theatre pink

it was a busy weekend for la diva, the paloma....

first off, we got her dressed in her best "theatre" pink (check out how they spelled "theatre". omg. how elitist can you get? - god forbid it be "carnation" pink or "bubble gum" pink. tsk tsk, our low unplucked brow is showing...) to attend her first "REAL" dance class at a "REAL" dance school. i'd link up the school but i took some photos on the sly... well, not too sly since the teacher was standing in front of me, and the flash kept going off. but they specifically asked that photos not be taken. so, ixnay on the otophay akingtay!

she and her classmates were so cute... under normal circumstances, i am my usual non-traditional self, boo-hooing and bah-humbuging the pink=girl, boy=blue paradigm. but, it was almost primeval. i could feel the overwhelming cuteness factor enveloping me while i watched the graceful whirling and floating brushstrokes o' watercolored pink... ok. i seriously have to listen to some sex pistols or something now...

the class is called creative movement 2 for 4 year olds. it's the class they take before pre-ballet at this particular school. i was so bummed that there were no boys in the class. the pork chop LOVES to dance and i think he'd love to take this class eventually too. he'd look so cute in one of those white shirt, black pant ensembles...

did you hear that? that was all the dads collectively rolling their eyes and their masculinity groaning in severe pain and anguish. oh relax. go pee on something standing up.

they started by doing some stretching. then, they did a lot of character dancing - dance like a bird, dance like a cat, dance like you have ants in your pants... and for the most part, the girls (who (we, the parents agreed ) are apparently a bunch of snarling blood thirsty wolves in sheep's clothing) listened very well. and of course, we were also thinking, don't kill the nice ballet teacher and pianist, girls! you look better in theatre pink than jailhouse orange!

the ballet school is very close to crown fountain in millenium park so, because she managed to delay getting thrown out of ballet class for behavior issues did so well, we thought we'd treat her (and ourselves) to some refreshing splashes in the water.

apparently, while the three of them were splashing around and i was off talking pictures. the paloma got admonished by another parent. the thin man told me later that the paloma splashed a boy with water. then, the boy splashed her back. then, the paloma angrily said something like "hey! don't splash me!" to which the boy's mother responded with something like "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET SPLASHED BACK. MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T SPLASH SOMEONE IN THE FIRST PLACE."

although the thin man had no problem with this, i was NOT amused. i get that the mom's problem with the paloma was that she was screaming about her kid splashing her. but, knowing the paloma like i do, it wouldn't surprise me if she had done something like this to a good friend or a cousin or the pork chop. however, i cannot imagine her just splashing another child without provocation. it's just not like her. it bothers me because the mom took her son's side immediately, instead of trying to figure out the whole story and maybe help the children to play together better. the paloma ends up being publicly humiliated and comes away feeling "bad" instead of with a lesson about how (not)to treat people who may or may not become new friends. and really, is it EVER ok to yell at someone else's kid? really? 'cause short of a threat of serious bodily injury to my child, i just wouldn't do that.... and no, it's not a "model minority" thing. it's a "i don't think i'm really helping any situation by yelling at 4 year old" kind of thing...

this reminded me of a conversation i had with another mom about our moms' generation of moms and how we grew up feeling like the the "alleys had eyes". i remember saying a swear word once in the alley (two alleys really) behind my house. i thought i was SO cool. until i got home. where i got a "severe talking to" by my filipino mom, who found out about it thru the mom of a polish kid, who had overheard me say the word while playing in their puerto rican neighbors backyard.

despite all the 70s' "irresponsible" parenting mistakes and horror stories we hear about... sleeping on our tummies, our lead laced environment, all the missing safety restraints, the monkey bars of DOOM, the merry go rounds of NEVER RETURN and the see-saws of DEATH... i dunno... at least, our parents seemed like they were playing on the same team instead of against each other.

lastly, the paloma got to ride her new bike after a visit to jamba juice, a lunch and a restful nap.

i'll never forget my first bike. it was an old, rusted, dented, purple, kid sized schwinn that we got at a garage sale. i got up really early one morning. it was still a little dark. i taught myself to ride it by getting on, pedaling for my life and falling off - over and over and over again. by early evening, my knees and elbows were shredded and bloody. but, i'd figured it out how to ride a bike.

later, my mom bought me a DREAMY bike from another garage sale. it was another schwinn but close to mint condition. it was a glitter sky blue color with a white and silver glitter banana seat. it was heaven.

as you can see, the paloma has the "luxury" of a helmet and training wheels. yea! how i worship ye, oh safety product gods!!! i thought she did pretty well on her maiden voyage. she really never figured out the whole tricycle thing. but, the thin man was complaining about the bad pavements preventing her from really getting the hang of it.

yeah right, babe. you just keep on blaming the pavement. ;) i can't wait until you have to teach her how to drive stick.

