. Mamazilla & Popzilla
3. Farting (i know a fart is not a person, but it shure is phunney!)

3 Things I Love
1. the cats - i love to hug them, and squeeze them and call them "george".
2. k'zillas toys, especially the ones she's currently playing with.
3. any and all remote controls

3 Things I Hate
1. when daddy tries to trick me into drinking some liquid that looks like boobiejooce from this clear cylindrical nipply thing.
2. getting toys taken away from me - especially the cats.
3. sitting in a dirty diaper - seriously dude, my sh*t don't stink.

3 Things I Don’t Understand
1. pain reliever/fever reducer - how can something that sounds so good for me, taste SO wretched?
2. why can't mamazilla change diapers at the speed of light?
3. why can't i walk by myself yet?! i can pull myself up, i can move the two bendy things, i understand the concept, yada, yada, yada...

3 Things on my Floor
1. my shark robeez
2. a diaper that mamazilla used as a nursing pad
3. cat fur

3 Things I’m Doing Right Now
1. sleeping.
2. plotting world domination.
3. waiting for my parents to get a scant 15 mins of sleep before i wake them with crying that makes your eyes bleed.

3 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. get in the guinness book of world records for "Most Tiny Toys Inserted Into Mouth At One Time Without Choking".
2. climb mount everest, as easily as i climb the cats.
3. get on soul train. move ovah, usher.

3 Things I Can Do
1. talk. you just don't know my language. f*ck babysigns. i got your sign right here buddy.
2. drum. i learned from the best - buddy rich and animal.
3. drain mamazilla's boobs. got boobiejuice? i's like crack.

3 Ways to Describe My Personality
1. determined.
2. curious.
3. happy go lucky.

3 Things I Cannot Do
1. travel thru time. (i miss the womb.)
2. projectile poop. (but i'm working on it.)
3. sleep thru the night. i AM the par-tay.

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To
1. anything that k'zilla will dance to.
2. nature - birds, cicadas, water, pigeons getting hit by cars, squirrels peeing on screens....
3. anything that is shiny, plastic, primary colored, runs on batteries, has blinking lights and multiple songs/sounds with no volume control whatsoever.

3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To
1. the word "no".
2. sirens.
3. fireworks.

3 Absolute Favorite Foods
1. stage 1 bananas or peaches
2. stage 1 applesauce mixed with peas or green beans
3. mommy boob, mommy shoulder, mommy forearm, mommy leg

3 Beverages I Drink Regularly
1. boo
2. bie
3. jooce

3 Things I Would Like to Learn
1. to talk. in spanish, tagalog and then maybe, english (heck, why not...)
2. to make money so i can buy everything on earth that comes with a remote control.
3. to control minds, especially the cats.

3 Shows I Watch (because k'zilla watches 'em. i would much rather watch boobies.)
1. little einsteins
2. hi-5
3. it's a big world

Babies I Tag
any baby who has a typist on staff (like moi) willing to do this.... i dare ya. i quadruple dare ya...

icthyophobia

Originally uploaded by deborah lattimore.

i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who has icthyophobia - fear of fish. we were talking about doing a fieldtrip of sorts and i mentioned a trip to the shedd when she reminded me of her phobia...

C - "yeah, no aquarium. think of the heebeejeebee factor."
M - "oh. right. hey, are you making dinner? i can call you back later."
C - "h*ll no. too hot. ordering in.
M- "me too. sushi."
C- "oh. today would be perfect for sushi. if i ate sushi."
M - "you can eat veggie sushi right?"
C - "no. the seaweed is too... um, fishy."
M - "you can't eat in restaurants where they have aquariums either, can you?"
C-"oh god no. well, i suppose i could eat AWAY from the aquarium. but i doubt i'd try."
M - "i really wish you'd have told me about this BEFORE i made salmon for dinner that one time."
C-"yeah, that was all kinds of wrong. i couldn't remember if i'd told you. i was sure i had and i thought maybe i'd p*ssed you off or something."
M - "i'm only that mean to my family."
C-"good to know."

...i realized that after i got off the phone with her i'd neglected to ask if she knew why she had this phobia. if some event precipitated the whole thing. see, i LOVE fish. i love to eat fish, to watch fish, feed fish, draw fish, born under fish sign, get fish tattooed on my body, etc...

which got me thinking.... i think i have a entomophobia.

i hate bugs.

i FEAR bugs.

which is one of the many myriad of reasons i cringe at the mere mention of going to the park, eating outdoors, etc. i know - cosmic joke that i'm a mom of two and a wife of outdoor worshippers... i go to the park because it is my lot in life, not because i enjoy it. i don't hate it - the park. i hate the many legged, winged, dappled, exoskeletoned creatures that call the park - "home".

below i offer you the reasons why i have entomophobia:

1) watched 70s plague movies - especially the one about killer bees. i loved the part when they got frozen at the football stadium.

2) got stung by a bee - in the choir loft of my church when i was 7. it was sitting on the pew ledge and i didn't see it and put my hand right on it. hurt like a mofo.

3) contracted malaria while on a trip to the philippines - the first night, i sat down to a big family dinner and when i got up, i had fifteen mosquito bites. no one else had any. fyi - it was virtually impossible to contract malaria in manila in the 80s.

4) bug experiences in the philippines - roaches (the size and heft of small batteries) THAT FLY. so not fun when you're navigating in the dark, outside, looking for the bathroom. yeah, they're in there too. god help you if one lands on your face while you're.... ugh, shivers.

5) roaches scurry like fiends, when you turn on a light - not one of the highlights of living in the ghetto, in chicago, not the third world.

6) fleas (the little bloodsucking f*ckers) are the ninjas of the insect world - one of many reasons why our cats are no longer outdoor cats.

7) ants are constantly finding ways to invade my house and pillage my food.

8) flies - do i really have to explain this? when was the last time you saw a fly? have you not seen the movie, The Fly?

9) noseeums - they're so small, they're hard to see, hence the name, hence my hatred.

and then, the bug lovers pipe up... "but, mamazilla, don't you love ladybugs and butterflies and lightning bugs and praying mantises and spiders, etc... bugs that eat bugs?"

let me clarify, when there is a piece of glass between me and a bug, i LOVE bugs. i especially love DEAD bugs, under glass. there was this store in san francisco....

hey, wait a minute. come to think of it, i must have been lulled into a false sense of bug security while i lived in no. cal. 'cause i can't think of any run ins with bugs while i was there except for the specimens that were sold at this cool shop in the haight.

but, alas, this is chicago - the midwest - a no mans land - in yet another sense.

dude. i don't know what i'm going to do when i win that trip to the amazon... someday... eventually. maybe i can find that bubble that john travolta had on ebay.

burned out...

Match lighting match
Originally uploaded by photoyed.

k'zillas w/ stomach flu +

k'zillas w/ cold (after stomach flu) +

no sleep (because of kids having stomach flu & cold) +

brutal heat wave +

overwhelming feelings of depression, paranoia and fear due to horrible racism and prejudice in city/neighborhood

...equals one burned out mamazilla. apologies for blogging hiatus.

maligayang kaarawan to my comare, monkeysteez!

mia and me
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

feliz cumpleanos, mamacita mia!

around this time, last year, i was lucky enough to run into monkeysteez at ACA. since then, i feel like i have to keep up with the "DE" crew.

i learned a lot from my experience at ACA. from you, i learned

1) some new ways to make up names for fictional characters
2) i should drive with the car headlights ON (if i ever learn to drive)
3) NOT to tell you a secret
4) that i will never attempt to write a screenplay
5) i have to stay up really late and get up painfully early to keep up with your generation

mia, your youth inspires me to be more youthful. your talent inspires me to continue writing, observing and learning. all in all, you inspire me to be a better human being. mahal kita!

fashion victim...

image from http://www.svobodazvirat.cz

in the ten years i worked in the garment industry, i would have to say the only people i ever saw who wore the wares we manufactured and peddled (and didn't work for the company) were the models who came in for the fittings. which is not to say that we didn't have our fair share of fashionistas running thru the halls, in every department but, they were stylish people, trendsetters - not fashion victims.

and really, that's the thing - whatever you do - DON'T be a victim to fashion, in any way, shape or form. the very first thing i was taught in my humble fashion design program many moons ago, "fashion isn't an art form, it's a business." and that just about shattered my naive little designer dreams. and the longer i worked in "the business", the more that lesson rang true.

so, i'm trying to formulate a cohesive thought about these articles/posts that were mentioned in the blogs - She's Like A Rainbow, miu miu's Fall Winter 06/07 advertising campaign, Bubbles & Bling) that have contributed to all this conversation about race, racism, diversity and fashion at mixedmediawatch (a blog that "tracks media representations of mixed people") and almost girl (a fashionista meets basically everything blog, "where plato and prada meet")

maybe i should start with the original post "Why the fashion industry desperately needs some diversity" at mixed media watch... hopefully, a cohesive thought will evolve... (advance mea culpas - i'm a mom of two, who doesn't get enough sleep.)