WORSHIP THE INSECT OVERLORDS!

just an fyi - i have a new post up at chicagomomsblog called Brood XIII Cicadas - An Enotomophobes Recap.

and btw - i TOUCHED one yesterday! :) YAAAAR!

broken. revisited...

although i've been unhappy for a while living here, i think the genesis of my latest reality check happened when i met a dear longtime friend of mine for lunch a couple of weekends ago.

i hadn't seen her in a while. i knew that she'd moved on from chicago to a bigger and better life in los angeles and i sincerely thought that we'd go to lunch and it (her success as a single woman) really wouldn't bother me... i really thought that i'd come home from lunch and say, "wow. i'm so glad that things have turned out so great for her. and so glad that things have turned out so great for me. and it's so great that i don't really want her life. that i don't regret any decision that i've made."

but then, we went to lunch. we talked. we gossiped. we reminisced. we ate. we shopped. we said goodbye. and then i got home and i could barely stop myself from crying whenever i thought about her. it's not that i regret any decision i've made. but, she has a pretty great life. she travels often - domestically and abroad. she's makes a good living from being a costume designer. she had many a tale to tell. she looked fantastic. and she was as confident as a lioness.

and i was and am jealous. it's weak of me and i hate to admit to it but there it is. i may not regret my choices, but i can wonder what might've been if i'd stuck with costume design or fashion design or writing my book... what happened to my own confidence? when was the last time i was in a position to witness and then recount a good juicy story? where did my own unique fashion sensibilities go? (ha. snort.)

then, last week, one of the few businesses that i supported in our neighborhood, hands on art children's museum, closed for business. the museum was a wonderful place to dream BIG. the paloma celebrated her second birthday there. i'l'l never forget when she gleefully painted with her feet there. we've met some wonderful kindred spirits/families there too. i heard thru the weird neighborhood grapevine that the landlords had raised their rent three times. apparently, they would rather have three empty store fronts than a children's art museum. it's always been abundantly clear that this neighborhood did not think this museum nor the larger world of visual arts were that important. so, on the last day, i went over there to say thanks and goodbye to the executive director and the paloma's teacher... i wrote a short note because i knew i would probably unplug the dam, if i opened my mouth. then, both her teacher and the director read my note and started crying... it was awful. the world just stopped there with the three of us hugging and hiding our tears, trying not to completely lose it in front of the kids. this neighborhood can make anything happen - if you know the right people or if you "fit in".

so besides the insult that is the loss of the museum and the added injury that was the reminder of my lost independence and self, the other things i don't like (in random order) about this neighborhood came floating back to the top:

* my neighbors - like the one who says things like "i'm going to the chinaman's to pick up the cleaning." (btw - the cleaner he's talking about is korean. and no, he doesn't say "i'm going to the mic's for beer.") or the other one who doesn't have any problem using the n word around her children. or the one who didn't think i spoke english (he's african american). the ones in a local "community organization" who got in trouble in the 70s for buying houses in the area because they didn't want the hispanics to move in. (they still call you to complain if you put a for sale sign on your lawn.) or the one who was running for alderman that said, "there are no hispanic or asian issues in our area because there are no hispanics or asians living in our area." or the kids who ask my kids questions like "where were you born?" (no greeting, no salutation, no nothing.)

* very few businesses - there are a handful of really cool businesses this way. and i support them as much as i can. it's the northsider in me. i'm used to walking everywhere and never needing to go further than i have to to get everything i need. in logan square, where i grew up, there was a fully stocked grocery, a drug store, a movie theatre, restaurants, clothing stores, shoe stores, etc... the only thing i remember not having nearby was a bookstore. (we always went downtown to kroch's & brentanos. ) here, i can get most things but for the most part i have to make special trips or order online. for every one kind of retail business we may have in this neighborhood, a north side neighborhood will probably have three more. the north side neighborhoods seem to sustain themselves whereas this neighborhood would rather get in a car and go to neighboring suburbs with their mega malls.

* no restaurants - there are no family friendly restaurants within walking distance. some don't even deliver. i'm trying to learn to cook more meals, but it would be nice to have a nearby restaurant as an option. the thin man almost always has to pick up our ordered meals. don't get me started on the quality of the the two chinese places we have. and we actually have to drive to the suburbs or another neighborhood to get decent mexican food.

looking back now, we were so spoiled when we lived in lincoln square and the south loop. so, if you live there now... DO. NOT. MOVE.

anyway... the kids are rousing and waking from their naps. so i have to cut this short. again.

for those of you who commented and emailed me - i can't thank you enough for coming to the rescue of this distressed damsel... your supportive words and gestures have really meant a lot to me and have gotten me thru... well, A WHOLE NIGHT AND DAY SO FAR! YAY, YOU! :) i really felt like someone heard and understood what i was trying to say and saw where i was coming from and could relate and commiserate... i LOVES all y'all in my blogging posse!

i realized today that it's been especially tough for me lately with all my local (IRL) girlfriends (the 5 or so that i have) who are going thru their own unscheduled dramas - new pregnancies, new babies, new houses, new boyfriends, new jobs, etc... i guess i'm going through some major "sistah withdrawal".

i'm still not sure about the whole job thing... i really don't want to work. i love being a stay at home mom to my kids - most of the time. i just want to feel like i'm the best mom i can be instead of feeling inferior to all the moms who drive. and the bottom line is i just don't want to live here anymore - getting a job really wouldn't change that. a former longtime resident of the neighborhood said to me, "consider yourself a pioneer in the neighborhood. you know what they say about pioneer life? it ain't easy." i'm still processing that one.

there is some good news - i started my new ceramics class last night which was VERY cool... the students were pretty involved in their projects but that's ok, i'm there to learn ceramics. i'll have to post pics of the two trays i built as soon as they're fired up and all pur-tee.... the class only lasts six weeks, but i think i'm going to continue to take night or weekend classes in one interest or another. then, i was asked to contribute to another blog, filipina moms - thanks, MJ! and last but not least, the cicadas should be completely gone by july 4th (HOO-RAH!) which means my self imposed house arrest will be lifted. (seriously, i have been afraid to leave the house for almost six weeks. enotmophobe. long cockroach infested story.)

and today, the paloma had her first day of play camp. i was worried when i left her with her camp counselor who didn't look like he was into ballet or pink stuff or princesses. but, she LOVED it. and then, she high-fived him when we left without any coaxing from me. she'll be attending that three times week. and possibly, kid yoga, once a week.

hopefully, things are turning around... please stick around and i'll keep you posted.

broken.

so. it's finally come to this. i have to find a job.

i hate where we live. i hate it so much that i'm feel like if i don't get out of this area for a certain number of hours everyday i will blow my brains out.

and we can't afford to move - financially, physically, emotinally. this neighborhood is a great place to live and raise children... if you drive. which i don't. and frankly, it's also great if you're caucasian or african american.... if you're anything else, you're a minority and you feel like it - well, i certainly do.

i don't even know why i'm blogging about this... i hate to talk about it. i hate to think about it. i've exhausted all my real life friends and family with it... but it's the only thing that's on my mind and i feel like a weed has implanted itself into and wrapped tighly around my core. i feel trapped. i can't leave. i can't stay.

i hate the idea of going back to work to a job that won't pay me enough to justify my working... a job that will reduce me to a mindless cog in a machine.... i can't think of a job that would fulfill me and pay me enough. i can't think of a job that would pay me enough that would fulfill me.

the thin man said yesterday, "you're just not happy being a mom." he's right. i'm not happy being a mom that i'm not and trying to be someone i'm not EVERYDAY... i want to be the mom i am - an independent city mom who doesn't drive. and i can't. not while living here. my children deserve better than what they're getting from me now... resentment, anger, fear, depression, frustration...

it's hard for me to admit but the reality is someone else will do a better job of caring for my own children than me.

it's been very difficult to blog lately. i find it hard to open up and talk IRL or online... i'm trying to put on a good show, i'm trying really hard to keep it together... to be patient... to see the bright side...

but i feel completely broken.

tough week...

i was desperate for a laugh... here's an oldie but a goodie...

happy friday, everybody!

Down In Front! Passenger Side!

just an fyi - i have a new post up at chicagomomsblog.com called "Down in Front! Passenger Side!"

i'm sorry there's been a blogging lag again - i am still treading water... this being our second week out of school.... trying to re-invent the wheel develop something resembling a schedule... while avoiding cicadas... and staying sane....

i'm hoping to post something special and original for father's day but if i don't get to it:

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!! to my papa, my stepdad and my beloved thin man and all ye o'er hep daddios! xoxoxoxo

chicago filipino events - june 2007

june 9 - bowling tournament at classic bowl, 8530 w waukegan road, morton grove, 847.965.5300

june 10 - philippines independence motorcade @ 5200 n. lakeshore dr, (foster avenue beach ?)

june 10 - philippines independence picnic - labagh woods, foster & cicero

june 10 - (and every 2nd sunday of the month) tagalog mass at st james catholic church

june 12 - 9:00 am, philippines independence day flag raising, daley center, washington @ clark

june 16 - philippine independence week committee gala dinner & ball, hyatt regency o'hare

june 16 - kalayaan dinner, ball and queen coronation, wyndham hotel

june 17 - the songwriter & the songbird musical @ pickwick theatre, 7pm, 5 s. prospect, park ridge, il.

june 30 - appreciation / awards night @ chandler's banquets


* that's a t-shirt above that i bought at cafe press here.