first of all, i can only speak from my own experience in the fashion industry in chicago and san francisco that the rag trade looks pretty diverse to me. granted, there were fewer POC in upper management, but the design, marketing, sourcing, sales, technical, production, even shipping departments were all "balanced". but, like the greater melting pot that is our country, examples of ambiguous racism and nebulous prejudice were more than abundant.

i still can't believe that i was a part of the industry sometimes that i didn't just up and walk out. well, actually i did once - it was my very first job in SF too - that shoulda clued me in i suppose.
the "us v. them" conflict was as tangible and slender as the fabric we were all cutting and sewing together in seamless harmony - it was the american born v. the foreign born, or the filipinos v. the chinese, thailand v. turkey v. guatemala v. mexico or white people v. the... well, everybody else. it was f*cking world cup meets ab fab meets poorly produced after school special about prejudice.

i remember how excited i was to see so many asian faces in SF and thinking, "no one here will ever ask me if filipinos really eat dogs." and then, i think i was there a whole week before another asian person (the first of many people POC and otherwise) actually asked me if i was a filipino and if i'd ever eaten a dog.

so, anyway, imho - i don't know if hiring a diverse staff can necessarily prevent a company from looking spectacularly stupid - look at the advertising campaigns for american apparel, the stupid racist t-shirts that abercrombie and fitch used to sell (in 2002, even after "they asked their asian staff if it was ok to sell it in the first place"), and when are we EVER going to free the gwenihana four 'cause they're not looking remotely interested in walking out on their own!

my impression is that since fashion is a business, fashion companies will hire people who emulate/represent/mimic their business (to grow/expand) principles not necessarily their design philosophy or target customer. and they have the opportunity to hire a rainbow of people, especially in SF. so, is it possible that it's less about hiring diverse races of people and more about hiring diverse races of people with a conscience and who are aware of the global consumer. (...btw - all i know about the NY businesses is that they all slammed their doors in my face when i pounded manhattan pavement in '93.)

re: the NYT article about kimora lee. that reporter was an *sshat & totally pulled a "whitneymcnally" (i have previously never had a reason to use that phrase - so, wow). but, that's the NYT, a newsaper, not a garment design/manufacturing company. and well, i don't know squat about publishing...

re: miu miu and their advertising campaign.... the last time i checked, miu miu is a division of prada. and i believe that prada is an italian company. the last time i was in italy, i was the most "exotic" thing in town, the chinese food in the chinatown (in florence) SUCKED MAJOR *SS (and they didn't even HAVE chopsticks at the place we ate), and the single italian straight men that i met in italy were still living with their moms (not that there's anything wrong with that!). i guess i'm just saying that i'm not surprised that their advertising campaign is well... what it is. i'm not saying it's right. i guess i'm just saying it's italian. we have enough ignorance to deal with in america - are we really going to try to battle it out all the way over in italy too? not that we shouldn't or can't but... at least they're hiring asians to represent their company - do a google image search for american fashion houses like DKNY, CK, RL, american Vogue, etc... - you won't see a POC anywhere except for the sweatshop boycotts.

the only POC supermodel (who doesn't fit "the mold") that comes to my mind who has crossed that boundary with american designers is alec wek (who i think is absolutely stunning). but, i always wonder was alec wek chosen because of her beauty or because she's sorta the anti-tyra, iman, and naomi - and "tokenized" as such.

and another thing - re: magazine layouts. at one of my old jobs, a few times people from marketing would come by production looking for samples to send out because such and such magazine was shooting a layout and wanted something... i dunno... "pink". and so, we'd hand over whatever it was they were looking for. they'd stick it in an overnight envelope and be done with it. it seemed like that was usually the extent of our involvement. it's a shame that designers/design companies aren't more interested in how their stuff is photographed in magazines. it's too bad for them that it has to get to the printed/published stage to actually get noticed as good or bad publicity. so, in some cases it's not active racism, just it's counterpart - lazy ignorant ambivalence, "what? racism still exists? oh, you mean, OUTSIDE of san francisco, right?"

finally, there are the comments made by louis roderer's managing director, frederic rouzaud, in the economist's article "bubbles & bling" about the relationship between "the bling lifestyle" and cristal - here's how the comment originally appeared in the article under their editorial header "Unwelcome Attention", "In fact, the attitude of the house of Roederer to the unexpected popularity of Cristal among rappers is considerably more circumspect. Frédéric Rouzaud, who took over from his father as managing-director of the winery in January, says that Roederer has observed its association with rap with “curiosity and serenity”. But he does not seem entirely serene. Asked if an association between Cristal and the bling lifestyle could actually hurt the brand, he replies: 'That’s a good question, but what can we do? We can’t forbid people from buying it. I’m sure Dom Pérignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business.'"

the way i'm reading it - the reporter's painting the comment and the company in a bad light. it really sounds to me as if the managing director is saying they are delighted to have the business as would Krug or Dom Perignon. again, wine makers and newspapers and magazines are not fashion houses. the dude is FRENCH - i know i'm making a HUGE generalization here but when a french friend of mine speaks to me - i ALWAYS think she's condescending to me 'cause she just sounds like she is in her "outRAGEous frAnch AKsant" and lastly, hey, is it hot in here or is that another race riot in France?

but then again, i am a sleepless mom of two... i'm not the brightest light in the harbor either which doesnt bode well for my children's genetic makeup.

but then another thing caught my eye in the article, "Both Dom Pérignon and Krug have had their share of unwelcome attention, too...." it's the magazine that's calling it "unwelcome attention" - not the wine makers. puts a whole new "spin" on "spin the bottle", don't it? :P

anyhoo.... i think that's all my little pea brain can regurgitate. i have some thoughts about almost girl's reply, but i have to pretend to get some sleep.... but one thing that TOTALLY sticks out like a sore thumb - almost girl is a "former chicago south sider".... please PLEASE PLEEEEEASE, let her NOT be from beverly. puh-leeeeze!

"..a multicultural france..." or why i'm crushin' on boateng.

the boatengs as pictured in the telegraph

it was like love at first sight with ozwald boateng - well, his suits really. seriously, for someone like me - i get immensely geeked out about bound buttonholes and hong kong seams.

but i really like him - i mean the dude, not just the suit - even more now. ok, i may even have a slight crush on him. too bad i'd have to put another mortgage on the house to buy popzilla a boateng $uit.

i remember when boateng was tapped to design givenchy's menswear line in 2003. it was the first time that a black designer was tapped to head a french fashion house (not just ANY house, mind you, imho). however, in 2003, i was completely disillusioned and embittered by my ten dutiful & admittedly prosperous years in the fashion industry. but, i was done. i knew it was time for me to make a clean break, get closure and move on. but after hearing that news and reading his mini bios, i remembered what it was like to be youthful, energized and passionate about fashion design, and the daydreaming of a life that boateng was living - freakishly talented technically/creatively and "discovered" at 16, selling to major retailers at 18, multinational fashion icon by his 20s . needless to say, his story really resonated with me. i was actually happy for a fashion designer and honestly impressed, instead of jaded and cynical.

so, last night i was channel surfing and there he was on the sundance channel! i had NO idea he had his own reality show - House of Boateng - yeah, i don't just LIVE under a rock, two children actually sit on the rock that i live under. i quickly prayed to the reality tv gods,"please please, PLEASE tv gods, don't let him be vapid, crass and narcissistic!" and YAY! he wasn't! (but, let's face it, one show does not a series make & one reality series is not necessarily the reality of its star...)

anyway, i think i missed the beginning of last night's show and i don't think the episode i saw last night was the first of the series. but when i tuned in, boateng was discussing casting for an upcoming fashion show. he's perusing model headshots and polaroids and he's saying, "yes, i've seen him all over paris." or "no, he's just not right." and then he says (and i'm sort of paraphrasing because i was just shocked when he said it) "france is multicultural and the show has to represent that. what we really need is more asians. they're the missing key to the show." after my initial shock, i laughed 'cause c'mon, can "multicultural france" AFFORD to buy anything boateng?! ha. doubt it. but i digress...

BOATENG NEEDS ASIANS!!!!??? and you shoulda seen the SUPAH FIIIINE asian hotties he found! so, immediately, boateng scores umpteen additional brownie points with mamazilla.

then, THEN! his speechlessly beautiful russian wife, gyunel, brings their totally cute fashion forward toddlers over for what i call the "really, i was just in the neighborhood" visit. (that breezy visit you make to your SO's workplace with some random ulterior motive - you need an emergency break to avoid infanticide, the quick babysit while you shop for bras, a hump day change of scenery, potty break, need mad money, or you suspect an affair.)

so, during and following the visit, boateng takes what seems like an indulgent amount of time (even for a reality show) to talk about how much he loves his kids, his family, how important they are and how special they are, etc....he carries his kids upside down, hugs and cuddles them, he talks to them about "the boys" and the clothes and shares his work world with them. ACK!!! TOO CUTE!!!

too.

cute.

dude, show me the mamazilla who doesn't crush on happy-go-lucky, obnoxiously-PDAing-on-their-kids popzillas?!

and then the rest of the episode is a colorful blur of fashion journalists, stylists, celebrities, clothing, accessories, models, hair, makeup, paparazzi and music, yada, yada, yada... you know, your recommended daily allowance of french luxury fashion.

yeah, it's official, i think i'm crushin' on boateng.

check out the show - thursdays on the sundance channel. :)

and they loaded up their bikes and they raced thru Beverly... Hills that is...