AlterKNITS

i forgot to mention that last week, i had the opportunity to do a knitting workshop with Leigh Radford, author of AlterKNITS and Oneskein, at my wonderful local yarn shop, My Sisters Knits.

i had seen the book numerous times before and loved how imaginative and innovative the projects were. i hadn't ever taken a closer look because the projects seemed to be a little advanced for someone at my level, but i always wanted to try knitting them eventually especially, the crepe paper crown, the paper lanterns and the recycled t-shirt rugs.

so, when i heard that she was coming to do two workshops. i jumped at the chance to meet her and excercise some creative process. it. was. awesome.

in the beginning of the workshop, she showed us samples and works in progress of projects in her books - some examples were made from recycled/felted thrift shop sweaters, shibori felting techniques and unusual kntting materials like fabric strips of silk or t-shirt jersey. she talked about "knitting outside the box" and challenging one's perceptions about knitting and how to knit and what to knit with and why.... she asked us to write down why we didn't feel we were able to complete the "ultimate" project a small post it note. then, she gathered up the notes and threw them in the trash. :) later, she recalled that a former student actually knitted with tulip leaves after taking the workshop...

then, came the hands on portion of the workshop. there were numerous brown paper lunch sacks on the large conference table we were seated around. leigh asked us to pick one out and open it up. inside each of the sacks was some random material that could be knitted. my bag contained some silk fabric strips, other knitters found jersey t-shirt strips, fishing line, tulle, crepe tissue paper, mylar ribbon and audio cassette tape. after casting on and knitting a few rows, we talked about how easy or difficult it was to knit with and possible options for projects or stitches/patterns. then, we picked another bag. my second bag contained fine gauge copper wire, other knitters found pipecleaners, tennis racket line and raw untwisted yarn (i forget what that's called).

afterwards, we did something akin to a writers exquisite corpse. we all cast on about 20 stitches and then picked knitting instructions out of a hat. the exercise was to show how we could come up with interesting organic shapes without guides.

then, we did two exercises re: color theory. in the first exercise, we picked random collages/layouts from magazines and picked yarn butterflies to imitate the color pallettes in the layouts. then, we either culled or added to the pallette. it was interesting to see what colors i was drawn to and also what colors were obviously the primary colors and which were accent colors.

the second exercise was really interesting. we closed our eyes and picked three balls of yarn from a bag. then, leigh provided us with a pretty easy (fair isle sorta) pattern that combined the three yarns... it was really enlightening to see which trios actually looked good together and which didn't. some were obviously going to turn out as good trios, and others... not so much.

i only enrolled in the first workshop (because i had already done shibori work, which was the focus of the following evening's workshop) but after that class i was really disappointed that i hadn't signed up for it.

so, if you're remotely interested in creative process ('cause even as an illustrator and writer, i definitely found myself drawing parallels) i highly recommend that you seek out a workshop with leigh radford. she's so knowledgeable, so accomplished, so open to sharing ideas and techniques and just a lovely, friendly, funny, nice person to meet. you really won't be disappointed.

first day of summer vacation...

it's only 10:30 am and already i want to kill myself. there is NO WAY i will survive until september.... the epitaph on my headstone will read:

"here lies mamazilla, who lost her battle
with glitter glue and googly eyes"

UPDATE: after i wrote this post, i started thinking more about summer vacations past and wrote "what i did on my summer vacation" on chicagomomsblog.com

you know you need a date with your husband when...

...you both are (self) diagnosed with "babysitteri apatheticus".

the thin man and i are getting better and better at pursuing our personal interests and activites outside of the home, parenting and our marriage... soon, he'll be returning to playing volleyball once a week, possibly more. he's also been to a handful of chicago sporting events. he's hoping to golf a little more too. i have been able to attend concerts, speaking engagements, girls nights out and knitting workshops and later this summer, i'll be taking a ceramics class once a week.

however, years ago, when we first met and throughout most of our dating life, the thin man and i would dance at least five nights a week. we met in the fall of 1997 at a lindy hop level 1 dance class at the metronome dance studio in san francisco. among the many things we found we had in common, we also shared a love of lindy hop and music. and since then we've been together, our pendulum in constant swing (no pun intended) between war, restoration and peace.

we used to be able to explain to others and to ourselves that we couldn't go out dancing or to a movie or to pursue any of the interests that ultimately made us the multifaceted people we loved being and fell in love with because the paloma or the pork chop were too young to leave with babysitters.... we used to be able to explain that we couldn't find a babysitter. now, the reality is neither the thin man nor myself is really ready to leave them with sitters, which in this neighborhood are in abundance.

we say we are ready. we are intellectually ready. but, we TOO easily talk ourselves out of calling the neighbors' teenaged daughters or even family members whom we all trust implicitly. it's not logical. we know our neighbors' daughters well enough and they all possess great references. most of our family members have children of their own, the same ages as ours. but, the fear that something unforeseeable might happen, that we might be out too late, that we might not give the sitter enough notice, etc... it's just easier for us to pawn babysitting duty to one another. the sitter is reliable, trustworthy, free, can make dinner, is loved by the kids, doesn't need a ride home, etc... see? babysitteri apatheticus.

we're still talking and talking about taking a weekend trip to new york city. just the two of us. the impetus was one FREE plane ticket that the thin man received during a promotion for an airline. i think he got it a year ago and we're still talking about it. so, maybe we need to take baby steps. maybe winning a $100 amex gift card and $100 cash for a babysitter is just the kick in the pants that we need. 'cause i'm so happy that we're slowly getting to do the things that nuture us as people. but, i really miss doing all the other things that help us cultivate and nurture our relationship as a couple.

This post is part of a Blog Blast sponsored by E-Harmony Marriage, a new online alternative to marriage counseling and Parent Bloggers Network. If you'd like a chance to win a $100 Amex Gift Card for a date out with your spouse/partner plus $100 cash for a babysitter, Click here for more info!

all i need is the ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game...

can i just say that if the thin man were remotely into dressing up for halloween. THIS would be the PERFECT costume.

anyway, considering the state of the world today, i really should build a bunker and fill it with big bags of rice, bottled water, a rice cooker and some barrels of toyo (soy sauce) 'cause that's all i'd need... i'm not talking about all the other vital survival crap that i'd have to fill it up with to take care of the thin man and the kids... like the simpsons dvds or 365 recipes for stray cats in the event of a nuclear holocaust....

i'm talking MY STAPLES... and i could not survive without a fresh, steaming bowl of rice and toyo. that porcelain vessel of goo'ness just brings me back to center. but what KIND of rice? what BRAND of toyo? those are the questions...

as a kid, i don't even remember what brand we used to buy. it was always long grain, but it wasn't botan though. i always knew we were getting rice whenever my uncle climbed grumpily into the back seat of my moms chevy chevette. we'd head to fulton market (issacson & stein) and buy red snapper, snails and crabs. then, mom and lola would peruse the HUGE bags of rice and point to the one that my uncle would heave like atlas onto his shoulder. then, we'd always buy a big can of kikkoman.

as i got older, my mom started to buy thai jasmine rice exclusively. she really liked how fragrant it was. i think she thought it covered up the smell of the fried fish we had for breakfast. it didn't. she also started to buy silver swan brand toyo exclusively. i remember the first time i had a guinness stout. it was so.... good. i couldn't believe i had ever put a miller light to my lips. i thought this is like silver swan to kikkoman.

eventually, when i finally moved out and had my own kitchen to fill, i also bought jasmine rice (and continue to do so). and i was also a silver swan customer until a random incident when i tried to splash some toyo on some rice and couldn't. i looked inside to see if there was something blocking the neck of the bottle and found that there was mold floating on the surface of the toyo. i know. did that not make your stomach flip or what? i'd never seen mold growing in toyo before or since. maybe that was just a bad bottle, but i stopped buying silver swan after that and went back to kikkoman. then one day my corner grocery was out of kikkoman and they only had san-j brand tamari soy sauce. i shrugged and placed it in my basket and i've been hooked on it ever since. it's not milller light. it's not guinness stout. it's kinda like a microbrew or maybe a belgian...

so, feel free to come over for some rice and soy sauce... you know, when some random person remembers to sound the all clear siren and all...

confessions of a doll svengali

just an fyi - my first post for chicago moms blog titled, confessions of a doll svengali, is up!

what did you have for lunch today?

i just had two half eaten halves of hot dogs with ketchup, 3/4 of a golden delicious apple, some leftover jasmine rice from last night with tamari soy sauce, 1/2 cup of hot chocolate and two little debbie zebra snack cakes.

gone... GONE are the days of the organic chop chop salad, the flourish of imported fixings foccacia sandwiches, the local farm supporting gourmet veggie pizzas... soon, i'll be sporting a glowing chernobyl tan and possibly an extra eye...

more blah blah blah...

thanks to irene, i am one of the new contributing writers over at the chicago moms blog. yes, i AM as shocked as you are... and yes, you can complain to her directly...

in one of her earlier posts, irene practically dared me to contact jill, the director of development and marketing for silicon valley moms blog. so after an email exchange, i called her... and after i'd gotten over the initial shock that she was indeed a real person and not an actor, hired by irene to punk me... we talked, while the porkchop screamed and wailed, and i was brought on board...

i dunno... maybe it was a mercy hire due to the porkchops shenanigans... but there it is... still working on my first post, wish me luck. :)

busy body book

so, i just found out about this tres kewl giveaway over at chicago moms blog... the first five moms to post about BusyBodyBook Family Organizer gets a F R E E one...