Jacob Nielsen takes a corner
Originally uploaded by Luke.

we're finally going to be in town to witness a race in beverly tomorrow. i've heard it's pretty cool to watch - the whole neighborhood decks itself out in all its finery and they party all night long.... so, i figure we prolly won't be getting afternoon naps or a restful evenings sleep. if ya can't beat 'em join 'em... when in rome, yada yada yada...

"More than 125 world-class cyclists will compete in the third annual Beverly Hills Cycling Classic on July 7. The 100K criterium is the first leg of the International Cycling Classic Superweek Pro Tour. Starting/finishing at 107th Street and Longwood Drive, riders will speed around a one-mile race circuit, traveling 62 miles in about two hours through Chicago's beautiful and bike friendly neighborhoods, Beverly Hills and Morgan Park. For applications to the Tour de Beverly and Longwood 100, and for information about the Beverly Hills Cycling Classic, call Beverly Area Planning Association at (773) 233-3100."

doe, ray, meme....

photo taken from http://www.birdsasart.com

so, i was just checking out rice daddies and kimchi mamas and some of them completed the following APA parenting meme that i now feel strangely compelled to complete also... i know, i'm such a lemming... but, here goes:

1. I am:
a filipina, born & raised in a northwest side chi-town ghetto. *insert old school house music here*

2. My kids are:
i think they break down this way - 50% filipino, 12.5% irish, 12.5% puerto rican and 25% a colorful goulash of misc. european schtoof.

3. I first realized I was APA when:
i was the only one who used rice to substitute for glue on craft projects in art class. and where did i get the rice? it was, of course, what little rice was left over from my lunch (of rice, smoked fish and banana chips) that i had brought to school that day.

4. People think my name is:
unique. but people also think my first name is jerillee or geruhldee or geraldine - um, *BUZZ* no. and they also think my last name is "united" or pronouced similarly - which it's not and it's not pronounced that way either. and believe it or not, i actually got schooled by an irish friend of mine for pronouncing my husband's irish last name incorrectly. i just cannot win!!!!

what a lot of people also don't know is that each letter in my first name corresponds to someone in my family. and speaking from experience, it's common for filipino parents to whip out their artistic licenses when it comes to naming the fruits o' yer loins. for example, let's say your last name is "Dy". your parents probably thought it would be so TOTALLY cool to name you "John Kenny". seriously, dude... John Kenny Dy. get it? yeah, don't get me started on my childhood girlfriends - Jingle, Joy, Jade and Jen Jen....

5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is:
i can't choose just one - family is your #1 priority, respect your elders (especially YO MOMMA!), always be proactive & volunteer to help, always be thankful for what you have, eat family meals together and ear piercing.

6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is:
passive aggressive behavior especially guilt tripping, showcasing children like *bling*, observing ridiculous superstitions, and random ignorance like - homophobia, racism and how to cure acne.

7. My child's first word in English was:
DADA! (assuming that's really english and she meant my husband...)

8. My child's first non-English word was:
LOLA! (that's "grandma or granny or gran" for some filipinos - other filipinos say "nanay")

9. The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is:
'SusMariJosep! (which doesn't really count since filipinos can't corner the market on jesus, mary and joseph.) so, i guess "Maarte!" (which loosely translated means "omigodquitbeingsuchadramaqueen!!!")

10. One thing I love about being an APA parent is:
i love being filipino so, i get to share what that all means/encompasses with my children and i also get to re-live the best parts of my childhood (as a filipina, a chicagoan and an american) with them.

11. One thing I hate about being an APA parent is:
getting mistaken for the foreign live in nanny...

12. The best thing about being part of an APA family is:
realizing how similar we are to non-APA families, and embracing our differences - a) the food is WAAY mo' bettah and b) my family is hella proud we're from the ghetto.

13. The worst thing about being part of an APA family is:
many of us (not all) don't realize that we're like all the other families and tend to self-segregate instead of reaching out to find where we do relate.

14. To me, being Asian Pacific American means:
i am a person of color which comes with so many gifts and a huge responsibility - to always be the best person (filipino, chicagoan, american, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, writer, artist) i can be, to learn something new everyday and to share that knowledge with others, and care for my family - the family i know and the family i have yet to meet.

rewiring...

rewiring entry
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

sometimes i think i might be traumatizing my children for life with my various and sundry idiosyncrasies and neuroses... other times i think they're probably going to be traumatized by all the stuff we're doing to the house - wood stripping, rewiring the electricity, painting, the odd fix it jobby on the "honey do" list here and there, etc ...

in this most recent week, while we had the whole house rewired, the kids have been unable to take regularly scheduled naps and consequently, they metamorphose into itty bitty attention sucking vampires with high pitched whining that makes your eyes bleed.

and their nightime sleep is affected - more so with b'zilla than k'zilla (who had a very wet accident in her bed the other night - YUCK). and when they don't sleep well - i don't sleep well, which makes for a very crabby mamazilla in the morning, well... all day usually... but i digress....

anyway, yesterday, the electricians finished all their dust moving and wire pulling and wall breaking. *insert HALLELUJAH! chorus here*

and wouldya believe they found (or rather unearthed) 15 wall sconces?! (or rather the locations of wall sconces that were originally part of the house.) they also put "All That Runs Electric" to rights... all previously mysterious light switches now have a purpose! EUREKA!

i walked thru the house, which is a very bright house indeed with all it's windows, and turned on all the lights. it was like i was just resurfacing from an extended stay underground...

i mean we had lights throughout the house, but in some areas we put in one light or just replaced an existing fixture with a new one and voila!

well, ok... you see more dustbunnies to vaccuum up and more walls to scrub & wash... :) but hey, really - it makes the basement, for example, seem less gratuitous slasher flick and more low budget B movie.

well, the b'zilla is crying and i've lost what little train of thought i had... i swear i had something to ponder... must go heat up my coffee for the third time this a.m. - and no, i haven't e'en tasted it yet.

do you see a jellyfish?

so, we were putzin' around with the mini doodle board when k'zilla says to me,"mommy, THIS is a jellyfish, ok? now, YOU draw a jellyfish."

this is a jellyfish.
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

so, i drew this:

this is not a jellyfish.
Originally uploaded by mamazilla1972.

to which she condescendingly replied, "THIS is NOT a jellyfish." and there you have it - 5 years of art school WASTED!

Happy Father's Day, Popzilla!!!!

k'zilla (circa 16mos) horsing around with popzilla...

we sent the "king" o' the household to "Ye Olde King's Barber" .
then, he has the rest of the day OFF!

:)

time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future....

here i am thinking it's only been a few days since my last post - HA! i take it back i'm not sleep deprived, i'm just a walking lobotomy. i can prove it too.

yesterday, i called popzilla URGENTLY. (dude, i mean like my eyebrows were on fire or something....)

this is how the call went:

P - hey, what's up?
M - hey there! *ELABORATE sigh * can you remember to please, PLEASE, get stamps?!
P - uh, sure. are you okay?
K (in background) - who you talkin' to mommy?
B (in foreground) - WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
M - i'm talking to daddy. yeah, i'm just so P*SSED! i finally get myself and the kids fed, changed and out the door and we walk ALL the way to the drugstore to get stamps, which of course takes three hours longer than usual 'cause k'zilla is walking and picking every dandelion in sight! and...
K - no, you're NOT!? hahahahahahaha!!!! silly goose!!!
P - yeah? and what?
M - and... and... i got stamps. *completely deflating now* they're in this plastic bag hanging from the stroller. right now. and i have no idea why i am calling you.
P - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
M - ok. i'm gonna go. bye. say goodbye to daddy. *click*
K - BYE DADDY!!!!!!
B - WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

above cellphone exchange = walking lobotomy

ARRRGH!!!! my eyes! MY EYES!!!!!

whatever you do, don't google images for "lobotomy".

that's not pigeon doodoo, that's baby food...

just checking to see if this actually works...

california dreamin' cont'd...

waterslide-o-rama!

hey, kids! can you say - fiasco? fee-*SS-ko....

it involved a day of very little planning, four families with multiple children, two dogs, 103 degree heat, a giant inflatable jumperoo, a GIANT inflatable slide and more than one p*ssed off mamazilla. and this is what i learned (or what i should have known or... well, you'll see...)

a) always plan like no one else has made plans - especially when you realize that the plan you were told about has already been altered the minute you step thru the door (fyi - i know this, but i assume EVERY parent knows this and values their own sanity, like me).