FREE. say it with me... FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!

and i've seen my neighbor's little organizing gem from afar and i have cov. e. ted. it...

but why would i - uberUBERorganized, memory like a pachyderm - mamazilla want one? because it's all a lie! a farce! a sham! whatever organizational skills i held, i lost with the placenta... the FIRST one... i call it "placenta dementia".

anyway, it's getting worse and worse... although, i can count on one hand, the number of school functions i've forgotten, the importance of each one has doubled... if i don't get this busy body book, i may forget to pick up the paloma from the school bus drop off one day.... when she's eight...i may even forget twice! *SHIVERS*

so, here's me attempting to nip this problem in the bud. :)

need to rent chicken... STAT

will settle for ravenous squirrel on leash (please provide proof of rabies inoculation)...

UPDATE 5/22 -

have URGENT need to locate deprogrammer for children brainwashed by fanatical bug loving cult...

we're one day into the SIX WEEK invasion and i have had ENOUGH. here, in tree heavy beverly, the bugs are everywhere. yesterday, the paloma was in the backyard digging up the pentocular, winged, cat turds... holding them and cooing at them like they were fuzzy manga hamsters... today, one of 'em hitched a ride on the maclaren in the mesh basket... it wasn't moving so i figured it was dead (and that the thin man would dispose of the body later)... AND THEN I SAW IT CREEPING UP... STALKING REALLY...THE PORKCHOP'S LEG!!!!! meanwhile, i'm freeeeeaking out, brandishing a small tree branch like a machete... and he's raspberrying it, eyeing it like it's a hulky puff of pirate booty...

ugh, six weeks... SIX WEEKS!?

wait. this puts a spammer in the works of a breezy backyard brunch i was planning on hosting father's day weekend... would you like some cicada with your strata?

and what about ravinia??!! beautiful, bacchanalian, candlelit, canopied, cicada infested ravinia... i was hoping to see seu jorge, wynton marsalis and pink martini.... what do i do now? do i pitch mosquito netting in the west lot?

et tu, summer dance chicago??!! is 2007 the year that brood 13 redefines the jitterbug?

i'm living a 70s plague movie... without the valium... or charleston heston... or a station wagon with woodie sides... I'M DOOMED! doomed, i tell you... doooooomed....

two years?!

i can't believe it's been two years since i went away for three weeks to study with jessica hagedorn at ACA & finish writing a book that i haven't finished writing yet and seriously doubt that i will EVER finish writing... :( i don't really know how j.k rowling did/does it... i'm not even sure how jessica did it... i think when i asked her about writing while parenting - she just basically said that she did it.

and here for your viewing displeasure, i humbly offer you an (about 5 minutes) excerpt of me reading from my phantom book/novel/novella "chicago style halo halo" (working title) on the last night of my residency with jessica hagedorn. please excuse the inferior quality video/audio:

mother's day wishes

admittedly, i am usually a big scrooge when it comes to what i consider hallmark holidays - mothers day, valentines day, sweetest day, etc... let's just say, i'm a skeptic... i'm a cynical romantic when it comes to the institutionalized holiday...

even if it's a day that's meant for me, to celebrate motherhood, to thank moms, to dedicate hours of gift making, searching and giving to well loved moms over a tasty sunday brunch, to reunite mothers against war and most importantly, to remind you to plant tomatoes on the following monday and not one minute before (i'm so not making that up)...

anyhoo, fellow mamazillas - i do truly wish you a happy, happy mothers day... thanks for reading, please keep the reality checks, the laughter and the honesty coming... a list of my wishes for you (and i suppose myself, of course) follows (and not in any order of importance necessarily):

* that you get the day off... really and truly off... regardless of where you are physically located in relation to where your children are physically located... and with pay...

* that the diaper bag fairy visits your house and packs the diaper bag so that the above can actually happen...

* that you get to take a shower... or a bath (whoa, nelly!) ... not one of those RUSH jobs mind you... but one of those showers/baths that you used to take pre-children.. the ones when you got to use the expensive shampoo and conditioner that you splurged on at the salon, when you used a facial scrub and a body scrub, when you used a loofah and a pumice stone, when you got to shave with a new blade and a womens shaving cream... and the shower doesn't end there - no. you get to use your lotion (face and body) and again, don't rush in the application... you get to blow dry and style you hair like you used to be able to, you get to give yourself a mini ped - to clean and tidy up for sandal weather... you get to pluck your eyebrows and maybe even put on some makeup and spritz on some perfume...

*that you get to wear an outfit that is trendy, comfortable and flattering and not something you wear everyday out of necessity... put the track suit down, sistah. you know the outfit i'm talking about... it's calling for you, girlfriend....

* that you get to brush and floss your teeth... after every meal... like your dentist said... not just after the nightly weather report and after the kids go to bed. 'cause no one likes getting reprimanded by a dentist and no one likes to clean dentures.

* that mother nature cooperates and gives you a sun dappled and temperate day... honey, enough with the wildfires, the floods, the tornadoes, the cicada plagues...