for example, when the PLAN is hang out at point B for a few hours so that the kids can play and then return to point A for lunch (not breakfast, not brunch, not dinner). that's what you're going to do - that's what EXPECTED you're going to do.

but, when you arrive at point B (on time @ 10 a.m.), only to find that there's more food than you expected -and it's lunch kind of food, not your random playdate fare or what i like to call the "supermodel feast". and that the playdate hosts and some of the other expected attendees are running behind schedule. you just know, like rosemary and damien's mom, that somehow, something, is just NOT right.

for some reason, the whole time i kept trying to convince myself, "it'll work out. you're NOT going to leave here hungry, tired or p*ssed off from the playdate. it's not like we're going to be here around 4 o'clock."

we didn't leave until 4 o'clock and i was hungry, tired and p*ssed off, just like popzilla, k'zilla and b'zilla.

b) children w/ little or no food and naps taken too late - do not mix (ditto parenthetical above).

let's say, you're three years old. on vacation. in a different house with toys that you don't have at your home. and dogs.

are you going to eat something (no, 1 potato chip does not make a meal/snack) and/or (GOD FORBID!) take a nap (at your scheduled naptime) and waste PRECIOUS time playing with and in water on an enormous primary colored waterslide, or bouncing in the air on a huge primary colored jumperoo, or making sand creations in a big clean sandbox or playing catch with two really friendlly dogs that salivate profusely?

no, you're not.

and lucky for you, the other parents and grandparents really don't seem to care what their children do or don't do either.

so, where does that leave your mommy and daddy? S.O.L. that's where that leaves mommy and daddy. because when you're a three year old, all you know is that you're overtired and hungry and you automatically assume that high-pitched screaming, crying and whining might get you something you want or a ride to somewhere else that you'd rather be. it seems to work for your younger counterparts anyway....

c) babies are creatures of habit - woe is she who alters that habit. just say no (ditto parenthetical above).

mamazillas are always thinking of new and efficient ways of getting things accomplished. ALWAYS. we all use our higher education and workplace honed skills to manage our daily lives at home. i'll even admit that some nights i will lay awake at night and try to plan/strategize the next day or virtually organize a new user friendly pantry. dude, if i could spreadsheet my life, i would. it sounds pathetic, i know, but i see it as still using my God given "talents". they're not languishing in a dilapidated trunk in the cobwebbed closet that is my dual hemispheric grey matter.

so, when i was back in chicago, i came up with this INGENIOUS plan to bathe b'zilla while in palm springs. since i realized i wouldn't have time to do it at home, i figured i could do it when we got to point B where they also have an infant and most likely an infant bathtub.
but, when we got to point B, the other mamazilla was... shall we say... slightly overexcited for me to use their bathtub. so much so that i felt impelled to use it - immediately after she showed it to me (i'd been at the playdate about 10 minutes and happened to mention it) and in the fashion she uses it with her infant (in the big bathtub with the most INTENSE water pressure known to man).

after traumatizing a screaming b'zilla for what seemed like an eternity (in reality - what? like 8 minutes?) i opted to wait until we got back to chicago to give him a bath.
oh, whatever, f*cking shoot me, ok? he gets bathed in the kitchen sink with the kitchen faucet. that's how he likes it. and frankly, that's how my back and knees like it. i was an *sshole for not waiting until their kitchen sink was free. i deserved the screaming fit.
never. again.

d) do not disappoint in any way shape or form the mamazilla in law (ditto parenthetical above).

see, now i woulda thunk that this was a no-brainer. who in their right mind wants to p*ss off their mamazilla in law? certainly not me. my mamazilla in law does not suffer fools or bullsh*t gladly.

i hella LOVE my mamazilla in law!

what i didn't realize was that my mamazilla in law is not EVERY ones mamazilla in law. so, nobody gave a sh*t except me and popzilla that her plans were being ripped to shreds. and that we were most likely going to get new ones ripped into us when we got back to her house. fortunately, she was more disappointed that one family totally blew her off to read us the riot act. ha. they'll be lucky if they get a stamp for christmas this year. love it when the trash talk at dinner has nothing to do with me! LOVE IT! way to dodge that bullet!

anyway, at the end of the second day, mamzilla rested (after making a few voodoo dolls) and it was good.

on the third day, the zillas did nothing (ok, we re-packed a little - because on the fourth day, the zillas were taking a road trip to huntington beach and anaheim. wee-HA!) and it was SO good!

b'zilla slept thru the night!!!

(i DID put him to sleep on his back!)


in his crib!!!

california dreamin'...

i'm still packed.

we returned from our california vacation on memorial day and i still haven't unpacked. this could be interpreted in SOOO many ways...

i'm definitely not as relaxed as i was when i arrived. you could say that i'm as stressed out as i was before i left, but the fact that, between then and now, the smallest sinewy parts of me actually unclenched is a triumph.

popzilla and i thought we were insane to plan a getaway (of sorts) to see extended family (my in laws) and... anD... aND... AND... a trip to dismal... i mean... Disneyland!

you're thinking, WTF were you thinking!!??? i know. a head injury followed by amnesia's in there somewhere and i suspect the children were involved...

days before leaving... we were preparing ourselves for armageddon and it just never appeared. (which reminds me of the funniest armageddon story... i'll have to share that one with ya later...)

it started with the car ride and the check in: popzilla was sure that the first ring of the apocalyptic circus would appear there. but, the car ride was calm - dare i say, enjoyable? we got to o'hare and i broke out into a sweat thinking about carting the luggage from trunk to curb side check in and k'zilla bounding out into the departure traffic while i frantically crammed the car seats (yes, we brought both) into their carrier bags. but, there was no running out into oncoming traffic. the carseats took some cajoling but slid right in and zipped right up. and after that, curbside check in was a breeze. it took longer for popzilla to actually get from long term parking to where he dropped us off at departures.

the flight to palm springs (b'zilla's first, k'zilla's fifth) had it's ups and downs, especially when we went up and down. that whole inner ear thing is a b*tch. you can tell a three year old to swallow because it helps but that doesn't mean she'll do it and we realized later that sometimes ya gotta swallow a bunch of times in a row. and to quote my three year old, "you can't tell b'zilla to do anything because he doesn't speak english." you just have to pray that you don't end up sitting at the end of the runway for SO long that your child finishes breastfeeding BEFORE takeoff (of course, you've also waited forever to feed him so that he could breastfeed during takeoff - y'know, someone needs to send a universal memo to all commercial pilots or produce a PSA or trash the pc diversity training and threaten to sick the bare breasted la leche league after them).

our arrival in beautiful palm springs airport was super easy because my in laws met us there. REINFORCMENTS HELLA RULE! we got luggage, we got rental car and we got microwaved... it was freakin' 103 degrees!!!!! popzilla and k'zilla quickly got in the spa to cool off when we got to the house.

's'all 'bout the iced tea & the AC fo' me. and at the end of the first day, mamazilla rested (ok, i had to get used to the time change too) and it was good. :)

a year ago...

( l to r, top row: d. guidubaldi, me, m.schwendener, j.wei, author jessica hagedorn, s.harrison, l to r, bottom row: m.respicio, m. villanueva, c. hood)

i met these yahoos.

and my perspective was forever altered.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!

chicago filipino events/opportunities

1) Chicago Filipino American Film Festival Committee
Festival Planning Meeting, Wednesday, May 10, 2006, 7:00 pm
at Sweet Thang, 1921 W North Ave, Chicago, IL

If you’re interested in joining the committee,
just show up to one of the meetings. Volunteers are always welcome!


2) Audition Notice

R.Ed.I
Arts and Education Foundation
Announces
Presentation Cast
Audition

Date: Saturday, May 20th
Time: 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
to schedule an appt. call Trish at 630-879-0244
Location: Chicago Academy for the Arts
1010 W. Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Requirements: Roles are available for all types between the ages of 14 – 23 who can act, and/or sing and/or dance.

Auditionees should dress to move and will a learn dance combination.
In addition, bring a headshot or photo of yourself and a resume if you have it…
if not that is okay! If you act, prepare a dramatic monologue that does
not exceed 2 minutes in length. If you sing, bring 16 bars of both an up
tempo song and a ballad with a CD musical accompaniment if available.

Performers must be available to participate in a provided summer cast
training/show development program that will be held June 12 – July 28.
Cast will be paid a modest stipend. $500.00

The show created will address issues such as prejudice, substance abuse,
violence, peer pressure and more. For more information visit REdI foundation


3) Northwestern University's Kaibigan PRESENTS

The Pinoy Show 2006: "The Case of the Missing Identity"

"In their 4th annual cultural show, Kaibigan embarks on a search
for their missing mascot, Paolo -- a mystery that takes the group
and the audience on a exploration of Filipino heritage through a
variety of modern and traditional performances."

Sunday, May 21. at 2 p.m.
Norris McCormick Auditorium (1999 Campus Drive. Evanston, IL 60201)
Tickets $5, parking is free.

For more information go to kaibigan

4) PRESS RELEASE:
Contact: Louie Pascasio/Lani Montreal

CIRCA launches Drama Incubator Project

The Center for Immigrant Resources and Community Arts (CIRCA)
explores new heights of storytelling through a drama laboratory program
that incubates skills in acting, writing and directing. The incubator project
aims to unearth talents and voices from the community as well as to provide
a much needed venue to articulate and dramatize stories from within our
midst waiting to be told and awakened. The laboratory project includes
workshop sessions on acting, playwriting and directing. Each session is
scheduled once a week, 7-10pm, for 10 weeks from June 13 to August 15, 2006.
The workshop will build up on a two-weekend performance showcase on
September 7-10 and 14-17. No workshop fee is charged but articipants
are required to fully commit to the workshop and performance dates.
So if you have ideas or stories in mind wanting of expression, or if the acting
bug has bitten you but you don't have that space to enjoy the itch and explore
your creativity, come join our drama lab. No previous experience required
but a spirit of adventuresome is most welcome. There is a registration fee
of $45 per participant to cover photocopying expenses for scripts.
To register, call (312) 222.-1551 or (312) 451-6974 or email circatheater@yahoo.com.


5) Help support Asian American Naisy Dolar and her campaign for Alderman
of the 50th ward. We are helping to organize a phone survey that will take place
the week of Monday, May 15. The purpose of this project is to help build Asian
American political power by surveying registered voters in the 50th Ward to
uncover voter issues & concerns regarding their community.

Are you or anyone you know interested in volunteering for the phonebank?
We need volunteers ASAP!

Here are the details:
When: Monday, May 15 - Friday, May 19; Sunday, May 21
Times: 6-8:30pm each night
Location: TBD (they will be various community-based organizations around Chicago)
** The Thursday, Friday, and Sunday will be at the DePaul Steans Center - 2233 N. Kenmore**
If volunteers can commit to 1 day or more out of the above 6 dates, that
would be extremely helpful. Here is a link to an interesting article, which
may help everyone put into perspective the need for an Asian American
alderman in Chicago: a place in racial politics


6) Dear Prospective Research Participants
Are you…..
- Asian or Asian American?
- Fluent in English?
- Between the ages of 20 and 35?
- Available May 13, 2006 from 1:00 to 3:00 pm?
at UIC Student Center East
750 S. Halsted St. Room 603
Chicago, IL 60607

If your answer is YES to all the above questions, then you are the ideal
match for a research study being conducted in the Chicago area!!!!!!

This research project aims to explore the attitudes towards mental health,
psychological distress, and seeking help in the Asian American community
of the U.S. Participants will be asked to take part in a 90-120 minute focus
group with members of Asians Understanding Mental Health (AUMH).
AUMH is a project of the Leadership Center for Asian Pacific American's
Community Leaders Program and is working in partnership with the Asian
American Suicide Prevention Initiative. There is minimal risk and guaranteed
confidentiality for participating in the focus group. You will receive a $5
Starbucks gift card as compensation, but there is no obligation to participate
in the study.

Please contact Jyoti Garg at 312-933-0475 or aumh2006@yahoo.com
if you are interested in participating in this research study.


7) sari sari shots

"Sari sari" is Tagalog for "various kinds" and describes the diversity of items you can find in those ubiquitous sundry stores that abound in the Philippines. SariSariShots is my photographic "take" of the word - images of Pinoys everywhere and how they have adapted to the faraway places they now call "home". SariSariShots will feature some of my commercial assignments as well as personal images and that of my friends and colleagues. This website is dedicated to all Pinoys; in celebration of the Filipino diaspora, our resilience, our joys and continuing struggles.

Dahil sa inyo.
Armand Bengua-Frasco

>insert filipino heritage posting hiatus here<

image from http://www.valdefierro.com

i just had to put a pic of my two favorite moms, florida evans and willona woods, for this post about my fantasy mothers day.

as a kid, i would daydream that maybe one day i would become a mom who was the perfect mix of florida and willona - flo's sugar and willona's spice, flo's heart and willona's mouth, flo's kitchen and willona's wardrobe, etc... well, i'm not even close to either so i'll just keep fantasizing...

this mother's day, i would like to:

* oversleep and wake up to a warm, sunny, QUIET spring day.
* shower with a m p l e time to pumice my heels and "de-yeti" in an outdoor shower in tahiti.
* leisurely eat an eggs benedict & drink a mimosa for breakfast made by the barefoot contessa, ina garten in george clooney's lake como house.
* floss and brush my teeth without rushing.
* attend sunday mass at st agnes church in san francisco.
* have a day without a time out or a melt down or a tantrum from ANYBODY.
* take a nap.
* spend some quality time with popzilla and the mini zillas. separately and together. this may or may not involve a picnic and a blanket - NO BUGS ALLOWED.
* eat a mountain of desserts - magnolia ice cream, gelato, cannoli, cake, pie, chocolate, marzipan, halo halo, ube, boba tea, moon cakes, etc....
* floss and brush my teeth without rushing.
* spring clean my closet with every organizing tool known to civilized man.
* type/write an intelligent, funny, thought provoking post for my blog, with two hands & without interruption.
* eat a dinner al fresco prepared by popzilla and the grill of his dreams on a sun kissed hawaiian beach while supernanny babysits the mini zillas.
* dance, a long overdue dance, with popzilla at the casino on catalina island where frank sinatra is making an appearance.
* floss and brush my teeth without rushing.
* sleep for an uninterrupted 12 hours in bed with just popzilla, after... well.... hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge...

so, anyway, don't forget to honor yo fave mommas on mother's day, may 14th!

on the corner...

of hero and hero.

andres bonifacio was executed may 10, 1897.

in his essay "what filipinos should know" he wrote, "reason tells us that we cannot expect anything but more sufferings, more treachery, more insults, and more slavery. reason tells us not to fritter away time for the promised prosperity that will never come….reason teaches us to rely on ourselves and not to depend on others for our living. reason tells us to be united…that we may have the strength to combat the evils in our country."

heroes of the philippines
andres bonifacio
bonifacio day

gregoria de jesus-bonifacio

photo from http://sangandaan.net


was the wife of andres bonifacio, commonly known as "the father of the revolution" of the philippines against spanish rule. her birthday is celebrated today.

hero of the revolution - gregoria de jesus
the belle of the town
the autobiography of gregoria de jesus - the katipunera

happy birthday enrique!

on may 8, 1975, enrique iglesias was born in madrid, spain, to julio iglesias and isabel preysler.

enrique's mother is a filipina, a former model in Spain, a journalist for ¡Hola! magazine, TV talk show host, and a fashion designer in Madrid, Spain.

(ok, so this isn't really heritage related. cut me some slack!!! i have two screamin' zillas and lopsided, leaky boobs...)

don't. stay. home.

for those of you lucky enough to have the means to walk outside your house... um, shall we say, unencumbered... (oh, and you should live in LA or NY) please check out these two events that two of my friends and fellow ACA associates are in:




Studio in the Park

Steed Taylor: MESSENGER - a road tattoo commemorating bicycle messengers in New York City Location: Promenade from 105th - 103rd Street, Riverside Park Materials: high-gloss black latex, names and prayer Size: 25’ x 425’ Dedication: 5/4 1:00PM, prayer by Brother Michael Moran






VC Filmfest

Mia Villanueva, producer: MANGOSTEEN takes an intimate look at the culture, education and activists of Kuala Lumpur and their connection to the rise of HIV/AIDS in Malaysia.

a portrait of the artist as filipino

nick joaquin 1917-2004

i've heard about his book "the woman who had two navels" (winner of the first harry stonehill award) but i have yet to pick it up. i suppose today i will. i don't know enough about this man to write a tribute of any justice and honestly, there's plenty on the web about this award winning filipino novelist, poet, playwright and essayist whose birthday is celebrated today.

bells on the brain....

the largest bell in asia at the parish church of santa monica in panay.

ok, so, i kinda forgot how time consuming, difficult and altogether confusing researching historical facts can be. well, at least for me it is...

"the capiz revolt" or the first act of revolt against spain occurred may 3, 1897 in the small town of panay in the province of capiz. the spanish filipino war began in 1896 ,but the townspeople of panay had fought the spainards as early as 1877. numerous battles & skirmishes continued until the us seized control of the panay islands in december of 1899.

the bells of balangiga

so, on a related note...

Pintig Cultural Group &
the Center for Immigrant Resources & Community Arts (CIRCA)
invite you to....