* that screaming, crying, tantrum throwing not commence until after aforementioned showering and toothbrushing.... unless aforementioned actions are your own.... you go girl. just remember - there's a universal remote to replace the one you throw against a wall....

* that you will deflect any and all bodily fluids/secretions that are not your own... and i mean deflect - like wonderwoman with the bulletproof bracelets... and that outft WILL NOT COME OFF until you take it off at the end of the day... no wandering marinara spaghetti noodles or errant juice boxes allowed!

* that you do not catch another cold or flu... FOREVER... and if you do... that someone is there to help care for you too.

* that you either get to spend quality time with the kids or that you get to spend some quality time with yourself.... or both... and relative to this, that you will not feel any guilt for doing so...

* that you actually get to eat all three square meals at a human pace... not like a hummingbird. or a twentysomething supermodel. (how wrong is it that you eat like a supermodel and have no runway cred?)

* that you will purchase/receive something for you - not for the benefit of decorating the house or for extracurricular activities to do with the children or to put in the tote bag to drop off at the thrift store... read a book with more than seven pages, listen to something else besides dan zanes*, watch a movie that wasn't produced by disney, eat something besides the remnants of your children's meals and drink something other than the last of the apple juice spiked with sprite.... (*disclaimer... i'd totally see dan zanes... by myself...)

* that you get to talk to at least one person today... hopefully, within a few years of your generation or at least within a foot of your height... preferably, in person - not on the phone or online... someone that you've been meaning to talk to... to catch up, to get to know better, to practice words of more that one syllable, sentence syntax, grammar...

* that you do something that you don't normally do... go somewhere you wouldn't usually go... because the stroller wouldn't fit in the aisles, because the kids couldn't be trusted to look with their eyes and not with their hands, because you don't have enough time,etc...

* that you get to take a nap. even though you might not need one... or at least pretend to take one and then use that time to do the NYT crossword....

* that you know, today and everyday, that you are more than adequate, that you may not be the multifaceted superwoman you thought you were going to be and may never be... but that you are the best mother that you can be to your children and that your best is good enough.... and if not, just revise your version - motherhood 1.0, 2.0, 6.0, etc... y'know, i bet the best software developers are moms.

of course, right after i clicked "publish" - i realized three things...

1) in the rare event that my mom (who apparently can never find her inbox nor emails from me) finds out about this blog: thanks mom for making what could have been a very dark life, illuminated and illuminating... mahal kita. i can only hope that i'm as good a stay at home mom as you were a work outside of the home mom....

2) i also want to recognize those friends of mine (who may or may not read this blog) who have experienced the loss of their mother or the loss of a child and those who really did not have relationships with their mothers... i just wanted to say that i'm thinking about you as well today and hoping that it goes by as quickly or slowly as you want it... that it's a day to reminisce about the best and warmest times with moms or children, a day to build and dream about the future...

3) and to thank all the "extra" moms (i have plenty of "extra" dads too) for everything they did for me, when my mom (or me) needed a little help, a little guidance, a free hug... to my zillions of aunties, my mother in law, teachers and mentors. i cannot express my deepest and most heartfelt thanks in words....

chicago filipino news & events

so, i've been totally slacking off on the whole chicago filipino event thing and it's asian pacific american heritage month...


ha ha ha, filipino time, ha ha ha...

yeah. don't go there. don't make me eat your dog.

4/20/07 - kama sutra the musical opened at the royal george theatre. Kama Sutra: The Musical is the story of sexually-frustrated young couple, Dick & Gina, and how their lust life is revitalized by the mysterious arrival of the 1800 year old creator of the Kama Sutra, Swami Comonawannagetonya, who reveals to Dick & Gina the titillating secrets of how any couple can experience all the joys of a totally fulfilling sex life. Gina is played by filipina Jillian Jocson. Royal George Theatre1633 North Halsted Chicago Tickets: 312-988-9000 or ticketmaster.com Showtimes: Friday 8pm, Saturday 8 & 10:30pm


5/12/07 - pinoy show 2007 - Northwestern University's Filipino student association, Kaibigan, is hosting a show at 7:00 PM Ryan (Tech) Auditorium 2145 Sheridan Rd. Evanston, IL 60208 Tickets are $5. here's some footage of some students performing a traditional filipino dance at a local competition called "battle of the bamboo". their youtube channel also has footage from last year's pinoy show.


5/19/07 - fil-amthrophy - The Philippine Student Association (PSA) at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign organizes programs and events that show not only a common love and interest in Filipino American identity, but also a rising passion for political activism. Our mission since the beginning has been to foster and support relationships, through the education and promotion of Filipino culture, offering support to our community through awareness as well as to encourage the development of the academic, leadership and social skill of our members.