The Bells of Balangiga the Musical
Book & Lyrics by Rodolfo Carlos Vera
Music and Direction by Louie Pascasio

"The Bells of Balangiga features a remarkably unbiased book by Rodolfo Vera (who blames the war, not the warriors) and a quasi-operatic score by Louie Pascasio that includes rousing patriotic anthems, inspirational prayers, sweet lovers' ballads and rowdy soldiers' choruses... (It) reaches beyond agitprop pageantry and emerges as an ambitious, professional production that explores a chapter in history that's still still relevant to mainstream audiences." Mary Shen Barnidge, Chicago Reader, 1997 Premiere of "The Bells of Balangia"

Light Opera Works/McGaw YMCA Child Care Auditorium
1420 Maple Ave., Evanston, IL 60201
(Davis stop on the Purple Line)

April 27 Thursday, 8 pm, preview night, $10
April 28 Friday, opening night, 8 pm
April 29 Saturday, & April 30 Sunday, 3pm
May 5 Friday, & May 6 Saturday 8pm
May 6 Saturday, & May 7 Sunday, 3pm
May 4 Thursday, Industry Night (2 for 1 for theater folks, bring headshots/programs)
April 29 Saturday 8pm, Gala Night, $35-50 with food
Students/Seniors/Groups of 20 or more, $15.00
Regular tickets are $25

For tickets & for more information, please call CIRCA (312) 222-1551; Lani (773) 814-9679; or Angela (773) 480-4824; or email circatheater@yahoo.com

Synopsis:
In 1901, during the U.S. occupation of the Philippines, a small town rose up against American colonial soldiers stationed in the southern island of Samar. It was the church bells that announced the early morning attack that left 45 American soldiers dead and 22 wounded. The U.S. retaliation was swift. "I want no prisoners," Brigadier General Jacob W. Smith was said to have ordered Major Littleton Waller, the soldier he assigned to the duty. "I wish you to kill and burn, the more you kill and burn, the better you will please me." Targeted were Filipinos 10 years and older and "capable of bearing arms." Over 50,000 were killed reducing Samar's population to one-fourth.

This production is funded in part by the Illinois Arts Council, Chicago Department of Cultural Affairs (CityArts I) and Nuveen Investments; community sponsors include United Church of Christ Montclare; HAPAG

now the interesting little tidbit that i just read about the bells of balangiga is that they have been in the possession of the us (at warren air force base) for over 100 years. they were taken from balangiga as war booty. the people of balangiga have asked for their return and apparently in 1994, clinton had promised to give the bells back - but it never happened. (yeah, go figure.) here's a philippine news story that was just written about it.

sorta makes me wanna get all political and get the bells back to their rightful belfry...

happy asian heritage month!

picture of manila bay from whoa.org

so, i thought i should challenge myself this month to learn something everyday about my own asian/pacific islander heritage (filipino, you know this, i know...). kind of a refresher course for me in my own mamazilla "cliff notes" version.

so, let's see... on may 1st, the battle of manila bay took place in 1898 during the spanish-american war. it was the first major engagement of the spanish-american war (in the philippines). it was the war that the americans won which resulted in the us gaining control of former colonies of spain (like... the philippines).

in june of that same year, the philippines declared their independence (yay!) only to be occupied (*cough* sucker punched *cough*) by the us in august (boo!). by december, the us had purchased the philippines and other territories for the sum of 20 million dollars (y'know, some overprocessed, botoxed yahoo in hollywood probably makes this much in a year, maybe even in one overprocessed & botoxed film...) at the treaty of paris with plans to make the philippines into a us colony.

in february of the following year, a filipino soldier was shot by an american soldier which is considered by some to be the start of the philippine-american war. mark twain famously opposed the war and was quoted as saying:

"There is the case of the Philippines. I have tried hard, and yet I cannot for the life of me comprehend how we got into that mess. Perhaps we could not have avoided it -- perhaps it was inevitable that we should come to be fighting the natives of those islands -- but I cannot understand it, and have never been able to get at the bottom of the origin of our antagonism to the natives. I thought we should act as their protector -- not try to get them under our heel. We were to relieve them from Spanish tyranny to enable them to set up a government of their own, and we were to stand by and see that it got a fair trial. It was not to be a government according to our ideas, but a government that represented the feeling of the majority of the Filipinos, a government according to Filipino ideas. That would have been a worthy mission for the United States. But now -- why, we have got into a mess, a quagmire from which each fresh step renders the difficulty of extrication immensely greater. I'm sure I wish I could see what we were getting out of it, and all it means to us as a nation."

kinda scary, how familiar those sentiments are in light of the current political upheavals we're (we, as in, americans) involved in.

i'll never forget the first time i read that quote in high school. it was the first time i felt "relevant" in my history class. i looked around to see if anyone else was as moved as i was. the country of MY ancestors was mentioned in a classroom in a high school in the middle of john hughes' lushly green, sprawling, humid, suburban america.

but, the mostly caucasian populus continued to take notes in quiet concentration. it was just another answer to an essay question on an upcoming quiz. for me, it's was 1987 and i was a proud albeit teenaged and gawky pinay.

anyway, this ends today's lesson for me... i have to go shopping for some stuff for my sisters. my moms is leaving for a vacation to the philippines in a week! wee-ha!!

pic stolen w/o permision from http://eric.b.olsen.tripod.com - MEA CULPA!!!

GUESS WHAT!!!
I DECIDED THAT I AM OFFICIALLY
"MOMMY OF THE UNIVERSE, FOREVER"!!!
YA WANNA KNOW WHY!?

(today, no child has been harmed, maimed, disfigured, decapitated or killed in any way, shape or form... even though both children have given me more than enough reasons to do so and even if i had harmed a hair on their chinny chin chins i'd be found not guilty by reason of insanity! )

BECAUSE I'M THE MOMMY!!!
AND I SAID SO!!!
AND THAT'S WHY!!!

...it's a wonder - no, a f*cking miracle, that i don't self medicate.

UPDATE: after a meal and dancing around the kitchen to neil diamond with the kids.... life regains its rosy hue.

...with one hand...

...wrapped around my baby (who may or may not be asleep), i can:

post a new blog
help my 3 yo potty train (undie down, empty bowl, replace bowl, undie up, wash hands, etc... )
brush my teeth
use "the facilities"
wash my hands
undo and redo a drawstring (that holds up my pants)
change a diaper
make a phonecall
fix a bowl of cereal
open jars
make a PB & J sandwich
put a dvd on
laundry
color with crayons or paint (w/brush, watercolors &/or tempera)
open doors
open storm windows
swiffer a floor
feed the cats

the newest thing i discovered i can do... i can change from jeans & a t-shirt to pajamas, while laying in bed, nursing the baby and detatching once... so NOT kidding. :)

and the freakiest thing... i can gather the items needed to sterilize a needle, sterilize a needle and use the needle to unplug a plugged milk duct.

seriously.

i know, TMI!!!!

viva la fanta menace!!!

ok, i admit it. i hate those fanta chicks.

anyway, i've mentioned numerous times before how most of my childhood was spent daydreaming about hi-c and shaghetti-os, two things which could always be found at my friend eva's (or deva, as we like to call her now) house and never at mine. eva was one of my best friends at avondale elementary. she had an infectious laugh and the gift to make anyone laugh about anything. field trips and the short walk home were infinitely funnier when eva was at my side. and then sadly, i transferred to a nearby catholic school.

the funny thing is... years later... YEARS... i was in college. i was living on my own. my moms and i had had a severe falling out and communication between us was yea short of non-existent. it was christmas and i thought i should at the very least, swing by my mom's house and say, merry christmas (because you KNOW, the "LBJ" is watching your EVERY move.)

so, i knock on the door and this dude answers it.

...and he's wearing a robe - a festive, christmas red robe...

i think to myself, "do i know this dude? no. but, he's filipino. so maybe... he's related?" but, he had what looked like an "i'm SO busted" look on his face. what do you do? you say "merry christmas" and walk in.

anyway, this mysterious guy turned out to be my mom's new husband - i honestly don't remember if they were married at that point but they're happily married now nonetheless -
that year, santa brought me a newly minted stepdad and three step siblings - 2 bros & a sistah.

soon thereafter, i moved to the bay area and stayed there for 5 years.

when i moved back in 2001, my stepsister and i became close friends. one day we were reminiscing about our grade school & high school memories and we realized after comparing notes, that her best friend was the one and only - eva.

so, somethings never change. you still can't find hi-c or any chef boyardee products in my pantry. eva still rolls with a pinay and she makes my cheeks hurt so bad for laughing that i almost tinkle - even at funerals. and i'm sure a field trip to her latest show will prove to be a hysterical riot.

i guess i should mention that there's a lukewarm chicago reader review, but i'm still going...

THE FANTA MENACE
Opens March 24th (thru April 30th)
Fridays and Saturdays @ 8:00 pm
Sundays @ 5:00 pm (April 23rd and April 30th ONLY)

Gallery Meztli: 556 West 18th Street - Chicago (map)

Tickets: $12.00 ($10 student/group, $8.00 preview)
Reservations: 312.670.TIX6 (8496) OR Tickets
Parking: Ken-Tone's @ 551 W. 18th

the work in progress...

stairs. before #1.


stairs. before #2.


stairs. before #3.


stairs. after! woo-hoo!

so, basically all the wood (that was painted white) in our house is undergoing the same stripping, sanding, staining and finishing.

i will be fully embracing my nervous breakdown and the breastfeeding alcohol consumption limit when the work is completed. that nervous breakdown will be followed by two more and possibly formula feedings when the house gets rewired next and following quickly thereafter a kitchen remodel.