This year is our second annual Fil-Amthropy event entitled “Isang Pangarap, Isang Pangako, Isang Bayan” meaning “One Dream, One Promise, One Country” on Saturday, May 19th, 2007. This year, we will be continuing our efforts and support to gawad kalinga (GK) translated in English means to “to give care”, and it is an alternative solution to the blatant problem of poverty not just in the Philippines but in the world. GK's vision for the Philippines is a slum-free, squatter-free nation through a simple strategy of providing land for the landless, homes for the homeless, food for the hungry and as a result providing dignity and peace for every Filipino. It is a great time for family and friends to get together in a night full of delicious, authentic Filipino food and a showcase of various talented performances exhibiting our own student members dedicated entirely to our cultural heritage. It is through this event that we can bond together under one dream, one promise, and one country for a better tomorrow.

Simkus Recreation Center 849 Lies Road Carol Stream, IL 60188, $25 adults, $15 kids age 12 and under.

(incidentally, gawad kalinga reminded me of another filipino organization i heard about while i was in manila - children's hour: "Children's Hour is a fundraising and grant-giving organization that taps individuals and companies to donate one hour's worth of earnings to programs committed to the welfare of marginalized Filipino Children. The nationwide campaign is managed by Children's Hour Philippines, Inc., a non-stock, non-profit organization accredited by the Philippine Council for NGO Certification (PCNC). Since 1999, Children's Hour has raised over P134M in cash and services and has supported over 191 projects nationwide, directly improving the lives of over 188,623 Filipino Children.")

5/19/2007 - 11am Oakton Park, 4701 West Oakton St., Skokie, Illinois Festival of Cultures. Since its inception in 1991, the Skokie Festival of Cultures has become one of the premier ethnic festivals in Illinois, attracting more than 300,000 visitors and dozens of cultures, all representing Skokie's tremendous diversity. one of the last performers on the 19th is a local groups called samahang kapatid that offers classes in filipino language and dance.

5/20/07 - Santacruzan, St Thomas the Apostle Church, 1500 Brookdale Rd. Naperville, IL. procession at 2 pm. The Santacruzan or May Crowning is a traditional Roman Catholic ritual that is held every year by the faithful during the month of May. An image or likeness of the Blesssed Virgin Mary is ceremonially crowned as Queen of Heaven and the Mother of God.

lastly, can i just say how disappointed i am with how little attention is being paid to this month in chicago. the few programs that do exist (thanks to the silk road project and the chicago public library events) are not nearly as diverse as they should be considering the diversity of this city.

(btw - i took that picture above at the tiendesitas outdoor mall, this was one of the hundreds of antique booths. in the foreground is an antique kalesa. in the background, an antique handcarved four poster bed.)

let me re-phase that...

so, i'm realizing now how much tougher it's going to be for me to post with a) the summer fast approaching and b) the porkchop phasing out his morning nap. the first thing forces me to go outside and get some much needed fresh air and sun and the second thing forces me to... well, to go outside and get some much needed fresh air and sun.

this past weekend was busy here. thursday night, a dear friend came in from seattle for a conference. the thin man and i hadn't seen her in about 5 years so we had a lot to catch up on. she came over for dinner on friday night and then we all went out for lunch at frontera on saturday. of course, she looked fantastic - good thing i considered her bra and shave worthy ahead of time... ugh, i am such a poor but proud representative for the stay at home moms....

the great thing we've noticed about our friends is that although many things in their (or our) lives change - many things about them (and us) stay the same. when we do catch up, it's like we've been apart only a few days since the last time we saw each other. i always expect to hear the latest about new loves/friends or old loves/friends, new jobs, new apartments, new cars, latest travels, etc... but i would never have guessed in a gazillion years that she would have news like this to share... apparently, she was asked to compete in this year's show of The Bachelor.

i have never watched the bachelor until this year because frankly, i couldn't believe that the asian women made it this far into the show. i always read on the myriad of asian blogs how the lone asian woman left without a rose on past season's of The Bachelor, blah blah blah... but this year, it's been different. recently, i found out via a post on kimchi mamas that the bachelor lives in hawaii... so, that explains it sorta...

anyhoo... a friend of my friend's nominated her and sent her picture to the show's casting office. they called my friend and asked her to send a videotape. which she did. and then they asked her to compete. unfortunately, they also asked her to take off for six weeks. and that was the deal breaker, she just couldn't do that to her patients.

i really hope it doesn't take us five more years to reconnect again. but, i've always wanted to go to seattle - she's just one more reason to go and visit.

on sunday, the paloma was invited to a drop off gymnastics birthday party (at peterson park gymnastics center) by my cousin's daughter. i know... drop off? toddlers? for gymnastics? and sugar (in the form of a princess cake)?

tempt fate much?

but, i had already decided to surprise two other friends with an unannounced visit while the paloma was at this party so - i quickly read and nervously signed the waiver as she flipped, cartwheeled and tumbled away. apparently, she had a very good time. no broken bones or sprained ankles to report.

dodged the bullet. THAT time.... :)