3 month update...

i'd post a pic if i was home... but i'm not. i'm not even at mom's house. i'm at a fabulously unglamourous oak lawn hotel.

we left my moms for obvious reasons as well as her own health & well being. at one point, she shooed k'zilla away because she was having trouble breathing. my mom is battling a pretty serious chronic cough. she went to her md and she judged that mom's lungs are working at about 35%. i'm less than pleased and pretty freaked out by it frankly. my moms is rarely sick but when she is its serious.

anyway, today, b'zilla turns 3 months. last friday (3/3), k'zilla turned 3. and yesterday, i turned 34.

although there are other locales and ways i'd like to celebrate our milestones - it could be worse. we've had our fill of yummy cake, wished on & blew out candles and opened a plethora of thoughtful & generous presents. yes, it could be so much worse.

i'm so thankful for everything. even for kidzilla screaming, "happy birthday momma! your hair is all funky!"

happy belated birthday to k'zilla and my big sister R in the PI! and wooshee 3mos gaga b'zilla! - the mini incredible hulk who has bust out of his newborn outfits in record time.

under construction....

hey all.
i'm at my mom's house (insert failure to launch joke here) with the kids while chez 'zilla is undergoing some major cosmetic surgery. the wood trim in every nook and cranny is being stripped and stained back to its natural brillance. so -

a) it's back to typing with one hand.
b) my mom is the only one on the planet still on dial up.

i'll post pics later... pray that i don't lose my sanity in the meantime.

update: 2 months

according to my copy of "what to expect the first year", b'zilla should able to:

1) smile in response to my smile - CHECK. too bad the little tyke doesn't realize that at 2:30 a.m. when i'm cradling him in a corner, rocking slowly back and forth, that i'm smiling on the outside and secretly planning my escape to fiji or the closest padded cell on the inside.

2) follow an object in a arc about 6 inches above the face to the midline (straight ahead) - CHECK. good thing my nips & boobs look like bullseyes/targets.

3) respond to a bell in some way, such as startling, crying, quieting (by 1.5 mos) - CHECK. see, popzilla! i knew the christmas decorations would come in handy in february. NOW, we can put them away.

hold up. let me check the 3 month milestone list before we do that....

4) vocalizing in ways other than crying (e.g. cooing) - CHECK. wait. farting and belching fall under vocalizing right?

i'll spare you (and me) the lists of "will PROBABLY be able to" or may EVEN be able to"... my fragile mommy ego can only take so much...

k'zilla just told me, "i want a new mommy."

subject to interpretation...

the other day, i was talking to another mom about her son's kindergarten class and she mentioned to me that the art that they made in class was actually graded - as in - these are the best drawings! they get A's!

i don't EVER remember getting graded in art classes...
is this a new phenomenon or am i just in denial that this ever happened to me?

i mean seriously - i don't even remember getting graded for art projects in college. what's the dealio?! who grades art in kindergarten? and with what criteria? and why? i'm mildly outraged in this strange soccer/showbiz mom kind of way... wait. do those moms do anything with subtlety?

anyway, k'zilla drew this picture. y'know, she's not quite three yet. i think it's fabulous myself... but, when i ask her who it is - she'll say, "it's you!" and then 5 minutes later "it's me!" and 10 minutes later, "it's dada!" and later still, "it's lolo (grandpa)!"

well, whoever it is... it looks like he/she/it needs more practice on the loo. *cocks head to the side* or is that grass? a nest of snakes? silly string?

happy smiling baby =

no citrus


no caffeine


no dairy

i'm trying to eliminate citrus, caffeine and dairy from my diet in an effort to alleviate all the gassiness that b'zilla is experiencing. the bad news - i think it's actually working.

WILL SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY AND KILL ME NOW?

no more excuses...

i just found out that an acquaintance of mine just published a book. i'm really happy for gina. but it's just another painful reality check for me.

in the winter of 2002, the first time i met gina frangello, she had brought her beautiful twin girls to model some clothing at a laurenceleste photo shoot. then, it turned out that one of my cousins, whose son was also modeling, knew her too. i think they went to high school together. gina was very friendly and funny and she was already a "been there done that" mom. i think the girls were about 18mos or 2yo. my cousin mentioned to me that gina was a writer and i remember thinking then, how does she find time to write when you're a parent to two toddlers?

well, in addition to finding out that gina had published a book. i found out she's also pregnant.

ergo - i have no excuses left. i know i shouldn't compare myself to others but, i've played the "i'm a mom to a toddler" card and more recently i played the "i'm pregnant" card and now, i'm playing the "i'm a mom to a newborn AND a toddler" card.

i don't know why i'm having such trouble writing or rather picking up where i left off and continuing to write the story that i so desperately want to complete. i think about that damn thing all the time and yet i can't bring myself to even approach my laptop. the other day, i turned it on just to make sure it still worked.

i didn't realize that jessica had written dogeaters while parenting a toddler. she told me that she had to bring her daughter back to the philippines with her when she was completing her final draft and needed to go back to finalize/research some details.

i read an interview with j.k. rowling not too long ago. she said that oftentimes, she would pack her toddler up in a stroller when she fell asleep and would type for as long as she could - sometimes only 15 minutes - and just pray that she would have more time the next day or the next.

sometimes, for me, it's time or lack thereof. alot of the time it's lack of energy/motivation. i find myself shortchanging the book and i guess myself and my skill (?) as a writer. i try to remember how great my time in florida was and how much i respect my fellow writers from the residency. i mean i can't be THAT bad if those writers read and really liked my work right? and well... you're still here... :)

i dunno.

anyway, gina's new book is called, my sister's continent. it's available through amazon. all the reviews that i've read are positive. i'm looking forward to getting and reading a copy. i hope you'll check it out. :)

woo-hoo!! i fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans!

so, i'm seven weeks postpartum and there's no one to take pics of me in my jeans (not that i'm eager for anyone to take that pic either) .

enter: my virtual model... i wish there was a way to animate her too. 'cause right now, she would be doing the cabbage patch, the roger rabbit or the running man... like me. :)

take me to your leader

must.
stop.
playing.

KITTENWAR!

this post is brought to you by the number 8...

so, in an effort to kick start (what i really need is an old school b*tch slapping) me into blogging again, i've been tagged by barb to name the 8 qualities of my perfect partner. (and yes, of COURSE, i'm married to my perfect partner!)

target partner: male (woman cannot live by 8 qualities alone...)

8 qualities of my perfect partner (not necessarily in order)

1) honest
2) loving
3) patient
4) adaptable
5) youthful/spirited
6) communicative
7) open minded
8) generous

special thanks to barb! i needed a little kick in the pants - i strapped the little one into the baby carrier and actually got to type with two hands!!! woo-hoo!!

i tag bert, meeeeah and flahute

sleepless (and unshowered) in chicago

chicago skyline photo by victor zhang, one frame at a time photoblog

(i started this post on the 17th... i can't believe how long it's taken me to spit the damn thing out...)

frequently in college, i got by on little to no sleep due to school or some dubious form of play.

there were the pungent and bleary eyed nights that were either spent closing a bar at 5 a.m. and sitting on a curb, observing weary commuters slowly flood the damen L stop, hunched over by the weight of their laptops, travel mugs & messenger bags and the other nights, watching the sky change from a thick dark purple to a watered down blush through the subterranean windows of my garden apartment and over the horizon line of a warm, humming sewing machine or a typewriter depending on the day of the week.

and back then, i could go from bar or all nighter, straight to a full day of class and/or retail work, and return to bar or all nighter again.

i realize that that was 10 years ago. and i didn't have a husband, or a house, or a toddler and a newborn... come to think of it, i didn't even have a cat. i had a jar of goober grape, a loaf of bread, a second hand saucepan and 10 pkgs of ramen noodles.

it's deflating on SO many levels how little and how badly i function or rather don't function on two hours of sleep.

most of these nights, i've been lurking over on chicago chick, commiserating with her in silence, it's like she is reading my mind. i can't seem to write anything after reading her blog. it's just redundant.

right now, i'm debating in my head, if i should even bother finishing this post because i could actually floss my teeth while b'zilla is napping on popzillas belly on the futon. this morning, i debated whether or not i should take the baby (in his carrier) off so that i could actually go to the bathroom alone. this afternoon, i actually got both pint size zillas to nap at the same time. you never know how long that window is - and you know what i did? i spent that teeny tiny window debating - do i blog?, do i write?, do i nap? do i eat lunch? do i clean the dishes? do i read a book? do i sit here and enjoy the silence? these are the weird debates that i have with myself.

i'm constantly reminding myself that these days are numbered. b'zilla will only be an infant for so long and that the first three months are always the worst. he's a much easier baby than k'zilla was by a long shot. sometimes, i feel like such a whiner for even complaining. i try to remind myself that raising k'zilla was easier because she was the only child and we lived in probably the best location on the planet for someone like me (a non-driver) to raise an only child.

but, it's really tough. some days - what's REALLY scary - is i often find myself crying out, "Lord, help me!" - and i mean it with every fiber of my being.

i haven't mentioned it but, since we brought b'zilla home, k'zilla has been a completely different child. she says "NO!" and "I don't want to!" - ALL THE TIME. she has no trouble talking back to me, disobeying me - she's even kicked me. intellectually, i know it's a phase and that we'll just have to be patient and work it out. but, i have to admit the filipino grandma in me wants to throttle her something fierce.

anyway, this post is looking like it has no point anymore... i just don't remember what it was i originally wanted to say...

i know this - i love my life, i love my beautiful children and my wonderful husband. but, some nights - i miss making a quiet bowl of ramen, watching the sunrise all by myself.

ok, i REALLY have to floss my teeth - they feel like they're woolly. eek.

chicago filipino events

1) NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY THEATRE & INTERPRETATION CENTER DEBUTS THE PHILIPPINE DEEP - Evanston, Illinois, January 5, 2006 - Northwestern University presents the premiere of "The Philippine Deep", written by Gail Derecho and directed by Christopher Hejl, with video by Ian Bennet. "The Philippine Deep" will be performed on Fri, Jan. 20, at 8pm and on Sat. Jan. 21 at 2pm and 8pm in the Struble Theater, 1949 Campus Dr. at the university's Evanston campus. Tickets are $5. A free reception will follow the Saturday night performance."The Philippine Deep" is a unique multimedia experience that incorporates rare archival photos, historical film clips, and live video-feed in order to explore five generations of a Filipino family. Gail, a graduate student returns to Chicago after traveling to the Philippines to research her family history. Upon her return, she receives a surprise visit from her estranged brother Dennis. While Gail fulfilled her family's American dreams, the rebellious Dennis considered himself an outcast in his hard working immigrant family. Yet as they pour through their family history, from their idealistic Chinese ancestor who first settled in the Philippines, to their great grandfather who fought against the US occupation, the siblings find that both ambition and rebellion have played an equal part in their Filipino heritage."The Philippine Deep" presents a complex, mature portrait of a family across generations. Rich with rare photographs and video clips, "The Philippine Deep" explores one of the most unique and important traits of the Filipino culture: the ability to adapt and survive.

2) LUNAFEST - You're invited to a celebration of the 5th Annual LUNAFEST. An evening of films by, for and about women. Hey Guys, Here's a special event that everyone should come out for! It's the 5th Annual LUNAFEST (from the company that brings you the CLIFF bars). This event is a fantastic film festival showcasing highlighting on women's issues by some talented film makers with partial proceeds going to benefit the Breats Cancer Fund. It's all for a great cause. I'll be there playing some music in the lobby before the films start. So come on down Jan. 20th, it's going to be a great event for a great cause.@ DePaul Student Center, 2250 N. Sheffield AvenueJanuary 20, 2005; 6:00 p.m.$5 for students, $10 for community memberslunabar.com/lunafest

3) OPEN MIC @ TIKI TERRACE - I just wanted to email you all about the first open mic night at the Tiki Terrace next Wednesday, January 25... starting around 7:00 PM. We initially hope to run this once a month.I think we will have a good turn out of Hawaiian / Tropical musicians...a variety of beginners and experienced folks...If you know of anyone that may be interested in coming, please pass the word. I think this will a great time of playing and meeting other musicians. I appreciate any help you can offer in making this concept a success.We have 3 mics, stands, monitor, mixer, etc... you just need to bring yourself and your uke/guitar!The Tiki Terrace1 S. Wolf Rd., in Prospect Heights. From downtown, take I-90 to I-294 north to Willow rd. Take Willow west to Wolf, head south on Wolf, and you can't miss the place on your left. Cross the Metra tracks and you just missed it.

4) PINTIG & CIRCA - Hello all - Pintig and Circa are auditioning for "Bells of Balangiga." We will rehearse during the months of February and March with a short 2 weekend run in Chicago in late April / early May, a Midwest tour in May, and a possible show in Hawaii in late June. Feel free to pass along this info to anyone who may be interested.Please use one of the phone numbers below to schedule an audition.Pintig Cultural GroupAudition info below:FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASELOOKING FOR ACTORS/SINGERSChicago, IL - Pintig Cultural Group and CIRCA are looking for actors and singers for its Spring musical production of "Bells of Balangiga," a musical about the Philippine American War at the turn of the century. Looking for Asian/Latino males and females, ages 18 - 60 and Caucasian males, ages 21-45. Luis Pascasio, director, will be present at the auditions.Audition dates:January 22 (sun) 3-7 pmJanuary 23 (mon) 6-9 pmJanuary 24 (tues) 6-9 pmJanuary 26 (thur) 6-9 pmPrepare to do a 2-min monologue (comedic/dramatic) and a song.Music sheets or taped accompaniment is fine.To schedule an audition, call (312) 222-1551 or (312) 451-6974.Venue: 1545 W. Morse (red line on Morse stop, walk west)

5) "AMERICA IS IN THE HEART" DISCUSSION - Club of Asian Pages - One hundred years of immigration, and still our brethren here in the U.S. think that tinikling is the ultimate heritage dance move.Please join us on Saturday, Feb. 18 for a discussion of that seminal memoir by Carlos Bulosan, "America is in the Heart." We will begin at 6:30 p.m. at Anna Rosete's place, 345 N. LaSalle, Suite 4505, Chicago, IL 60610. Please RSVP to Anna, anna_m_rosete@yahoo.com. Please come prepared to discuss the memoir.We will need your insights, your presence, and your suggestions on a book club name. The person who suggests a winning name will win a prize! Everyone is invited, Filipinos and non-Filipinos alike."America is in the Heart" is available at all the usual book outlets, but it could be available at used bookstores for cheaper, and of course, your school library and the Chicago Public Library.

6) AFTER THE QUAKE - Steppenwolf Theater Company is rendering Haruki Murakami's short story collection, "After the Quake." We would like to invite no less than 10 people to join us to see this play - we'll need at least 10 bodies for the group discount.Please set aside Saturday, Jan. 28 at 7:30 p.m. to see this play - I'm going to find out just exactly how much it will cost each of us to go, but we might be able to avail of student discounts and a chance to meet the actors after the show.Please RSVP to me at 773-817-3495 (cell) or yhortil5@yahoo.com by Jan. 20. I would have the exact amount by then. I hope 10 people will be able to drop by my office at 10 S. Wacker Drive, Suite 2500, Chicago, IL 60606, in the evenings, the week of Jan. 23 to 27 to give me their payment; if not, please remind me you're joining us, and I'll see you at the theater!And so it is:Feb 8 - See "After the Quake," 7:30 p.m. To avail of the special discount, call Audience Services at 312-335-1650 and mention code 1834. Steppenwolf Theater has parking, and is accessible via the Red Line North/Clyborn stop. Full price tickets are $60.Feb. 18 - Attend to book club at Anna's, 6:30 p.m.

the beat goes on...

...and on - without a stop in chicago?! WTF!!??

i just saw on metrodad that the english beat is back together (if you watch bands reunited on vh1 you knew that already) and they've crossed the pond to perform a handful of tour dates.

however, the closest they're getting to chicago is f*cking bowling green, oh.

ok, i WAS going to make pork chops & applesauce tonight...

taiwan breeds green glowing pigs (and yes, i know i am the only one who snorted when i read the article's author's name.)

i wonder what one of those would look like getting roasted for lechon. y'know, i bet the packers fans would shell out some serious clams for a glowing green brat.

so, yeah... i think k'zilla would prefer mac and cheese tonight anyway.

happy birthday patricia mae andrzejewski!

...or "this is how i feel this morning".

just so you know, it really is pat benatar's birthday. i swear you can wikipedia it like i did (out of sheer and desperate sleep deprivation)...

and judging from all the trivia i found: in 1986, pat benatar was the age that i am now. she had only been a mom for about a year and her seventh album, seven the hard way, had just been released. (i don't know this album, but the hit song off of it was that (sadly) overplayed anthemic theme, invincible, from the 80s film, the legend of billie jean. ) i also found out that pat sells stuff through an ebay seller called belchiasso - so, now you too can own a piece o' pat!

anyway, i did all the useless background research because i just looked up from the monitor and saw the pat benatar cd that i got as a christmas present. i haven't even opened it yet.

who hasn't opened a christmas present as of january 10th? crispy fried moms, that's who.

hey, i got smacked!

i'm atually still recovering from the happy holiday madness that visited our home (oh, and that labor-and-delivery-then-bringing-home-a-newborn-while-caring-for-a-toddler business), only to find that i got smacked at i talk too much.

oh well, serves me right for even submitting my humble old sh*tty tired template mommy blog to such "b*tchy" scrutiny. truth be told, they could've been SO MUCH meaner - like possibly causing you to plunge into the depths of an eating disorder mean. (which was what i was hoping for so, i could lose the last of my pregnancy poundage... but, no such luck... then again, i'd probably end up losing these rockin' boobs that i also inherited via the knock up!)